Community Note: A friend of mine, who's a sweet wonderful guy, has a room for rent in his darling house house near UW. Call him if you're interested...
**************************************************************
For Rent
Large, lovely room on 2nd floor, with lots of oak built-in drawers and
bookshelves. Carpeting, ceiling fan, skylight and little meditation room off
the main room. Own bathroom with shower. Some furniture available at no
extra cost.

Share kitchen, small yard with garden, washer/dryer, basement
storage, high-speed DSL, and off-street parking with live-in owner.

Owner has 2 friendly cats, no other pets please. No smoking indoors.

Available April 1st. Rent is $550.00 per month. No lease, no deposit, first and last
month's rent moves you in, most utilities included. References expected.
Please call for an interview. (206)325-6833

I'm a busy girl today, but here's the new column.... And hopefully I'll see ya'll at Max's Bondage Workshop and party on Sunday.

Edited to add: It's about time to do another "Ask The Mistress" column, so if there's something you've always wanted to ask me, either as a pro domme, a practicing kinkster, or a poly person, fire away. If I don't use your question for this round, I'll save it for future columns. You can post it here, or email it me if you're shy....

Edited one more time: Can you tell my head is a little disorganized today? It's all Roman's fault. Anyway, here's a humorous rebuttal to my column about all the silly things men do when placing personal ads. Read and learn, ladies.

Top 25 Most Played On Matisse’s iPod.

I’m not sure what this says about me, but here goes….

25. Bad Case Of Loving You (Doctor Doctor) - Robert Palmer. This is going to sound strange, but this song reminds me of my mom. She’s a rock and roll fan, and I remember being a very, very little girl and watching her dance to this song in our living room.

24. Brass In Pocket – The Pretenders. There’s nobody else here, no one like me…

23. The District Sleeps Alone – The Postal Service.

22. Brave And Crazy – Melissa Etheridge. That’s me, taming all the lions.

21. Born Under A Bad Sign – The Neville Brothers with Buddy Guy.

20. I Need A Man - Eurhythmics. Actually I’m doing just fine in that department. But I love hearing Annie scream.

19. Strangelove – Depeche Mode.

18. Going Out West – Tom Waits.

17. The Continental – Prince. Come and let me do you like you want to be - done. Oh, yes, Your Purpleness, do me - now and always.

16. Erotic City – Prince.

15. Brilliant Mistake – Kate Nauta. Give it up, baby, you’re not in control.

14. Show Me How To Live - Audioslave

13. Boogie Nights – Heatwave. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But I actually have a sneaking fondness for (some) disco.

12. Take Out Some Insurance On Me Baby - Jimmy Reed

11. Somebody Told Me – The Killers.

10. Hung Up – Madonna.

9. Rock and Roll Nigger – Patti Smith

8. Superstition – Stevie Wonder. Awesome. Never get tired of this song.

7. Twilight Zone – Golden Earring. In spite of the fact that I have no earthly idea what this song is about. “My beacon's been moved under moon and star” - what?

6. Burn – Nine Inch Nails.

5. Gratitude – Oingo Boingo.

4. Always On The Run – Lenny Kravitz. Fabulous guitar riff.

3. All My Life – Foo Fighters.

2. Like It Or Not - Madonna. It’s so high school, but still, it’s an anthem for all intimidating women everywhere. “This is who I am, you can like it or not, you can love me or leave me, but I'm never going to stop.”

And the number one most-played song is….

1. I Thought You Were My Boyfriend – Magnetic Fields. Roman turned me onto them. Totally addictive melody and keyboards.

Ring Ring!

Me: hello?
Caller: Hi, do you see couples?
Me: Sometimes. Why don’t you tell me what you’re looking for.
Caller: Well, I’m a very successful businessman, and I’m in town with my girlfriend, we’re here in a suite at the Westin. She’s a really beautiful petite Asian lady, very very lovely, and we’d like to see you.

It’s apparently some kind of reflex for certain men to start right out by trying to impress me. Frankly, I don’t care what hotel you’re staying at (since I won’t be coming there) and I really don’t much care how successful you are. I care whether I like you or not. I have great clients who are very wealthy and high-powered guys, and I have great clients who are bartenders and carpenters. You leave all that stuff at the dungeon door as far as I’m concerned. A flogger is a great equalizer.

Me: So, what kinds of activities are you looking for in a session?
Caller: Do you do trampling?

Ah, a trample fan. I like trampling, but I often think it should be classed as a gymnastic event, because damn, even with someone lying flat on the floor, it’s tricky to stand on them and balance on top of them in such a way that you’re pressing down only on well-protected places and not, say, an easily-cracked rib. But I suppose that’s all part of the seem-really-fierce, but-actually-do-no-serious-harm service I provide.

Me: Yes.
Caller: With shoes on?
Me: Possibly, if I think that’s safe for you, yes.
Caller: Full-weight trampling?

Full-weight meaning: you don’t lean against a wall, or hang onto anything. You just stand right up on them. Serious gymnastic balancing - in high heels, no less. On the occasions when I've done this, I always wonder which would be worse: If I hurt someone else doing this, or if I break my bloody ankle falling off them. Either way, it's not something I want to explain to the ER doc.

Me: It depends – have you had full-weight trampling before?
Caller: Oh, it’s my girl-friend, she’s a big masochist, she really likes it.

Huh. That’s unusual, because for whatever reason, trampling is one of those fetishes that has always seemed exclusively male to me. I have never had a woman ask me for it, and I have never seen a woman doing it in a dungeon. I’m not saying a woman never has or never could – but this is a very uncommon request, and it stirs a flicker of response from my bullshit-detector. Not a full-blown wrongness, but definitely a not-quite-rightness.

And even giving this guy the full benefit of the doubt: I may not weigh a lot, but still, the idea of standing, with my shoes on, atop a petite Asian woman – well, unless she’s a bodybuilder with some muscle mass to protect her, I very much doubt that’s going to be safe for her.

Me: I’d have to see her, see her build, and then I’d consider it. I’m not going to do anything that I think is going to injure her.
Caller: Have you done full-weight trampling on a woman before?
Me: No.
Caller: But you’d do it with my girlfriend?
Me: That’s not what I said. I said if it’s possible to do it without injuring her, I will.
Caller: But she really, really wants it.

Bing. Something about his tone sends the bullshit-meter way into the red. Let’s try something…

Me: Can I speak to your girlfriend, please? Maybe she and I should talk about this.

Click. Dead air. He hung up, the wanker. Beautiful Asian girlfriend and a suite at the Westin, my ass. His number came up on caller id - he’s lucky I don’t chase down rude boys. Of course, he’d probably offer to let me walk all over him as punishment.

Piercings



I lost a bead from my Body Circle earring last Thursday night, and so Friday I dropped into a body piercing shop on Broadway to get another one. As I explained what I needed, I pushed back my hair and indicated the bead-less earring with my finger.
“No, no,” the girl behind the counter cried, “while you’re in the shop, don’t touch your piercings.”
I’ve seen signs to this effect in various piercing places - I’m told it's about cross-contamination. You know, touch yourself, touch the counter, leave icky germs on the counter. What I don’t really get – given all those studies about how many people don’t wash their hands after they use the bathroom - is why they think telling you not to touch your jewelry means your hands will be clean.
And I thought to myself, wow, I bet you really wouldn’t approve of what I did with the piercings I did last night. Thursday night in my dungeon, to be exact - I stuck Roman’s chest full of needles and pounded on them so hard they bent. I used a riding crop at first, but then I used just my hand. Slapping needles has to be done carefully, lest one catch one’s fingers on the sharp end of the business. But it can be done, even when one’s target is writhing around and roaring curses at you. The tricky part is that the needles, when impacted, want to start working themselves out. And when the tip is under the skin and you hit it – oh, it gets really noisy. And the skin gets very bruised. Oh darn.
Roman and I refer to this type of play as “making paper clips”, although I don’t think it would be embraced by the paper-clip manufacturers any more readily that professional body-piercers. However, we did not concern ourselves in the least with either office-product design or biological cross-contamination, and we had a marvelous time.


Obligatory Disclaimer: Piercing is not a 100% safe activity. If you are not experienced, you should not do anything like this without the supervision of people who have already done it and know what they are doing. Be sure to use only fresh, sterile needles, and use rubbing alcohol to clean the area before and after you do the piercings. Wear latex (or nitrile) gloves, and change them if you play for a long period or touch unclean stuff during the scene. Use needles once, on one person, then dispose of them in a bio-hazardous waste receptacle (sharps container). Even if it’s done correctly, you may bleed, bruise, get an infection or possibly even scar from this activity. You’ve been warned, proceed at your own risk.