I’m thinking about being unfaithful.

It’s not that I don’t care about him. It’s just that…well, the excitement is gone. We’re stuck in a rut. He’s a great guy, I can’t say a thing wrong about him, it’s just that I’m craving something new and different and he seems unwilling to give it to me.

Yes, it’s true: my relationship with my hairdresser, once so idyllic, has grown stale.

But I’m very conflicted on what to do about that. I’ve been going to see Craig for over seven years. He is an excellent stylist, and I have never had a bad experience with him. I have no fear when I sit in Craig’s chair, because I have absolute confidence that he won’t screw up my hair. That’s worth something.

And while I’m not a girl who tells her hairdresser all her intimate secrets, he knows a good bit about me as a person, and I about him. There’s a certain intimacy there. It’s a comfortable relationship.

Then, too, the salon where he works is very, very nice. It’s not just my hair I get done there, all my little beauty-maintenance needs are tended to within those faux-marble walls. Everyone knows me by name, and they’re all nicely attentive without being fawning. I dislike fawning.

But…but…but – I’m bored. I’ve been faithful all this time, but now I have the seven-year-itch, apparently. You see, I think a woman’s experience of getting her hair done (or her nails, or a facial, or most other beauty services) is in some ways comparable to a guy going to see a sex worker. We get flattered and pampered, it’s often something that feels good, and it often makes us feel not just prettier, but happier as well. True, we’re paying money for something that we could, in many cases, do for ourselves. But that wouldn’t be as much fun.

A few days ago I picked up this month’s issue of Seattle magazine, which is generally a complete waste of paper and four-color ink. But this month was the Beauty issue, and they had a big spread on the “best local salons”.

I was miffed to see that my salon only got a brief mention. Hmph, I thought, they must not be advertisers.

There were, however, profiles and glossy photos of other high-end salons and individual stylists – their training and skills, their unique strengths, their personal philosophy of hair - and as I read, my interest was piqued. It was like a bunch of personal ads for hair stylists. I thought, I wonder what one of these people would do with my hair?

Of course, there’s nothing like shopping around to remind you of why your current partner is so great. I punched up some of the salon websites and looked at the hairdresser’s bio pages. One of the most often-mentioned boys is pictured with a sour, forced little smirk on his face and the admonition that clients must…“Shift your perception from vanity to integrity…” Uh, sweetie? No. Integrity is for elected officials. Vanity is the whole reason your profession exists. It’s damn sure the only reason I’m paying a hundred bucks to get my hair done. If you don’t understand that, I have no use for you. Besides, what the hell does that triangular soul patch under your curled lip have to do with integrity, can you tell me that?

Another stylist in the same salon states: “You were born with a certain skin tone and it’s appropriate for a certain look …pay attention.” He’s got a more appealing photo, but the tone of that seems a bit peremptory to me. That’s the thing – it’s not just skill, it’s personality. While I dislike too-obsequious people, I will not tolerate a salon where the staff acts like they are supermodels and you are one of the great unwashed, whom they will deign to anoint, in a manner of their choosing. No, no, no – that’s not how this works. I am a polite client and I tip well, but I expect you to act pleased to see me and my money, and I absolutely get the final vote on what happens to my hair, regardless of what you think of its integrity or appropriateness.

So I’ve picked out a possible candidate for an illicit fling. I’ll have to do a walk-by and sort of scope the place out, maybe go in and pick up a brochure. It’s nice to know that if I do it and things go badly, my old sweetheart will take me back and repair the damage. I’ll tell him it was all a terrible mistake and swear never to stray again. Until next time…

Skip this if you don’t want to read all about how wonderful my clients are. I don’t want to induce a diabetic moment in anyone...

So, I have lots of fabulous clients, and they all treat me well. (Or else they wouldn’t be my clients.) And how much I enjoy playing with them is not directly tied to the amount of money they spend. In my early years as a sex worker – especially as a dancer - I endured the company of many a well-heeled twit. So I know all about that.

However, I have a lot of guys who are extremely sweet and generous to me. They all rock.

But… today a special thank you must go out to Armani.

I’ve known Armani for a long time – in fact, Armani met me before I ever was Mistress Matisse. You see, back when I was still dancing/escorting, I was pals with a pro domme here in Seattle named Lady Rebekka. Rebekka was an extremely talented top, but she was a big girl, and one day she said to me, “The thing is, sometimes I just need a Barbie doll – you know, eye candy. Do you want to do some work for me?”

“As a dominant or as a submissive?”

She shrugged. “Both, if you want. A lot of guy would like to watch me top another girl. Nothing heavy, just a little slap and tickle.”

I was game. I was already kinky in my private life, and I trusted Rebekka.

So I worked with her here and there, and one afternoon she called me and said. “I know we haven’t done this before, but, I’ve got a guy – a nice guy, I’ve seen him before – and he’s looking for a cute girl who’ll take a spanking. Just with his hand, nothing too heavy. Will you do it?”

I thought about it. I am not really a masochist, and I usually hate impact play, it just annoys me. But the money was tempting, and I was curious. Pro subbing for real – what would that be like?

“Sure, why not,” I said.

That’s where I met Armani. He’s a switch, you see. I remember thinking that he was indeed a very nice guy, but that afternoon persuaded me that I shouldn’t plan a big career in professional submission. Talk about topping from the bottom! (No pun intended.)

So that was my first and last foray into pro-subbing. But a couple of years later I opened my dungeon door to a new guy and thought: hey wait, I’ve met you somewhere before… Armani recognized me too, and remembered me from Rebekka’s. We laughed about it, and we’ve been seeing each other ever since. So Armani can really say "he knew me when…"

Which makes it really sweet that he bought me this very generous gift in honor of Valentines Day.

It's nothing I would have dreamed of buying for myself, which makes it all the more delightful a gift. I’m very touched and slightly overwhelmed by it. So thank you, sharp-dressed man…

One of the things I like about Seattle is how much cross-orientation BDSM play I see. By that I mean, people whose professed sexual orientation doesn’t dovetail with that of their play-partner. A straight man playing with a lesbian, or a gay man playing with a woman. I kid Monk about all the lesbians (and gay men) he’s done BDSM with, but I’ve played with a fair number of queer boys, too. It’s just cool to me that we don’t fuss so much about identities if we like someone.

Like Sunday night at the Wet Spot Bondage Party. I showed up, dressed to hang out and socialize, no toy bag, nothing. I had no plans to play. (I don’t play very much in public anymore.) When I got there, I saw that among my other friends, a gay-man pal of mine, JP, was there, with his cute blonde boy. (By which I mean: a young man. He’s over eighteen!)

We chatted a bit, and I wandered off, and when I turned around, JP had that same cute blonde boy was nicely suspended in a leather harness. JP is a leather-bondage kinda guy, and he’s got quite the collection of straps and rigs. So picture a boy hanging vertically in a harness that looks like it should have a parachute attached to the back of it. He was wearing leather pants, but his shirt was off.

I admired this from an appropriate distance, but then JP waved me over and invited me to poke and prod at his helpless boy a little. He’s generous that way. We both did so, making some playfully threatening remarks, and then JP said, “You know, this boy here, he’s never done needles.” He looked at me meaningfully. “I don’t really do needles.”

“Never done needles?” I said in astonished tones. “No! With this nice smooth skin? What a pity…”

“Did you bring any with you?”

“No,” I said thoughtfully. “No, I didn’t. But I could get some.”

“Oh, you think you could?”

I grinned at him and turned around on the spot. Raising my voice very slightly, I said, “Anyone got any needles I could borrow?”

Instantly a chorus of different voices answered me:

“Sure, I have some.”

“Oh yes, right here.”

“Yeah, what gauge you want?”

“Spinal tap or regular? I got some eighteens.”

Monk waved at me from his scene nearby. “Take my kit, babe.”

“I love this bloody, bloody town,” I said to JP, and went off to get Monk’s case of needles, gloves and alcohol wipes.

So I put a couple of needles in the virgin chest of that very sweet young gay man, and he seemed to like it pretty well. Even when I thumped on them and twisted them and pinched them. JP let another pretty woman do a little light knife-play with him, and that seemed to work well, too.

Just to round out the evening genderwise, I had to push Jae around a little. (Defined as: pin her to the floor, squeeze, twist and pull her labia as hard as I can, and then drive the point of my elbow into her pectoral muscle. With most of my body weight on it.) Hey, she taunted me. That’s consent to be hurt in my book. It’s nice having someone I know I can just leap upon with no noticeable negotiation/foreplay, and to feel confident that she’ll be fine. She’s just lucky I didn’t have the Cobra Stinger in my pocket.

Full and exact text of an email I got last week:

hi mam im lloking for 24/7 servitude

I am filled with emotion by this email. The care, the crafting, the raw human effort – it’s breathtaking. What can I think but that this person would bring exactly this much sincerity and dedication to my service? How can I resist such a passionate entreaty?

But no – am I worthy? Humble dominatrix that I am, am I truly, truly worthy of such painstaking servitude and towering devotion? Stay your hand, Matisse. Your time to accept such a one as this has not yet come. In fact, it may never come.

I am at peace with that.