Complete and unedited email from the inbox….

I, 25, years old, nice, one, young, male, slave, I am sitting down turkey I,
machine, technician work, Your, *Web, page, visit, and, me, a lot of,
influence, All, life, your, slave, toilet, and, prostitute, Become, only,
for_you, work, spend, want, For this , what must I do? I am serious in this
subject I do for you in the prostitution Young, and, beautifull, I will in
the joint send my picture I accept your all rules Beg, me, all, one, life,
Slave, dog, toilet, become, honour, present
Good, one, driver, cooking, and, garden, business, very good,
Really, serious, beg, me, service, take,

Wow. I thought I liked commas. I understand that he’s probably using an online translator that could turn Shakespeare into shlock, but what’s with all those commas? Does he stutter in real life?

I’m also wondering about the phrase “in the joint”. He’s in prison? I didn’t know Turkish prisoners got web access. Things have changed since Midnight Express, apparently.

I was unaware that Turkish men were such impressive multitaskers. I mean, he’s asking to be my slave/technician/prostitute/dog/toilet/driver/cook/gardener. That’s a lot of hats.

And pretty disparate hats, too. You would want to be sure not to overlap, say, cooking duties and toilet duties. Combining toilet and driver would probably go badly, too. (“Oh, hi, Officer. Mind the puddle, there.”) Toilet and gardener could work together okay, I suppose. But I would also avoid toilet and technician. If you’ve ever pissed on an electric fence, you’ll understand why. Toilet and prostitute? Hmmn, could work, with certain clients. But others might get - yes, I’m going to say it – pissy! (Oh, I just crack myself up sometimes.)

All snarkiness aside, though…If you ignore some of the commas, there’s kind of a lilt to snippets of this, an odd sort of poetry. “Only for you, work, spend, want…” and “Beg me, all one life…” There’s a bit of rhythm.

But I don’t think I want a young Turkish man to come to Seattle and be my slave of all trades. He’ll have to write translator poetry to someone else.