The new column – some examples of rules for couples who are shifting into polyamory…

(I don't know why there isn't a Kink Calendar attached to it, I did submit one. Mine is not to reason why, though.)

***

It’s been a funny week. Last week it was sort of quiet for me, work-wise. Because I have huge control issues about my career, I often will get into a swivet about that, but last week, I just shrugged and said, “Oh well…”

However, this week I was rather aware of the fact that I wanted to be busy. It’s interesting how every week, there is one day that everyone wants to come in. It’s like all my guys are keyed to the tides or the full moon or something, and they all want to come in (for example) Tuesday. No, not Monday, not Wednesday –it has to be Tuesday.

Thus, the much-desired day quickly gets booked up, and I’m still turning people down for that day, and feeling frustrated because I can’t see people I’d like to see. Meanwhile I have the rest of a week to fill up, but for some inexplicable reason, nobody wants any other day. Arg.

This week the much-desired day was today, Thursday. I had some real-life things to attend to, which made scheduling even more complex, and I had to regretfully turn down at least three different people for today. And it was even more frustrating because I had no one at all on the calendar for Tuesday or Wednesday. I walked around in the world Tuesday feeling conscious of some pent-up sadistic energy.

But my frustration was mitigated yesterday, when one of my favorite victims called me at noon and said, “I know you said you can’t see me tomorrow, but what are you doing in an hour and a half?”

Now, I never do this. I simply do not book same-day. It’s a matter of principle. I mean, hey baby, do you know who I am? Chicks on Craiglist book dates for ninety minutes from now. Mistress Matisse does not do such things.

I’m kidding – sort of. Some reputable ladies prefer to be spontaneous with their appointments. That’s fine for them. Not me. I like to know what my week (my month, my year) is going to look like, and plan out my life accordingly.

But...it was a gentleman I rather like. I will refer to him as Agent Provocateur. Because he is. Agent P. loves to tease me and try to provoke me. He’s very naughty. In anyone else his behavior would win him a quick trip to the sidewalk. But he makes me laugh, and that does make up for a multitude of sins in my book.

I dithered, audibly. I had some errands to run, some plans I’d made… And the silent subtext: I do not do same-day appointments.

“Oh, come on, please? I really want you to make me scream.”

Schwing! Oh, wow. Way to melt a mistress’s resistance. “Okay, yeah, you just talked me into it, baby. Meet you there in an hour and a half.”

I had to rearrange my whole afternoon. But I definitely enjoyed making him scream.

What’s Going On?

I’m going to put up one more raw podcast from my very first recording session. I have a date with my sound guy to record some bookend files, but this is another unsweetened one of me telling Monk a story about the first time I ever consciously and purposely took sexual control of a man while in bed with him.

If you're an iTunes user, you can download the podcast from iTunes via this link. (Note: clicking this will open your iTunes program). Or you can just search for "Mistress Matisse" in iTunes.

Speaking of podcasts, I just wanted to say thank you to pervy podcaster and blogger Graydancer for his mention of my podcast in his podcast. Gray is a very entertaining speaker himself - even when he doesn't take off all his clothes - so I recommend him.

Bid On Me: My stuff, anyway. The eBay auctions are going like crazy. Ya’ll love the latex clothes, don’t you? I’ve collected a fair amount of latex, but a lot of it doesn’t fit me anymore, so I’m pleased to pass it along. The current round of sales end today, so carpe diem.

And Happy Halloween!

Response To Another Comment-box Question

"Do you socialize much with non-kink people?"

No. All my friends are kinky to some degree. It’s not like I’ve ever told myself that I couldn’t be pals with someone non-kinky. It just doesn't work out that I do.

For one thing, I don’t meet a lot of non-kinky people. It’s a function of having a well-developed subculture. You see, when I moved here to Seattle in 1992, I was most definitely looking for other kinky people. And I found them. That’s the main social circle I have been in ever since. The BDSM scene here in Seattle is a culture that you can stay very busy with and meet a lot of people in, and I do.

I have participated in some secondary social groups, like other sex workers, and non-kinky polyamorous people. However, most of the sex workers I’m pals with have wound up being somewhat kinky anyway. The non-kinky poly people I have hung around with, while nice folks, have always been either really New Age/vegan/boho, or hardcore SF/gamer/geek. Both those cultures are interesting places to visit, but I’ve decided I don’t want to live there.

(Occasionally I do take hostages, though. Hi, Scarlett!)

I don’t think of this as a kinky country club. When I speak of the kinky country club mentality, I mean people who only want to be around other kinky people who have exactly the same kink they do. Exactly. For example, masculine-het-male-masters and their girly-female-slaves who want to socialize exclusively with other masculine-het-male-masters and their girly-female-slaves. That means they really don’t want to socialize with male switches or submissives, or female dominants, and certainly not butch-dykes or swishy gay men or cross-dressers or trans people.

The het-male-masters example is merely one example, I’ve seen all kinds of kinky people do this. But if you come to a party at my house, you are going to meet a variety of kinky people, and I like it that way.

What I like about the Seattle kink community is that it seems to pretty easily accept other sexual minorities. Many of my kinky pals are also poly, and those folks that aren’t are certainly poly-aware and poly-friendly. Gay men and lesbians have their own subcultures within the larger kinky community, but I’ve never been to a Seattle kink event that didn’t welcome them. Female bisexuality is such a non-issue as to never even be commented upon. And in my observation, kinky people also treat male bisexuality with respect – if not with appreciative enthusiasm. I have seen that be less true in other sexual subcultures.

Being a sex worker is still a little iffy, depending on exactly what kind of sex work you do. Being a pro domme is considered higher-status than some other forms of sex work, and that means I get very little shit – especially now that I’m rather a local diva. Not everyone was quite so supportive and accepting back when I was an escort. I occasionally roll my eyes at how a few people I met way back when changed their tune about me when I became fashionable. I do not forget stuff like that. But overall, kinky people respond much better to sex workers than the average person on the street.

As a kinky/poly/bi/sex-worker, I’m a very sexually other person. That informs a lot of what I do with my time and how I perceive the world. When I stop and think about difficult it would be to communicate with someone who didn’t share any of my understanding about love, sex, relationships, and didn’t know any of my cultural references or have any comparable experiences… Wow. I mean, what would we talk about? Books and movies?

Not every single one of my friends is as actively involved in the kink community as I am. Miss K, for example, is much less participatory in the kink social scene than she used to be. But she did spend a lot of time in the scene, so even though she doesn’t go out to events anymore, she gets the whole culture/social-dynamic thing, and she knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Jane Duvall used to refer to this as “living in the love bubble”. She meant moving exclusively in a world that honored who you were and respected your choices. It may be that someday I have to go outside my love bubble for my social life. But right now, I don't, and I’m happy about that.

Because You Asked

Answers to several questions in the comment box lately…

Pussies in bondage...The link to the cat-suspension post, complete with photos of kitty-shibari. Well, just one, actually. And one picture of a fussy and demanding feline dominatrix, who has successfully brought not only me, but other famous dominants to her furry heel.

Advice on buying a strap-on harness… Well, I have several. The one I use most often is the one in the picture below, a plain black leather model with a strap around the waist and two separate straps for around the legs. I don’t like the ones with just one strap between the legs, but that’s just me. Some people claim you get better pivoting that way, but I prefer the higher level of control you get with the two-strap models.

It’s a toss up between d-rings and buckles. Buckles are easier to adjust one-handed, no mean consideration when you have lube all over the other hand. But with d-rings you get more precise adjustments and the shafts don’t jab you in the side if you’re rolling around acrobatically with it on. The one I use most has d-rings.

If you’re having any fun with it, it’s gonna get really messy. I have put mine through the washing machine many times. Yes, a leather harness, through the wash, really. This is not a Hermes Birkin bag, it’s fine. Or I just put it in the sink with hot water and scrub it with a big ole scrub brush and soap.

The best strap-on, by far, that I ever had was this latex-panty-thing that had the dildo built into it. I mean, it was all one piece. So you couldn’t change sizes, but man, I could fuck with that thing as if I’d grown it, the control was excellent. I’ve never seen one like it since then. It was years ago that I had it, and I’ve seen a few things since then that were sorta similar, but nothing that was nearly as well-made and solid as that one. Unfortunately my ex-girlfriend stole it when we broke up. I think she ran over it with her car and then chopped it in half. She was really hot and rather crazy – why do those two things so often go together?

So that’s what I think about strap-on harnesses.

What squicks me? Not much, but there are a few things…. I’m turned off by adult baby play, also called infantilism. I’m not real big on serious age-play in general. I mean, a fun little role-playing with say, naughty teenage boy/girl, okay, that’s fine. Deep headspace games, with people way into the role of being small children…hey, if that’s your kink, that’s fine for you, but it’s not for me. I’ve been around people doing it at conferences and parties and such, and it just unsettles me a bit.

Animal role play, now, doesn’t bother me at all, although it doesn’t especially schwing me, either. But I’m fine with giving someone a scratch behind the ears if they are roaming about on all fours, woofing or meowing or whatever. And sometimes people are just so obviously enjoying themselves in their animal role that it makes me smile.

Other than that? Well, the idea of scat play makes me wrinkle my nose. It’s not emotionally a problem, but just…esthetically. I like piss-play, though, so go figure.

I can’t think of much else.

Tomorrow – Why I don’t have non-kinky friends…