Bad Business Strategy, Example #267

No Tanning Beds Were at Salon, Police Say

NORTH MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. (Nov. 18) - Undercover officers noticed something conspicuously absent from a tanning salon - tanning beds. The only tanning bed on the property of VIP Tann Spa was found in a wooden box on the porch, officer Jerry Miller said Thursday.

Miller said the so-called tanning salon was actually a very different kind of business: Three employees and two customers were charged with prostitution and related charges after the undercover visit last month.

The undercover officer found makeshift beds and other evidence people were being paid for sex, Miller said.

Investigators took business receipts, credit card statements and cash before closing the salon. The County Council revoked the owner's business license.

People, I keep telling you - in sex work, it's those pesky little details that'll make you or break you. Like, if you're posing as a tanning salon, you should actually have the tanning bed unpacked from the box. That's always helpful.

And "makeshift" beds? I'm not sure I want to know what those might be. Seems like if you're going to be ballsy enough to leave your tanning bed in a box on the porch, you'd just say what the hell and have real beds. I mean, why be coy? God knows the "tanning-salon" dodge has got whiskers on it anyway.

Happy Friday, everyone...

This week's colum and calendar.

And an interesting piece in The Stranger about the FBI crackdown on SM porn.
Several people nudged me to write something about this topic, but I knew a feature writer would get more word count and thus do it more justice. Interesting slant, using the prisoner/torture issue to point out just how fucked up the Bush administration's obscenity stance really is.

Wow, I seem to be very, very busy this week. It's all good stuff, but lordy... And of course, I'm spending my off time thinking about things like furnaces and wall-to-wall carpet. Oooh, how kinky am I?

Miss K, my best friend and official decorating consultant, loves it. We spent our last dinner talking about replacing mantles and painting faux-finishes.

Still, I'll be pleased when all my housing stuff is settled and I get back to being focused on the more salacious aspects of my life. All this Better Dungeons and Gardens stuff is getting to me.

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But Wait: One bit of amusing news I noticed today. All you guys who asked me about this, start polishing up your resumes - or something - because Heidi Fleiss is opening a male brothel.

The Real Estate Obsession Continues...

Some more houses I will (almost certainly) not be buying. But these I actually looked at, and I gave all of them serious consideration.

This one's large and pretty and it has a nice flow to the upstairs. But there's no garage or carport or anything, and while the basement is large and very nicely finished, it's very low-ceilinged.

This one's got great space and lovely vaulted ceilings - but it's in a development, in a cul-de-sac. Four other front doors looking right at yours. I don't like that, it doesn't feel private, and privacy is a very big issue to me.

This one is nice, and it's a great location for me. But the basement is too small - in fact, the house is a bit small overall. Color me skeptical about the quoted square footage.

Pretty, and in many ways a serious contender, but - not quite. It just felt sort of over-remodeled, if you know what I mean? Almost bland.

This is very funny – to me. But only because I know how silly it really is. It's a video-clip of a Heineken ad, so I would call it fairly work-safe, although it does feature - you guessed it - a dominatrix.

It’s not that no one in the kink community ever does scenes that look like this – at least, like the first few seconds of this. But tops coming off with that heavy “you don’t deserve to be in the same room with me” attitude is rarer than a vanilla person would think. Particularly here in Seattle, that kind of MO will draw about as much snickering as it will cowering.

There's also the unfortunate it’s-only-funny-because-it’s-true angle of the unprofessional pro domme taking a cell phone call in the middle of a session and ignoring her client. Needless to say, one should never do that, and I never would. But I do hear about other ladies answering their phones in the middle of a session all the time. Lordy.

However, I do think it’s cute that she’s cooing sweetly into the phone to her supposed lover. I’ve done that with Max and Roman. But not on my client’s time, of course...