Friday, April 17, 2009

Perhaps in revenge for last week's video of him with nipple clamps on his eyebrows, Monk took a video clip of me in the shower. (I wanted to take one of me doing something terrible back to him in retribution, but we agreed that 12seconds people probably wouldn't like any videos that involved his dick.)

I think this video clip thing could become a Thursday night habit.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A few notes about my schedule as I know it today…

Tomorrow: I have nothing at all going on Thursday afternoon, and that just seems like a shame. Someone I like should email me and fix that.

Week of April 20th-24th: I have time available on Tuesday the 21st, and a little on Wednesday the 22nd, in the later part of the day. Otherwise next week is pretty much booked, unless someone has to cancel.

Week of April 27th –May 1st: I’m in town Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of that week and I have some time free. Thursday the 30th I’ll be getting ready to leave town, and I have a very important event to attend that evening, so Thursday is pretty iffy for me.

I’m out of town – at the much-mentioned brother’s wedding – from Friday May 1st until Monday May 4th. I can see people starting Tuesday the 5th.

I’m also going to be out of town from Monday May 25th until Thurs May 28th.

A few thoughts about scheduling... The ways in which I spend time with people is always evolving. Some of my dearest friends are busy people who steal time for short but sweet interludes with me from an already jam-packed life. Other people are asking me to spend entire days with them. I’m also traveling to other cities with a few close friends, which I used to not do so much.

All of that makes scheduling with me sometimes a challenge. I know that. But I do value all my relationships. Each one of you participated in making me who I am today, and that means something to me. You guys who’ve been seeing me ever since I was in my very first dungeon – remember that awful little ramshackle building near REI, with unreliable heat, and no shower, and the homeless people sleeping on the steps? Even if I only see you for an hour every four or five months, the fact that you’ve stayed in touch all these years pleases me. You knew me when, as they say.

So yes, my schedule is a bit more complex now than it was then, but that does not mean I don't want to hear from you. I hate to disappoint people, so I appreciate your patience and polite persistence. But if you're a friend, it’s always all right to ask if I’m free, even on short notice. Because sometimes the stars line up and I say, “Tomorrow? Sure, come on over, let’s play.”

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A new podcast! Monk and I answer letters about rope tops getting overwhelmed by girls who want to ride the bondage-go-round, and then talk about a letter from a woman who says she wants to hire a male escort. About fifteen minutes.

Note: We're going to go record some more podcasts tonight. We have some good letters in the chute already - lord, we have some doozies - but if you have a long, complex question and you'd like to hear our take on it (along with a few random dirty jokes), send it along to one of us!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Complete and unedited text of a recent letter….

dear misress

me and my girlfriend are trying to learn about the mistress/master/slave activity but we need some basic tips for me as a slave to become a good slave and tips for her as a mistress so she can become a mistress. please mistress we like to take some of ur time to give us some tips. if you like to help that will be great if not its ok we will respect you no matter what all we need is a few tips thx for ur time mistress.

Good lord, I didn’t think anyone could use the words “tips” this many times in such a short email. Maybe this person is a barista in a low-end coffeehouse. Or a peep-show dancer.

Regular readers will know this hits all of my "intellectual laziness" buttons. (In fact, I'm adding a new tag just for that.) And I could work up to being slightly offended that this writer thinks a few bits of bumper-sticker wisdom will be all he/she and his partner need to have a dominant/submissive relationship. Because, yeah, it’s just that easy, right? Nothing challenging about my sexuality at all, no sirree. A trained monkey could do it.

But let’s look at it positively. Let’s say that this person thinks I am just so incredibly wise that I can, actually, condense all the complexity of BDSM dynamics into a few pithy soundbites. He’d be wrong, of course. If I could do that, why would I continue to blog and write a column and generally talk talk talk about this whole BDSM thing?

So, you want tips? Here’s some tips for you. Buy low, sell high. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Look both ways before you cross the street. Wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. Never play cards with any man named "Doc." Check your flight status before you leave the house. Don’t click on the links in emails from strangers. Don’t stick your dick in crazy.

And last but not least, JFGI.


EDIT, next day: All right, I never do this. I never take pity on someone whom I have justifiably spanked here. If you send me badly-spelled, sloppily-written letters, you deserve to get schooled.
However. Just this once, because I am feeling nicer today, here. And read this book by Patrick Califia. And use your damn spellchecker.