From The Inbox

Hello from Chicago,

How are you? I thought I'd ask your expert opinion, as I'm just a "normal" student and feel I might have gotten in over my head. (1)

I have encountered a situation I would very much appreciate your thoughts on. I randomly met an incredibly wealthy attractive person who wants to pay to be my butler or "slave". Though I can't see any negative in this, I'm a bit confused and hoping to avoid being raped/murdered. (2)

Could you refer me to information on this sort of "slavery" or even just dominance and submission? (3)

It seems crazy, but I've been dominant before (not to the point of having a slave or anything) and I could really use the money for grad school. (4)

He grew up in the projects worked hard to get through college, wrote software that made milllons and now fantasizes about being indentured servant to a "perfect" asian woman (apparently very demanding, confident, and goal oriented). He's at that midlife crisis age, lives alone (and apparently friendless?) and describes his personality as akin to that grating but brilliant Dr on the show House (I don't watch TV). Anyway, will he hurt me when he discovers I really meant it when I said I'm not perfect? (5)

Since he is a stranger, I checked his W2, ran a background check and he's clean and could send a kid or dozen through grad school. Do you think I should run a psych eval on him (perhaps myself) as well? (6)

He's making a contract (like a real legal document) indenturing himself to me for lots of money. (7)

I think I'm going to stipulate that he sees a professional psychiatrist to check on his stability. He doesn't seem like a violent person, just eccentric and loving of dog collars. (8)

Thank you so much for reading this,

Just Do It?

PS He doesn't seem to want sex, just to be my slave...I'm very very confused.

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this.

***

Huh. Maybe I’m just feeling bitchy today, but I found myself irritated by this letter. For one thing, I think it’s probably a fake. It just doesn’t feel genuine to me.

But assuming that this writer is what she says she is, and the situation is real, why did this letter piss me off?

1. I don’t like the I'm just a "normal" student remark. Being kinky does not make one abnormal, with or without quotation marks.

2. I also get huffy at the idea that being kinky makes someone likely to be a rapist/murderer. I’m sure that’s a belief that many narrow-minded people share – but if that’s really what you think, then no matter how much money someone offers you, you should not be participating in our sexuality.

3. Can I direct you to some information on kink? Uh, yeah, sweetheart, I can. But don’t ask me to spoon-feed you for free. I disapprove of intellectual laziness. (If this millionaire of yours truly exists, he can pay me to teach you, although I suspect it would be an uphill battle.

4. & 5. If you have “been dominant before” – something I’m rather skeptical about - then why the hell are you making remarks like “will he hurt me when he realizes I’m not perfect?” Has anyone else you’ve “been dominant" with done so?

6. Should you run a psych eval on him or on yourself? See answer number one. Another remark – along with the “it seems crazy” comment - that indicates to me how much you respect people who do BDSM.

7. Apparently both of you cut class the day your history teachers talked about Abe Lincoln and the Civil War, but legal slavery – to include indentured servitude – was actually abolished in this country well over one hundred years ago. Quoted from the 13^th Amendment:

Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Thus, there is no such thing as a legal slave contract. They don't exist. You two can write up whatever you want and sign it, and if it pleases you, then that’s fine. But it has no legal power whatsoever. I am always stunned when seemingly intelligent, educated people seem to not be aware of this not-exactly-minor event in American history. I’d of thought they’d at least have seen Gone With The Wind or Roots, or something.

8. Oh Christ, more with the kinky = serial killer crap.

So, in short – no, don’t just do it. If this guy actually exists, he deserves someone who has some basic understanding of, and respect for, how he’s wired. You lack that.