Various things...

I've added a "search" box to the blog, so now you can search archived entries for keywords. (Over to the right, under the list of archives.)

By the way, the "Cunning Linguists Journals" link and the black box that says "Clix" on it are toplist link-trades. That means, if you click on them, it moves my banner on that site closer to the top of the list. So if you come by here often, do me a favor and just click on one of those links occasionally. It'll make me look good in the world of sexy bloggers.

I'm probably not going to post tomorrow - I've got other writing I really need to be doing, and I generally draft my Stranger column on Sunday as well...But I thought I'd give you a few sneak previews of things I'll most likely write about here in the coming week.

* Why good manners are truly essential to the successful sex worker
* Ways in which I like to be hit on, and ways in which I don't.
* A conversation with Miss K in which she reveals an incredibly stupid thing a client said to her
* A telephone call from a man who claimed to be part of a secret SM club

And more!

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look at times and locations for the new Harry Potter movie...

Had another session with Milo last night…We always have a very intense time together. Playing with him is deeply satisfying to me, and I think one reason for that is that, even though I really unleash my sadistic side with him, he doesn't fear me.

That may sound odd to those of you who think that a Mistress would want her submissives to be afraid of her - but I don't get off on fear. A little nervousness – yeah, that's fine. It's natural, especially for new people. But I want people to receive what I give them with trust, and a certain kind of pleasure – even if it doesn't seem like pleasure to the uninitiated. Oh, I'll do role-plays where someone pretends to resist, saying, "No, no, stop!" - that can be lots of fun. But they'll have to have set that up with me in advance, and I'll have to be able to somehow feel that they truly want to be there.

Milo is quite clear about wanting what I give him. I love that about him. Last night I whipped his butt, hard – it's so nice of the Universe to be sending me all these boys lately who can really take hard impact play. Both Vermont and Milo take it so sweetly for me, and I so enjoy doing it.

I had Milo bent over at the waist with his arms tied tightly behind his back, which is a tough position in itself. I started with the soft leather floggers, but my sadism rather quickly got the better of me and I switched to the nasty rubber flogger. The tails on that thing are about an eighth of an inch thick – and I don't mean wide, I mean thick. When they made contact with Milo's ass – pow! - I could feel the vibration run up my arm and straight down my body to my pussy. Very hot.

But electricity is my favorite of favorites with Milo. His tolerance is increasing – I'm now having to use the nastier channels on the electrical box, whereas I used to use the nicer ones. (It's the wave pattern – certain ones are "sharper" and more intense than others.)

As usual, I staked him down the bondage table and lay on top of him. There really are not adequate words to express what deep and ferocious pleasure I took in feeling Milo's body shaking underneath me as I turned the dial up higher and higher and the electricity flowed into him with increasing strength. It was like having my own personal earthquake. It was like commanding a force of nature with a roll of my index finger and thumb. I was a storm goddess, throwing down bolts of lighting at him, and his shouts were answering cracks of thunder. It was completely intoxicating.

Love my life…

Hormones? Acting Classes? I don't know what, but something…

Ring ring!
Me: hello?
Caller: Uh, hi, is this Mistress Matisse?
Me: yes.
Caller: (very breathy voice) Hi, my name is Sherri Lynn. I saw your website and I was calling to see if you'd do a session with me.

Now, it states on my site that I don't see single women. But even aside from that, there is something about this caller that makes me deeply suspicious. The voice is very fake-sounding.

Me: Well, Sherri Lynn, I actually don't see single women, I'm sorry.
Caller: Oh, I saw that – but I was hoping you'd reconsider. I'm very beautiful – I have long…

Now I know why the voice sounds wrong. It's a guy. No woman would say "I'm very beautiful". It's a guy pretending to be a woman.

Caller: …silky legs and really nice firm breasts and –
Me: Sherri Lynn –
Caller:...a firm, round ass, and I want you to make me eat your pussy and -
Me: Stop! Stop talking, please.
Caller: But –
Me: I do not see single women – thank you and goodbye.
Click.
I hang up.
Five minutes later…
Ring ring!
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hi, Mistress Matisse, I called you a few minutes ago?
Me: Yes, you did. And I told you I didn't see single women.

The only reason I'm even talking to this twit is because there's a very small chance that he/she might be a transsexual. By that I mean: she used to be a guy, but she's gone through gender reassignment therapy. That would explain the masculine voice – hormones alone won't change that, it requires a special surgery to physically shorten the vocal cords.
That doesn't mean I'd see her for a session, of course. If she is a woman now, then she falls under the I-don't-see-single-women rule, despite her tacky attempt to change my mind. But still, I'd be civil enough to try to refer her to someone else.

However, I really think this is just some schmuck trying to get free phone sex. He thinks if I believe I'm talking to a woman that I'll be willing to engage in sexy dialogue about cunnilingus. But his simulation of a woman's voice seems to be based largely on Marilyn Monroe when she sang "Happy Birthday, Mr. President". Offhand, I can't think of any women I know who actually sound like that in real life. (I don't think Marilyn even sounded like that when she wasn't singing to her illicit lover.)

Caller: So, if I could find a guy to come with me, then you'd see me?
Me: You know, I really don't think I would – I have a feeling that you and I just wouldn't be compatible. Let me ask you a question – are you a transsexual? I mean, have you had your penis surgically removed?
Caller: (in a horrified voice that's an octave deeper than the previous tone) No!
Me: Don't call me again.
Click.
I hang up.

Score another point for emasculation anxiety.

News Roundup…

Yes, I got a car, a hot red Saab 9-5. Very fast and just really nice – I'm liking it a lot already. But I feel a trifle guilty when I look at my old car. I've had that car for twelve years – it's a long-term relationship, and we've been though a lot together. It looks at me as if to say, Sure, use me, and then just throw me aside when I get old and start leaking oil. Get yourself a shiny new toy. I thought you cared about me!
I have a bad habit of anthropomorphizing… Since I'm going to donate it to charity, I have told my old car that some very nice people are going to come and take it to a nice new home where people will be very grateful to have it. Cross your fingers it doesn't do a "Christine" number on me before that happens.

And speaking of relationship changes…This will be mentioned in next weeks Stranger column, but ya'll get the sneak preview. Mike, the Worlds Most Perfect Secondary Partner, has come to me to say, in the nicest and most polite way possible, that he is falling for someone – as in, someone else. And he wishes to, at the very least, put our physical relationship on hiatus for awhile. It may be completely over - it's hard to say. I haven't yet gotten a clear picture of where things stand with the woman he's falling for. But we're going out to lunch Thursday to talk about it, so I'll know more then.

Am I sad? A little. He's a great guy and he's been lots of fun. But we'll stay friends, and my heart definitely isn't broken. It's not even a little chipped. Mike and I didn't get deep. (At least, not emotionally, heh heh.)

I'll miss lots of things about Mike – his silly humor, his wacko imagination, his house that looks like a set from The Nightmare Before Christmas, his amusing stories about his wild college days. But I must admit, some of my sadness is selfish. I mean, damn, where am I going to find another secondary partner who is as low-impact as Mike? The man was fabulous – he's smart, he's sexy, he's fun, and he never once created one iota of drama in my life. That's a completely unique experience for me with poly relationships. I loved it.

So, I'm not planning on starting anything else right away. But…there are two guys around town that I currently think are rather attractive. Actually, there a number that I think are attractive. But there are two particular guys that I feel just might, possibly, make appropriate secondaries for me.

One of them is married-but-poly. I don't know him, or his wife, ultra-well, so I'm not quite sure how I would proceed there. But he's as cute as all get-out, and frankly, his wife's kinda sexy, too. Based on past (bad) experiences, I avoid ongoing triad relationships like The Plague, and I'm not looking for a female partner right now. But I do enjoy her esthetically.

The other, who was also married-but-poly, is in the middle of getting a divorce. I can't decided if he's in the perfect place to appreciate some no-pressure fun and games, or if I should just leave him the hell alone and let him deal with his life. When I was getting divorced, I was definitely in the leave-me-the-hell-alone category. But he may be in a different place, who knows.

I'm going to be stepping carefully here. I have plenty of examples, quite close to home, of how I don't want my poly relationships to look, and what kind of energy and attitudes I don't want in my life. There are tons of people around who, though they look good and say the right things, actually have all the emotional maturity of, say, Aviril Lavigne. No, thank you.

So we'll just see what the universe drops in my lap…Meanwhile, I'm just driving along the road, playing the classic Queen song, "I'm In Love With My Car".

Dear Mistress Matisse,
In your blog, you only talk about how nice your clients are and what a good time you have with them. Isn't this a bit unrealistic? I'm a dancer, and I get a lot of asshole customers at my job. Surely you have clients you dislike, or who do things that annoy you?

Not for more than one session, I don't. I've danced myself, so I do know what that's like, and I agree, there's a pretty high asshole ratio there. But it's a whole different situation for me. I can pick and choose who I'm going to see, and I'm good at sussing out who I'd like and enjoy playing with over the phone.

However, there is one type of client who, in the past, has annoyed me – and in one case, seriously pissed me off. It took me longer to learn how to spot them early on. That's because what they do is more subtle - they aren't dangerous or blatantly disrespectful, they don't disobey the rules, or try to get me to do things I don't wish to do. But I hate dealing with them - so I won't. They are the guys I call Mr. Defensive. I've learned not to waste my time with clients like this. It's not that I've met that many of them - just a few, really. But having even one in the regular roster is too many.

Mr. Defensive's problem is that he's deeply conflicted about what he's doing. Getting off on being submissive doesn't fit his image of himself, and he's unable to let go of that and just say, "What the fuck – I don't know why, but it makes my dick hard, so I'm just going to do it and enjoy it. It's got nothing to do with who I am in the rest of my life. It's just for fun." Mr. Defensive hates himself for his desires. He brings all that self-hatred into the dungeon with him, projects his negative attitudes about what we're doing onto me, and then spends the entire session responding to them. He doesn't seem to be enjoying himself at all, he doesn't believe that I like what I do, and after the session is over I can feel him trying to psychologically distance himself from what he's just done as fast as he can. Usually he'll do that by making disparaging remarks about what freaky weirdoes my other clients must be. The subtext clearly being "I'm not one of those people". It's the kind of energy that makes me close the door behind someone and say to myself, "Thank you God that's over."

I'm always amazed when Mr. Defensives call me back for another session, because it's so clear to me that it's just not working. But they usually do. The urge is all the stronger for them trying to forbid it to themselves.

Ultimate Mr. Defensive moment: there was a client I'd been seeing for a year or so. He was so extremely defensive that it was impossible to have any kind of connection with him. (It was only barely possible to have a conversation with him.) But he kept calling, and I kept doggedly trying to create a scene with him that I, at least, could feel good about. I'm rather stubborn that way – too much so, really.

So I'd been working extra hard, trying to find the button to push in this guy that would let him have the experience he seemed to saying he wanted. I tried every toy, every type of sensation, every role play I could think of – and that's a lot. It never worked, and every time he left I swore I wouldn't book with him again. But a few weeks would go by, and he'd call, and I'd mentally vacillate for a minute and give in. He's not a bad guy – maybe he just needs more time to trust me before he can really let go. I'll give him another chance. Soft-hearted? Maybe – but I also just hate to lose, and admitting I couldn't really get this man to embrace the experience I felt he wanted felt like losing.

I was about three-fourths of the way through a session with the Mr. Defensive in question. I had him tied down to my bondage table on his back, and I was preparing to do some electrical play with him. He looked up at me and said, "Can I ask you a question?" This was a common ploy of this guy – he would try to try to regain some sense of control by asking me questions like, "Why do you think you like doing this?" It was his way of sabotaging the mood and the flow of the scene, and an attempt to put me on the defensive by making me explain myself. Usually I would say, "Let's talk about it later," and just go on with what I was doing.

But that day he said, "So, why do you think you hate men so much?"

I stood there and stared at him for a moment, and then I turned around and walked out of the room. I was so angry that for a moment, I could hardly see. Why do you hate men so much? This, when I've been knocking myself out trying to make something happen for this asshole, this is what he gives back to me? I pour my positive energy into these sessions with him, try to give him an experience that's good for him even though he's resisting it all the way, and he has the nerve to tell me I hate men? How dare he? How dare he! Fuck, I should show him what a scene with someone who hates men would look like. It was the only time in my career when I was really tempted, just for a second, to hurt someone in a non-consensual way.

I sat on the couch in my reception room and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Don't let him get to you, I told myself. Don't let him dump his shit on you. Get your boundaries up, girl. What he says, what he thinks – it's got nothing to do with you, and you know it. It's all about the bullshit in his head. Breathe, and let it go.

Through the curtains into the playroom, I could hear him breathing and stirring restlessly on the table. "Mistress?" he called out.
"Don't talk."
Now, the question was: untie him and kick him out immediately – or finish the session? My first impulse was to throw him out, pronto. Then I thought, But then he wins. He's trying to get control by making me lose my cool. He's trying to make himself feel powerful by emotionally manipulating me. I'm not going to let him make me react like that.

A few more deep breaths, and I walked back into the dungeon. "The Mistress has decided she doesn't like you talking," I announced. "So we'll just fix that right now." I took a large gag and put it into his mouth, and then I went on with the rest of the session I'd planned. I got him out the door without any conversation afterwards. And the next time he called, I refused to book with him.

Ultra-brief car update: After a day spent getting the 1st choice vehicle vetted by a mechanic, (and doing some brangling with the dealer about price) survey says: it looks good. I haven't actually signed the contract yet, but unless something unforseen happens, tomorrow I will be the new owner of a sweet Saab 9-5. Zoom.
I'm off to the gym...

I haven't forgotten you...a longer post will come later, but I'm totally taken up with car shopping, social occasions, and poly negotiations...

But before I go - a big Happy Happy Birthday to to my darling friend Jae, who turns twenty-five (or something reasonably close to that) today!

~dashing off...