Friday, April 18, 2008

Whoops. I got distracted last night with other things and forgot to put up a post for this morning. But here it is - the new column...
And Happy Friday!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I'm a busy girl today...

A note about scheduling. I'm out of town soon - I leave April 23rd and return April 28th. I am booked this week, and I have a little bit of time Mon the 21st and Tues the 22nd. If I know you and you'd like to see me one of those days, best contact me ASAP.

I will be available once again the 29th.

(I'm going to Florida to visit family and no, I will not be available for professional sessions while I'm there, sorry.)

Also, I so need a print of this cartoon. I cut it out of the New Yorker when it was published and had it on my refrigerator for years. But it got old and fell apart. I'm thrilled to have found it again, thanks to an alert reader, and I'm definitely going to have to order a desk print of this. It's... my life, in one frame. Love it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A friend reminds me that I haven’t done a reading list in a while. He’s right. Here are some of the books on my bedside table…
*Lord John and the Hand of Devils by Diana Gabaldon. This is a short story collection, and I’m not usually a huge fan of short stories. I prefer more time to get to know characters. But I like the Outlander series, and I enjoyed all the Lord John books. The author has a touch I envy with writing historical fiction, giving just enough period color and language, without overdoing it. It's a knack.
I was also quite amused to see that one of these stories was solicited from her by none other than prolific editor Maxim Jakubowski. Mr. Jakubowski is also the editor of The Mammoth Book of Sex Diaries, in which a large chunk of this blog was published. Which means that as professional writers, there is only one degree of separation between me and Ms.Gabaldon. That just seems sort of crazy, somehow.
*The Snake, the Crocodile & the Dog (Amelia Peabody Mysteries), by Elizabeth Peters. As I’ve mentioned before, when I am sick, I want comfort reading. So when I had the flu a few weeks ago, I started working my way through all my Elizabeth Peters books once again. I have loaned so many out over the years (read as: given away, because they never came home) that I have some holes in my collection. Thus, I had to make a run through Powell’s when I was in Portland and fill in the gaps. No one does fast, fun, silly mysteries like Ms. Peters. I want to be Amelia Peabody when I grow up. (Although some people might tell you that I already am the Amelia Peabody of the kink world. And that’s okay with me.)
*Charlatan: America's Most Dangerous Huckster, the Man Who Pursued Him, and the Age of Flimflam, by Pope Brock. This book must be read to be believed. In the words of Publishers Weekly: “John Brinkley…got his start touring as a medicine man hawking miracle tonics and became famous for transplanting goat testicles into impotent men. Brinkley built his own radio station in 1923, hustling his pseudoscience over the airwaves and giving an outlet to astrologers and country music. His nemesis was Dr. Morris Fishbein, who took aim at Brinkley in JAMA, lay publications and pamphlets distributed by the thousands. Even after the Kansas State Medical Board yanked his medical license in 1930, Brinkley ran twice for governor of Kansas and almost won.”
Yeah. This guy took goat testicles and implanted them into men’s scrotums, claiming it would give them erections and make them fertile. Because everyone knows goats are horny, right? It’s exactly as bad as it sounds. Not so much medical regulation back then. (And on a side note: love the author’s name: Pope. That’s cool.)
What I think I'll buy next: Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions, by Dan Ariely. Behavioral economics is the new sexy science, isn’t it? There’s a lot of stuff published lately about why we do what we do, but this one looks like it talks about individual motivations as well as group forces and dynamics. Both in my personal as well as my professional life, observing and predicting patterns of people’s behavior is a strong interest of mine. I’ll let you know if it’s good.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The whole “Naughty Meme” thing amuses me, because it’s a look into what other people think is shocking. But I always screw up the curve for everyone, and frankly, some of these questions baffle me.

Have You Ever....

Taken a picture naked? Yes. I’ve also had pictures take OF me while I was naked, which I suspect is what the intent of this poorly-structured question was.

Made money illegally? Who, me? I don't know what you're talking about.

Had a one night stand? Is this really still considered shocking?

Been in a fist fight? Um, hard to say. A little slapping and shoving in the strip-club dressing room, but I’m not sure it rose to the level of “fist-fight”.

Slept with your best friend? Yes. I’ve had sex with her, too.

Had sex in a public place? Yes.

Ditched work to have sex? Yes. Even when having sex (with other people) WAS my work.

Slept with a member of the same sex? You have got to be kidding me.

Seen someone die? Is this really in the same category with a same-sex encounter? No.

Ran from the police? Define run. Back in the day, I was at some illegal raves that got shut down, and I departed through a door other than the one the police were using. I did not dally. Call it what you will.

Woke up somewhere and not remember how you got there? Well, I was always able to make reasonable surmises, but there have been a few occasions when the exact sequence of events was fuzzy.

Worn your partners unmentionables? I quote Hannah on this one: “unmentionables? Who says that these days?” I’ve worn panties belonging to my girlfriends, but boy underwear would make a line under my jeans.

Fallen asleep at work? No.

Used toys in the bedroom? I think some of these questions are tame enough to make me fall asleep. Who wrote this meme, my grandmother?

Ran a red light? Yes. No one died, though.

Been fired? Yes. But only from straight jobs. Never from a sex work job.

Been in a car accident? Yes, but why is this question here?

Pole danced or done a striptease? Only about ten thousand times.

Loved someone you shouldn't? It is better to have loved and lost… My problem is that they usually refuse to get lost, so: yeah.

Sang karaoke? Only once. With much champagne. I think that’ll last me my whole life, too.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? I told myself I wouldn’t meme.

Laughed so hard you peed your pants? Probably, although it wasn’t traumatic enough to stick in my mind.

Caught someone having sex? Yes, although I wasn’t exactly shocked.

Kissed a perfect stranger? No, we’d known each other intimately for at least two minutes.

Shaved your partner? Yes. And other people as well.

Given your private parts a nickname? No, this seems silly to me.

Ever gone in public without underwear? Like, every day.

Had sex on a roof top? Yes. (Hi, Jett…)

Played chicken? I assume this means in motor vehicles. No, what a dumb thing to do.

Mooned/flashed someone? Yes.

Do you sleep naked? Yes.

Blacked out from drinking? Blacked out is too dramatic a term. But I’ve made a sudden decision to go to sleep.

Felt like killing someone? Like the author of this meme? Yes.

Had sex more than 5 times in one day? Well, it’s sometimes hard to say where one episode of sex starts and the next one begins. I have had sex with more than five people in one day, though, so: yes.

Been with someone because they were in a band? Nah, I’m not a groupie.

Taken 10 shots of liquor in a day? I’m not dead, which given my low alcohol tolerance I think I would be, so the answer to that is no.

Shot a gun? People, I’m from Georgia.

Gone outside naked? Yes, even aside from the time when I worked at a nudist resort.

I need to find the “Memes for Serious Perverts” page.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Letter From A Reader: Nazi Play
I'm sure I'm not the first person to ask you how you feel about this, but hopefully if enough ask you'll do a column/blog post about it. How do you feel about Max Mosley's Nazi "orgy"? Where is the line? Are there some things that are just morally unacceptable? Like, say, getting turned on by concentration camps? Here is a Slate piece on it (which digresses into talking about BDSM in general) and the original article (ultra-sensationalized but apparently true). I know you're a very busy woman and I certainly don't need a reply, but I'm sure lots of people would love a column or post on it.

Actually you are the first person to ask me about it. I have been vaguely aware of seeing something about “Nazi orgy” in the paper, but you know, I often choose not to clutter up my head with stories like that. So I have not been paying attention to this one, and it’s not been a topic of conversation among me and my friends.
And even if I’d read the story, I doubt I’d have chosen to write something because to me, this is not news. It's just gossip, right up there with the latest Britney Spears trainwreck. I don't care about this guy's sex life, and I don't know why anyone would care beyond a moment's "oh, wow, I bet he’s feeling pretty embarrassed right now.” I am not too high-minded to be interested in some types of gossip. But being a sexual outlaw myself, I have a fair amount of sympathy for anyone whose sexuality is a subject of leering "Oh-that's-terrible! Tell-us-more!" kind of scrutiny.

But since you ask: Many people have politically incorrect fantasies. I bet you, Dear Reader, have some erotic turn-ons lurking your fantasy life that you would not care to see published to the world. Most people do. I certainly do. (And no, I’m not telling you what they are.)
You can tell your sex drive “Oh, hey, this sexual turn is morally unacceptable!” And you can choose not to act on it. You may even succeed in repressing it and not thinking of it consciously – very much. Sometimes that works. But a lot of times, the more you try to repress a turn-on, the more intense it gets. I'm not minimizing how bad the Holocaust was. But this? Is not the Holocaust. It's some guy getting his kink on and being unwise (or unlucky) enough to let it be videoed.
So where's the line? When it's non-consensual. To include: under-age people, and anyone who is either temporarily or permanently not capable of giving informed consent. That's not okay. Otherwise, do as you will. I may or may not want to watch, but that's my responsibility.
Our sexual fantasies go where it's forbidden because it's forbidden. I’m guessing all the baggage this guy got loaded down with as a kid makes this whole thing even more taboo and thus sexier than it would be to the average person.
So the only difference between this guy and lots of other people is that he has the money and the nerve to indulge himself. Do I personally think Nazis are cool? No. I find this particular scenario distasteful. But do I think there's any harm in dressing up in Nazi uniforms and pretending you’re in a prison camp? Not really. I don't find it sexy, but I don't find furries or adult babies sexy, either. However, liking Nazi uniforms, or diapers, or people in "furry" costumes doesn't necessarily make you a fascist, or a pedophile, or into bestiality. It’s a game, not reality.
And this guy is actually not responsible for the actions of his older relatives, so all that business about his father and Unity Mitford is beside the point. So, basically, if he wants to do Nazi role play with a bunch of sex workers, it’s no one’s business but his and theirs. And his wife’s, if she wants it to be. If he wants to draw dramatic inspiration from real life events, maybe he’ll ask her for a punishment scene.