Showing posts sorted by relevance for query "miss K". Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query "miss K". Sort by date Show all posts

Monday, December 24, 2007

When I am alone out in the world, I usually walk around quite intent on my own inner thoughts and purpose. That’s why I’m always startled when strangers speak to me on the street. Unless it’s someplace where I feel that I must be alert to ensure to my immediate physical safety, I am just not paying attention to other people moving around me in public places. And while I do not wish to liken myself to an ostrich with its head in the sand, I do fall into the habit of thinking that most other people are similarly absorbed.

However, now and then I am reminded that that’s not so. I went to dinner with Miss K not long ago and she told me a story that surprised me.

“Remember the first day you came to visit me in the hospital?”

“Yes,” I said.

She told me that I’d left just moments before another friend of hers, a man I’ll call B, arrived to visit. She is fond of this man, and she’d already told him about her best pal – and I do mean all about me, including that I am Mistress Matisse, etc. Which is all quite fine.

Whatever she said about me seemed to stick in his mind, though, because Miss K then informed me that when the elevator near her hospital room opened its doors to allow B to get out, I was there waiting to depart, and he recognized me. It may have been just from her description, or it might have been because he’d already gone and looked at photos of me, I’m not clear about that.

But I’m sure than in my usual way, I just looked right past him and stepped in the elevator as he stepped out. I was undoubtedly either worrying about Miss K, or thinking of the next action item on my day’s agenda.

However, Miss K told me that based on this fleeting encounter, he developed something of a temporary crush on me, albeit in absentia. I accepted Miss K’s assurances that this was something I should be flattered by rather than concerned about. But it was just rather startling. I think I’m an attractive woman, certainly. But I don’t think of myself as someone for whom a total stranger would conceive a slight infatuation after passing me in an elevator. Certainly I didn’t look that glamorous – as I recall, I was dressed for a cold wet day, in jeans and a heavy wool peacoat and my lug-soled Harley-Davidson boots.

I said as much to Miss K, who rolled her eyes at me. “As if that makes any difference.”

So I shrugged and smiled and said to tell him thank you, and we went on with our dinner.

Then yesterday, she told me that B had checked my blog to see if I’d told the story here. I hadn’t, simply because I couldn’t think of any way to tell it without sounding egotistical. But I’ve had a few crushes on strangers myself, so I am sympathetic. And neither do I wish to disappoint any friend of Miss K’s. So, B, I am flattered, thank you. I don’t think any woman is ever displeased to hear that people find her intriguing.

Still, it’s the sort of thing that makes a girl get a little more conscientious about checking her lipstick before she goes out. Apparently I am not as invisible as I think.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Strangers Without Candy

I had dinner with Miss K last night, and we were talking about how, some days, one just wishes one could walk through the world and be invisible. We got started on this topic because although she has a car, Miss K takes the bus certain places, and apparently there are certain bus routes in Seattle that are fine and non-eventful, and certain bus routes that are to be avoided because they are just chock full of scary people. Scary people who all seem to be riding the bus more as a social event than as a mode of transport from one place to another, and there you are with them. Hi!

Both Miss K and I tend to be reserved about talking to strangers in public no matter what. But there are days when you really really don’t have the energy to fulfill to the social needs of random whoever. Miss K was telling me about how she was standing in a parking lot lately, completely absorbed in trying to make her cell phone behave, when all of a sudden this guy was right up next to her, saying “I just wanted to tell you that you’re beautiful.”

(Author's note: Miss K is indeed beautiful. Plus she’s six feet tall so it’s kinda hard to miss seeing her.)

She said, “He had some type of accent so it took me a minute to understand what he’d said. I was startled, but I just barely glanced up at him and said thank you and then looked down again.”

And to his credit, the guy did immediately go away. But this has happened to me, too, and it’s really jarring when you’re moving through the world alone, mentally composing a grocery list or the plot of your next novel, and someone decides that the two of you are going to have some sort of moment together. (Remember, I’m not talking about a social event or even a bar, where conversational sallies are expected. I’m talking about, say, Bartells, or the corner of 15th and Harrison St, or the aforementioned parking lot.)

There’s also the fact that I don’t believe any man makes a remark like this to a woman without at least some hope that she’ll respond by wanting to know him better. I know, some guys will say, no, I wasn’t trying to hit on her, I just wanted to tell her she looked beautiful. But I have never had a stranger approach me like this when I’m actually with a man. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. You gentlemen who claim you’re just being friendly, consider this: would you walk up to a strange woman who was with a guy and say, “You’re beautiful”? If not, why not? What would you think if you were with a woman and another man did so? (We won't even get into the whole issue of how two women together could very well be...together.)

Whatever the motivation, I myself think approaching women in public works better when you give them a little ramp-up. You know, make some eye contact, smile – then when you get closer and speak, they’re not so startled. And if they’d rather be left alone, they can signal that with the averted gaze, the turned back, or moving away from you. Want to ignore those signals? Well, I hear certain Metro buses are a great place to meet interesting people.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

"Oh, I am so blogging about that!" That's become a phrase in my vocabulary, and if you tell me a really good story, don't be surprised to hear it.

For example, Miss K and I were having our usual dinner at Hana this week, along with Lynn, another local luminary in the fantasy-fulfillment trade, and of course we got into weird-ass phone calls discussion.
Miss K said, "Oh, I got one. Crazy!"
"Tell, tell," I said.
"It wasn't an irate spouse, exactly," she began. "It took me a while to figure out just what this woman wanted, because she was so indirect. But what we eventually got to was: she wanted me to call her if her boyfriend ever called me."
"Wait," I said, clutching my head. "Some woman called you. She says she has a boyfriend. And she wants you to notify her if said boyfriend contacts you about a session."
"That's right."
"You would of course be able to identify this man using the sophisticated voiceprint technology on your cell phone."
She laughed. "Apparently she thinks so."
"And you would do this…why, pray tell?"
"Damned if I know."
"Oh. I thought maybe she offered you a high-ranking political position in her imaginary kingdom or something."
Miss K shook her head. "But it gets weirder."
"Oh, god. What?"
"Well, then she started asking a bunch of other questions and it turns out she's always wondered about being an escort herself. So she wanted me to tell her all about how to do that."
"Which, naturally, you refused to do."
"Hell, yes, I refused, I'm not about to talk about that with some whacko. But she kept asking, and I kept saying I wasn't going to talk about that. You keep thinking they'll hang up, you know, but she kept coming up with questions."
"Yep – that's pretty fucking weird." I then told Miss K and Lynn about the "Secretary Man," star of this week's Stranger column. "But your call is so charmingly bizarre, do you mind if I write about it?"
"Go right ahead," said Miss K.
So I did…

PostScript: A big "Happy Birthday" goes out to T. - along with my thanks, for being so extremely cool.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Sometimes you people worry me. This a report from FreeFind, the site that provides my search box. Some of the queries are quite reasonable, but some of them, well, read for yourself...

Most Recent Queries
Day Time of Query Query
--- -------------------- ---------------
Mon Jun 28 14:46:37 2004 manners
Mon Jun 28 13:00:38 2004 caller
Mon Jun 28 13:00:21 2004 caller
Mon Jun 28 11:37:57 2004 mike
Mon Jun 28 11:36:24 2004 mike
Mon Jun 28 11:29:25 2004 mad mad house
Mon Jun 28 05:09:20 2004 reality show
Mon Jun 28 03:35:56 2004 mike
Mon Jun 28 03:35:42 2004 max
Sun Jun 27 21:12:07 2004 lilith
Sun Jun 27 07:31:54 2004 pedogirl
Sun Jun 27 03:08:22 2004 pretty girl
Sat Jun 26 21:34:59 2004 trans
Sat Jun 26 21:34:51 2004 trans
Sat Jun 26 08:30:22 2004 Tired Top Toy
Sat Jun 26 00:48:44 2004 bodybag
Sat Jun 26 00:13:24 2004 vermont
Fri Jun 25 23:56:59 2004 vermont
Fri Jun 25 23:32:13 2004 butches
Fri Jun 25 22:23:26 2004 escorts
Fri Jun 25 17:13:39 2004 "submissive girls"
Fri Jun 25 17:08:29 2004 submissive girls
Fri Jun 25 14:06:24 2004 mike
Fri Jun 25 13:48:34 2004 mike
Fri Jun 25 07:43:30 2004 milo
Fri Jun 25 07:42:50 2004 islands
Thu Jun 24 14:50:12 2004 Miss K
Thu Jun 24 14:40:38 2004 Miss K
Thu Jun 24 14:37:12 2004 Miss K
Thu Jun 24 14:33:50 2004 Miss K
Thu Jun 24 13:01:20 2004 cheese
Thu Jun 24 12:08:57 2004 cuckold
Thu Jun 24 11:17:24 2004 party
Thu Jun 24 01:36:34 2004 comport
Wed Jun 23 23:27:41 2004 saab
Wed Jun 23 17:54:02 2004 book laugh
Wed Jun 23 17:53:43 2004 book
Wed Jun 23 15:40:31 2004 digital
Tue Jun 22 08:26:11 2004 boobs
Tue Jun 22 08:25:47 2004 bra
Tue Jun 22 08:03:50 2004 caning
Tue Jun 22 08:03:27 2004 cbt
Tue Jun 22 08:01:15 2004 cane
Tue Jun 22 06:07:18 2004 dog
Mon Jun 21 22:29:12 2004 gag
Mon Jun 21 17:26:35 2004 spanking video
Mon Jun 21 09:16:55 2004 strap on
Mon Jun 21 07:45:39 2004 pottery
Mon Jun 21 07:45:31 2004 homemade
Mon Jun 21 07:45:21 2004 chad
Mon Jun 21 07:45:16 2004 2003
Mon Jun 21 02:26:25 2004 mama
Mon Jun 21 02:25:02 2004 mamma
Sun Jun 20 23:16:26 2004 thick

"Pedogirl"? Now, what is that about? "BodyBag"? "Cheese"? "Cuckold"? Oh, I ask you...

And, "dog"? God, I don't even want to think about that one too much.

"Pottery"? Well, all right, that one seems like a long shot - but, hey, whatever...

Wow, someone really wants to know about Miss K, don't they? Mike would be amused to know he's getting that many queries. And what is Max, chopped liver? One lousy query, that's all he gets? He is my primary partner, folks.

And what's up with my dentist's name - "Chad"? I know I mentioned him in my column once, but people - that was a joke. I don't really consider visiting my dentist to be a D/s experience. Jesus...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A pal of mine was talking recently about an upcoming women-only sex party. She’s excited about it, as are a number of my friends. It sounds like a great event, and I wish it much success. Am I going to go? Probably not.

You see, my extensive sexual travels have not left me soured on sex in private. If anything, the confidence I derive from my experiences enhances my private sex life.

But I have had plenty of “public” sex – by which I mean, sex in front of lots of other people, at private gatherings held specifically for that purpose - and frankly, I’m now really bored by it.

It’s probably mostly from my work as a stripper. If people are going to watch me be sexual, then I’m going to stop focusing on the sex I’m having and start performing. Which I’m perfectly comfortable doing, you understand. Hey, get me a sound system, a disco ball and a fog machine, and I’ll put on a hell of a show. But if no one is going to stuff money into my g-string, then why would I stop just enjoying the sex in order to perform for them?

I’m aware that some folks find it arousing to be watched, and that’s fine for them. I certainly have no objection to other people fucking in sex-appropriate spaces - it can be quite pretty to watch. And there was a time when I found the idea titillating enough to experiment with myself. I went to some swing clubs, when I was just barely old enough to legally get in them, and then I went to a lot of women-only sex parties (we called them “raves” back then) in the early nineties. I never had any bad experiences… But you know, I never had any amazingly good ones, either.

No, I take that back. I had some fun times – when I went off in a corner and had sex with people I was already having sex with anyway!

So these days I prefer my sex in private. There is, however, one reason I might go to this event, and that’s my friend Miss K. You remember Miss K, don’t you? No, I don't mean Miss K likes sex in public, either. She probably feels more or less the same way I do about it.

She is, however, recently single. And I am totally making it a goal to get her out of her all-grad-school-all-the-time rut and out to some social events – especially events where she could, possibly, maybe, just happen to meet a cute, sober, sane, single, kinky butch boi that she might like. I’m not trying to fix her up, or anything. I’m just saying, you know, make room for the universe to send you good things.

We’ll see if I can convince her to come to this party. Thus, if you see me there, I’m not shopping. But have you met my friend Miss K?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Monday, May 10, 2004

I had dinner at Hana with Miss K a few days ago. I don't recall if I've mentioned this, but Miss K is an independent call girl. So whenever we do dinner, it's an opportunity to have a Bitch-About-Work Fiesta. We both like what we do, but sometimes you just have to vent to someone who gets it.

"Okay, who gets to go first?" I asked.
"Oh, I think that would have to be – ME!" she answered
"Ooo, that good, huh? Well, let me have it, baby."
"Fuckin' A, the weirdo I saw this week – you won't believe what he did."

I start laughing a little already, just watching her head do that snakelike swivel of outrage. Miss K has a background in theatre, and it shows: her eyes, her hands, her shoulders – they all eloquently express her total disdain for this man who dared offend her. When all six feet of an irritated Amazon queen gets going, it's better than a floor show. I love having such entertaining friends.

"So, it was a new guy, and he sounded a little weird on the phone, but not scary-weird, just no-social-skills-weird."
I understand this perfectly. It's nice when one gets to see sophisticated men as clients, but frankly, if it weren't for guys with no social skills, there'd be a lot of hungry sex workers in the world.

"He arrives for the appointment ten minutes early." We share a grimace. We hate it when people are early, since we're always flying around getting ready until the last possible moment.

"I have him sit down on the couch in the living room and ask him to wait for a few minutes. I leave the room for, oh, maybe five minutes. When I come back into the room-" she leans forward for emphasis, "he's rearranging all my fucking furniture."
"You're kidding me?"
"I'm serious. He's moved the couch and coffee table, and he's got the edge of the area rug, and he's pulling on it."
I sit there silently for a moment, picturing this. "That's bizarre."
"Oh - and did I mention he's naked?"
I give a whoop of laughter. "No!"
She gestures with her hands to indicate that she can find no words to express her incredulity. I try to stop laughing, not because it offends her – we always play these kinds of incidents for laughs with each other – but because it's so outré that I have to say:
"So you asked him what the hell he was doing, right?"
"Oh yes," she says, with a rising inflection that bodes ill for the nude furniture mover. "Yes, I asked him what he was doing. And he told me – get ready for this – he told me that in his fantasy, the room was arranged differently."
I can hardly speak for laughing. "He- he- he had a fantasy about your living room furniture?" I really don't know what the staff at Hana must make of our conversations. I'm sure they think we are very, very strange.
"Apparently he felt it was important."
"Okay, you win the prize for weirdest person of the week. So what did you do?"
"Well, I just stood there for a minute and gave him a look. And then I told him that he shouldn't have moved my furniture without permission, and he apologized. And then I asked him if the way that I looked more or less fit with his fantasy, because I really wasn't interested in having him try to rearrange me."
"Oh, good one."
"So he apologized again, and,"- she shrugged - "we did the date."

Of course she did, because for all her show of indignation, Miss K has the generosity of spirit to forgive faux pas like these. It's one of the traits that makes her a good friend, and I also consider it essential to being a good sex worker. Yeah, it's great to have a good figure and a pretty face and the technical skills that go along with your particular speciality. But if you don't have some kindness and compassion to give your clients, they'll feel that, and a lot of them won't come back. That's true in any branch of the sex industry - even mine.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

I have dinner every week with my very best friend, Miss K. It's sort of a ritual – we go to Hana and eat sushi and teriyaki chicken, and a portion of our conversations will frequently revolve around stuff like, "So, this certain event happened, and I thought it was really weird, but I wanted to hear what you thought about it." Because Miss K and I are very much on the same wavelength when it comes to sensing what we refer to as "psycho behavior".

Right now, for example, she has someone in her life who's struggling to kick drugs, and I have someone in my life who's just…struggling, on a lot of levels. Both Miss K and I are having to work pretty hard to not get sucked into their struggle and try to rescue them, because we are both major control queens who think that if only everyone would just do as we say, then everything would be all right.

I mean, we don't really think that, because we know better. And we know it based on bitter and bloody personal experience, so it's not a fact we'll be forgetting, uh-uh. But that reflex is there, and we have both have to stop ourselves from trying to fix things, because we can't, and we'll just wind up frustrated and emotionally drained.

So I told Miss K about the latest chapter of my struggling friend's story, and she told me about the most recent installments on her end, and we both agreed that boundaries were really fucking difficult things to maintain sometimes. But I'm so blessed to have her as a friend, because she understands me so perfectly about these kinds of things. I can tell her all the un-evolved, bad-boundary-esque things I really wish I could do around my struggling friend and her various problems, and she knows exactly what I mean. And then - glory hallelujah - I'm over it. I stop thinking about it, obsessing over what's not mine to change, and that's wonderful, because I don't need someone else's life, that I have no control over, taking up valuable real estate in my head.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Thought-provoking dinner with Miss K last night. She tried to explain to me why so many people seem to really want there to be a right and wrong way to be kinky.

I don’t mean the people who try to insist that everyone should do BDSM their way and only their way because it is The Only Right Way. That’s clearly ego and insecurity. We call those folks “One True Wayers” - or OTWs for short.

No, I mean all the people who write to me urgently asking what are the Proper BDSM Rules about how to kneel down/blow their nose/write a love letter/shave their genitals/whatever while in the presence of a dominant/submissive. Not my presence personally, you understand, just a random kinky person.

Is it okay to wear blue jeans while you do a scene, or do I have to dress up? Should I always address my top as "Master", even though he said I can call him Bob? Is it permissable to wear a collar even if you don't currently have a mistress?

What the heck? I’ve been saying for years “You get to do this however you (and your partner) want to.” Come one, people, do you really think there’s some great rule book in the sky dictating every single little activity in kink? Do you think you can look up “dominant nose blowing” and get some kind of spec sheet for that? Forget it. When it comes to configuring our kink, we’re making up most of this as we go along, both as individuals and as a culture. That, to me, is one of the coolest things about the BDSM community. I have never understood why some folks seemed to be begging to exchange one set of restrictive rules of behavior (vanilla culture) for another.

Miss K and I were talking about this and she said, “Look, the thing is, people are convinced that there must be rules, somewhere, and they just want to know what they are so they don’t break them and get in trouble. You try to tell them that they get to invent this, but they don’t trust that. It’s because somewhere, they broke a rule they didn’t know about and caught hell for it."

“Besides,” she went on, “there are rules in BDSM. Like, you don’t touch people.”

"That’s different. That’s etiquette towards people you don’t know well. That’s not about what you do with your partner.”

“I know you understand the difference, but not everyone does. You see having no rules as freedom, but for some people, it’s scary and hard to trust. What if we do it wrong? How will we know if what we’re doing is really BDSM?”

“What the hell else would it be if you put nipple clamps on someone and spanked them?"(I love that I can just rant with Miss K and she know how to take me.)

So I’m thinking about this. The reason that OTWs can convince people that there is a Real and True Way is because the idea that there are no rules scares them. Interesting…

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

After dinner and a bitch session with Miss K, we came up with…

Five Ways To Really Annoy Sex Workers*

Miss K says…When calling about an appointment, ask them "Are you clean?" Oh yeah, 'cause if she did have the clap or something, she would definitely tell you about that, since you asked. Right. And we're not even a little offended by the suggestion that we're so unclean, while your hound-doggin' ass is somehow presumed to be all sanctified, even though you've been dipping your wick who-knows-where.

She also says…When calling about an appointment, ask them, "Is this discreet?" Yeah, we know so many ladies have a big neon sign over their door saying, "This Way For Pussy! C'mon In!" And publishing your client's names in the newspaper is such a good way to create repeat business, isn't it? What smart business woman wouldn't do that?

We both agree you shouldn't…Haggle over price. Do we really need to talk about this? Tacky, tacky, tacky.

My pet peeve…Require major emotional handholding prior to the session. If you want to do three (or more) separate phone calls with me to process your feelings of anxiety and guilt before you've ever even seen me, you don't need a dominatrix, you need a shrink. Or a nursemaid. Grow some balls, and then call me back.

Also high on my bullshit list…Ask for something, then flip out about it afterwards. If you get all hot and bothered and ask me to (for example) piss on you, don't start freaking out on me after the session is over and trying to say I shouldn't have done that. You're responsible for what you say, even if it's the little head that's doing the talking.

While we're dispensing advice, Miss K would also like to mention that while going down on a woman, you should swallow your own saliva occasionally, so that your partner doesn't wind up lying in a puddle of drool. She doesn't find that erotic, and I can't say I blame her. I've not ever had that problem, but then – I'm usually on top.

*(Okay, now, if you're one of my good regular boys, don't go off into a tailspin just because I'm having a snarky moment. Don't take any of this personally, none of this means I don't like you. If I'm seeing you, assume that I think you're cool. If you weren't, I'd let you know about it, trust me.)

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Word Whores
Now and then I'll coin a phrase while talking with a friend, and something about the phrase will catch our fancy, and it'll become a staple in our conversations. If it's a particularly useful expression, it'll seep into conversations I have with other people, and once I've explained it's exact meaning to them, they may pick it up and begin to use it. Thus is a small private lexicon born…

The most successful example of my private vocabulary is the phrase, "Not my dog." About a million years ago, (not really, it only seems like that ) Miss K and I and our then-partners were watching a movie together – "The Pink Panther Strikes Again". There's a scene in which Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers) walks up to a hotel desk. There is a clerk sitting behind the high desk, reading a paper, and there's a dog tied up to the front of the desk. Inspector Clouseau looks at the dog and asks the man, "Does your dog bite?"
The man answers, "No, Monsieur."
Clouseau bends down to pet the dog and it growls and bites him. "I thought that you said your dog does not bite!" Clouseau exclaims in great indignation.
The man leans forward over the desk and peers down at the dog there, and then says to Clouseau, "Oui, Monsieur - but that is not my dog."
Miss K and I thought that scene extremely funny, and somehow also, profound. And soon thereafter, the phrase "that's not my dog" entered our conversation. When Miss K and I began saying that, we meant: "If you blunder into a negative situation because of your own badly-made decisions, don't come crying to me to take responsibility for it."
The discussions we use the phrase most often are about jealousy: "Oh, she's upset that I'm dating her ex-lover? Hey, that's not my dog."
Codependent behavior: "Look, if her boyfriend wants to play video games all day instead of looking for a job, that's not her dog, she should be focused on her own career."
And unreasonable expectations: "Your client was mad because he couldn't get a same-day appointment with you? Definitely not your dog."
A number of my other friends have picked up on this phrase over the years, and even my mother, who is a therapist, liked it and now uses it with her clients, a fact I find very entertaining.

A recent addition to the private lexicon: "a princess moment". This one came into being in a conversation between Roman and I. When you have a princess moment, you're sort of having a moment of jealousy or envy, but it's been so heavily leavened with a sense how really, really silly you're being that you have to laugh at yourself even as you think, "No, no, don't you understand? I want that! It's all about meeeeeeee! Me me me me meeeee!" This phrase is especially applicable when a) the person you're being jealous/envious of has in no way taken anything away from you in obtaining their good fortune, and b) you're already so loaded with good things that, Christ, you probably couldn't even handle any more. Complete disregard of both those facts is essential to the princess moment, as is the total awareness that your emotional response is rooted in the unrestrained Id of a two-year-old. It's an example of having two contradictory emotional responses at one time. You just have to laugh about it.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Phone Call with Miss K

"I don't know what I should do about this – and maybe I shouldn't do anything. But I just wanted to get your opinion about a call I just got from one of my clients."
"Okay," I said. "Fire away."
"Well," she said. "I posted on one of the escort-review boards. And this guy called me and was like, 'oh, I'm so glad I found your post, I saw you a long time ago and I'd lost your number'."
"Did you remember who he was?" I asked.
"Sort of vaguely. But that wasn't the weird part. Then he said, 'Yeah, I remembered where your apartment building was, but I couldn't remember which apartment you were in. So I was thinking about just coming over there and knocking on all the doors until I found you.' "
I sucked in my breath. "Are you kidding me? He said that?"
"Oh yeah."
"Oh my God."

What Miss K and I didn't have to say to each other was that this is a really, really bad idea. The fastest way to go from "he's a nice guy" to "he's a deranged stalker" in a working girl's mind is to show up at her place when you don't have an appointment. We're rather jumpy about that, and not without reason.

(Note: This doesn't include "sensual bodywork" establishments that usually employ several people and are set up to accommodate drop-in business. I'm talking about women who work independently.)

It's not just the "stalker" thing, either. Miss K does what's called incall service. That means you come to her - she has an apartment that's exclusively for her client rendezvous. Now, the prime directive of any working girl is: be discreet. Fly under the radar. And unlike the outcall ladies, who visit the client in his space, having a dedicated workspace means you're a fixed target. Thus, one strives to minimize anything that might make one's neighbors say, "Huh, that's funny. I wonder what she's doing in there…" That way lies disaster. Or at least a whole lot of hassle involving a moving van.
So the mere idea of this guy knocking on every door of an apartment building asking for her…Jeeee-sus. One would hope he'd have the brains not to say, "I'm looking for this call-girl I saw once…" But who the hell knows what he'd do?

"Wait," she said. "It gets better."
"Oh no. What?"
"Well, I told him that it was a good thing he hadn't done that because it would not have been cool. He didn't seem to get why not, so I said, 'What if I'd been with somebody else when you knocked on the door and interrupted us?'"
"That should have made sense to him."
"It didn't. He said, 'Hey, I would have just joined right in'."
I held the phone at arms length and let out a shriek of outrage. Then I put the phone back up to my ear. "No, he didn't say that. Tell me he didn't seriously say that."
"Yep."
"That is unbe-fucking-lievable."
"It's pretty amazing."
"'…I would have just joined right in'. That has got to be the most mind-blowingly dumbass thing I've heard in days."
"So, the question is; what should I do about it?"
I thought about it. "Do you feel like you've contained this one guy?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"But you're wondering if some other maroon might do the same thing?"
"Let's just say that, thanks to him, it's become a concern of mine."
"I think you could go back to the message board where you post and say something like, 'Dear gentlemen, I'm glad you like me, but please don't come wandering around in my building knocking on random doors and talking to my neighbors about me, and please don't just show up at my door and expect me to let you in.' I mean, say it nicely, but say it. Most of the guys are pretty smart and they'll be right there with that. And hopefully you can give a little tap with the clue stick to the rest of them."
"That sounds like a good idea. I'll probably wait a few days, and then I'll do something like that. Thanks a bunch."
"Anytime."
We hang up.
"'…I would have just joined right in'". I mutter to myself. "Fucking crazy man."

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I am in last-minute running-around-like-a-crazy-girl mode, before I fly out Wednesday morning to go here…



I am looking forward to the beach, given how insane the weather has been here lately. (Snow? Hail? What the heck, people?)

Thus, I don’t have anything particularly profound to say today. Want some random trivia? Okay…

Friday night I spent the evening doing a role-playing game with some pals. No, not sexual role-playing, I mean RPGs. Yes, I am that nerdy, and I make no apologies. It's fun, it's a bit like writing interactive fiction. Only without that pesky writing part, so I guess it's more like plot-brainstorming. Which, as every writer knows, is the fun part.

At the beginning, game-master Grimwish was explaining the different characters, and he said, “And one of the characters is a bloodthirsty Amazon warrior." And then he looked right at me.

I said, “Okay, I’ll play that.”

And Grimwish said, “Oh good, I was hoping you would.” Um, thank you, I think? (I admit I got right into the role.)

***

Shopping: I bought a pink stun gun on eBay. It’s so cute! 100,00 volts.

***
But that had nothing to do with Jae’s gifting of a stun gun to our hostess at a social gathering on Sunday. That was none of my doing and any repercussions should be directed at Jae. But I am highly amused at the combination of raging pervert and thoughtful debutante in Jae’s idea of a hostess gift.

***

My super-best friend Miss K is having an important anniversary today. I believe they call it her birthday, in the group to which she belongs. Happy Five Years, Miss K – I’m very proud of you, and I love you.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Fans of the whackasaurus phone callers – which is pretty much all of you, judging by the emails I get – enjoy the new column…

***

A question for my Seattle readers: are any of you professional interior decorators? Because I’m thinking of doing some remodeling in the new year, and wow, I really don’t have much of a knack for that kinda thing. Wall treatments, lighting, and especially combinations of colors. I don’t think I have bad taste, but I just don’t have much imagination. Apparently it all went to my sex life.

I’m planning a bathroom remodel too, and I may even need an architect, if I decide to bump out any walls.

I’ve read dozens of books on decorating, to little avail. Both Jae and Miss K are quite good at this – Jae actually has a degree in it – and they have said they’ll help me. But you know, more input is good, and frankly, someone who I am paying to prioritize me is also good. Jae and Miss K have lives of their own.

However, I imagine a lot of decorators would be somewhat taken aback by my dungeon, so I need someone who - while they need not be kinky themselves – is at least able to work with that. Drop me a note if you have a suggestion...

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Remarks On Different Topics

READ: I meant to post a link to this writer, Savannah Lee, earlier in the week, and I forgot, because I am thinking about too many things at once. She wrote some good stuff about the “Marry Him” article, and she’s a good writer on any subject, so check her out.

***

KINK: A pal – who is not nearly as sweet and innocent as she looks – wrote me and asked me for help assembling her own Pink Box For Pink Bits. (And no, this has nothing to do with breast cancer.) I told her that in addition to the items mentioned previously, there was a new one: electric toothbrushes. A wonderfully evil man brought some over for Jae and I to play with recently, and when I pressed it on Jae's clit, she just about came off the table. Delightful. I liked alternating the bristle side with the smooth side, and the tip, and so forth. Great fun. 4 out of 5 dominatrixes say you should brush after every orgasm!

***

SHOPPING: If you’re one of my good boys, and you’re going to be in one of the following cities soon, you should talk to me: Ala Moana, HI. Bal Harbour, FL. Beverly Hills, CA. Chicago, IL. Costa Mesa, CA. Las Vegas, NV. New York, NY. Palm Beach, FL. Waikiki, HI.

Why those cities? Because those are the cities that have Chanel Boutiques, and I have decided that I really need one of the Chanel Ultra rings. (Yes, I could call them and order it by phone, but it’s hard to pay cash over the phone. I like cash.)

Speaking of shopping, I really want these shoes. In gold, not pink. Are they not gorgeous? I think gold is my new black.

***

EVENTS: Note to sexy women in the greater Seattle area: The Bang For The Buck party is this Friday night. Miss K wants to go, so we're going to go together. (Although I am not looking, I am just socializing. But if you’re a butch looking for a femme top, I’ll introduce you to Miss K.) It should be a rockin’ party, so I’ll see you there…

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I'm a busy girl today, so, for the benefit of the newer readers, here's a list of some oldie-goldie favorites from the archive.
Sadly, most of the original comments were lost when I had to switch to Haloscan. That's a shame, because some good points were made.
But anyway, read and enjoy...
***
If you're not familiar with the ways of kink, here's a good place to start: The Ethics of BDSM

My opinions, experiences, and general musings on life
Human Interest Story
BDSM Word Of The Day
Mr. Defensive
Open Secret
The Sixty Four Thousand Dollar Question
and the follow-up post: Comments On Female Clients
What I'm Not
Word Whores: The "Not My Dog" post
Poly Stars In Alignment
Public Encounter
You Dirty...
French Farce Weekend
Sex Positive? I Don't Think So!
Sex Index
Looking at Women
Demeaning To Women (And Men, Too.)
Gym Guy, Part One
Gym Guy, Part Two

About Monk (aka "Roman")
The Naked Truth
He's Just A...

Playing with my boys:
Flying High Again
My Idea of a Good Time

Conversations about the biz:
Advice on Clients
More Advice
Dinner with Miss K: Furniture Fantasy
Conversation with Miss K: Her Weird Phone Calls
Tips For New Sex Workers
Feminism and Sex Work

And, everyone's favorite category: Strange Communiqués From People: The phone calls, the emails, and the voicemails.

The Thirty Seconds Rule
Near Goddess Experience
Sexual Darwinism
And This Would Be My Problem Why?
Legend In His Own Mind
New Cell Phone - Old Memories
New York State Of Mind
Master and Commander
Weirdass Email Of The Week
Phone Messages
I Couldn't Make This Stuff Up (I know everyone likes Ryker Blackstar, but this guy is actually my personal favorite.)
From The Malebag
More Email Silliness
Freakazoids
By Rights He Should Be Taken Out And Hung
Barbie Reborn
Mentoring
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Sex Machine

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Hey ya’ll... You’ve read about my excellent friend Miss K? Well, she’s in the hospital again. Without going into detail, she’s had a recurring medical issue for the last few months and it’s flared up again, requiring major surgery. Not a fun time for her.

She’s not reading the blog right now. But eventually she’ll catch up with it, and when she does, I think she’d like it if she saw a bunch of people saying, “Get Well Soon”. (Even though she’ll already be well-er, if not 100% perfect.)

So please wish Miss K a speedy recovery. She’s a tough cookie, but she’s been through a lot lately.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

For sale: costume for a winged fantasy creature. It’s part of the ongoing closet-purge. But I’m not selling this on eBay because of the size of the wings. Shipping it would be an impossible hassle. Whoever buys the outfit will have to pick it up in person.

Let me tell you the story of this outfit. It was made for me by local fashion designer Orion to wear in a fashion show a couple of years ago. I’ve been in a number of fashions shows, but this one was the most challenging, because of the locations. It was on the steps of the Seattle Art Museum downtown. If you have ever seen the stairs there, they are quite pretty – very broad and marble and curving. But they are not regular standard-sized steps. The breadth of them means you have to step down and then take, like, a little half step, and then step down again. They’re a little bothersome to use even in the best of circumstances.

The night of the show, the hair and makeup people teased my hair so far out that I looked like Medusa, and put a ton of glittery make-up on me. That was fine, but then Orion put a string of beaded fringe across my eyes. “An alien veil,” he called it. He also had all us models carrying, in one extended hand, a large glass globe filled with glittery beads. So, there I was, wearing sky-high platform heels, carrying a goldfish bowl in one hand, with these beads hanging down over my eyes. When it was our turn to walk, I looked down those long, broad, slippery marble steps lined with people and thought, “I can hardly see with these damn beads across my face. I am going to fall right on my butt in front of everyone and shatter glass everywhere.”

And then we started walking. Don’t look down at your feet, Matisse. Chin up, extend both arms out from your sides, balance the bowl, don’t bump into the other models, and look as cool and calm as an alien reptile would be. Don’t look at the crowd or the camera flashes will dazzle you.

Somehow I made it to the bottom of the steps without looking down, and without falling down. Everyone clapped for us. I heard Miss K, who was also a model, mutter, “Thank you God we don’t have to walk back up those damn things.” Miss K also told me later that a male friend of hers ran up to her after the show and said, “Please please, tell me the winged girl is single!” So as you see, it’s an attention-getting outfit.

I am sure some official photos exist somewhere, but I only found one in my archives, and it’s not the best photo of me I’ve ever seen. But you can get a sense of the outfit.


I’ve worn it about twice since then, because as you can see, it’s not something you throw on as a whim. I almost kept it just out of sentimental value. But it seems like a shame to just let it sit in a box, when it would make a great costume for someone. I’d actually be happier to pass it on to someone who would be thrilled with it, and have fun wearing it and being admired in it.

The basic outfit is a boned and lined bustier/corset-type-top and tight pants, with matching gauntlets. You could wear that without the rest of the costume and it’s a sexy outfit. But there are also the wings and an alligator-type tail, which make it an amazing and utterly unique costume.

The wings have adjustable elastic cords that you slide your arms into. The tail attaches to the back of the corset with hidden hooks. The gauntlets are of the same fabric as the pants, and they come down over the back of your hand to a finger loop. The pants have an invisible crotch zipper, so you actually can pee in this outfit without having to take off the corset to get your britches up and down.

I snapped a bunch of pictures and put them in a online album, here. So check it out if you're interested.

This outfit was custom-made for me, so it’s not exactly a standard size. I would say I was a big six or a small eight when this was made. The pants are very stretchy, and of course the corset is very much adjustable. Exact dimensions of all the pieces are as follows:

The wings are 44 inches wide and 32 tall.

The tail is 8 inches wide and 28 inches long.

The waist of the boned bustier seems to be about 29 inches when it’s all the way closed. But as it laces, it could accommodate a waist several inches bigger. If you’re bigger than a D-cup, you might spill over the top some, but if you’re smaller than that you’ll probably be fine.

Laid flat, the waist of the pants seems to be about 14 inches, and when stretched out, about 16. They're designed to fit like leggings.

Email me with a reasonable offer, tell me how much you'd love wearing it, and it’s yours.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Letters: Advice From An Expert

So today, I decided to let my very best friend in the whole world take a crack at the Letters file. In addition to just being a smart cookie, Miss K also happens to be a therapist, which makes her a handy pal to have. Her advice is advice worth taking. Thus, without further ado...

For the past two years I have been dating a man in what can only be called an abusive relationship with a woman he's been with for over a decade. Typically the abuse, which from what I can tell started about five years ago, is verbal, but it is occasionally backed up by threats of or actual violence (such as punching, throwing things or biting).

I've discussed the abuse issues with him, but if you know anyone who's been in such a relationship for a long time, you know how futile that can be. So I've been continuing to see him, enjoy him, and offer him whatever support I can while not entangling myself in their issues. Since my relationship with him is long-distance, I've managed to draw a pretty thick line between me and her.

About a month ago, she found a book I'd given him on emotional abuse. You can imagine the consequences. Their relationship is one with a veto, and apparently the veto has no time limit, because she's used it. The thing is, he wants to continue to see me, but in secret. I've always considered myself an ethical, upstanding poly person, and normally I wouldn't consider cheating. But every rule has its exceptions, and I'm wondering if this is one of them. In another situation I'd insist that he stand up to her and tell her he plans to consider seeing me if he does in fact want to. But he'll be punished--severely and for a long time--if he stands up to her and says he wants to continue to see me. And while I don't have any illusions that I can save him (until he's ready to save himself), I also don't want to withdraw the love and support that could eventually help him find the strength and courage to leave this situation.

In short, my ethics about how to deal with a friend and lover suffering in an abusive relationship are in conflict with my ethics about honesty and disclosure in multiple relationships. What's an ethical slut to do?
***

Miss K says: An ethical slut must do what's right for herself, and allow others the opportunity to do the same for themselves. You must consider this as any other poly relationship: If you would not see someone secretly under normal circumstances, you must not do so here either. Your love and support, while valuable, can still be made available to him if/when he decides to change his circumstances.

In the meantime, he is an adult who knows his options, and only when the pain of maintaining the status quo becomes greater than the pain of changing will he make a move. Your removal from the situation may turn out to be just the thing that tips those scales. Besides, who are you to keep him from his misery?

It comes down to this: You are not his only resource. You are not even his most important resource - that title goes to his own will to survive. Step back, maintain your ethics and open-heartedness, and let his process unfold.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

While my mother is here visiting, I'm going to have less time to write. So instead, please enjoy some of the Blog Greatest Hits. Be aware that that although the "comments" link may not reflect it, all the original comments are still there, so if you want to read them, click it.

If you're not familiar with the ways of kink, here's a good place to start: The Ethics of BDSM

My opinions, experiences, and general musings on life
Human Interest Story
Thoughts On Being A Pretty Girl (One of the more controversial early posts.)
BDSM Word Of The Day
Mr. Defensive
Open Secret
The Sixty Four Thousand Dollar Question (Another "Most Controversial" candidate.)
and the follow-up post: Comments On Female Clients
What I'm Not
Word Whores: The "Not My Dog" post
Poly Stars In Alignment
Public Encounter
You Dirty...
French Farce Weekend
Sex Positive? I Don't Think So!
Sex Index
Looking at Women
Demeaning To Women (And Men, Too.)
Female Trouble
Gym Guy, Part One
Gym Guy, Part Two

About Max:
Fifth Anniversary
More About Max

About Roman:
The Naked Truth
He's Just A...

Playing with my boys:
Flying High Again
My Idea of a Good Time

Conversations about the biz:
Advice on Clients
More Advice
Dinner with Miss K: Furniture Fantasy
Conversation with Miss K: Her Weird Phone Calls
Tips For New Sex Workers
Feminism and Sex Work

And, everyone's favorite category: Strange Communiqués From People: The phone calls, the emails, and the voicemails. There will be no more of these, so enjoy the oldie-goldies.

The Thirty Seconds Rule
Near Goddess Experience
Sexual Darwinism
And This Would Be My Problem Why?
Legend In His Own Mind
New Cell Phone - Old Memories
New York State Of Mind
Master and Commander
Weirdass Email Of The Week
Phone Messages
I Couldn't Make This Stuff Up (I know everyone likes Ryker Blackstar, but this guy is actually my personal favorite.)
From The Malebag
More Email Silliness
Freakazoids
By Rights He Should Be Taken Out And Hung
Barbie Reborn
Mentoring
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Sex Machine