The Naked Truth

It'll come as shock to you all, I know – but in truth, it must to be said: Roman is actually not a well-behaved submissive.

That shouldn't come as a surprise to me, considering he's not really bottomed to anyone before. And considering that while he usually displays the breezy self-confidence of Bill Clinton, his overall respect for convention seems to hover around the Jim Carey level.

So I really need to remind myself of all this when I'm setting up a scene where it's my turn to top him. You see, there's a skill that every socially active dominant should have at their fingertips, and that is the art of the Playfully Threatening Remark. The Playfully Threatening Remark can be just a line that you toss off to someone you're flirting with, or it can be something you say to someone when you're setting up an actual play date. Context and tone of voice are key to the perfect delivery of The Playfully Threatening Remark.

Examples of the Playfully Threatening Remark:
"Oh, you really shouldn't bend over like that unless you mean it."
"You don't have to get undressed in front of anyone else for a couple of days, right?"
"I wonder how long you could hold your breath under water?"

Now, a Good and True Submissive responds to Playfully Threatening Remarks with appropriate levels of pleasant trepidation and wiggly nervousness. The level will obviously be slight if it's just some offhand teasing among casual acquaintances. But it is my considered opinion that the level of respect for even a Playfully Threatening Remark should be a little higher when, say, you're asking a woman who is well known for being a nasty, vicious sadist, "What time should I be there for our date, and is there anything special I should do/bring/wear?"

Roman seems to be of a different opinion about this. When he asked me that question, I took a leaf from Mel Brookes' script and replied, "Don't wear anything…complicated."
"Complicated?"
"Yeah. Oh, and maybe you should tell your wife to write your name and address on a note and pin it to your clothes, in case you're so fucked up afterwards you get lost trying to find your way home. Mwah hah hah hah haaaaa!"

Clearly a Playfully Threatening Remark. Roman should have showed up wearing button-fly jeans, a T shirt and an appropriately nervous expression.

But no.

The night of the date: Right on time, the doorbell rings. I stride over, boots thumping intimidatingly on the wooden floor, throw open the door, and what do I find on my porch?

Roman. Wearing a pair of black boots, and a black knee-length cape. And that's all.

Oh, except for a huge how-could-anyone-not-think-I'm-cute? grin. "You said not to wear anything complicated!"

It's really hard to maintain an appropriately Mistress-y demeanor when you're cracking up laughing. It's also hard to establish an erotic power imbalance by staying clothed while making someone else strip down, when they show up already naked.

"Oh, and look at my ass!" I'd planned on doing that anyhow, so I did. Written neatly in black felt-tip pen on Roman's left butt cheek is the instruction -

If Found Please Return To:
…followed by his name and address.

I think you've all heard the term "smartass" before? This was a whole new level of smartass.

So, that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am quite certain that Roman is not a Good Submissive. And I would know, because I'm actually not a Good Submissive myself…


Oh…and we did have an absolutely fabulous time. Did I mention that?