Weekend Shopping Blogging...

Okay, I want a new dress. Which is absurd, because I have a lot of dresses. But I do.

There's this one.



Or this, in the same style, different colors. Which do you think? I'm leaning towards the bone and black one. I usually like brighter, clearer colors, but I think the style of the dress is babba-boom enough, with the cut-out back - the neutral tones bring it down just a little...

There's this one, which I think I have to have no matter what, because it's a gorgeous color and it's very hard to find this shade of green. And I like the hip styling.



I also want a leather jacket. (Yes, I know I just got that black Moncler jacket, and I love it. But I want a leather one.) I was leaning towards this cute leather bomber from Mike and Chris. Sort of classic, and very Seattle, you know.


But - I'm also strangely drawn to this Helmut Lang number.


It looks like one of those things where when I put it on, it's either going to bring a touch of effortless elegance and cool to whatever I wear it with - or I'm going to look like I'm wearing a baggy leather sack. A very expensive baggy leather sack, I might add. Thank god Intermix is good about returns.

Like to hear me talk?, Listen to me on Dan Savage's podcast.

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Non-sexy question: Seattle people, have any of ya'll dealt with these jewelers? I have some of my grandmother's jewelry that I'm thinking of having restyled. It's mostly semi-precious stones, and they're pretty, but the settings are old and not very attractive.

And some of it also needs basic repairs: there are pearls that have come unstrung, a ring that needs to be sized down, etc. If you have opinions about the Greenlake people, or any other Seattle jeweler, drop me a note.

An even more esoteric question: I also have a set of sterling silver flatware from grand-mama that needs some repair. Anyone have a silversmith here in town they like and trust? I'm finding a lot of places online that work by mail. But I'm actually quite sentimental about this silverware, it's been in my family forever. I am extremely reluctant to go shipping it off to who-knows-who. I'd like a "I went to these guys and they did a good job" story. Local recommendations?

Dear Mainstream Media,

Can we talk? Okay. You know I love you, but you have to get with it, image-wise. I have spoken to you before about this doomed love affair you’re having with the cats-eye mask…




I see that you can't seem to help yourself. But just stop. Using an image of someone in a mask like this to portray a kinky person is like showing a photo of this guy to portray the modern hippie movement.

I hate that collar, too - the model looks as if he's been styled by a pit bull breeder. And the red bowling shirt. And that dreadfully Billy Idol-ish faux-sneer.

Lord knows there are plenty of photos of bonafide, sexy-looking BDSM people around, can’t you use one of them?

With weary patience,

Mistress Matisse

P.S. It is nice that you’re running stories about how kinky people are not only not a bunch of emotionally damaged abuse victims - we may even be happier than non-kinky people. Thank you for that part. Now get with this decade, stock-photo-wise.

Professional Advice

Dear Mistress Matisse

I am going to two Mistress apprenticeship interviews, and can you imagine what kind of confidence boosting help I got when I Google'd “job interview” and dominatrix? Not much.

I thought I'd email some of the Dominatrixes whose blogs I've read, to ask if anyone had any dungeon job interview tips. The madams and Mistresses I spoke to on the phone sounded very welcoming, but I do wonder if they'll judge me to be too much work based on my posture or lack of experience/confidence. That said, I am actually confident about my suitability and don't expect to be deterred from my intention to become a professional Mistress.

Your posture? Well, stand up nice and straight, dearie.

Okay, seriously... I get asked for help getting jobs in pro-domme houses a lot, but in fact, I’ve never worked in one, nor have I ever taken any apprentices of my own. (And I don’t plan to.) Thus I can’t speak to precisely what they might ask. (Some general advice on becoming a pro domme is here.)

I have worked in other group sex work situations, though. I also managed a massage parlor for a while, and I did the hiring for that. And I’ll tell you the first thing I was looking for was women who were calm, rational, emotionally well-balanced people, because there are a lot of crazy girls in the sex industry. A lot.

I also wanted reliable women who would show up on time, every time. Women who could be pleasant to co-workers and follow my directions about the procedures of the house. Women who would not steal from each other or the clients or the house.

Finding women like that was not as easy as you'd think. So I was willing to teach people all the skills of the business if they’d just be smart, sane, and responsible. It’s my understanding that it’s hard to get taken on by pro-domme houses because the competition to get those jobs is intense. But if they’re willing to interview you, that usually means they need someone. (Sex work business do not collect resumes for the fun of it.) If you have a look they like, and you display the good people skills I’ve mentioned, that combined that fact that you’re really committed to the idea of being a dominatrix should make you an ideal candidate for the job. Good luck.

It's always amusing when mainstream media reports something that everyone is already aware of as if it's big news. Today, CNN announced that people often exchange sex for things or for services. Wow, what a stunning revelation. Men and women both. For thousands of years! Who knew?

Um, like everyone past puberty? And a lot of people before it, too, I imagine. I know I had it figured out when I was a kid. I don't know how sophisticated I would have been about articulating it, but I definitely had an instinctive grasp on the concept. When I was in sixth grade, Scotty Sanders wanted to kiss me. I told him he had to give me his Hostess cupcake - my mom was a health food type and never let us have stuff like that. So he did, and we went down behind the school cafeteria - which was the unofficial "kissing zone" at my Catholic grammer school - and I kissed him. Did I want to kiss him anyway? Oh, yeah, definitely. But I also wanted the cupcake, and I knew that I could have both, so why not?

That, by the way, was my first kiss.