Friday, July 08, 2005

Hate those London bombers. Hate 'em. If you're one of my Brit readers, please pipe up and let us know you're okay. I wish Belle would post so we knew she was all right.

However, in spite of fresh evidence (as if we needed it) of truly evil people in the world, I'm still a happy girl. For one thing, I got to be very, very nasty indeed to Roman last night. He's got some really charming bruises and bite marks and needles marks on his chest and back, and my knuckles are a little sore from pounding on him. We had a great time.

Meanwhile, go read my newest column. And don't forget about that porn contest we're having, I want to see some of your nasty fun.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

This Is A Test...

I saw this on Ketzl's LiveJournal and decided to steal it. I don't know Ketzl personally, but I know who she is, if that makes sense. Kink is a small town sometimes.

It's a humiliation purity test, and apparently I'm pretty damn impure. Ketzl says, "Some questions are phrased from the point of view of the dominant, others from the submissive. Give yourself one point for each no answer if you were at either end of the event. Also, the event must have occurred within the context of a romantic, sexual or sadomasochistic relationship; you may have had an evil drill instructor but that does Not Count."

So the questions are hers, the answers in red are mine.

Humiliation Purity Test
Have you ever made someone do the following, or been made to do the following:

1. Engaged in fornophilia (turned someone into an ottoman, coffee table, bookshelf, lamp, etc)
Oh, yes. Have you met my friend Jeff Gord?

2. After orgasm, making sub eat his/her own cum (It's good for you, you know.) Yes.

3. Always address you as Sir, Ma'am, Lord Vader, etc. Yes.

4. Been made to wear a buttplug under your clothing? Yes.

5. In public? Yes.

6. Engaged in Age Play (any kind of age play)? Yes.

7. How about Infantilism? (Let's say up to 2 years, so we're really including Toddlerism here.) No, not my kink.

8. Helpless Old Person Play? (Ewww.) Ew is right, no.

9. Made someone wear a diaper? Yes.

10. Had a baby pacifier tied around your neck in public? In-teresting. But no.

11. Enforced bathroom control? (Guns don't kill people, bathrooms do.) Yes.

12. Bathroom use in front of others. If you did this of your own volition it doesn't count, peemeister. Do you have no shame? Yes.

13. Become a human ashtray? (Soon to be banned in New York.) Yes, even though I don't really smoke.

14. Been made to beg for cigarettes, drinks, a higher spot for your show on TiVO's recording priority list, etc. Yes.

15. Worn a blindfold? (Hey we had to throw an easy one in.) Of course!

16. Indulged in boot worship at odd moments. Yes.

17. Had a cavity check in private? Yes.

18. Cavity check in public? ("Waiter, check please-- ooh I didn't know it was THAT kind of restaurant".) Define "public". But I think yes.

19. Been caged? Of course.

20. Been caged and then ignored for at least 20 minutes? Yes.

21. Been forced to carry a doll or toy around? Define "forced". She didn't protest...

22. Forced someone to suck their thumb? No.

23. Crawl on all 4s? Dur - of course!

24. Had someone cum or urinate into your food? No, although it's a nice idea.

25. ...and then eaten it? (see #2) Nasty, nasty people!

26. Been the target of curse words? (Whore, Slut, Worthless-- all in good fun though.) Too easy.

27. Made to curtsey in public? (And not at a Renn Faire, wench.) Yes. Jae was a debutante and we used to make her show us her curtsey.

28. Do a dance/strip tease? A number of times.

29. In public? Yes.

30. While naked? What's the point otherwise?

31. Had someone else pick out your food? (The waiter doesn't count.) Yes.

32. Dictate your clothing? Is this dominant? I do this for Max all the time. Although we call it "suggesting".

33. Had someone pee in your bathwater? No - does peeing on someone while you're in the shower together count?

34. Eat from a pet dish? Yes.

35. Eat from the floor when others were sitting at the table? Yes.

36. Eat without utensils when the food required them? (Pizza does not count.) Yes.

37. Made someone assume embarrassing positions? Too easy.

38. Gave someone an enema? Yes.

39. Enforced eye contact restrictions? Yes.

40. Been fed from someone's hand? Yes.

41. a restaurant? (aww how romantic) Yes.

42. Indulged in foot worship? Oh, just like ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!

43. Forced to exercise? (Your physical trainer's verbal humiliation doesn't count) Yes.

44. Forced nudity? Yes.

45. Been made to masturbate in odd places? (Currently accepting write-in suggestions for what counts as odd.) Yes.

50. Were up for bid in a slave auction? Yes.

51. Forced to sell lemonade in the street? (No one's getting 100% on THIS test, smarty.) Well, no.

52. Forced to wear an embarassing sign ("SLUT", "SLAVEBITCH", "I VOTED FOR BUSH", etc)Yes.

53. Forced to be a slave (if you're in graduate school, your advisor DOES count. On your knees student!) Once again, define "forced". But I think so.

54. Forced to wear a leash? Yes.

55. Given a golden shower? (You know what I'm talking about.) See answer for number 42.

56. Been made to wear handcuffs in public? Yes.

57. Been handcuffed to a shopping cart while shopping? Isn't that against the fire code?

58. Been part of a harem? Can two people be a harem? I'm not sure about this one.

59. Made to wear a hood? Yes.

60. Used as a human garbage can? Yes.

61. Been tied up? Yes.

62. So you couldn't move? Yes.

63. Back to bathroom use again. Have you ordered someone to leave the bathroom door open while they use it? Yes.

64. Left a note for someone with embarrassing instructions? Yes.

65. Been whored out? Not 100% sure how to call this one, but I think yes.

66. I mean really, for money? I think the phrase is "Busman's Holiday".

67. Been made to deliver Maid services? Yes.

68. Forced someone to wear your dirty underwear? Yes.

69. On their head? Yes.

70. Made someone wear nipple clamps in public? Yes.

71. Under a see thru top? Yes.

72. Been subject to orgasm control? Yes.

73. How about orgasm denial? Yes.

74. Been made to role play an animal? (Act like a dog, cat, etc. Woof!) Yes.

75. Ordered to pose for naughty pictures? Yes.

76. How about naughty videos? Yes.

77. Been scolded? Yes.

78. Spit on? Yes.

79. Slapped in the face? Yes.

80. Sent shopping with an embarassing note you had to hand to the clerk? ("We're out of milk. He's kind of slow, please point him to the dairy section".) No, not quite my style. Cute idea though.

81. Made to serve others (supervised) Yes.

82. Made to serve others (unsupervised) Yes.

83. Served as a human urinal? Yes.

83. Served as a human toilet? (EWWWW not safe.) No thanks.

84. Had your head shaved? (Obviously more traumatic for women.) Yes. I even have pictures...

85. Made to shave your body hair? Yes.

86. How about your pubic hair? Yes.

87. Been given a temporary slave tattoo, or other temporary humiliating body art? Yes.

88. Been given a permanent slave tattoo, or other permanent humiliating body art? Define "permanent". Cutting scars fade over time.

89. Spanked someone in public? Yes.

90. Been under speech restriction? ("Don't say a word to my parents about my grade in biochem" doesn't count.) Yes.

91. Spelled "Slave" or other choice phrase on someone with suntan lotion & made them get tan? I squandered an opportunity when I was living down South, didn't I? No.

92. Made someone stand in the corner? Yes.

93. Been cuckolded? I think this is a yes.

94. Cum on someone's face? Yes.

95. Made them wear it til it dried? (Oil of Olay's secret ingredient!) Yes.

96. Been forced to wear slutty clothes? Yes.

97. Made to piss yourself? I think yes, although they were naked at the time. Does that count?

98. Made to vote for someone you disapproved of? Now that's sadistic. No.

99. Forced to take a purity test? Yes.

100. Forced to take a purity test over and over, updating your score until you got 100%? Will this be the newest kink trend?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Text of a not-uncommon type of email for me...

Mistress M.,

First of all, let me say your blog is a beacon of light on an otherwise dreary afternoon. I'm sure what I'm about to ask you is a fairly commonplace scenario, so let me apologize ahead of time for boring you. My fiancee and I...(edited for privacy) in Seattle, and I haven't figured out how to advance my social network... I've ventured out a bit, but what I find here is mostly either people who are overly intrigued with non-sanitary piercing/knife play, or else swing clubs filled with older suburban types who are engaged in the most unnerving displays of rote debauchery imaginable. Here's my would we meet you or somene like you? I'm not sure you have a dopelganger here in Seattle, but maybe if I knew how you were finding interesting people here, I could do a better job of finding such people myself.

Hmmn. I'm pleased, of course, that this gentleman likes my blog - that's always nice to hear. And I salute him for wanting to add kink to his life and the life of his partner.

But I think he's got some mistaken assumptions about me. You see, I myself enjoy non-sanitary piercing and knife play. In fact, a great many things I like could concievably be labelled "non-sanitary". They're often slippery, sticky, or wet. I can think of enjoyable kinky things that you could call "sanitary", but I wouldn't want to rule out my more messy pleasures.

Rote debauchery? Eh, not so much. No, I prefer my debauchery to be sort of spontaneous, or even anarchic. Much more fun that way, I find. But I don't think that being over 30, or living in the suburbs, should bar you from enjoying whatever kind of sex you like, even if lookers-on don't find it esthetically pleasing.

The clever among you have inferred from this that I don't approve of being overtly snobbish about other people's pleasures. Naturally one does not partake of anything one doesn't care for. God knows, there are lots of sexual things I have no interested in doing. But except in really extreme cases, I prefer the "My Kink Is Okay/Your Kink is Okay" way of looking at things. Writing me and dissing people like this doesn't impress me.

So the author is mistaken in assuming I share his tastes. And he's also mistaken in thinking that there are some secret places in Seattle frequented exclusively by those whose taste he would approve of. That's simply not true. There are no secret fetish clubs in Seattle. (Or if there are, they are so very secret that I don't know about them - an unlikely notion.)

It's relatively easy to access the local kinky world - I publish a list of sexy events every week in The Stranger, and it's only a small portion of what's available. I'm betting the author has been to the Wet Spot, and that it's one of the places he's ruled out as not being his style. He's allowed to do that, of course. But if he's looking for people like me - well, I go there on a regular basis, and so do most of my interesting friends. My guess is he went once, didn't like what he saw, so he left and never went back. That's the most common mistake I see people making in their attempts to get a kinky social life. I think they're expecting a party at the Spot to look like a scene from an Andrew Blake movie. No, not everyone you see will be young and beautiful and doing the kinds of kinky things you'd like to do yourself. But my advice to people is to let go of that and think about making friends. I know lots of people who do stuff in their scenes that I personally don't wish to do. That doesn't mean we can't be pals, and it definitely doesn't mean that they have nothing to contribute to my continuing evolution as a kinky person. And you see, once you start making kinky friends, then - tah-da! - then you're on your way to creating your own social network, based on mutual interests and personal style.

That's how this is done. Yes, it takes time, and it takes some effort. Good things usually do. I'm always a bit surprised that people who are obviously smart and educated need me to tell them that one finds interesting kinky people by a) not snap-judging them based simply on appearance or taste in kink and b) by simple perseverance and patience. I sincerely hope that's a beacon of light for someone.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Here's an ABC News story out of Australia about "types of sex workers."
Huh, color me skeptical. The trouble with these kinds of studies is that the numbers are based on women who've been arrested or, in this case, women who have STDs. It's not really a representative sample, so the study is invariably flawed.

It's certainly interesting to hear that professional dominance is "unique to wealthy countries". Presuming one accepts that as true, it raises the question: Is that because men in poorer countries don't feel the need for kink? Or is it just that the women there find it better to be generalists than to specialize in one area?

It may have to do with the legal structures of different countries. One reason why a Mistress in the US might stick to domination exclusively is because it's more-or-less legal in many (although not all) areas. If one lived in a poorer nation, where laws against prostitution were not in place, or were not enforced, one might offer a range of services in order to maximize one's client base.

And in a different but related study: get out your rulers, it's the average sizes of men's penises...

Monday, July 04, 2005

Are There Any Questions?

I'm thinking of writing a "reader's questions" column soon, so if you have a question you've been wanting to ask me, drop me a note, or leave me a comment...

Sunday, July 03, 2005

A rare Sunday post…

Lately, I'm feeling a yen to do something different with my body. No, not like that! I mean something athletic. I've been working out in the gym for years and it's getting a bit boring - I'd like to work my body in a different way. (No, this is not because Gym Guy is bothering me - I actually haven't seen him since our conversation.)

The last time I felt this way, I started taking trapeze and aerial rope lessons from a woman who performs in Circus Contraption. It was something I'd always wanted to try, and it was great fun, although the trapeze bar bruised the backs of my knees like crazy. I was actually considering installing a (low) trapeze in my studio for a while. But after a while, I realized that I didn't really want to take it to a performance level, so I let it drop.

Now I'm thinking about martial arts, so I'm looking for some opinions about styles and classes in Seattle. I've never studied any martial arts, but I've always thought about it and I feel like it might be time to explore this more. I'm hoping to get Max to do it with me, too, although I think he's more attracted to the spiritual/mental discipline aspect of martial arts, and I don't care so much about that. I'm looking for physical development - not aerobic stuff per se, because I can run for that. But strength and coordination, plus some fighting techniques.

I doubt I'd want to compete formally, so that's not something I'd be looking for.

I've heard good things about Aikido and Tae-Kwon-Do. Someone suggested Krav Maga classes for self-defense, although I understand that’s not a real martial art. I know that Karate is considered a good fighting technique and that Judo is an intense body workout. Still, there are seemingly endless lists of sub-forms and lesser-known disciplines, and I'm open to those, too.

I do know some folks who do various forms of MA, so I'll be talking to them, too. (Yeah, I mean you, Dog_Walker.) But if any of ya'll have suggestions about local schools and teachers, I'd be interested in hearing about them.