Mistress Matisse,

I hope you'll give me some advice about a topic my partner and I have been discussing, namely consensual use of date-rape drugs for sex play. I'm sure we're not the first ones to think up such a thing, but I haven't had any luck asking Mistress Google. Do you know of a population who does this, or resources we could look at?

To give you a bit of personal background: I am a 23-year old woman and my partner is a 27-year old man. We are both in good health and have been in a monogamous relationship for five months. We are open-minded about kink, and are exploring different fantasies together as our comfort levels evolve. This "roofie fantasy" is something he mentioned, and I brought up the conversation again recently because I would like to learn more about what it would entail.

The "pros" of trying this experiment would be that my partner is very loving and protective, and I know I would be safe in his hands. He has used roofies on himself before, and knows what it's like. I fantasize about submission and we have fun experimenting with D/s roleplay. I enjoyed being on Vicodin after a surgery a year ago, and maybe roofies are a little like Vicodin? And it's not a foreign concept; sometimes I use alcohol (the most common date-rape drug of all!) and nicotine to "loosen myself up", because I like the wild, uninhibited sex we enjoy when I've had a couple strong drinks.

The "cons" of this experiment would be that, I would be sad to not remember or be able to enjoy the experience. Also, I haven't used many drugs and have D.A.R.E.-induced fear of them. I can't find any info on the web to allay my trepidation. It would help me to know that it's safe from a chemical standpoint, that I would have some recollection of the experience, what to expect, etc.

Have you any advice for us?

I read this letter through once and said to myself, “Sweet Jesus Christ, why does this woman think I’m an expert on using frickin’ date-rape drugs?"

Now, just in case it needs to be said: I don’t know anything about roofies. I've read some stories in the media, naturally. But I had to google the term to find out that the word roofies is a corruption of the brand name Rohypnol, and that the name of actual chemical is flunitrazepam. Wikipedia says its use as a recreational drug is widespread. Huh. I had no idea. It sounds like your boyfriend has considerably more knowledge of it than I do.

I read the email again and thought, “Okay, she’s not saying that, exactly.” But still, I had to wind myself down from being a bit offended. I mean, I’m not the Straight Edge type, by any means. But BDSM people, as a group, tend not to be frequent drug users. The official party line is very much “Drugs and BDSM do not mix.”

Why? Because doing BDSM requires a higher level of awareness than normal interaction. If something goes wrong, it needs to be handled promptly and appropriately. It’s the same rationale as not driving while high, or not being responsible for children. Drug use in scenes is generally frowned upon by BDSM people. I’m not saying it never happens, because I’m sure it does. But not openly.

Thus, I definitely do not have any resources for information about combining BDSM with drugs. I strongly doubt such a thing exists.

And frankly, even people who have played while high would probably tell you that you shouldn’t. It’s not like you two are long-term partners, with a lot of BDSM experience, who just want to take a bong hit before you do a little spanking and fucking. From what I have read, flunitrazepam is a strong drug. You two are newly in a relationship, and you don’t have much kink experience. I’m unclear on what exactly you want to do, physically. I suppose if you had some experience of a drug and knew how to minimize your risks and do your self-care around it, and you just wanted to add verbal roleplay to conventional sex, well - that might be more or less okay. (But that is all absent the inherent danger of taking that particular drug to begin with. I'm not a medical person, so I can't speak to that.)

However, doing any sort of bondage or intense sensation play while experimenting with a powerful new chemical? Whoa, that seems like a seriously, seriously bad idea. The number of ways for that to go wrong are legion.

I know there are websites that offer information about drug use in the name of harm-reduction. You should study them very, very closely. Not all fantasies can or should come true. If you’re not finding any information that allays your trepidation, then I think you should pay attention to that.