Happy

Last night Roman and I went to The Frontier Room and once again, I devoured delicious barbeque. It makes me happy.

Also - my taxes are not going to exsanguinate me quite as badly as I feared. Yay, tax-preparer man!

Here's this week's column and calendar. Plus, thanks to two alert readers who sent me two funny kink-related cartoons...... One here, and one here.

I was talking to a blog reader recently who asked when Roman and I were going to post some more video clips. We should, really. (And I did hear a rumor about him shooting some educational footage... But not yet.)
So until he and I get the time to shoot some more, enjoy the blasts from the past here, hosted on OnFuego...

Ring Ring!

Me: Hello?
Caller: Hi, Mistress Matisse?
Me: Yes, this is she.
Caller: Uh, I was wondering where you were located?

This isn’t the best way to start out talking to me. I’m not like The Lusty Lady, you can’t just drop by. I certainly do not give out my address to anyone who calls and demands it. But I’ll give him a few more seconds before I write him off.

Me: I’m in Seattle, about four miles from downtown.
Caller: I mean like, where exactly?
Me: No, I don’t tell you that unless you have an appointment. And you don’t.

And he probably won’t, based on my instinct about such things. The idea that this caller’s main criteria for choosing a dominatrix seems to be based on whether she’s in The U-District or Seward Park does not auger well for him. There are many important characteristics of a Mistress that should feature more heavily than whether you have to travel ten minutes more or less to reach her.

Caller: Well, I’m in Northgate.
Me: I see.

No, I don’t, actually. But hopefully he’ll get to the point.

Caller: Do you ever come here?
Me: No, I do not do outcall, sorry.
Caller: No, I’d want to come to your place.
Me: Okay – then why did you ask me if I came to Northgate?
Caller: I was hoping you could come pick me up.

Oh, good lord, what am I, the dominatrix taxi-driver?

Me: Pick you up?
Caller: Yeah, and take me by the bank. I’d need to get some money for you.

Amazing. Simply amazing. I consider pointing out that, uh gee, he could take a cab since that is, in fact, what they are for. Cabdrivers and I have a deal – I don’t drive strangers around in my car, and they don’t spank people. (Although I’m told they occasionally do a little verbal humiliation. And come to think of it, I had a cab ride in Manhattan that was truly a Fear and Terror scene. But I still don’t drive strangers around in my car.)

Also, while I think he means his, “I’d get some money for you” to be enticing, what comes into my head is the fact that many ATMs have a two-hundred dollar limit on cash withdrawals per day, and my fee is two-fifty. I can just see how this would go already. “Oh, gee, I’m sorry, this is all I get, could we just go do a quick session?” No. Oh, so very no. That’s not how I operate.

Me: No, I won’t do that.
Caller: But I don’t have any way to get to you.

Thank god for that, at least. Anyone who is so lacking in intellectual resources that he cannot cope with this problem is not someone I want naked in the same room with me.

An interesting essay about how to get over being jealous.... The whole site is worth exploring, if you haven't already done so.

Me? I have a favorite guy and a lovely lady friend of his coming to visit me today. So imagine me wreaking a bit of erotic havoc with them, and then going out for a decadent dinner somewhere. All of my vices in one day, oooh.

Bye!

So Roman and I keep toying with the idea of doing some kind of informal "personal profiles" on our blogs. By that I mean, we both know people, in our personal circle, who are looking for playdates, and we both get emails from readers talking about how they’re looking for people to play with, and it seems like a shame not to do something about bringing these two groups together. I admit I have a slight match-making fetish, but it wouldn't be personal ads per se, as much as “Here’s a cool person I know, if you want to meet them, write them here…”

Granted, most of the people we know personally are not looking for true love as much as kinky fun and games. And a lot of the letters I get are people who want a primary partner. (Although I do know one nice male rope-top who’s single, so there's that…) So that’s not perfect. But, still, there’s no reason you should sit at home until The One comes along, right? My mother always used to tell me that the best way to get dates was to go on dates, if you follow me.

I don’t really know how effective this would be, though. A lot of the people in the personal-friends category are straight men, and conventional wisdom says that women don’t usually answer personal ads. But perhaps it might be different with a reputable third-party endorsing them and guaranteeing that they are (like, probably, I’m pretty sure, I’m sure I’d notice if they were...) not a serial killer.

Just off the top of our heads, Roman and I thought of two straight guys, both rope-tops (one single guy and one poly, in-a-relationship-but-not-married guy), who are open to new partners and who might be fun people to profile. There is a female switch whom I see playing with a lot of people these days, but I don’t know if she’s actively looking for new partners. And I know a cute lesbian bottom (who switches a little), who’s single and interested in meeting fierce femme tops for whatever. Not boys, though, sorry.

So, hypothetically, would any of you local kinksters pay any attention to such things?

***

On another subject completely: Max has asked me to note that his two-day rope bondage intensive on April 29th/30th is filling up fast, so if you’ve been waffling about going, screw your courage to the sticking place. He’s capping it at 25, and 19 slots are already filled. Interestingly, we’re going to have a very heavy female attendance at this class, bigger than we’ve ever had. Look for a fresh deluge of hot woman rope-tops in the wake of it. w00t!