Friday, August 08, 2008

I don't really believe in astrology - but I like Rob Brezsny.

Scorpio Horoscope for week of August 7, 2008
The guy who gave his name to North and South America was a pickle salesman and writer as well as an explorer. After a stint in Spain selling his vitamin C-rich pickles to outbound ships, Amerigo Vespucci got to travel to the New World in 1499 and 1502. The stories he penned about his adventures there were highly imaginative, like his description of giant native women with huge breasts who employed poisonous fluids extracted from insects to super-size their husbands' penises. I nominate Amerigo to be your role model in the coming weeks, Scorpio. May you, too, do what comes natural and be your funky self in ways that lead to glory and renown. (My source for the info about Amerigo is Tony Horwitz's book A Voyage Long and Strange: Rediscovering the New World.)

A good reminder, Rob, thanks. I've been rather distracted, for the last few weeks, with various things that have not felt either funky or glorious. But I think that's just about done with, and I'm looking forward to acting more like a creature of someone's imagination again.

Next week: photos, several rounds of letter-answering, and some remarks on cougars. Have a lovely weekend...

Thursday, August 07, 2008

The new Stranger column, about the difference between "no-strings fucking" and "a romance."

And today, after forty-eight hours of non-stop Good Daughter duty, I am back in my playroom being my naturally kinky self. Thank god.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

A new podcast, in which Monk and I rant a lot - because we can - about BDSM culture, "getting into the scene", and being a BDSM vendor. A bit longer than usual: 17 minutes. And not safe for work. Enjoy!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Wow, did I get a lot of advice and helpful suggestions about my refrigerator! Ya’ll are better than “This Old House.” So thank you, nice people, for all your words of wisdom.

Several clever readers noted that they Googled for answers to this domestic puzzle. Perhaps they were insinuating something. Yes, I know I lecture you about intellectual laziness and tell all of you to ask Mistress Google something before you ask me. But hey, those rules don’t apply to me, I’m a special snowflake, right?

Mixed in with the suggestions were several emails that read, “Yeah, mine is doing that too, would you post the other emails so I can see them?” So without further ado, Mistress Matisse’s Supah-Sexy Refrigerator Repair Tips! I myself will be trying all of these out as soon as possible.


I’m sitting at my desk preparing for a class I’m teaching at the Emerald City Writer's Conference in October. I was very pleased to be asked to present at this con, and I’m excited by the prospect of talking about kink, polyamory and sex work to people outside of what I sometimes call “the love bubble.” I think that will be very interesting. It’s not like teaching a how-to BDSM 101 sort of class, which I always find a little frustrating. It’s more about teaching people what kinky/poly/sex work people are like, which I think I’ll enjoy much more.

I’m also pleased that this is specifically a romance writer’s conference. I think romance writers are a bit like the sex workers of the writing world – a lot of people like to turn up their noses at them because they write about ew, dirty things. And because the books are just all fluffy insubstantial crap. But the romance genre accounts for a very large chunk of the popular-fiction market - so regardless of the sneers, a lot of people are voting with their dollars.

And while I have certainly read romance novels I thought were terrible, I’ve also read plenty of them that amused and entertained me. I think genre fiction novels are a bit like sonnets, in a way. You have this clearly defined structure and rhyme scheme, but within that form there’s flexibility and plenty of room, I find, for originality.

I want this class to be good - so I should go work on it now. Bye!

Monday, August 04, 2008

Notes about my schedule. It seem like it’s been a long time that I’ve been writing about how I’m extra-busy because my Mom is here. But this is the last week of that. Starting the 11th, I’ll be back to my normal level of insane-busyness.
Also: I will be unavailable August 18th, 19th and 20th – I’m going down to Las Vegas for a few days. That should be fun, I haven't been to Vegas in forever.
Now, for an unsexy question. I give a lot of advice here, now I need some myself. It’s about my refrigerator. The problem is that it’s peeing on my floor and I don’t know why.
It’s a very basic standard fridge. There is not an ice-maker in the refrigerator compartment or the freezer compartment, there is no water-dispenser on the door, none of that stuff. It is not connected to a water source of any kind. It is a plain white box that plugs into the wall and gets cold. That’s it.
Yet for some reason, puddles of water are forming inside it and trickling out when one opens the door. I’m talking a couple of ounces here, enough to make a large puddle on the kitchen floor. And rings of water are forming around everything in the fridge, on every shelf. It’s a mess, and very annoying.
I cannot figure out why this is happening. It’s set to the average level of coldness. I tried setting it colder, but that does not prevent the water from happening, the water just freezes. (And so do all the other liquids in the refrigerator, which is not ideal.)
The appliance is not showing any other obvious signs of distress. It’s not new, it came with the house when I bought it a little over two years ago, and I believe we determined that it was about seven years old. But that’s not ancient.
I could call a repairman. And if I had some idea that this was a fifty-dollar fix, I’d do that. But my experience of repairing large appliances is that somehow, it always winds up being more like a two-hundred-dollar fix. My philosophy is that if the cost of repairing an item is 50% or more of the price of a brand-new one, then to hell with it, I’ll just buy a brand-new one. A new refrigerator just like this one is about four hundred dollars. Thus, my dilemma.
So – anyone have any “yeah, that happened with mine and it turned out to be X” stories for me? Send them along - my email address is over on the right, there. Quick, before I kill myself slipping in these puddles of water.