Birthday Wishes

As some of you already know… I’m having a birthday at the end of November. (No, I’m not telling you what one.) I'm a trifle reluctant to write about things I want, because frankly, I have so many people in my life who are already so very sweet and generous that it seems unbecoming somehow. Still, some of my boys have been asked what I want for my birthday, and I promised to post a list.
So, let’s be clear: I don’t expect presents. They’re sweet and wonderful, and I enjoy them and think fondly of the giver when I use them. But they are not a requirement to being someone I like.

Without further ado… The Birthday List 2006.

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 collections. Yes, I know I’m a closet nerd. I don’t care.
Books –my Amazon list was a bit out of date, so I updated that. This looks good, and so does this, and this…
I need a new bathrobe. (White terrycloth is warm and classic for lazy mornings, although sexier ones are nice for in the evening. Size small.)
I still haven’t bought a good laptop case.
iTunes music cards.
Wolford. Always Wolford. I can't get enough of that stretchy slinky stuff. Feed my addiction. Or yours. Size small here, too, in black.
Silver trinkets.

People often just take me shopping rather than trying to guess what I want, so I'm expecting to do some of that too. Since my birthday is late November, when I was a kid, I’d often campaign for some large toy I wanted by claiming that I’d regard it as a combination birthday-Christmas gift. Looking back, I’m sort of amazed how often that worked on my parents, since inevitably by mid-December there would be something else I had my eye on.

But one of the pleasures of adulthood is that I can buy myself what I need. This coat looks like something I might like. And I need a new monitor, and a new digital camera, too, although I bet I wait until the holiday sales begin before I start looking for those. Ah, the joys of retail therapy...

This week's column and calendar. And to answer the inevitable query: Miss Candy can be found here...

(It's Tuesday night, actually. But close enough to being Wednesday...)

I had a very weird day Monday. Not good weird, either. Perhaps I’ll talk about it some other time.

But today was fine.

I had a good time being evil to Blue Eyes, with the able assistance of Jae.

I had dinner with Miss K.

I hung out with Roman and smooched and got my feet massaged. (Which was actually the second time that day I’d had that pleasure – Jae had also rubbed them earlier. It’s charming how the people who love me figure out what I like.)

I listened to a CD I bought over the weekend - The Scissor Sisters: Ta-Dah. Good stuff.

Now I’m going to get in bed early, cuddle with Max, and read of some the books on my nightstand: And Only To Deceive, de Kooning: An American Master, and All I Need to Know about Filmmaking I Learned from the Toxic Avenger.

And I’m going to think good thoughts about a dear friend who’s having surgery in the morning.

Into each life a little weirdness must fall. But I’m not letting it get me down.

New weird-sexual-word for the day: Jelquing. I saw it over on BitchLab and I followed the Wiki link because I had no idea what it was. Wiki reports that…

“Jelquing is a technique intended to enlarge the penis by increasing the blood pressure in the penis, with the goal of permanently increasing the maximum erect size of the penis. This technique, also called “milking”, involves wrapping the thumb and index finger around the penis while semi-erect and repeatedly drawing them away from one’s body to force blood into the glans, thus encouraging more vascularity in the corpus cavernosa and associated tissues. Whether jelqing actually works or not is a subject of controversy.”

Now, I have heard people use the word milking before - my two definitions for it are here. And I know what I call "wrapping the thumb and index finger around the penis while semi-erect and repeatedly drawing them away from one’s body"- I call that "playing with yourself". (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) Imagine if the hero of Portnoy's Complaint had been able to tell himself what he was doing was therapeutic body modification...

I suppose I now have a new word for my unusual-sexual-practices vocabulary, although I think if you seriously imagine this is going to change the size of your dick, the jelqu’s on you, heh heh. (Yeah, I had to go there. I watched some old MST3K episodes on YouTube this weekend, and it had an unfortunate effect on me. Expect bad puns for a few days.)