It'll be a little quiet around here tomorrow and Monday - we're entering the last few days of the Maternal Invasion, and I'm now in full-on submissive mode with my Mom, which basically means I devote all of my waking time and attention to her. I do it because I love her, and also, I admit, to assuage my guilt over the fact that I'm going to be somewhat relieved when she leaves. Yes, family is a good thing - but Jesus, I want to get back to my life-as-usual. (Or my life-as-unusual, depending on how you look at it.)

But at least we won't be around the house for SeaFair Sunday. I hate Seafair. I regard it as a noisy nuisance put on just to annoy me, and it works. Our house is in the flightpath for the Blue fucking Angels as they practice, so they've been roaring overhead every afternoon for the last few days. You can hear the boats, too - it's a distant buzzing sound that never seems to end. Traffic gets crazy, streets are closed, it's just a huge hassle. Bah humbug to SeaFair, that's my opinion...

Our plan for tomorrow is: we're all going to go watch Monk swing a sword (or a mace, or a lance, or whatever he swings) at the Medieval Faire where he's currently performing. It's always amusing to introduce one's perverted friends to one's family, knowing what you know about them. But Monk has graciously offered to show us around and so forth, and I'm sure my Mom and her husband will enjoy it. I'll enjoy it too - just in a different sort of way.

Strange Email Of the Week...

I will tell you that I have not read your rules nor do I care I am a man who spends his money as I please. I keep on searching for someone and no one has satisfied me yet. I have never done this before but I play by my rules and that means seeing me in my house. I trust no one but I am willing to spend what ever it takes to make me happy. I don't need to come here I can go to any bar any place and spend my money if I please and there are lots of people to take me up on my offer. the question is do you want my money do you want my house because if I meet the right person I will give them all that I have. so if you think that we can talk I am giving you a chance to talk to me as beautiful as you are I hardly doubt that you need my money but if you want to talk write me I am not looking for you to go to bed with me just to satisfy my desires. If this is a chess game it is your move.

It's always weird to me when people contact me and say they want to see me - and then tell me that they don't want what I'm about. I mean, it's like going into an Italian restaraunt and telling them you want sushi. You're setting yourself up for disappointment.
And as a sex worker, when a potential client implies that he's had uniformly unsatisfying experiences with all the other women he's seen, that's a red flag. He's probably going to come into the session with you expecting to be disappointed again, and what I've found is that it's damn near impossible to overcome that expectation. Whatever you did for this guy, it wouldn't be enough.
Plus the fact that I'm not even sure if he's looking for a sex worker or a girlfriend. I mean, I've gotten some nice tips and gifts in my time - but a house? Seems unlikely.
In sum, this has "Mr. Defensive" written all over it, and I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot riding crop.

Stupid Phone Call Of The Day

Ring ring!

Me: hello?
Caller: Yes, hello, I want to come and see you.

This guy has a heavy accent that originates from somewhere far south of Texas, which gives me pause. You have to assess men with non-American accents carefully - although it's true that even domestic accents can be a red flag sometimes.

But there are customs in America about how one deals with sex work and sex workers that men from other countries don't share. Hell, most of the time, the laws themselves are quite different. For example, I regularly have to explain to Canadians and Englishmen that sex for money is actually illegal here.

But those are two examples of non-American men with whom, given some discussion beforehand, one can have perfectly enjoyable sessions. Australian men, on the other hand, are sometimes problematic. Western European guys can be fun, but again, you have to clearly explain the no-sex thing to them, because unlike the US, their countries are not ruled by right-wing theocrats, and so they have different experiences.

Asian guys are generally fine as long as they speak English, and Indian men (as in: from India, not Native Americans) are also usually okay. I've had some trouble with Middle Eastern men. And South American/Latin/Hispanic men tend to be - well, the ones I've encountered professionally didn't seem to have bad intentions, but they've proven rather too exuberant and hard to control.

I realize that in making these kinds of generalizations, I run the risk of sounding like I'm a raging cultural supremacist, which I don't think I am. God knows, most of the Stupid Callers I feature here are born and bred in the old US-of-A. It’s just that, like all sex workers, when a new person calls, I'm looking for signals that seeing him would be a safely familiar type of experience. So being from another country is not an insurmountable barrier, but it's something I pay attention to.

Me: Okay, I make appointments Monday through Friday…

I start to go through my spiel, but he interrupts me.

Caller: I want to come see you now. Can I come now? Where are you? You do full-service, yes?

Okay, this would be the annoying idiot of the day.

Me: No, I don't do full service, and no, you can't come see me. Goodbye.

Click. I hang up.

A minute later…

Ring ring!

Me: hello?
Caller: Why did you hang up on me?
Me: You said you wanted full service. I don't do full service, so I think you should call someone else.
Caller: I want to come and see you. You don't do full service?
Me: No.
Caller: This is your ad, it says role-play?
Me: Yeeeeees…
Caller: I do a role play with you! Now I can come and see you, yes?
Me: What role-play did you want to do?
Caller: Doctor and patient.

I know damn good and well I'm not going to see this guy, but the sudden switch from wanting full-service (meaning: sex) to wanting to do a role-play has me curious.

Me: And what kinds of things did you want to experience as a patient?
Caller: No, no, I will be the doctor!
Me: You will be the – oh, you know, I don't think that's going to work for me.
Caller: Yes, I will be the doctor and I will give you a breast exam! And a (insert non-English word I don't quite understand, but which I can pretty easily guess the meaning of) exam!
Me: No, and don't call me again.

Click. I hang up. Não me fodas, asshole.

Oh, this is very cool, even if it's not going to take effect anytime soon...Judge in Seattle rules in favor of same-sex marriage in Washington state .

So, Remittance Girl, who comments here sometimes, has a cool blog of her own. She mentioned me there today, saying some nice things about my writing, which I appreciate...
But then there was this comment:"Mistress Matisse is a sadist. And, personally, as a submissive, I wouldn't want to get within 100 miles of her."
(clapping both hands to my chest) Oh! I'm so wounded by this. And here I thought I was coming across as a nice sadist...


Update: A few minutes later: I am kidding, in case you couldn't tell. I'm slightly surprised, but mainly just amused...

Text of an email I got from a client after a first session...These are the letters that make my day.

Thank you for yesterday's wonderful session! I had a great time, and hope that you enjoyed it, too. You are a superb Domme, and a fine lady.
I especially appreciate your receptiveness to my input about things to do, or do with more intensity. I've sessioned in the past with a couple of Dommes who considered that topping from the bottom or a challenge to their authority. But in a first session, when we really don't know each other, I regard it as helping to broaden the menu available for you to choose from, and that it ends up improving the session for both of us. You are obviously very secure in your dominance, and it showed in a very positive way.
I also appreciated your expressions of how you were enjoying the things you were doing and my reactions. It is important to me that the Domme has fun, too, and I also felt a sense that was much greater than usual of wanting to take more for you because you were showing how much you enjoyed it.
Thank you again for accepting me for a session. It was the highlight of my visit to Seattle.

It's a very sweet note, and he mentions something I just touched on in my column about the pleasures of topping: the bottom will struggle to take more intense sensation if the top shows clearly that they want it and that they're enjoying it. And I don't mean saying things like, "You better take more, asshole!" I mean a positive demonstration, like "I love it when you writhe around and moan like that. I love feeling the cane connect with your ass." Things like that keep a bottom going past places where they'd otherwise fold, because you're giving their pain a purpose: it pleases you.

Of course, you have to be sincere when you say those things - but then, I always am. Because I do love it...

Marketing is good, but you have to know how to fine-tune your message...After on-air pitch,'escort' arrested in sting .