Tuesday, April 13, 2004

A friend of mine recently asked me for some advice about a problematic client. (Yes, I actually get asked for sex-work advice quite a lot, so get used to reading that lead-in.)

"So what's the trouble?" I asked.
"Well, he wants me to do an outcall, for starters."
"But you have a place - I thought you didn't want to do outcall."
"I don't."
"Then tell him no. What's his problem coming to you? It's a nice apartment."
"I don't know - and he wants an appointment at midnight, and I don't want to be seeing anyone that late, and he wants me to do anal and I don't want to, and a bunch of stuff like that."
"So basically you're telling me he wants you to do the exact opposite of what you want to do."
"It seems like it."
I threw up my hands. "Then he needs to see somebody else. I mean, clearly you aren't a good match for him."
She shrugged uncertainly. "I told him that, but he told me he doesn't want to see anyone else and that if I'm going to make it in this business I need to learn to adapt to the needs of my customer."
"Adapt to the needs of your customer? What the fuck does he think you are you, a car manufacturer or something? Bullshit. Run your business the way you want to."

I haven't gotten any further reports on this particular situation, but I do bump into this kind of thing myself. I have a way of working - a system, if you will. When I talk about "my system" I don't mean what I will or won't do in my sessions. I mean my system of what days and times I schedule appointments, how I like to arrange the initial session, getting confirmations, giving directions to my place - details like that. If someone wants to see me, they're pretty much going to have to fit themselves into my system. Some people don't want to - to which I say: that's just fine. I wish you the best of luck elsewhere.

You see, everyone has a certain amount of emotional energy to give to what's important to them. For me, a chunk of that energy is labeled, "For My Clients". I have a crystal-clear understanding of the capacity of that section of myself. I know precisely how many clients I can see in any given week and still have an appropriate level of emotional energy for them all. I've calibrated this all quite carefully to ensure that I don't get burned-out. Since my system suits me so well, planning all the details of when/where/how really requires very little of that energy from me.

Unless...I start trying to incorporate one person's passel of "special-request" details into my work-week. That throws the whole balance out of whack. Doing that draws from the energy that I would normally devote to other clients. The result is either: I'm too drained to see my usual number of people, which means I don't make my preferred income. Or, I see the same number of clients - often because they're already booked - but I'm tired and I don't enjoy myself. That's not fair to the clients who make it easy for me.

Now, understand, I don't mean things like, "Would you wear black fishnet stockings?" That kind of request is easy. And I don't mean asking me for this activity versus that in a session.

No, I mean stuff like "I want a session at midnight" (Equally unlikely variation: "at nine am".) Or, "I want you to come to our house and be a surprise for my girlfriend." (Even if I wanted to do it, this is a very bad idea.) "I want to meet you in a bar with you dressed up all sexy and have you pretend to pick me up."

There is nothing wrong with these desires (except for that "surprising the girlfriend" one), but I don't want to deal with such requests, they're too much hassle. There a lots of boys who are both fun to play with and who fit smoothly into my system, and that's who I like to see. After all, I'm a dominatrix - having things my way is one of the perks of this profession.

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