tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64856892024-03-18T12:58:03.726-07:00Mistress MatisseSeattle writer/professional dominatrix's personal musings, rants and life-trivia... <b><a href="https://twitter.com/mistressmatisse"> Updates here are rare, but I tweet prolifically, here. </a></b> Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.comBlogger1532125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-40817460670698623392016-04-29T01:55:00.002-07:002016-05-08T22:10:11.433-07:00Fact-Checking Myths About Sex Trafficking<br />
As I have written about elsewhere, there are a lot of journalists who have said really good things about the myths of widespread sex trafficking. But this is a quick list of links to a pretty indisputable source: the fact-checker at the Washington Post, Glenn Kessler. These links are usually the first place I send people who still believe in those myths. <br />
<br />
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/11/24/loretta-lynchs-false-claim-on-sex-trafficking-arrests/" target="_blank">Loretta Lynch’s false claim on sex trafficking arrests</a></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/07/02/are-there-hundreds-of-thousands-of-sex-trafficked-runaways-in-the-united-states/" target="_blank">Are there hundreds of thousands of sex-trafficked runaways in the United States?</a></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/06/11/the-dubious-claim-that-on-average-girls-first-become-victims-of-sex-trafficking-at-13-years-old/" target="_blank">The Four-Pinocchio claim that ‘on average, girls first become victims of sex trafficking at 13 years old</a></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/09/02/the-fishy-claim-that-100000-children-in-the-united-states-are-in-the-sex-trade/" target="_blank">The fishy claim that ‘100,000 children’ in the United States are in the sex trade</a></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/05/28/the-bogus-claim-that-300000-u-s-children-are-at-risk-of-sexual-exploitation/" target="_blank">The bogus claim that 300,000 U.S. children are ‘at risk’ of sexual exploitation</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/12/14/the-biggest-pinocchios-of-2015/" target="_blank">The biggest Pinocchios of 2015</a></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/06/02/the-false-claim-that-child-sex-trafficking-is-a-9-5-billion-business-in-the-united-states/" target="_blank">The false claim that human trafficking is a ‘$9.5 billion business’ in the United States</a></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/04/24/why-you-should-be-wary-of-statistics-on-modern-slavery-and-trafficking/" target="_blank">Why you should be wary of statistics on ‘modern slavery’ and ‘trafficking’</a></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<div data-pb-field="customFields.web_headline" itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
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<br />Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-27052028998505835962015-05-21T14:27:00.001-07:002015-05-21T14:37:45.748-07:00Roundup on A&E TV show "8 Minutes"<div itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<div itemprop="headline">
<a href="http://www.vulture.com/2014/12/8-minutes-tv-kevin-brown.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Bad Ideas: New A&E TV Show Gives Pastor 8 Minutes to Shame Women Out of Sex Work</span></a></div>
<div itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://www.ew.com/article/2014/12/10/prostitute-intervention-reality-show" target="_blank">Man has 8 minutes to convince prostitutes to quit in new reality show</a><br />
<br />
<div class="entry-title" itemprop="name">
<a href="http://flavorwire.com/511253/appalling-new-ae-sex-worker-intervention-show-8-minutes-met-with-protests" target="_blank">Appalling New A&E Sex Worker Intervention Show ‘8 Minutes’ Met With Protests </a></div>
<div class="entry-title" itemprop="name">
<br /></div>
<div class="title">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"></span><span class="headline" itemprop="headline"><a href="http://www.newrepublic.com/article/121445/aes-show-8-minutes-damaging-sex-workers" target="_blank">A&E Completely Misunderstands the Reality of Sex Workers by Alana Massey</a></span></div>
<div class="title">
<br /></div>
<div class="entry-title">
<a href="http://titsandsass.com/did-8-minutes-lie-to-sex-workers/" target="_blank">Did 8 Minutes Lie to Sex Workers?</a></div>
<div class="entry-title">
<br /></div>
<div class="entry-title">
<a href="http://www.onthemedia.org/story/8-minutes/" target="_blank">NPR radio segment A new reality show, <i>8 Minutes</i>, follows a pastor trying to talk women out of prostitution</a> </div>
<div class="title">
<br /></div>
<div id="post-title">
<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/sex-workers-say-ae-show-lied-to-them-about-providing-resourc#.scOjL8gkw1" target="_blank">Sex Workers Say A&E Show Lied To Them About Providing Resources And Protecting Their Privacy </a> </div>
<div id="post-title">
<br /></div>
<div id="post-title">
<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/ae-removes-show-from-its-website-after-allegations-of-wrongd#.xnYVz45Owj" target="_blank">A&E Removes “8 Minutes” Episodes From Its Website After Sex Workers Allege Wrongdoing</a> </div>
<div class="title">
<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/sex-workers-say-ae-show-lied-to-them-about-providing-resourc#.scOjL8gkw1" target="_blank"><span class="headline" itemprop="headline"><br /></span></a></div>
<div id="post-title">
<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/production-company-behind-8-minutes-manipulated-sex-workers#.wvYRd09wkQ" target="_blank">Production Company Behind “8 Minutes” Manipulated Sex Workers In Unaired Pilot, Source Says</a></div>
<div id="post-title">
<br /></div>
<div id="post-title">
<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/8-minutes-trafficking-victim-adviser-says-producers-ignored#.tdQv0pGBdg" target="_blank">“8 Minutes” Trafficking Victim Adviser Says Producers Ignored Her Advice</a></div>
<div id="post-title">
<br /></div>
<span class="headline" itemprop="headline"> </span><span class="headline" itemprop="headline"></span><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2015/05/05/ae-pulls-heavily-criticized-show-8-minutes-which-claimed-to-help-sex-workers-leave-the-trade/" target="_blank">A&E pulls heavily criticized show ‘8 Minutes,’ which claimed to help sex workers leave the trade</a><br />
<br />
<div class="node-title">
<a href="http://www.alternet.org/media/how-self-described-whore-nation-killed-tv-show-8-minutes" target="_blank">How Self-Described 'Whore Nation' Killed the TV Show '8 Minutes'</a><br />
<br />
<div class="entry-title">
<a href="http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2015/05/19/combating-trafficking-takes-much-longer-eight-minutes/" target="_blank">Combating Trafficking Takes Much Longer Than Eight Minutes</a><br />
<br />
</div>
</div>
<div class="title">
<div itemprop="headline name">
<a href="http://www.playboy.com/articles/8-minutes-wrong-about-sex-workers" target="_blank">What ‘8 Minutes’ Got Wrong about Sex Workers (A Lot)</a></div>
</div>
<div class="title">
<br /></div>
<div itemprop="headline">
<br /></div>
Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-69835857080342454542015-05-01T00:35:00.000-07:002015-05-01T00:35:02.125-07:00Sex Work Style Guide<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Many journalists would like to write ethically and accurately
about sex work, but don’t know the best terms to use. Here is a quick guide to
current words and phrases to do with sex work for use in news reporting and journalism. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">Problematic terms:</span></b><span style="color: red;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are terms that, unless you are directly quoting
someone, or quoting from another piece of writing about sex work, should be
avoided. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hooker, whore, streetwalker,
ho</b>: Do not use these words, they are offensive. Sex workers sometimes use
these words either in casual conversation or to make a certain point, but
journalists (unless they ARE sex workers) should not.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Prostitute/Prostitution</b>:
These terms are generally considered to carry a negative connotation. But in
many countries, they are legal terms, so it’s sometimes necessary to use them. But
use them sparingly, and only if it is specifically in connection with someone
being accused of a crime. Whenever possible, say <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">sex work, </b>or<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> sex trade, </b>or<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> sex industry.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Courtesan</b> and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">sugarbaby </b>are marketing terms used by sex workers. However, in a news story, they come across as affected,
and usually imply that the person speaking/being spoken of thinks they are “higher-class”
and “different from” other sex workers. There may be certain times when the use of either of these terms is necessary - for example, if one is writing about sugardaddy/sugarbaby websites. But do not use them as general terms for sex workers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The word <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">pimp</b>
should generally not be used in current journalism about sex work. Its original meaning has been co-opted into
other uses, and it is at best a glamorous description of someone who
has an abusive/criminal/exploitative interaction with a sex worker. Anti-sex work activists
use the term to bring about a confused emotional response in the reader that’s
strongly rooted in racism. If you must speak of someone who has a business
relationship with a sex worker, find out what that person actually does for her, and say <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">manager, </b><b>booker,</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">driver, security, administrative assistant,
etc.</b> (The exception would be if someone is formally charged with a crime with the word <b>pimping</b> as part of the language of the law.)<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
The word<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> madam </b>is archaic and should not be used except in historical references. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Prostituted woman,
prostitution survivor, sex slave</b>: these are all inflammatory terms that
objectify the person being spoken of, and both fetishize and disempower people who have done/are
doing sex work.<br />
<br />
<b>Sexual surrogate: </b>This<b> </b>is a very specific (and controversial) type of therapy, and many people do not consider sexual surrogates to be sex workers. Only use this term if you are completely clear that the specific person being discussed calls themselves that. Do not use any other sex worker terminology to refer to a sexual surrogate. <br />
<br />
Do not use the term <b>trafficking victim </b>as a synonym for <b>sex worker.</b> Also, do not use the term <b>self-trafficked, </b>as it has no logical meaning.<br />
<br />
Do not use the term <b>child prostitute. </b> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do not speak of men <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">buying</b>
a sex worker, or <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">using</b> her. Say <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">visiting</b> her, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">seeing</b> her, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">hiring</b> her, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">having a session </b>with her. Also, do
not speak of someone <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">selling her body.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do not use the word <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">john.</b>
It is extremely dated and negative, and no one but anti-sex workers uses that term.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Use the term <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">clients </b>or <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">customers</b>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">Better Terms To Use:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sex work/Sex workers</b>: this is
the most general and the least judgmental term you can use. It's an umbrella term
that encompasses everyone in the sex industry;<b> escorts, dancers, dominatrixes, porn
models, cam girls</b> (or <b>boys)</b>, everyone. Those terms
are all non-judgmental terms to use to describe specific jobs in the sex industry. (The term is also sometimes written as one word: <b>sexwork</b>, <b>sexworker,</b> especially on Twitter.) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The term <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">call girl</b>
is not an offensive term, but it is rather dated, and not much used any more.<b> </b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mistress </b>(meaning:
not a dominatrix, but the other kind of mistress) is rather vague, but not
offensive per se. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Domme, dominatrix,
pro domme, pro sub, Mistress: </b>these are<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>all
acceptable terms for people who provide BDSM-related services. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is no one generally accepted term for people who do
massage or other bodywork with a sexual element, but <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">sensual touch provider</b> is probably the most polite. Sometimes the
term <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Tantric touch provider</b> is used.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Women who work in strip clubs can be either <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">dancers </b>or <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">strippers. </b><br />
<br />
It is acceptable to refer to someone who does in-person sex work as<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> a professional companion. </b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b><br />
<br /></div>
Clients who frequent sex worker review boards will sometimes
use the term<b> hobbyist</b> to refer to themselves. Also, some sex work review
sites refer to sex workers as <b>providers</b> (as short for “adult services providers”), and
sex workers occasionally use this term themselves. <br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">
</b>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
To call someone a<b> sex worker</b> is to say that they have agency in their behavior, so it is contradictory to speak of "forced sex work". However, if on occasion you need to strongly differentiate between people who are being victimized
versus people who are not, you can speak of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">consensual adult sex work</b>, or just <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">adult sex work</b>. To do so every time would be redundant and unnecessary. The opposite of <b>sex work</b> is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">criminal sexual exploitation, </b>or simply rape, kidnapping, etc.<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br />
</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you wish to speak of people who are the most <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">vulnerable and marginalized </b>in sex work, you can say <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">street sex workers</b>, or <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">survival sex workers</b>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anti-sex workers sometimes call themselves <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">abolitionists</b>, but sex workers often call
them <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">sex work</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">prohibitionists.</b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Decriminalization</b> of sex work is
very very different from <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Legalization</b>.
Do not use the words interchangeably. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Decriminalization</b>
means the repeal of all laws that impose any criminal penalty on the private, consensual
and appropriate adult exchange of sex for money. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Legalization</b> means that the consensual adult exchange of sex for
money remains mainly a crime, but the state creates a few strictly-controlled
loopholes for situations in which it will be tolerated, although still heavily stigmatized. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Note: I did not list what terms to use when talking about male sex workers, because I'm not one. If I get information about what terms male sex workers prefer, I will add that here.) </div>
Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-62281613495075725352015-05-01T00:34:00.000-07:002015-08-25T20:40:41.604-07:00<h3>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This is what I think about the sex work/ sex trafficking controversy, followed by a lot of links for further background and education. <span style="color: red;">(Updated June 2014) </span></span></span></b></h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’m a sex worker, I like being a sex worker, and I am an
activist for the rights of sex workers. As part of that, I would like to see a
world where no one is forced to do sex work. That does happen sometimes, and
it's bad. But forced sex work is not the huge and scary problem some people
would like you think it is. It is not okay that it happens at all, but it
simply does not happen NEARLY as often as anti-sex workers say it does. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">To begin with, understand this fact: When lawmakers and
anti-sex work activists say “sex trafficking” they mean ANY exchange of sex for
money, even if it is between two adults and completely voluntary. Let me say
that again, because I think it bears repeating. To an anti-trafficking
activist, an adult person, fully in possession of her rational faculties and
completely independent of anyone else’s influence, who chooses to exchange a
sexual act for money = a sex trafficking victim.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I think this is deeply insulting to people who really are
victimized. I think one should only use the work trafficked to mean a person
who is truly being forced or coerced, or controlled by another person in a way
that's harmful or exploitative. I also think it's unjust to invalidate the
agency of an adult person. You own your body, and if you, as a consenting
adult, choose to have sex with another consenting adult, the state should not
have the right to say, "No, we don't approve of your reason for having
sex, so we are declaring your act to be a crime and arresting you both."
It does not matter if you decided to have sex because someone bought you
dinner, or because they offered you a diamond ring, or if they offered you a
hundred dollars.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Further, no one should declare that you are a
"victim" of anything without your consent. It is for the person who
has had the experience to identify whether she/he was a victim of something or
not. It’s wrong to impose a label on someone they did not choose for
themselves. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Since about 2008, the rhetoric about any act of sex for
money has changed, and it is now all defined as "trafficking". That's
happened for a variety of reasons, most of them to with the allocation of grant
money and the erosion of civil liberties. So the War On Sex Workers* is much
like the War On Drugs. There is a system of restrictive ideas about what kind
of behavior is socially acceptable, which have been woven into government
policy and law, and there are a lot of people whose jobs and money and sense of
power are all dependent on keeping that system in place. If there is no social
panic about shadowy international crime rings and millions of women and
children being abused in sensational ways, those people will lose power.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Plus, whenever sex is involved, some people have emotional
responses which are based in their own experience rather that of the putative
victim. There are religious organizations and moral crusaders involved in
anti-trafficking who are not shy about their wish to impose a certain type of
morality and social control, especially on women.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In addition, keep in mind that to many people, arresting and
imprisoning US sex workers is not only a moral issue but part of a
multimillion-dollar industry. Whenever there is money moving around, in the
form of government grants and private donations to anti-sex work NGOs, and
lucrative contracts and tax benefits to the private-prison industry,
motivations can drift pretty far from the strictly altruistic. Laws against
prostitution are selectively enforced, generally based on race and class, and
overwhelmingly by gender. So the people at the bottom of the social-power
pyramid are those most likely to be hurt by the laws against it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That's why when you read scary headlines about “X Bazillion
People Are Being Sex Trafficked", it does not necessarily mean the person
is underage, or has been taken from one place to another, or is an undocumented
immigrant, or is being forced or coerced into doing sex work against his/her
wishes. It also doesn't mean that anyone can actually see/find those supposed
victims, since they are often pure invention, as we will see. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">People can be abused in systems of sex work - just as they
can be abused in non-sex work forms of labor, and in all other social systems.
But criminalization and stigmatization of all sex work is not the right answer.
People are abused in the social institution of marriage, too. But we do not
outlaw marriage and arrest anyone who says, "I do." People are raped,
but we do not respond to that fact by outlawing all consensual sex. On a moral
level, we do not want anyone to be harmed. But when it comes to allocating
public resources to combat that, the current system does not work. It is not
useful to treat a very wide spectrum of people around the world as if they were
all the same one-dimensional “victim”, and neither is it wise to try to condense
this multifaceted issue into a few bits of bumper-sticker wisdom.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My goal here is to create sharper understanding of how the
situation is not as black-and-white as people are often told, and that some of
the systems that are ostensibly used to "help" people are not what
those people themselves want, and may actually cause even more harm. It's crucial to have a true understanding of
the reality of the situation, so we can devise systems that offer anyone being
victimized real assistance while also treating them with dignity and being
respectful of their agency and their wishes. To that end, this is the reading
that I recommend to get a fuller understanding of the challenges of helping
those who need help, without criminalizing, stigmatizing and generally imposing
a very binary victim/criminal worldview onto a large and diverse set of people.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">First, understand terms:
A very quick overview of different views of how sex work should be
treated - prohibition, decriminalization, legalization, etc. I am an advocate
for decriminalization. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution#Laws">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution#Laws</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Then, start reading here:</b> Journalist Melissa Gira Grant’s
article “The War On Sex Workers”*. Grant has written a lot on this topic, but
this is a good snapshot of the problem. "Although nearly all
prostitution-related law in the United States is made at the state or municipal
level, redefining prostitution as trafficking provides a rationale for federal
action against the sex trade... It is about an unholy marriage of feminism with
the conservatism and police power that many feminists claim to stand
against." <a href="http://reason.com/archives/2013/01/21/the-war-on-sex-workers">http://reason.com/archives/2013/01/21/the-war-on-sex-workers</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: red;">Update:</span> a pair of articles that address the ongoing issue of US global
policy and sexworkers: “U.S. Policy and the Unjust Approach to Human
Trafficking of the International Justice Mission: When you picture a human rights defender, are
they carrying handcuffs?” By Melissa
Gira Grant <a href="http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/10/02/unjust-approach-international-justice-mission/">http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/10/02/unjust-approach-international-justice-mission/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Part Two in that series: “To Address Human Trafficking, the
United States Must Take a New Approach” by Melissa Ditmore and Juhu
Thukral <a href="http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/10/02/in-handling-sex-trafficking-crisis-president-obama-may-not-be-getting-it-right/">http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/10/02/in-handling-sex-trafficking-crisis-president-obama-may-not-be-getting-it-right/</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://time.com/3005687/what-the-swedish-model-gets-wrong-about-prostitution/">A recent article in Time about how why decriminalizing is the right answer for sex workers. </a> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>A Breakdown Of Common
Myths: "there are hundreds of thousands of underage sex slaves"</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">No. This is a perfect example of how false statistics about
prostitution are uncritically accepted and repeated by (paid) celebrity
spokespeople to drive public policy: Village Voice Takes on Ashton Kutcher,
starting back in 2011 <a href="http://www.villagevoice.com/2011-06-29/news/real-men-get-their-facts-straight-sex-trafficking-ashton-kutcher-demi-moore/full/">http://www.villagevoice.com/2011-06-29/news/real-men-get-their-facts-straight-sex-trafficking-ashton-kutcher-demi-moore/full/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My remarks about that in Seattle paper The Stranger. <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=9028548">http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=9028548</a></span></span>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The story of a landmark study by John Jay College of
Criminal Justice that "demolished virtually every stereotype surrounding
the underage sex trade". For example: the majority of underage people
doing sex work are actually young men of color.
The FBI reports
that $80 million is spent annually for law enforcement and social services to
rescue approximately 200 child prostitutes per year. That's a
$400,000-per-rescued-child average. Also, only 10% of underage sex workers
report having pimps. <a href="http://www.seattleweekly.com/2011-11-02/news/lost-boys-demolishing-the-underage-prostitute-stereotype/">http://www.seattleweekly.com/2011-11-02/news/lost-boys-demolishing-the-underage-prostitute-stereotype/</a></span></span>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That lie about “the average age of entry into prostitution
is 12 to 14 years old” has also been debunked on many, many occasions. Here: <a href="http://www.politifact.com/oregon/statements/2013/mar/02/diane-mckeel/Is-average-age-entry-sex-trafficking-between-12-an/">http://www.politifact.com/oregon/statements/2013/mar/02/diane-mckeel/Is-average-age-entry-sex-trafficking-between-12-an/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And here, by Brooke Magnati Claims made by charity often indicates a
potentially damaging approach to addressing human needs. <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/mar/13/comic-relief-prostitution-claims-off-donating">http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/mar/13/comic-relief-prostitution-claims-off-donating</a></span></span>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And here: The Law Of Averages <a href="http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2011/11/27/the-law-of-averages/">http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2011/11/27/the-law-of-averages/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And here: Unpacking the myth: “the average age of entry into
prostitution is 13″ <a href="http://eminism.org/blog/entry/62">http://eminism.org/blog/entry/62</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>More about numbers:</b> The Washington Post “Lies, damned lies
and sex work statistics” by Maggie McNeill <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-watch/wp/2014/03/27/lies-damned-lies-and-sex-work-statistics/">http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-watch/wp/2014/03/27/lies-damned-lies-and-sex-work-statistics/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“While the United States has spent almost $1.2 billion
fighting sex trafficking globally, much of those funds have been misallocated
on advertising and anti-trafficking campaigns rather than spent on actual
evidence-based research and rescue operations.”
<a href="http://www.alternet.org/civil-liberties/10-surprising-and-counterintuitive-facts-about-child-sex-trafficking?page=0%2C3">http://www.alternet.org/civil-liberties/10-surprising-and-counterintuitive-facts-about-child-sex-trafficking?page=0%2C3</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Emi Koyama crunches the numbers on FBI’s 2013 Operation
Cross Country that claimed to </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">target sex trafficking. Results: not what you
think! <a href="http://eminism.org/blog/entry/387">http://eminism.org/blog/entry/387</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">From the same author: “Rescue is for Kittens: Ten Things
Everyone Needs to Know about “Rescues” of Youth in the Sex Trade” <a href="http://eminism.org/blog/entry/400">http://eminism.org/blog/entry/400</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>The throngs of sex-trafficking
victims (of any age) simply cannot be found</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Washington Post, 2007: “The fact that the alleged hundreds
of thousands of sex trafficking victims simply cannot be found has been noted.
"President Bush has blanketed the nation with 42 Justice Department task
forces and spent more than $150 million -- all to find and help the estimated
hundreds of thousands of victims of forced prostitution or labor in the United
States. But the government couldn't find them." <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/22/AR2007092201401.html">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/22/AR2007092201401.html</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Honolulu: In spite of federal funding and a special task
force, police in Honolulu cannot find even one trafficking victim in a year of
looking. (But they still want more money.) An excellent series of articles
about sex work in Hawaii. <a href="http://www.civilbeat.com/articles/2012/03/15/15152-cops-prostitutes-and-pimps-arrests-turn-up-no-trafficking-victims">http://www.civilbeat.com/articles/2012/03/15/15152-cops-prostitutes-and-pimps-arrests-turn-up-no-trafficking-victims</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Missouri: Anti-trafficking org throws parties and collects
donations, but where did that money go? “Missouri Attorney General takes action
against Stop Child Trafficking Now. The nonprofit spent hundreds of thousands
of dollars to fund private “special operatives” teams to gather undercover
intelligence about child sex trafficking. SCTNow claimed to work closely with
law enforcement. However, when pressed for more details, SCTNow could not point
to a single case in the country where information lead to an arrest or
prosecution.” <a href="http://www.kshb.com/dpp/news/local_news/investigations/missouri-attorney-general-takes-action-against-national-nonprofit-after-41-action-news-investigation#ixzz2REMDbXr5">http://www.kshb.com/dpp/news/local_news/investigations/missouri-attorney-general-takes-action-against-national-nonprofit-after-41-action-news-investigation#ixzz2REMDbXr5</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Kentucky: How trafficking stats get made: those arrested for
prostitution are promised leniency if they say "I was trafficked". <a href="http://www.whas11.com/news/local/LMPD-Prostitution-triples-sex-trafficking-a-concern-at-Derby-time-205301341.html">http://www.whas11.com/news/local/LMPD-Prostitution-triples-sex-trafficking-a-concern-at-Derby-time-205301341.html</a></span></span>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Tennesse: Chattanooga police recently found exactly one
trafficking victim, although a study in 2011 claimed the area had "more
than a hundred". Quotes from an editorial: "Chattanooga Police Chief
Bobby Dodd said the sex trafficking incident...was "the only one I know
of." And also, "The study is, apparently, based on erroneous surveys
and severely lacking in verifiable facts... Unfortunately, local organizations
appear unprepared to help what few sex trafficking cases there may be in the
Chattanooga area." <a href="http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2013/jan/26/sex-trafficking-study-apparently-free-press/">http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2013/jan/26/sex-trafficking-study-apparently-free-press/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Maryland: The tone of news stories about prostitution
arrests will sometimes read as slightly more sympathetic than in the past:
"She has been caught in a sting. Her day is ruined, but the police hope
her life can be saved." <b>But the
people are still arrested.</b> This is how anti-trafficking groups work: they
want to rescue people - by arresting them.
<a href="http://www.wjla.com/articles/2013/04/prostitution-led-by-growth-of-area-gambling-police-say-88017.html">http://www.wjla.com/articles/2013/04/prostitution-led-by-growth-of-area-gambling-police-say-88017.html</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>“Pimps and clients
are arrested” No. Usually it is the seller, not the buyer who is arrested. Arresting
people for sexwork takes resources away from the truly needy, and harms women.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Colorado: A study of arrests in Denver reveals that
prostitution busts affect women more than men: adult males made up 39 percent
of arrests, while adult females made up 61 percent,and women are more likely to
get jail time: 70 percent of women, as opposed to just 36 percent of men.
http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/2012/05/prostitution_denver_study_women_johns.php</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Illinois Department of Corrections reported 127 prostitution
admissions in 2012, at a cost of two million dollars: <a href="http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20130321/chicago/prostitution-charged-as-felony-should-be-dropped-say-preckwinkle-gainer#ixzz2RB5ahC1U">http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20130321/chicago/prostitution-charged-as-felony-should-be-dropped-say-preckwinkle-gainer#ixzz2RB5ahC1U</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Nevada: Here’s an example of how lies about sex trafficking
issues are used to control and punish adult sexual behavior, criminalize
citizens who have harmed no one, and extract money for the state: Nevada Sex
Trafficking Bill AB67. "There is a lot of federal money available for
anti-trafficking efforts in a time of austerity and sequestration when many
budgets are being slashed." <a href="http://www.projectredumbrella.org/no-on-assembly-bill-67-ab113/http:/www.projectredumbrella.org/no-on-assembly-bill-67-ab113/">http://www.projectredumbrella.org/no-on-assembly-bill-67-ab113/http://www.projectredumbrella.org/no-on-assembly-bill-67-ab113/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>The Superbowl Sex
Trafficking Myth:</b> This one is very dearly loved by anti-sexworkers. Whenever
there is a major sports event like The Superbowl or The Olympics, there is
always a rumor that huge flocks of trafficked sex workers will “brought in” for
it. That has consistently been shown to be untrue. <a href="http://glaconservatives.co.uk/blog/andrew-boff-asks-mayor-why-500k-was-wasted-on-an-alleged-increase-in-trafficking-which-never-took-place-during-olympics/">http://glaconservatives.co.uk/blog/andrew-boff-asks-mayor-why-500k-was-wasted-on-an-alleged-increase-in-trafficking-which-never-took-place-during-olympics/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And here. <a href="http://www.snopes.com/sports/football/escort.asp">http://www.snopes.com/sports/football/escort.asp</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And here. <a href="http://www.laweekly.com/2012-02-02/news/super-bowl-prostitution-hoax/">http://www.laweekly.com/2012-02-02/news/super-bowl-prostitution-hoax/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And here. <a href="http://nextcity.org/daily/entry/new-orleans-braces-for-unlikely-surge-in-sex-workers">http://nextcity.org/daily/entry/new-orleans-braces-for-unlikely-surge-in-sex-workers</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Global Alliance Against Trafficking of Women (GAATW)
released a 75-page paper disproving the myth that major sporting events attract
large numbers of sex workers, let alone human traffickers. “There is no
evidence that large sporting events cause an increase in trafficking for
prostitution.” (PDF) <a href="http://www.gaatw.org/publications/WhatstheCostofaRumour.11.15.2011.pdf">http://www.gaatw.org/publications/WhatstheCostofaRumour.11.15.2011.pdf</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: red;">New 2014</span> <span style="color: red;">Superbowl Sex Trafficking Stories: </span>A reminder: there
are no definitive “sex trafficking” statistics for the United States. They are
not collected by any central agency. So any article you read that says “X City
is the Number One hub for sex trafficking!” is completely and 100% WRONG. There
simply is no data to back that up. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Bogus. They are making
that up. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But! There is one question about sex trafficking in the US
that HAS been exhaustively documented: sex trafficking around The Super Bowl.
And the consensus continues to be: it doesn’t exist.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“The Sex Trafficking Super Bowl Myth” by Susan Elizabeth
Shepard <a href="http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/67226344/sex-trafficking-at-the-super-bowl-is-an-urban-legend#!WUDom">http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/67226344/sex-trafficking-at-the-super-bowl-is-an-urban-legend#!WUDom</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“The Super Bowl trafficking myth: Every game brings warnings
of a boom in forced prostitution -- but there's no evidence” by Tracy
Clark-Flory <a href="http://www.salon.com/2014/01/30/the_super_bowl_trafficking_myth/">http://www.salon.com/2014/01/30/the_super_bowl_trafficking_myth/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Just in Time for February, the Myth of Sex Trafficking and
the Super Bowl Returns” by Anna Merlan <a href="http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2014/01/just_in_time_fo.php">http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2014/01/just_in_time_fo.php</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“The Mythical Invasion of the Super Bowl Hookers: There's no
reality behind the idea that some Lost Tribe of Gypsy Harlots wanders about the
world from mega-event to mega-event, unimpeded by the usual logistics of
transport and lodging.” <a href="http://reason.com/archives/2014/01/26/the-mythical-invasion-of-the-super-bowl">http://reason.com/archives/2014/01/26/the-mythical-invasion-of-the-super-bowl</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s not just the Superbowl. "World Cup 2014: On Myths
And Reality Of Sex Trafficking: Human rights violations in the context of the
World Cup 2014 go beyond human trafficking and child sexual exploitation"
By Sonja Dolinsek <a href="http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2014/06/world-cup-sex-trafficking-201465123438956286.html">http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2014/06/world-cup-sex-trafficking-201465123438956286.html</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sex Work Issues
Globally:</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: red;">As of June 2014</span>, Canada's
laws about sex work are very much in flux.
"Don’t piano teachers deserve the same ‘protection’ as
prostitutes?" By Tabatha Southey <a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-debate/columnists/dont-piano-teachers-deserve-the-same-protection-as-prostitutes/article19043328/">http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-debate/columnists/dont-piano-teachers-deserve-the-same-protection-as-prostitutes/article19043328/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Analysis from Justin Ling here: "Not Quite The Nordic
Model: The federal government has tabled its new prostitution bill. But does it
put the lives of sex workers at risk?"http://nationalmagazine.ca/Articles/June-2014/Not-quite-the-Nordic-model.aspx</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Background stories:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">UK, The Guardian, 2008: Britain's "Poppy Project"
which received 5.8million pounds in funding, was widely denounced by 27 key
figures in sex work research from prestigious universities across the UK and
overseas. They stated that the report was conducted with neither ethical
approval nor acknowledgement of evidence and co-authored by a journalist known
for producing anti-prostitution findings. “You can't just churn out political
propaganda and say it's research. You end up with very dangerous policy.” <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/oct/03/research.women">http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/oct/03/research.women</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">UK, The Guardian, 2009: Inquiry fails to find single
trafficker who forced anybody into prostitution. "The UK's biggest ever
investigation of sex trafficking failed to find a single person who had forced
anybody into prostitution in spite of hundreds of raids on sex workers in a
six-month campaign by government departments, specialist agencies and every
police force in the country." <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/government-trafficking-enquiry-failshttp:/www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/government-trafficking-enquiry-fails">http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/government-trafficking-enquiry-failshttp://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/government-trafficking-enquiry-fails</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">UK, The Guardian, 2009: "The sex trafficking story is a
model of misinformation... the UK's 2003 Sexual Offences Act uses the word to
describe the movement of all sex workers, including willing professionals who
are simply traveling in search of a better income....The cacophony of voices
has created the illusion of confirmation." <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/trafficking-numbers-women-exaggerated">http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/trafficking-numbers-women-exaggerated</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">2010 US Human Rights Watch: Cambodian Sex Workers Face Unlawful Arrests And Detention <a href="http://www.hrw.org/news/2010/07/20/cambodia-sex-workers-face-unlawful-arrests-and-detention">http://www.hrw.org/news/2010/07/20/cambodia-sex-workers-face-unlawful-arrests-and-detention </a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">UK, The Guardian: Female reported goes undercover in a
brothel to get quotes from women who would be labeled as ‘trafficked’. A
brothel worker said, “I regret not working in the sex trade as soon as I got
here.” (I’m uneasy about the reporter’s methods, but the quotes remain.) <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/apr/15/brothel-regret-not-working-sex-trade">http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/apr/15/brothel-regret-not-working-sex-trade</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The United Nations says: "The anti-trafficking law has
the brutal effect of punishing trafficked persons, notably persons engaged in
sex work. The model of 'raid, rescue and rehabilitation' results in extreme
forms of violence against sex workers and their families, violating their basic
human rights." <a href="http://www.hivlawcommission.org/index.php/news/news/150-separating-consent-from-exploitation?utm_source=Global+Commission+on+HIV+and+the+Law+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4b8dd7a609-Newsletter2_13_2013&utm_medium=email">http://www.hivlawcommission.org/index.php/news/news/150-separating-consent-from-exploitation?utm_source=Global+Commission+on+HIV+and+the+Law+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4b8dd7a609-Newsletter2_13_2013&utm_medium=email</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">International AIDS advocates, who are currently required to
SWEAR AN OATH against prostitution if they want government grants, say that the
oath, and criminalization overall, hampers their efforts to stop the spread of
disease. <a href="http://newsatjama.jama.com/2013/02/13/jama-forum-the-anti-prostitution-loyalty-oath/">http://newsatjama.jama.com/2013/02/13/jama-forum-the-anti-prostitution-loyalty-oath/</a>
(The anti-prostitution oath is currently before the Supreme Court, and
journalist Melissa Gira Grant is covering this story for The Nation. <a href="http://www.thenation.com/blogs/melissa-gira-grant">http://www.thenation.com/blogs/melissa-gira-grant</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">US policies conflate trafficking and prostitution in Thailand:
The Nation, Noy Thrupkaew “I remember talking to US officials who were confused
that there could be voluntary prostitution," he says. "They thought,
'Why would we need to differentiate? It's all forced and largely the same as
trafficking. If we come across it, we should shut it down.' If you think that
sex work is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, then I guess
you can say you are rescuing people to take them out of it." <a href="http://www.thenation.com/article/crusade-against-sex-trafficking?page=0,1">http://www.thenation.com/article/crusade-against-sex-trafficking?page=0,1</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sex Work And The Law In Latin America: “Sex trafficking is
criminalized, but often mistakenly blurred with sex work. Confusing sex
workers, who have chosen to engage in this area of work, with trafficked persons
who have suffered some form of coercion, silences the legitimate voices of sex
workers and actually blocks discussions on how to end human trafficking…. As
sex work becomes more secretive, so the vulnerability of the human rights of
sex workers increases.” <a href="http://www.aidsalliance.org/NewsDetails.aspx?Id=291530">http://www.aidsalliance.org/NewsDetails.aspx?Id=291530</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sex work in Australia: (Note: prostitution is legal soma
parts of Australia, although regulations vary from state to state.) Researchers
tell federal parliament that illegal brothel raids a waste of time: "Instead
of an evidence-based approach addressing real vulnerabilities, Australia's
approach continues to try to detect the mythical trafficking victim and
trafficker that is a media-driven stereotype." <a href="http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2013/04/23/13/16/brothel-raids-a-waste-of-time-sex-workers">http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2013/04/23/13/16/brothel-raids-a-waste-of-time-sex-workers</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">More From Down Under: Decriminalizing sex work does not
increase problems. In Australia and New Zealand, laws regarding sex work have
been undergoing reform aimed at decriminalization since the early 1990s. A 2012
report to Australian Ministry Of Health finds decriminalizing sex work has NOT
increased trafficking, or voluntary sex work, or STIs. The whole thing is
fascinating, but there’s a summary of the findings on page 6 and its
recommendations on page 7. (PDF) <a href="http://maggiemcneill.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/nsw-sex-industry-report-2012.pdf">http://maggiemcneill.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/nsw-sex-industry-report-2012.pdf</a></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">More from the UK: “Soho police raids show why sex workers
live in fear of being 'rescued': Breaking into our places of work and throwing
us out on to the street is not saving sex workers from trafficking. It's a
violation.” By Molly Smith <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/dec/11/soho-police-raids-sex-workers-fear-trafficking">http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/dec/11/soho-police-raids-sex-workers-fear-trafficking</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Rupert Everett in defense of prostitutes: “There is a land
grab going on: The prostitutes of London's red-light district are being
evicted. Here, Rupert Everett argues, with wit and vehemence, that closing down
the brothels has nothing to do with protecting women.” <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/jan/19/rupert-everett-in-defence-of-prostitutes">http://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/jan/19/rupert-everett-in-defence-of-prostitutes</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">UK Dr. Brooke Magnati has a lot of good things to say on the
subject:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/9907625/Demonising-sex-workers-makes-their-lives-more-dangerous.html
She also tells a story of women being incarcerated in Ireland for (among other
things) being promiscuous/sex workers, well into the 1970’s. This is just one
example of why many sex workers are extremely leery of “help” from
government/charity orgs. <a href="http://sexonomics-uk.blogspot.com/2013/01/when-help-is-anything-but.html">http://sexonomics-uk.blogspot.com/2013/01/when-help-is-anything-but.html</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Video: Here's a good video, with citations, explaining
exactly how the US uses a gag order, The Anti-Prostitution Oath, to impose a
fundamentalist morality on public health efforts and constrain harm reduction
strategies around the world. <a href="http://vimeo.com/43262622">http://vimeo.com/43262622</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Video: The Thai sex workers rights group, Empower
Foundation, has made a ten minute video called "Last Raid In Siam"
that shows how they feel about organizations that raid and "rescue"
them. (Youtube, has sound, worksafe) "Last Raid In Siam" is funny,
but the real-life story often isn't. Two women died while recently trying to
escape from an anti-prostitution center where they were being held against
their will. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70rPAxLFFKU">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70rPAxLFFKU</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>The Big Picture: If
there is such a place as one-stop reading for Everything You Need To Know about
sex work and the myth of sex trafficking</b>… Well, there, isn’t really. But I
can narrow it down. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The site (and book) of Melissa Gira Grant, here: <a href="http://postwhoreamerica.com/">http://postwhoreamerica.com/</a> and the
book: <a href="http://www.versobooks.com/books/1568-playing-the-whore">http://www.versobooks.com/books/1568-playing-the-whore</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sex work blogger and author Maggie McNeil: Maggie in all her
glory is here: <a href="http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/">http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/</a>
Two of my favorites of her work are “Treating Sex Work As Work” by Maggie
McNeill <a href="http://www.cato-unbound.org/2013/12/02/maggie-mcneill/treating-sex-work-work">http://www.cato-unbound.org/2013/12/02/maggie-mcneill/treating-sex-work-work</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Another global point of view: Anthropologist and author Dr
Laura Agustín is an expert on sex work and migration. She spent years
collecting a lot of data from many different countries and wrote an excellent
book about it, "Sex At The Margins." On her blog, you can look
through her lists of her articles by subject and date. <a href="http://www.lauraagustin.com/">http://www.lauraagustin.com/</a>
and a great article here “Prostitution Law and the Death of Whores” <a href="https://www.jacobinmag.com/2013/08/prostitution-law-and-the-death-of-whores/">https://www.jacobinmag.com/2013/08/prostitution-law-and-the-death-of-whores/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This is a good round-up site for current academic research
papers and articles about sex work, and its conflation with trafficking: <a href="http://sexworkresearch.wordpress.com/">http://sexworkresearch.wordpress.com/</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sex Work group blog Tits And Sass always has great opinions what
is happening for sex workers in the US and abroad. <a href="http://titsandsass.com/">http://titsandsass.com/</a></span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And for extra-credit Deep Reading: “Sex Work Imperialism” by
Scott Long “The aim is to roll back more than a decade of progress at the UN,
and around the world, in safeguarding sex workers’ health and safety.” <a href="http://paper-bird.net/2013/09/24/sex-imperialism/">http://paper-bird.net/2013/09/24/sex-imperialism/</a></span></span></div>
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Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-56821759617635833102014-07-21T13:01:00.000-07:002015-01-22T18:06:04.873-08:00<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Snakes In The Garden Of Eden </b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>UPDATE DEC <span style="font-family: inherit;">2014: <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/eden-was-a-scary-movie-about-sex-trafficking-based-on-a-true-storyandmdashor-was-it/Content?oid=21234470" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The final expose on the lies of <span style="font-family: inherit;">Megan <span style="font-family: inherit;">Griffiths<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="font-family: inherit;">and</span> her movie Eden.<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span></span></span></a></span> </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is a long but amazingly-researched and thoughtful article by The Stranger's Jen Graves, who was one of the people who originally voted <span style="font-family: inherit;">to <span style="font-family: inherit;">award</span> Megan <span style="font-family: inherit;">Griffiths</span> <span style="font-family: inherit;">T</span>he Stranger's "Gen<span style="font-family: inherit;">i<span style="font-family: inherit;">us</span> Award". A <span style="font-family: inherit;">m</span>ust-read about how sex trafficking lies are <span style="font-family: inherit;">created and unquestioned, until it's too late. In this article, the movie Eden is finally shown <span style="font-family: inherit;">as the complete fraud that is really is<span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Also excellent reporting from <b>Jan 2<span style="font-family: inherit;">015</span>: <a href="http://reason.com/archives/2015/01/04/the-rolling-stone-uva-story-eden-and-med" target="_blank">Rolling Stone<span style="font-family: inherit;"> UVA <span style="font-family: inherit;">Story, Eden, and Media <span style="font-family: inherit;">Exploitation, by Noah Berla<span style="font-family: inherit;">tsky<span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></span> </span></span></span></a></b> </span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
My original post from July 2014 is below.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span>*******</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Let’s talk about <a href="https://twitter.com/thecinechick">Seattle filmmaker Megan Griffiths</a>. It will be a fairly one-sided conversation, you understand, because
she won’t talk to me. She won’t talk to anyone – at least, not about the subject
at hand, which is her breakthrough movie, <a href="http://www.edenthefilm.com/">“Eden.</a>” But somebody connected with
that movie has told a lot of big lies about sex workers, and I really want
to know who.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">The story begins in 2012, when Megan Griffiths <a href="http://blog.washingtonfilmworks.org/2012/11/08/production-notes-from-inside-eden/#more-1396">co-wrote</a>
and directed Eden. The film was billed as true story presenting the reality of
sex trafficking in the US, and a graphic and harrowing account it was. In the
mid-nineties (so the story goes), a young Korean-American woman named Chong Kim
was kidnapped by an international ring of sex traffickers, held captive, raped,
tortured, was witness to several murders, and along with hundreds of other
kidnapped women and girls, forced to be a prostitute. After some time, she made
a daring escape. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">The real-life Chong Kim then went on to became a
highly-visible professional spokesperson for anti-trafficking campaigns, and so
it was that Seattle producer Colin Plank got her and Megan Griffiths together to
make Eden. Eden was released at SXSW to huge critical acclaim, and went on to
garner multiple awards and fawning reviews. Megan Griffiths gave several
interviews together with Chong Kim, strongly emphasizing that the movie was a
true and accurate portrayal of Kim’s experiences and about the reality of sex
trafficking within the US. (<a href="http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/chong-kim-jamie-chung-megan-griffiths-eden/5150e93c78c90a502b000047">Here</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzHqfl0Sfr8">here</a>.) All of the publicity materials and <a href="http://www.kirklandreporter.com/news/128539148.html">all other spokespeople for Eden</a> did likewise. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Fast-forward to now: in the wake of the Somaly
Mam scandal about faked trafficking stories, people are suddenly examining the
stories told by other professional anti-trafficking activists more closely.
Around June 4, 2014, Breaking Out, an anti-trafficking organization that Chong
Kim was a board member of, publicly accused Ms. Kim of fraud. This
organization, Breaking Out, says that Chong Kim was never a victim of
trafficking, and that she completely invented her story in order to get money.
They have also produced court documents indicating that in 2009, Kim was
convicted of a felony charge, Theft By Swindle, for the amount of $15,000.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">So far, there have been four stories published
about the allegations: </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://reason.com/blog/2014/06/12/eden-sex-trafficking-fable-falls-apart" target="_blank">http://reason.com/blog/2014/<wbr></wbr>06/12/eden-sex-trafficking-<wbr></wbr>fable-falls-apart</a></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.mediaite.com/print/no-time-to-fact-check-the-ny-times-has-moral-panic-to-cover/" target="_blank">http://www.mediaite.com/print/<wbr></wbr>no-time-to-fact-check-the-ny-<wbr></wbr>times-has-moral-panic-to-<wbr></wbr>cover/</a><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.salon.com/2014/06/10/hollywoods_dangerous_obsession_with_sex_trafficking/" target="_blank">http://www.salon.com/2014/06/<wbr></wbr>10/hollywoods_dangerous_<wbr></wbr>obsession_with_sex_<wbr></wbr>trafficking/</a><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://truth-out.org/news/item/24827-from-somaly-mam-to-eden-how-sex-trafficking-sensationalism-hurts-sex-workers">http://truth-out.org/news/item/24827-from-somaly-mam-to-eden-how-sex-trafficking-sensationalism-hurts-sex-workers</a></span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Basically, everything that Eden says about sex
trafficking is a lie. (It’s certainly not the first time a movie about sex
trafficking has been based on lies. Remember the movie “Taken”, with Liam
Neeson? The man whose real life experience it was supposedly inspired by was
later arrested for fraud. <a href="http://hypervocal.com/news/2011/worlds-worst-resume-padder-inspiration-for-taken-pleads-guilty-to-fraud/">Here</a>, and <a href="http://www.tbd.com/articles/2011/01/bill-hillar-inspiration-for-film-taken-arrested-by-fbi-47382.html">here</a>.) No one but Chong Kim can really know what happened to
Chong Kim, and she is free to tell her story as she wishes. But as the creators
of Eden were quick to say, Eden is not just a story about one woman. Sex
workers around the world are organizing and fighting for our civil and human
rights, and Eden is a piece of propaganda specifically crafted to fight our
movement. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Here’s why: While adult consensual sex work is definitely
not the same thing as sex trafficking, there is no distinction made between the
two in law, or in anti-sex worker rhetoric. So from a law enforcement point of view, when one speaks of “fighting
trafficking” what that means is “arresting whores.” Some anti-sexwork campaigns
claim to focus on arresting clients, but the vast majority of people arrested
for sexwork are the workers, and they are not dangerous international
gangsters. They are usually women and transgender people, predominantly people of color, and they’re usually poor. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Interestingly, all the cops in the movie Eden were
also bad guys who were in league with the traffickers. If the main character of
Eden had come in contact with any non-crooked cops, she would have been arrested
and very probably imprisoned. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But all
the spokespeople for Eden seemed to feel strongly that tougher laws and more
arrests is what we need to combat the mythical many-headed hydra of sex trafficking.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Eden also had a <a href="http://www.edenthefilm.com/get-involved.html">somewhat murky financial relationship</a> with a number of anti-trafficking NGOs. When these organizations speak
of “sex trafficking” what they mean is: ANY exchange of sex for money, even if
it is between two adults and completely voluntary. No one, they say, can really
choose to do sex work willingly. People who <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">think
</i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">t</span>hey are doing sex work willingly are victims of “false consciousness” and
must be rescued from their own folly. By force, if necessary.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Anti-trafficking “rescue” organizations like
this, many of them church-based, work hand in hand with police. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">To an anti-sex worker, being arrested is "rescue", so w</span></span>hen they speak
of “rescuing victims”, they are talking about people brought to them by police, in
handcuffs. They utilize many of the same strategies as anti-gay conversion
therapy schemes and crisis pregnancy centers. <a href="http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2014/05/aclu_looking_into_phoenixs_pro.php">The ACLU is currently investigating one prominent “rescue” organization for civil rights violations. </a></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Eden is to the sex industry what “Reefer
Madness” is to marijuana legislation reform. It’s a titillating sexploitation
movie, purposely created for a neoconservative agenda of arresting more people
and controlling sexual behavior. It is a feel-good film for a sexual police
state, pernicious rubbish used to legitimize stigma and state-sponsored violence
against sex workers. It perpetuates the misery of people who are trapped
between poverty, a right-wing Christian anti-sex agenda, and the
prison-industrial complex. Eden should never have been used to solicit
charitable donations and get lucrative grants. It should very definitely not be
used to sway voters, influence public policy or government funding, or to
direct the focus of law enforcement.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">In spite of repeated requests for comment, no one
connected to the film will make any statement in response to these allegations.
<a href="http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2014/06/04/chong-kim-the-woman-whose-allegedly-true-story-served-as-the-basis-for-megan-griffiths-film-eden-revealed-to-be-a-fraud">(Griffiths did publish one Tweet on saying she was “deeply concerned” about the allegations, but nothing more.)</a> If they stand behind their work, then why won’t
they speak? I believe that Colin Plank
and Megan Griffiths knowingly perpetrated a fraud with the movie Eden. They
showed negligence of, if not actual disdain for, the truth. What they have done
may not rise to the level of legal fraud, but it is certainly a moral one. And
it’s a fraud that is still harming sex workers.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/2013/05/rough-draft-of-some-comments-about-sex.html"><span style="color: black;">For more information about how the myths of “sex trafficking” are invented and inflated, see here. </span></a></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Overall, </span><span style="color: black;">I do not speak for any organization, only
myself. But in this particular matter, I am endorsed by the members of the Sex
Worker Outreach Project of Seattle </span><a href="http://www.swop-seattle.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">www.SWOP-Seattle.org</span></a></span>
</div>
Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-3579628487572116542014-04-18T23:58:00.000-07:002014-04-19T00:03:23.827-07:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>Originally Published 2007 </b></i><br />
<br />
Ok, so I have to tell you an amusing story about an elevator encounter I had this past weekend... Or more accurately, one Candy and Jae and I had.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Candy and Jae have played with Traveler and me before, and they all like each other, so when I suggested they come visit us late one evening, he said, “Why don’t we all go to dinner first?” So we all went out to a lovely dinner, and there was some wine, and perhaps we were all feeling just a touch merry and uninhibited. Although really, we can all get that way without wine. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, you probably don’t know this, but there was a big convention in <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Seattle</st1:city></st1:place> these last few days – of orthodontists. When I say big, I mean we heard there were something like thirty thousand orthodontists in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Seattle</st1:place></st1:city>. Not just American orthodontists, either - there were Spanish orthodontists, there were French orthodontists, there were Indian orthodontists. Heck, there were orthodontists here from countries I couldn’t find on a map. I saw a lot of said orthodontists in lobby and elevator of the <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Fairmont</st1:place></st1:city>, and plus, we got the skinny from the valets, because those guys always know what’s going on. And they like to chat with cute girls. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We were looking more than just cute, actually, all dressed up for an evening of fun and games. I was wearing a slinky, skintight black Wolford top and skirt and spike heels, Candy was wearing very high heels and a flippy little black and white dress which made one think that her legs might really and truly be a mile long, and Jae was wearing an outfit that we decided could best be described as “a kinky SS cheerleader”. We were quite a sight, in the lobby of the serene and conservative Fairmont Hotel. We seemed to cause something of a stir on our way out to dinner, so on our way back in, I told Traveler to drop the three of us off at a side entrance, so he didn't have to escort us back past the interested gaze of the various hotel staff. I mean, the man stays at the <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Fairmont</st1:place></st1:city> with his business companions as well, let’s not complicate his life by raising too many eyebrows.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we three ladies are in the elevator, riding back up to the suite, and an older couple – perhaps late-sixties – get on with us. They were both all dressed up, obviously coming from some social event, and something about the lady’s expression reminded me of one of my great-aunts – the one who was essentially a kind person, but sometimes a trifle querulous. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps it was the reminder of dealing with older relatives that made me say to them, “Careful, this elevator’s been bouncing a little when it’s stopped, don’t trip.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just being a good citizen, you know? But Candy and Jae took my remark as a cue to begin bantering with the man in a manner that one might call <i>flirtatious</i>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He looked mildly startled but pleased. His wife’s face suggested that she didn’t know quite what to think about these oddly dressed and chatty strangers, but that given some time, she might work up to being displeased by them. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was not exactly my idea of being low-profile, but, luckily even a quaint old elevator like the <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Fairmont</st1:place></st1:city>’s doesn’t take long to get up seven floors. The couple were going on up, and I breathed a small sigh of relief as Candy and I got off the elevator, with Jae a few steps behind us, saying a polite goodnight to them like the former debutante that she is.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the woman calls out, in a half-sweet, half-suspicious voice, “Are you three orthodontist-girls?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, the first thought that went through my mind was: what exactly would an <i>orthodontist-girl</i> be? A female orthodontist? Oh, wow, that’s real feminist of you, lady. Gloria Steinem thanks you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Or maybe she means orthodontist’s assistants.</i> I didn’t know what such a person’s correct title would be. Neither did she, apparently.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, while I am sure there are some very tarty, kinky-looking people who work in orthodontist’s offices in all capacities, my strongest reaction was: <span style="font-style: italic;">lady, do we fucking </span><i style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">look</i><span style="font-style: italic;"> like </span><i style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">orthodontists</i><span style="font-style: italic;">?</span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I would not dream of saying such a thing to a blue-haired, pearl-wearing, great-aunt-ish lady. My Southern upbringing would never permit it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I turned around to civilly decline any connection with the tooth-straightening industry. Candy, however, is a woman of fewer words. She gave short laugh and a broad, dismissive wave of one hand, and sang out clearly, “Oh, <i>hell </i>no!” Then she turned and stalked off down the pastel blue hallway in her black and white faux fur coat, like Cruella DeVille gone vegetarian. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was at the wrong angle, but I caught just enough of a glimpse of the woman’s face to decide that I would follow Candy, abandoning Jae, who stammered something about Tourette’s Syndrone as the elevator doors closed on the outraged lady.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh my god, I can’t believe you said that!” I was laughing so hard Candy had to grab my arm to keep me from stumbling.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jae caught up with us. She was laughing too, in that horrified way one does when one sees a sacred cow – <i>Always be respectful of your elders</i> – tipped over into the mud. “Jesus, you should have seen her, her eyes got big and her lips got all mad and tight, and her chin started quivering like a bobble-head doll.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We reached the suite. Jae and I collapsed onto the couch, giggling madly. Candy looked slightly abashed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I didn’t really think about it,” she said, biting her lip. “I didn’t mean to be rude, it just - came out.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well,” I said, “it’s probably good that you didn’t say something like: “Hell no, we’re not <i>orthodontist-girls</i>, we’re a bunch of perverted harlots, and we’re going to go stick needles through this guy’s nipples, you wanna watch?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That made Candy laugh, too. “Yeah, well, that’s sort of what I was thinking. Only not the <i>wanna-watch</i> part.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So if you’re a lady of mature years who had an encounter with three wild women at the <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Fairmont</st1:place></st1:city> this weekend: Sorry, we didn’t mean to be rude. Want us to stick needles in your nipples to make up for it?</div>
Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-86423454625539676172014-01-25T16:20:00.000-08:002014-01-25T16:33:07.804-08:00Unsolicited, Indeed: A Letter From Professor Patti Adler<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wow, did I get a weird email today. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">First, quick backstory: Professor
Patti Adler is a professor of sociology at University of Colorado Boulder. Last
year, a class she teaches about prostitution came under fire. There were
conflicting reports about her being fired or leaving voluntarily, but it seemed
she had left. Then, she came back. (<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/16/patricia-adler-deviance_n_4454652.html" target="_blank">Or maybe she never really left, it’s unclear to me.</a>)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Adler, who called the class <u><span style="color: blue;">"the highlight of the semester in my signature
course,"</span></u> described what goes on during the prostitution
lecture: Professor Adler has some of her teaching assistants (who are undergraduates) dress up as various
kinds of prostitutes -- she named as categories "slave whores, crack
whores, bar whores, streetwalkers, brothel workers and escort services."
They work with Adler on scripts in which they describe their lives as these
types of prostitutes.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">During the lecture, Adler talks with
them (meaning: the teaching assistants, in character) about such issues as
their backgrounds, "how they got into the business," how much they
charge, the services they perform, and the risks they face of violence, arrest
and AIDS. The class is a mix of lecture and discussion, just like most classes,
she said.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So basically she has student <a href="http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/2013/12/patti_adler_cu_prostitution_ski.php" target="_blank">dress up in sexy outfits</a> and stand up in front of the class and recite stories she teaches them
about sex work. Presumably the students can also ask questions, which the
students-pretending-to-be-sexworkers will answer, based on the information
Professor Adler has taught them.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My impression, based on reading the stories
about it, was that this was really not cool. Professor Adler’s list of sex worker
social groups sounds extremely dated at best, and hardly academic at all. Her repetition
of the word whore is offensive. And having student dress up in costumes and
talk about what types of sex their character has is clearly a titillating
feature that has no place in a classroom. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But the real point is: there are
real sex workers who could speak about their lives, but are not permitted to. I
myself have visited college classes and talked about being a sex worker. Having
a guest come and speak to a class on this subject is very much a thing that can
be done – if the professor wishes it. Professor Adler apparently does not want
actual sex workers to speak in her class, she only wishes to have her students
say what she tells them to say. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I guarantee you that a lot of sex
workers have had to sit in that class and watch all that. I myself have sat in
college classroom and seethed as professors lectured the most arrant nonsense
about my life. I cannot imagine how I’d feel if I had to watch a bunch of
not-sex-workers dress up and play-act little skits about being me, and see that
be represented as a college-level of education about sex work. I was glad she
wasn’t going to teach it any more.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So that’s backstory. Today, out of
nowhere, I got this email. And wow, do I have a lot of thoughts about this. I’m
framing them, but in the meantime, feel free to <a href="https://twitter.com/mistressmatisse" target="_blank">reply to me on Twitter. </a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mistress Matisse,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Leonard says you might be open to
giving me some help with my skit this semester. I’ve only gotten a 1-semester
reprieve, and then I have to go, but I’d like to be more sensitive than I might
have been and make sure I don’t insult or misrepresent anybody. I can’t have
people come to my class because the class is really not about prostitution,
it’s about deviant subcultures, and I use the example of prostitution to
illustrate a stratification hierarchy. Many college students have only one
image when they think about prostitutes and that’s probably a streetwalker, but
I used a dozen people to come down and be interviewed by me starting with the
slave role, the crack-addicted role, the streetwalker (male/female/pimp), women
who frequent bars to pick up customers, brothels, and escort services. With
that many people I can only give about 3 minutes to each and I ask most people
the same basic things: </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What’s your family background, your
educational background, how did you get into what you’re doing now, what do you
do and how much do you charge, what’s your risk of violence/arrest/disease, and
what are your future prospects.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Might you be willing to give me some
feedback on a particular stratum or two? Can you tell me what your area of
expertise is?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Respectfully yours,</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Patti Adler</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://spot.colorado.edu/%7Eadler/index.htm" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">http://spot.colorado.edu/~adler/index.htm</span></a> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">From:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Leonard Fahrni [mailto:<a href="mailto:ldfahrni@aol.com" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">ldfahrni@aol.com</span></a>] <br />
<b>Sent:</b> Friday, January 24, 2014 9:04 PM<br />
<b>To:</b> <a href="mailto:adler@spot.colorado.edu" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">adler@spot.colorado.edu</span></a><br />
<b>Subject:</b> some unsolicited advice</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hello Dr. Adler
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am a CU alum
and I teach Math and Science classes at Metro State in Denver. I followed with
some interest your brief notoriety and I am glad to see that you have been
reinstated. I wrote a letter of support to president Benson and I'm sure my
effort did very little to tip the scales in your favor. I was just so outraged
at what looked like an attempt to censor your academic freedom that I had to
vent. In full disclosure, Bronson Hilliard and I played on the same team in the
CU trivia bowl in the 90s and I got him to help me direct my letter. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My unsolicited
advice comes from my reading of an unusual group of authors on Twitter. I'm
sure <s>@</s>mistressmatisse and <s>@</s>Maggie_McNeill don't represent the
opinions of the entire sex worker community, but they both criticized you based
on the assumption that people who are actual sex-workers need to have a voice
in any discussion of them. I think that point has some validity. I also think
either of them would be glad to share their experiences and knowledge with you.
I am almost certain that a letter from you would totally floor them, so it
might be worth a look just for that. Maggie mentions you in her blog here <a href="http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2014/01/23/" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2014/01/23/</span></a>
and can be contacted at <a href="mailto:maggiemcneill@earthlink.net" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">maggiemcneill@earthlink.net</span></a>;
You can take a look at my contentious discussion with Mistress Matisse on Twitter
on last December 16 </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">here's an
excerpt, where I claimed you were fired for the content of your class (Bronson
and Phil DiStephano both said you weren't "fired" and I guess you
weren't after all) I suggested that it would have been cool if she had been a
guest in your class and she agreed with me there. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://mail.aol.com/mistressmatisse" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">mistressmatisse <s>@</s><b>mistressmatisse</b> </span></a><a href="http://mail.aol.com/mistressmatisse/status/412639817801801731" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">Dec 16</span></a> <a href="http://mail.aol.com/LeonardFahrni" target="_blank"><s><span style="color: windowtext;">@</span></s><b><span style="color: windowtext;">LeonardFahrni</span></b></a></span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I've been to lot of college classes
where I talked about being a sex worker, and no one got fired. Because everyone
involved was respectful.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://mail.aol.com/LeonardFahrni" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">Leonard Fahrni <s>@</s><b>LeonardFahrni</b> </span></a><a href="http://mail.aol.com/LeonardFahrni/status/412639402662170624" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">Dec 16</span></a> <a href="http://mail.aol.com/mistressmatisse" target="_blank"><s><span style="color: windowtext;">@</span></s><b><span style="color: windowtext;">mistressmatisse</span></b></a>
This one did, no matter what the administration claims. Too bad, she should
invite you to speak.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://mail.aol.com/mistressmatisse" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">mistressmatisse <s>@</s><b>mistressmatisse</b> </span></a><a href="http://mail.aol.com/mistressmatisse/status/412639817801801731" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">Dec 16</span></a> <a href="http://mail.aol.com/LeonardFahrni" target="_blank"><s><span style="color: windowtext;">@</span></s><b><span style="color: windowtext;">LeonardFahrni</span></b></a>
I would have. But there are lots of cool, smart sex workers in Denver. Some of
them may have been students in those classes.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She can apparently
be contacted at <a href="mailto:Mistressmatisse@gmail.com" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext;">Mistressmatisse@gmail.com</span></a> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thanks for
taking the time to look at this mess. I admire the fact that you are able to
generate such long term interest for your class. I mostly teach service classes
like Business Calculus or classes for Education majors. In the latter, I am
always doing anything to get them to show a little independent thought. I tell
them to question authority and it is always a disappointment that more of them don't
see the irony in that statement coming from a person in my position. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Have a great
semester </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Leonard Fahrni </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">CU class of 77,
79, 88, 97, 05 and 10 (so far) </span></span></div>
</blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-1738475431220900272012-12-14T19:59:00.000-08:002012-12-13T22:26:58.157-08:00Bad Marketing (Of) Campaign<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, I'm not really officially blogging
again. (Unless I decide that I am.) But something came to my inbox today that
left me half-laughing and half-offended. It’s so outrageous that I had to share
it, and 140 characters simply won’t do. </span><br />
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(Complete and unedited text of an advertising
email I got from one of the sugardaddy/sugarbaby sites.) </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hello Beautiful,</span></span></b></div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As an attractive, independent woman, you get all the breaks:
skipping lines at clubs, free drinks, higher employment rate, and now you are
avoiding the "Fiscal Cliff".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Luckily for you, you're not ugly; because unfortunately, by order of
natural selection, ugly women lose... and only the beautiful survive.</span></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Your government wants to push you off a "cliff",
so don't get caught without your "parachute". Starting January 3,
2013, women like you will lose at least two thousand dollars to higher taxes.
And unless they find a Sugar Daddy who can be their "parachute", they
will fall off the "cliff" with the rest of the women.</span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, do you know a beautiful woman, like yourself, that you
want to save from the Fiscal Cliff? Share this email with her to guarantee that
both of you have your "parachutes".</span></span></b></div>
</blockquote>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let’s examine this bit by bit, shall
we? In the first line, we get some passive-aggressive whining about the benefits
of being considered an attractive person. Which do exist, although I must point
out that attractive men <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">also</i> tend to have
higher employment rates. (I would imagine that they could get free drinks with
no lines, too – if they went to gay bars. You have to consider your audience.) Plus, I thought <i>everyone</i> was currently avoiding the fiscal cliff, not just attractive independent women.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Second line: people who have not
really read Darwin should not try to reference his theories. </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Third line: now we’re getting down
to it. The writer is correct to put quotation marks around “cliff”, because <a href="http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2012/11/07/fiscal_cliff_it_s_not_a_cliff.html" target="_blank">it’s actually not a cliff.</a> I suppose he’s right to put them around “parachute” as
well, since in the event that one did, literally, fall off a cliff, your
standard-issue parachute would not help the situation. </span><br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fourth line: Since all attractive women
apparently fall into the same tax bracket. And retroactive middle-class tax
breaks that are overwhelmingly likely to be passed don’t apply to us, it
seems.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fifth line: And the GOP wonders why
women thought a war had been declared on them? Who wrote this, Todd Akin and
Richard Murdock?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sixth line: You know, if I did think
I was about to “fall” off a “cliff” and I needed a “parachute” to save me from
the fate of “the rest of the women”, I’m not sure I’d be inviting other
beautiful women hang onto my legs. Kind of goes against that natural selection
thing, you see. I really hate it when terrible ad copy is so philosophically inconsistent.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So this is terrible writing, and a
completely lame and somewhat offensive premise, but I must reluctantly give it
points for sheer marketing nerve. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have
to appreciate it when a website takes a markedly republican-ish point of view
about the current financial situation and spins that into what is, basically,
the suggestion that women should be sex workers and encourage their friends to
be, too. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m somewhat disappointed to see that they didn’t try to work any of
the social-conservatism angles into this pitch, though. They could have done
something about how undocumented foreign women are going to take all the
American men? Or how now that gays can marry, all the men (or should I call
them “parachutes”?) are going to marry EACH OTHER! And leave us women to go
over the cliff. An opportunity missed, there.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ironically, I got this more or less
right after reading <a href="http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/where_big_gop_bucks_could_matter_sud7apkPHDcFSVDDZkFDEL" target="_blank">an unbelievably condescending bit of tripe by Glenn Reynolds</a>
saying, essentially, that the unmarried women who didn’t vote for Romney were “low
information voters”, and that the GOP should court us by buying some women’s
magazines and putting Republican-friendly “feel-good stories” among the “the
usual stuff on sex, diet and shopping”.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m unmarried, Glenn. I read fashion
magazines – and that is what you are talking about: fashion magazines. Not all
women read them, and not only women read them, either. Let me tell you what
else I read, every day: The New York Times, The Washington Post, and the CNN
site.* It will shock you to know that I’m not a big HuffPo fan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition, at least once a week, I go look
at The Weekly Standard and The Wall Street Journal. I sometimes even check out (god
help me) The National Review, because I’m one of those crazy people who thinks
one shouldn’t live in an echo chamber. I find that works out well for me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In short, I am anything <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">but</i> low-information. And I <i>still</i> did not
vote for Romney. So take your patronizing drivel about my woefully-uninformed
female brain and go fall off a cliff with it. Your ideas about how the GOP should to appeal to women are less intelligent and much more offensive than this email.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">*Also frequent reads: The LA
Times, The Stranger/Slog, The Seattle Times (although not that much) Talking
Points Memo, and The Economist. </span>
Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-11055254242240393202012-12-13T00:22:00.000-08:002012-12-14T00:26:18.971-08:00Hi. So, yeah - I'm not blogging so much these days. Who knows, this blog may live again some time, but not right now.<br />
<br />
If you're new here, check out the archives for seven years of articles about sex, BDSM, sex work, polyamory, and various other topics both sacred and profane. The last few years have tags, or employ <a href="http://www.google.com/advanced_search?hl=en">an advanced Google search</a> to find keywords. If it has to do with sex, I've probably written about it.<br />
<br />
I<a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/mistressmatisse"> twitter</a> here.<br />
<br />
My articles appear in the Seattle weekly newspaper <span style="font-style: italic;">The Stranger</span>, <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Author?oid=9386">and the complete archives of those articles are available here. </a><br />
<br />
There are links to the right for my professional website, the Flickr feed, and various other bits of goodness about me. You can email me: MistressMatisse at gmail.com<br />
<br />
If you've been a regular reader of mine - thank you! Your support has always meant a lot to me, and it continues to do so.Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-65325767757641038442011-03-28T04:49:00.000-07:002011-03-28T04:55:58.858-07:00<a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=7336341">The latest column in The Stranger, about the way one should measure one's success as a top.</a><br /><br />And an answer to a question about collars and the subtleties of BDSM relationships.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Under My Protection and Collars of Consideration</span><br /><br />I saw some questions about this on a kink community board I’m on, so I’m using them as a blog-prompt for myself.<br /><br /> <span style="font-style: italic;">Q: When someone says, “So-and-so is <span style="font-weight: bold;">under my protection</span>”, what does that mean?</span><br /><br />That phrase may or may not mean that two people involved are playing together. The general translation of that sentiment, in my mind, is: “I’m fond of this person, and either because of his/her newness to kink, or just general emotional issues, I perceive her/him as being vulnerable to predatory personalities. So go ahead and chat them up, it’s all good, but just be aware: you fuck with them, you’re fucking with me. And you don’t want to fuck with me.”<br /><br />Your mileage may vary, of course. But that’s more or less what it means when <span style="font-style: italic;">I </span>say it.<br /><br /><br /> <span style="font-style: italic;">Q: What is a Collar of Consideration?</span><br /><br />A tiresome bit of pretentiousness? Collars of Consideration, indeed. What am I, a kinky seminary or something?<br /><br />Oh, all right, I don’t really mean that. I mean: I don’t do that sort of thing myself. I don’t generally use collars very much at all. (Although they are pretty to look at, and sometimes useful, too.) Some other people place a lot of meaning in them, and that’s fine. And whatever you want to call them is also fine with me - as long as you don’t pretend that there is some sort of universally agreed-upon BDSM system of ranking the person wearing them according to the title of the collar, or its color, or its material, or anything like that, because there is not.<br /><br />I suppose you could say a “Collar of Consideration” might be the kink version of a Promise Ring – the people involved are engaged to be engaged, if you will, in a committed D/s relationship. That would be my take on that.<br /><br />As always in BDSM, when in doubt, politely say to the person you're talking to, "I don't want to be rude, but I'm not sure I understand the etiquette here - can you tell me what that means, exactly?" That'll pretty much cover you no matter what.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >(Originally published April 2010)</span>Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-57854370628774362002011-02-25T23:38:00.000-08:002011-02-26T00:51:52.592-08:00I have neglected the blog lately, so here's a bit of catch-up. A Stranger column about <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=6874748" target="_blank">Why Nerds Rule The BDSM Community </a>. And the one before that, about <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=6676164" target="_blank">How Not To Have An Open Relationship.</a><br /><br />Now, the podcasts. I know you like the podcasts, I read all the emails you send me about them, and that is great, because <a href="http://twistedmonk.blogspot.com/">TwistedMonk</a> and I like doing them. There have been technical problems, but Monk has wrestling manfully with the issues for months. It has been crazy-difficult to get iTunes to update the data, but we think - emphasis on the <span style="font-style: italic;">think</span> - we have it all fixed. (With the fabulous assistance of another sexy podcaster.)<a href="http://mistressmatisse.libsyn.com/he-said-she-said" target="_blank"> So I'm publishing a fresh one to my hosting site to test it out. </a> Please cross your fingers that iTunes recognizes it and updates the listing on their site. If not - well, back to the drawing board.Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-87661950692367009042011-02-16T00:04:00.000-08:002011-02-16T00:06:59.308-08:00Been missing my podcasts? They are soon to return, but meanwhile, enjoy me on <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/SavageLovePodcast/archives/2011/02/15/savage-love-episode-226" target="_blank">Dan Savage's podcast, <span style="font-style: italic;">Savage Love!</span></a>Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-35436038176421868502011-02-08T12:29:00.000-08:002011-02-08T12:33:59.040-08:00<p class="MsoNormal">Another of the Blog Greatest Hits: Occasionally the tables are unexpectedly turned on the the Mistress...</p><p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal">***<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">So I got <span style="font-style: italic;">handled</span> by a lot of strange women yesterday. And I spent a lot of money for the privilege, too.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Let me back up a bit. I have had hardly anyone booked to see me this week. Usually when it’s slow I try to shake the tree a little, entice some more people into my clutches. But this week I just decided to say the heck with it and let it be slow. I have been taking care of a lot of little personal chores, and I decided to book a bunch of time-consuming girlie-maintenance stuff. I have a facial today at the Calidora Spa in U Village, for example. I like the facials I get at my dermatologist's office, but you have to book so far in advance there, and of course they have no evenings or weekends, so I thought I’d go see if Calidora was any good. Wish me luck that they don't do something terrible to my face.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">But yesterday I got a manicure and pedicure at this little salon near The Big House, called <i style="">Hoa</i>. I’ve been getting my nails done there for a few months now, and they’re very nice. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">They were particularly nice yesterday. I am a heavy tipper, especially with spa-type service stuff. If you’ve ever hustled for tips as a major chunk of your income, then you know how really happy it makes you when someone is generous, so I am. I think word has gotten around about that at Hoa. They always massage your legs up to the knee when they give you the pedicure, and they usually massage your arms up the elbow. But I got what seemed like an extra-long foot and leg massage, and the girl doing my hands was rubbing up my arms, to my shoulders, and then my neck. It was extremely blissful. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I said as much to the girl massaging my shoulders. Many of the ladies there do not seem to speak a whole lot of English, although it’s sometimes a little hard to tell. But she understood my smile and my sigh, and she smiled back at me and rubbed more firmly. Seeing us, the girl doing my feet smiled too. I mentally added another five dollars to both their tips.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So I’m sitting there is this big black massage-chair with the rollers going up and down my back, with one girl massaging my feet and legs and another lady massaging my arms and shoulders, thinking, “This is like sex.” And then I thought, “Actually, this is like being the client of a sex worker. And I am totally fine with that.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">An hour later I emerged from Hoa, fingers and toes gleaming, and went to Nordstrom to just quickly return a bra I’d bought online that didn’t fit. Or so I thought.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I gave the bra and receipt to the salesgirl. She said, “Did you want to get something else?” </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I replied, “Well, I’m looking for a bra with a really smooth line for under tight knits. Do you have any suggestions?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Have you been fitted here before?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I admitted I had not.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, that would <i style="">never</i> do. Ignoring my unfinished protests, the salesgirl conducted me to the dressing rooms, led me into a little cubicle and closed the door, brandishing her tape measure. “Let’s just have you take off your shirt.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Meekly I obeyed. She turned me around and lassoed me with the tape. “First we’ll just get your rib cage measurement.” I could feel her breath on my hair. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Okay,” she said briskly. “I’ll be right back with the Measuring Bra.” I wondered if the Measuring Bra was like The Sorting Hat. Was it going to sing a song about my boobs?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">She returned with a beige lacy bra that looked like something my grandmother would have worn, with big high cups. I must have looked dubious, because she said, “Oh, it’s just the Measuring Bra. We’ll find you some different ones. But let’s just take you out of that bra and put you in this one.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I thought, <span style="font-style: italic;">I just laid eyes on this girl ten minutes ago and she’s telling me to take off my clothes. And I’m doing it. Is this how people feel when they come see me?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I took off my bra. The salesgirl - or Mistress Underwire, as I was beginning to think of her - eyed my breasts and held out the Measuring Bra to me. I have never had anyone hold out a bra for me to slide my arms into, it was sort of strange. I had to step up fairly close to her to get all the way in. <i style="">Hi there. Nice perfume</i>. Then she turned me around and hooked me up in back. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Now I want you to just bend over at the waist.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Okay…. I’d heard about this, actually, bra fitters telling you to bend over. So I did. It was a small room, not much bigger than a closet, and my ass bumped into her hips slightly. In the mirror, I had a glimpse of her standing up close behind me, adjusting the straps, as I leaned forward. I have a mirror hung next to my spanking bench in my dungeon, and I see myself in that position with people a lot – only I’m the one standing up straight. But not, until now, had I ever seen anyone posed like that in a Nordie’s dressing room. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">She had me stand up and turn around. The Goddess Of Uplift studied my breasts thoughtfully, tugged at the sides of the bra slightly, and then said, “Let me just…” And stuck her hand <i style="">into</i> the cup and repositioned my boob. Then she put her fingers under the cups of the bra and shook my breast gently. And then she did the same with the other one.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now, I wasn’t <i style="">upset</i> by this, you understand. I was quite clear it was all in the line of duty. But – you have to admit it’s a bit funny. Maybe it’s just me, but I couldn’t help thinking, <i style="">Um, yeah, you’re playing with my breasts, there. Just sayin’.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style=""><span style=""> </span></i>I think it would have been different if I’d come in expecting that. But since I didn’t, I was a bit bemused by having a strange woman dressing me up in lingerie and arranging my boobs - which she referred to as "breast tissue" - to her satisfaction.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Of course, I'd been wearing the wrong size bra. I think you always are when you go to a bra fitter. I thought of myself as hovering between a big B cup and a small C. But according this lady - no, that was wrong, I should wear a D. Which is hard for me to fathom, but okay, bring them on, I'll try them.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">So the Demi-Cup Domina went away and came back with an armful of bras, and matching panties for everything, plus some yummy blue lace lingerie, since I’d mentioned that to her. And she tugged and shook and got me properly strapped into everything. She was a positive whirl of Nordstrom-ly helpfulness, in a sort of just-do-as-I-say-and-no-one-gets-hurt sort of way.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m kidding, really. She was fine and she found me a lot of stuff I needed. Obviously one doesn’t tip salespeople, but I hope she gets a nice commission off me. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">She’d probably make a really good dominatrix, though, if she ever wanted to go that way.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-style: italic;">Originally published May 2008.</span><br /></p>Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-65136877318901651752011-01-27T23:06:00.001-08:002011-01-28T16:05:35.323-08:00<a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=6473446" target="_blank">I’m expecting a bit of heat from the blogosphere about my Stranger column on Ms. Nickie Blue’s recent video for Kink.com.</a> Here’s a few points that my 500-word-limit didn’t allow me to make...<br /><br />Yes, I did trade some email with Nickie Blue. She’s a lovely woman, she seems like a charming person, and I wish her the best in her career.<br /><br />I have some thoughts about the video <span style="font-style: italic;">as a piece of erotic art</span>, separate from the offstage controversy. But I will save my review of the video, lest those remarks get mixed up with this.<br /><br />Whether people think Ms. Blue is, or is not, a “real” virgin because she’s had anal sex doesn’t matter to me. She says she hasn’t had vaginal penetration before, and I am certainly not going to contradict her. For one thing, that would be mean-spirited and presumptuous. For another, I watched the video of her having sex with Mark Davis, Jack Hammer* and James Deen. There are certain unmistakable facial expressions, noises, and body language that any woman who has ever had and/or seen uncomfortable vaginal penetration will recognize. They are not easy to fake convincingly, and Ms. Blue displayed them exactly. That was a not a woman who’s had lots of vaginal sex just flexing her Kegels. So I’m just fine with her identifying herself as a virgin.<br /><br />On one level, I have no problem with Ms. Blue creating her porn-star brand around her virginity. It seems obvious that from a business standpoint, she’s going to need a new schtick soon, but that’s not a major problem. I re-invented myself in the sex work industry half a dozen times or more – most sex workers do. I respect Ms. Blue’s acumen in identifying a marketable feature of herself and capitalizing on it. She’s clearly tenacious and driven, and those are very good traits indeed for an entrepreneur.<br /><br />But I also have a strongly held opinion that sex work, like BDSM and polyamory, is advanced sexual behavior. It is not a place to learn the basics. It is not a place for virgins.<br /><br />You see, in business, there is something called <span style="font-style: italic;">opportunity cost</span>. That means: the cost of an alternative that must be forgone in order to pursue a certain action. It also refers to the <span style="font-style: italic;">benefits</span> you could have received by taking an alternative action. And in sex work, an opportunity cost can be emotional.<br /><br />So I’m not saying <span style="font-style: italic;">oh, virginity is this sacred thing.</span> But people generally benefit from learning to do new, emotionally-loaded, intimate things in a low-stress setting, with people they trust. Ms. Blue will incur an emotional opportunity cost for experiencing vaginal penetration for the first time in a highly stressful setting with men with whom she did not choose and with whom she had no emotional connection.<br /><br />Only a woman who has a certain amount of sexual experience can make a reasonable judgment on how she will feel about, say, having sex with a stranger. Or having sex in front of an audience. Or both. A sexually inexperienced woman has no basis for predicting how she’ll react emotionally in the situation. Thus, it’s unrealistic for her to expect to be able to regulate her feelings about it, either in the moment or after the fact. (Of course, even having sexual experience is not a guarantee it’s going to be a positive thing for her.)<br /><br />So I hope Ms. Blue’s emotional opportunity cost for this performance was low, and that her gain from it, both in terms of her paycheck and boosting her future career, is high. But that will be the result of luck rather than an informed opinion, and luck is not something she should rely on in this game.<br /><br />Something I observed in reading other sex workers writings on this: Sex work activists don’t like to talk about the emotional costs of doing sex work very much. I’m sure it’s because it would be easy for anti-SW readers to perceive us as saying that sex work is emotionally damaging to women. That’s not at all what I’m saying.<br /><br />But sex work is one of the many jobs which requires what sociologist Arlie Hochschild called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_labor" target="_blank">"emotional labor"</a> and emotional regulation. Sexual <span style="font-style: italic;">emotional-intelligence</span>, in other words. For some women, sex work speaks to a particular set of talents and skills we possess, and the challenges of it are, overall, interesting and positive for us. For other women, that’s not the case.<br /><br />So you should not do porn, or any kind of sex work, to explore <span style="font-style: italic;">your </span>sexuality. A happy and emotionally-healthy sex worker is someone with the tools and the desire to facilitate other people exploring <span style="font-style: italic;">their</span> sexuality. As you go along in sex work, you’ll learn what particular types of sexuality you most enjoy participating in, and gravitate towards the appropriate setting for that. But getting into corporate porn to "explore your sexuality" is rather like joining the military to explore your issues with aggression and formalized hierarchies. You certainly will get an education, but it’s unlikely to be a smooth and enjoyable process.<br /><br />Virgins aspiring to sex work, think it like this: Actors rehearse, athletes train, and musicians practice. If you want your sexuality to enrich the lives of other people, and you want to be happy doing so, learn your skills in private. Then go forth and make the world a sexier place.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-style: italic;">*Special good wishes for a speedy recovery go out to porn performer </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://jackhammerxl.com/Kink/hello-world/" target="_blank">Jack Hammer,</a><span style="font-style: italic;"> who was recently diagnosed with bladder cancer.</span></div></div>Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-20598128438101407242011-01-24T22:01:00.000-08:002012-12-14T00:18:20.497-08:00I continue to mine my own archives to bring ya'll some long-form amusement... This is a story about what happens when women cruise each other. Originally posted Saturday, February 05, 2005.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">***</span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Maybe I Should Get A Septum Piercing Or Something… </span><br />
<br />
Because I must look too normal. I realized this last Wednesday evening when I was changing clothes in the locker room at Gold's on Broadway after my workout. A woman I'd not seen around before walked in, set down her bag on the next bench over from mine and started getting her gear out.<br />
<br />
She was a very butch woman – I mean, so butch you might have mistaken her for a guy. Unless, of course you'd spent a lot of time around butch women, the way I have. Most of my female lovers have been pretty butchy. I've always enjoyed that feminine-blending-into-masculine energy. And then I married a transman, so I'm well-acquainted with all the shades of gender expression a female-bodied person can achieve.<br />
<br />
I was struck by this particular woman because she very closely resembled an ex-lover of mine, whom I just saw last week for the first time in – god, it must be well over a year. Frankly, although I wish her well, it's always a little unsettling for me to see her. (Especially when she flirts with me, as she did last week.) This woman and I went through a couple of rather tumultuous cycles of breaking-up/getting-back-together, and while I wouldn't exactly say she broke my heart, she chipped it a bit. It was a highly emotional connection for me, and while it's been about eight years since we broke up the last time, seeing her still arouses in me an uncomfortable mix of affection and pain.<br />
<br />
So I suppose this woman in the Gold's locker room must have seen me glance at her a couple of times, and maybe she caught an odd expression on my face, because she turned to me, and said in this half-defensive, half-condescending tone of voice, "Yes, I <span style="font-weight: bold;">am</span> a woman."<br />
<br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">Christ, </span>I thought,<span style="font-style: italic;"> do you have me pegged wrong.</span> Aloud I said, "Yes, I was just thinking you look kinda like my ex-girlfriend."<br />
<br />
She had the grace to look somewhat embarrassed, muttered something vaguely apologetic and retreated to the bathroom stalls.<br />
<br />
But I thought, <span style="font-style: italic;">God, do I look that straight?</span> That's scary. Okay, I don't have a labrys tattooed on my ass, but still… And I know butch women get a lot of shit for walking around in the world looking and acting like they do. But for god's sake, we're on Broadway, in the queer Mecca – lighten up, sister. I hate to think how you'd have reacted if I'd been cruising you.<br />
<br />
I related this story to a friend over dinner, and then we recalled another women's locker room story of mine that's rather at the other end of the scale. We used to work out at Olympic Athletic Club in Ballard, and they have a big, sort of open shower/hot tub area in the women's locker room. Now, Ballard's not a big gay area, but one day when I was working out, I spotted two cute women who were clearly queer, and lovers. One of them I'd describe as a tomboy-femme, and the other – well, let's call her butch-of-center. <span style="font-style: italic;">Nice, </span>I thought, and then went on through my workout.<br />
<br />
Later, I got undressed in the locker room and went down the tiled passage to the showers. As I walked, I saw the two cute lesbians sitting in the hot tub, facing me. Now, contrary to porn-video fantasy, women rarely cruise other women, and almost never jump each other in places like, say, gym showers. But still, these two women were most certainly…watching me walk towards them. I could almost hear the strains of "Standing on the corner, watching all the girls go by…"<br />
<br />
I took in the fact that they were looking at me, and I happened to be in the mood to play along. So as I walked towards them, I let the towel I was sort of casually holding up to myself slip down a bit to see if I got any reaction.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">Definitely watching me.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">That's nice.</span> Now, the showers are arranged in a semi-circle around the hot tub, so when I got there, I stopped about three feet away from the tub and let the towel fall away from my nude body completely, as I paused to wrestle with the complex issue of just which shower stall I should go into.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">Hmm, let's see – that one?</span> (Perform180 degree swivel, toss the hair, arch the back a little bit.) <span style="font-style: italic;">Or, no, maybe that one over there? </span>(Turn back the other way, shoulders back, deep breath.)<br />
<br />
I watched from the corner of my eye - they both had smiles well-laced with sensual appreciation, and the butchy one giggled slightly, which caused her girlfriend to jab her in the ribs with her elbow.<br />
<br />
Without quite making eye contact, I let a slight smile hover around my lips. Then I hung up my towel on a hook and stepped into one of the stalls.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">But - what's this? It looks like someone left a bottle of shampoo in here. Huh, imagine that. Gee, I wonder if it belongs to anyone…</span><br />
<br />
I stepped back out of the stall and took a few steps towards the women in the hot tub, holding out the shampoo bottle. I made eye contact with them, smiled slowly, and then said, in my best magnolia-blossom drawl, I asked, "Is this ya'lls shampoo?"<br />
<br />
The butch woman stared at me wordlessly for a moment, like she'd been struck by lightning. It was charming. Then, as if reflexively, she shook her head and said, "No."<br />
<br />
But the minute after she said it, she sort of squeezed her eyes closed and put her hand up over her face. You could see her mentally kicking herself and thinking, "Fuck! Why did I say that?"<br />
<br />
The femme gave her an affectionate, pitying smile and said to me in velvety tones, "Oh – I'm not sure… Can I see it?" and held out her hand to me.<br />
<br />
So I walked closer to her, letting my hips sway a trifle more than is my custom, bent over the tub slightly – barely audible intake of breath from the butch – and handed the femme the white plastic bottle. As I hung over the water, the steam rose gently from the tub, misting my face with warm, dewy beads. She turned the bottle over in her hands a few times, and then looked up at me.<br />
<br />
"No, I don't think it's ours," she said. But she didn't hand it back to me. She just looked at me.<br />
<br />
It's hard to say what would have happened if we’d been alone. Based on my experience of how non-casual-sex-oriented most women are, I can't really make myself believe these women would have seriously made a pass at me – but I suppose anything's possible.<br />
<br />
However, we were not alone in the locker room, and at that moment, another woman walked into the shower area. I cocked an eyebrow and smiled at the femme, who gave the tiniest shrug and smile and handed me back the bottle. The butch woman sank a little lower in the water and grinned sheepishly at me from under her wet bangs. I went and took my shower, and when I came out, they were gone. A droll and gently erotic little exchange that left me smiling.Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-88519840647473283852011-01-14T16:11:00.001-08:002011-01-14T16:16:55.531-08:00Just to show ya'll that I have not abandoned you: a repost of a scene Jae and I reminisced about the other day - spanking the Bicycle Man. The photos are not for the faint of heart.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Smack</span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Now, not everybody I see is into heavy intense sensation. But I do have a handful of boys who like it as heavy as I can dish it out.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=136280" target="_blank">I’ve written about this kind of scene before,</a> and that may have been what prompted a gentlemen I’ll call the Bicycle Man to come see me. Like the guy in the column, Bicycle Man also likes impact on the ass, just as hard as I can do it. (I can actually get him to the "enough" point, though.)<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">There are so many different pleasures in BDSM - I could never settle for just one. But there is something viscerally satisfying about hitting something as hard as you can, and since I’m a sadist, I particularly like it when that something is a nicely responsive human body. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">And since I’m a generous person, I decided that Jae should meet Bicycle Man, too. I'm strictly a gym queen when it comes to athletics, but Jae played softball in high school and college. Golf, too. She’s got a serious swing. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The three of us had a great time. Wanna see? (The usual disclaimers apply…)</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.mistressmatisse.com/smack1.jpg" target="_blank">Me lining up the stroke.</a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.mistressmatisse.com/smack2.jpg" target="_blank">She swings and…</a> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.mistressmatisse.com/smack3.jpg" target="_blank">The bounce-back.</a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.mistressmatisse.com/smack4-1.jpg" target="_blank">I do sort of bat like a girl, though, don't I? Jae has great follow-through.</a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.mistressmatisse.com/smack5.jpg" target="_blank">We did catch one stroke just at the moment of impact.</a> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">But Jae and I are sure we could capture still more spanking art, so the Bicycle Man will just have to come see us again sometime…</p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(Original Post: Tuesday, April 17, 2007)</span></span>Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-48769898777880741072010-12-31T02:47:00.000-08:002010-12-31T02:51:48.726-08:00I've been really bad about not updating recently. And this URL is due for a big overhaul soon, so if you see it changing, don't panic. The content will not be going away, it'll just look different, that's all.<br /><br />Meanwhile, the two most recent Stranger columns, for those of ya'll who missed them. <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=5858174" target="_blank">Why Don't Men Wear Strap-Ons?</a> and <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=6061788" target="_blank">What's In/What's Out 2011.</a><br /><br />Happy New Year!Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-69524795438196231672010-12-15T03:19:00.001-08:002013-05-15T02:26:34.555-07:00Two important points before you read this. One: in this blog post, I make some sweeping, gender-based generalizations, and I make them in a somewhat tongue-in-cheek manner. I am aware that not every man or woman feels, thinks and acts in the ways I mention. This is a light-hearted blog post, not a feminist manifesto, so don’t get your gender-neutral panties in a twist, please.<br />
<br />
And two: <span style="font-style: italic;">naturally</span> every man of my acquaintance is an exception to all these statements. <span style="font-style: italic;">Naturally </span>I’m not talking about any man I have ever known personally here. My goodness no.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
Dear Mistress Matisse<br />
<br />
I'm a 27y/o submissive bisexual woman in a D/s relationship with a dominant man named Tom. We were both fairly inexperienced when we met, and sort of stumbled into finding out we were both kinky. It's been really great. We're well matched and are enjoying trying out every little thing our perverted minds can come up with.<br />
<br />
However, part of my sexual history has been pretty unpleasant. I was in an abusive relationship for nearly two years, and I had crappy experiences when I was growing up due to a combination of naivete and skeevy bastards. I've dealt with it in therapy and I certainly don't consider it as defining my sexuality. But it is there, and anyone I get into bed with gets a disclaimer: I have triggery points, and although I want to enjoy myself with you something we do may hit them. This history doesn't really have anything to do with kinky sex, and working through it has been more about learning to trust partners in general than anything else.<br />
<br />
In getting closer to Tom I've shared more of that history with him. However, he hasn't ever really dealt with this sort of thing before- he grew up a bit sheltered, and has never been close to someone who's been working through, say, depression or trauma. Dealing with this freaks him out a little, and he doesn't really know what to do. It's not that he doesn't want to be there in the event that I need him, and I've said that I would tell him what I need in the event that something does come up. Honestly, it's happened just once in the time we've known each other (nearly a year now) and most of the time all I need is a cup of tea and some time alone/a hug. But it's the idea of psychological instability, no matter how minor, that unsettles him.<br />
<br />
But since I talked about that part of my history (and really not anything near what I would consider the worst of it) he's been treating me differently in session. It feels like he's holding back and not doing everything that he wants to. I think that he's worried about bringing up bad history, but it's pretty frustrating. I don't want him to treat me with kid gloves- that's hardly the point of this endeavor. But it also makes me feel like he doesn't trust me enough to tell him if something's getting too intense, or as though he feels like he needs to take responsibility for my feelings. While I love that he doesn't want to hurt me (in the bad way) I really don't like that. He's said that he doesn't want me to ever get to the point where I need to use my safeword- that part of being a good dom is being able to know if something's getting too intense, that him crossing that line would be a personal failing on his part (and yes, he used the words 'personal failing'). I disagree - sometimes shit happens in session. It's not pleasant, but you move along and get back on the horse, assuming that things haven't been royally fucked up. And I wouldn't be playing with him in the first place if I thought he was the kind of person with whom things could get really bad.<br />
<br />
I really like this guy, but I'm not sure what to do about this. Is it an intimacy thing that needs to happen over time? Am I missing something really obvious? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
This is not a wildly unusual situation. You’re both new at this. He’s still building his confidence as a top. Most people have to do that when they first start out, that’s normal. There’s not a magic-bullet answer for this, it’s simply a matter of time and experience.<br />
<br />
You may, in all innocence, have overshared a bit and spooked him. It makes a top - especially <span style="font-style: italic;">male </span>tops - nervous when you spend a lot of time telling them about how you might freak out if this or that happens. Believe me, everyone has their triggery points. We know this is emotionally intense stuff - that is why it’s hot. If it's true that all you’d need is tea, space, or a hug, then in the future, go light on the foreshadowing and just ask for that if it comes up.<br />
<br />
I do think there’s a broader context to this, although you may not care for my ideas on the subject. But here goes: consider the possibility that you’re overthinking this - and that you’re being a bit controlling, too. You talk about wanting him to trust you – what would it look like if you decided to trust him, and his process? What if you said to yourself, “Okay, I want Tom to feel and behave this certain way, both because it would align with my wishes and because I think he’d like it too. But he isn’t choosing to do that. However, he communicates to me, both verbally and by continuing to do scenes with me, that he is enjoying what we do. I’ve told him what is true for me. Now I am going to stop second-guessing him and trust that he is the best and highest authority on what’s best for him right now.”<br />
<br />
Luckily, whether it’s his nerves or you being too controlling, or a combination of both, the solution is the same: stop trying to<span style="font-style: italic;"> do</span> anything. Whatever is in Tom’s head is not yours to deal with. The thing you have complete control over is <span style="font-style: italic;">your own behavior</span>. So you can choose to play with him, or not. You can ask for certain activities, or not. And then you can accept that Tom is the sort of top, and the sort of man, that he is. Or – not.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***<br />
<br /></div>
Here is where I go off on a tangent that’s not directed at the writer herself, but more at the culture in general. The idea that a woman can and should try to change how her male partner <span style="font-style: italic;">feels</span> about things annoys me. Of course, I don't think <span style="font-style: italic;">anyone</span> should try to control any other person's feelings, regardless of gender. But I get a lot of letters that sound much like this - and they are nearly always from women. Men have their own brand of bad habits (Lord knows I have discussed them extensively here), but I almost never get this sort of letter from men.<br />
<br />
I place the blame on women’s magazines, publishing all those stupid articles about <span style="font-style: italic;">Ten Tips For Fixing Whatever The Hell Is Wrong With Your Man!</span> It’s sort of borderline when said fixes are purely external. I have known and loved men who I thought really needed a different haircut, or some clothes from, say, the current decade. That’s minor stuff, and some men are happy to have a woman tactfully offer help with such things. Some aren’t, and then you have to either deal with it or not. But he couldn’t be that awful, or you wouldn’t be with him in the first place, right?<br />
<br />
However, I strongly disagree with the idea that a woman should try to redesign the inside of a man’s head. If you want a romance with someone who thinks just like you, date other women. Men are <span style="font-style: italic;">different</span> from us. Really. Their view of the world is neither better or worse than ours, it just – is. I myself think men are sort of like the Federal government. They do certain important jobs really well, but it’s best to keep their official duties simply defined. As far as I am concerned, the duties of the men in my life are: lift heavy things, defend me from hostile insects and rodents, tell me that I’m beautiful, and make with the sexy.<br />
<br />
Perhaps there are some refinements to those tasks - cooking dinner, helping me with my taxes, clearing paths through crowds, et cetera. But I think with men, it’s best to stick to job requirements that are observable to the naked eye. If you tell a man what you wish to have <span style="font-style: italic;">done</span>, he’ll either do it, or else he won’t. But if it's something both of you can see, then it's easier to discuss. Telling a man you want him to <span style="font-style: italic;">feel</span> differently is hard to measure, and doing so rarely yields a satisfactory result for anyone, in my experience.<br />
<br />
Again, I’m being somewhat flippant in how I’m expressing this. However, I am serious when I say: it is a mistake to try to get your partner to change how he thinks and feels. If you don’t already like how he thinks and feels, then why are you with him?<br />
<br />
So you want a tip, ladies? Here’s a tip: take the man, or leave him, just like he is. You want to fix something around your house? Re-cover your couch. Or clean out the gutters, or organize your spice cabinet, or whatever. But fixing up a man? Bad idea.Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-73838847825800523862010-12-04T03:42:00.000-08:002012-12-13T21:01:28.055-08:00The latest Stranger column, about unproductive behaviors that certain types of male/female couples fall into, when seeking a woman to join them. <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=5713688" target="_blank">How Not To Be A Dunning-Kruger Couple. </a>Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-34032965083563680312010-11-17T16:12:00.000-08:002012-12-13T21:02:45.916-08:00<a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=5540613" target="_blank">I have a new Stranger column up, and I’m expecting some blowback from it, either on the Stranger page or elsewhere on the web, because I am pushing a hot button: I am suggesting that the BDSM instructors should not teach – or even demonstrate – high risk practices in short, beginner-accessible classes. </a>So you should read that column first, because the rest of this post discusses it.<br />
<br />
This column sprung from attending a breathplay class taught by Lee Harrington here in Seattle recently, part of which made me uneasy. Let me emphasize here that <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lee showed us a lot of fun, no/low risk ways to limit or change the way someone breathes. </span>Lee is a very engaging speaker/performer, and has a lot of good things to say about the psychology and theatre of breathplay. It was only <span style="font-weight: bold;">part </span>of the class troubled me, and that was the part with demonstrations of strangling, and the part where Lee put a plastic bag over his head and taped it around his neck.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://passionandsoul.com/journal/letting-out-breath" target="_blank">The good part of this was how well Lee Harrington – with whom I’ve been acquainted for some years – took my criticism</a>. He listened to my opinion thoughtfully and without defensiveness, and we had a really good dialogue about it privately. For now, he’s not teaching the class as a stand-alone offering. Handling criticism well takes grace and maturity, and Lee displayed an impressive level of both. I respect that a <span style="font-style: italic;">lot.</span><br />
<br />
Breathplay is a touchy issue for BDSM people. Even the mere word <span style="font-style: italic;">breathplay</span> is tricky. It’s a bit like the word “bondage” – it covers a very broad range of activity. Let me reiterate that I have no problem with the milder end of breathplay, either doing it or teaching it.<br />
<br />
However, as with every kind of BDSM, there is a scale of intensity and risk in breathplay. And there are specific practices at the high end of the overall activity where the risk of harm is so high and so uncontrollable that I don’t think they should be taught to a general audience. <span style="font-style: italic;">Strangling people unconscious, or suffocating them unconscious with a plastic bag or some similar thing like plastic wrap, is very high risk. </span>I think BDSM educators should be actively discouraging those behaviors.<br />
<br />
And I don’t think it’s repressive, or a waste of time to do that. This is not about shaming people for their turn-ons, or preaching a just-say-no sermon. It’s no different than bondage instructors teaching people not to suspend people by just their wrists. Yes, it looks cool, you see it in the movies, and there are porn pictures of it online, but in real life, that’s likely to damage someone’s hands in a severe and/or permanent way, so he instructs people not to do that. There are other ways to tie people up that are hot and sexy and far less likely to result in physical damage.<br />
<br />
In the same way, there are ways to play with breathing that are far less likely to result in someone being harmed. That’s what we should be teaching people to do. I have no illusions that everyone will stop doing intense strangling and suffocation. But I believe that the BDSM community can and should influence some people towards safer types of play.<br />
<br />
For some people, the idea that they are <span style="font-style: italic;">deliberately and purposefully</span> risking death is part of the thrill of strangling and suffocation. They feel it’s the ultimate expression of trust, although I don’t quite understand how it expresses trust when a lot of risk is beyond the conscious control of the top. Doing a scene like that - one where, if things go wrong, someone dies on the spot - is called<span style="font-style: italic;"> edgeplay,</span> and I admit openly it’s not my kink. But obviously if you like playing with the possibility of death, then safer breathplay will not appeal to you.<br />
<br />
Fans of strangling like to invoke martial-arts masters as examples of how choke-holds can be done safely. To them I say: if you and your partner are, in fact, both martial-arts masters who have been trained in this, then yes, you can assess your risk differently. (I say <span style="font-style: italic;">both </span>because being schooled in how to respond to a choke-hold in a way that minimizes damage is part of why that works as well as it does.) And doing even a properly-executed chokehold while alone with a sexual partner is still a different situation than doing it in a ring surround by judges and officials, and with emergency medical help standing by. But I acknowledge that some people have superior training.<br />
<br />
However, the vast majority of people in the world - including me - are actually <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> trained martial-arts masters. For us, using martial-arts masters as an example for what’s safe in breathplay is a bit like using professional racecar drivers as an example of what’s safe to do while driving I-5.<br />
<br />
So to my mind, if you want to be educated in how to apply chokeholds, then go to martial-arts school. It will take longer than two hours, for sure, and it will involve more effort than you just showing up and sitting on a folding chair. (And way more than - sweet Jesus - reading about it and watching porn of it online.)<br />
<br />
But guess what? Gaining true mastery of <span style="font-style: italic;">any</span> BDSM technique takes work. If you want to do high-risk play, but you care so little for your partner’s safety that you’re not willing to spend time, effort and money to learn as much as you possibly can about how to do it, then I don’t have much respect for you as a player.<br />
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I have some other thoughts about the culture of breathplay as a part of the BDSM community – there are a few curious anomalies about it that I want to discuss with some people I know and respect who do breathplay. And I’m actually pondering a follow-up column to this one, if I can get a Seattle-area martial-arts instructor to answer some interview questions for me about learning and using chokeholds. So look for more questions and analysis about this in days to come…<br />
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EDITED: I think free-diving school would be the best way to learn about suffocation. Obviously it's slightly different being in the water versus having a bag over your head, but it's my opinion that the science of it would be similar enough to make that practice<span style="font-style: italic;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">slightly less</span></span> high-risk.Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-13074210762242664512010-11-10T03:07:00.000-08:002010-11-10T03:39:20.822-08:00A random silly story…<br /><br />Regular readers know I like champagne, and lately one of my favorite brands has become hard to find. <span style="font-style: italic;">Billecart-Salmon Brut Rose</span> is it's name, and there’s apparently some issues with suppliers/distributors here in Washington. Very annoying. Thus, anytime I’m someplace that sells wine, I’ve taken to checking to see if they have any inventory sitting on the shelf.<br /><br />Yesterday I was in the QFC on Broadway, buying some mundane items for the house, and I walked by the little glassed-in room where they keep the pricier wine. By chance, it was unlocked, so I stepped inside to just see if there was any of my pretty pink bubbly. I figured it was a long shot, but hey, worth checking.<br /><br />I was studying the shelves of champagne when the wine steward - a dark-haired guy, rather nice-looking - walked up and politely inquired if he could help me.<br /><br />“I’m looking for Billecart-Salmon rose. I don’t see any here, but if you have any bottles that aren’t out, I’ll take them.”<br /><br />Now, sometimes when I’m in a non-kinky setting, I’ll say something, and without my meaning for it to, it’ll come out sounding rather… Mistress-Matisse-y. I don’t know why. An occupational hazard, I suppose. It wasn’t like I snapped my fingers at the guy or anything. I just accidentally dropped into a bit of the <span style="font-style: italic;">command-voice</span>, you might say.<br /><br />And he heard it. He paused in what he was about to say and regarded me quizzically, but with good humor. Then his eyes dropped to the item I was carrying tucked under my arm like a swagger stick. He made a small gesture towards it. “Got a big evening planned?”<br /><br />I was carrying a toilet plunger. One of those really big ones.<br /><br />Naturally I cracked up laughing. “Oh yeah, I have a hot date,” I replied, taking the plunger out from under my arm and brandishing it slightly. “And nothing goes with a plunger like Billecart-Salmon. I mean, obviously.”<br /><br />He grinned. “Who could argue with that?” He then admitted he didn’t have any, and we spent a few minutes discussing the merits of other rose champagnes in a slightly frisky manner. I held the business end of the plunger and used the handle as a pointer as we looked through the shelves.<br /><br />Him: “Have you tried the Henriot rose? I think it would go well with plungers.”<br />Me: “Hey, I only have this <span style="font-style: italic;">one</span>. I’m not that kinky.” (Yes, I said that. Sue me.)<br />Him: “Well, there’s the Laurent-Perrier. I think that’s so good you should have proof of birth control when you buy it.”<br />Me: <span style="font-style: italic;">(laughing)</span><br />Him: “No, seriously. Even if you’re alone.”<br /><br />So there you go. Carry an odd accessory, cop a Mistressy attitude, and you’ll get lots of personal attention from wine guys. Just don’t buy any Billecart-Salmon, because I want it.Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-44906723374713722792010-11-06T13:34:00.000-07:002010-11-06T15:42:43.114-07:00A link to my latest Stranger column: <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=5417821" target="_blank">an interview with Sex At Dawn author Christopher Ryan, about life after one's book is published.</a><br /><br /><br />And, a little word-rant of mine, first written in 2004, polished up a bit and presented for your amusement.<br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">BDSM Word-of-the-Day:</span> Domme. Noun. Pronunciation: 'däm<br />Domme is a made-up word, the faux-Frenchified and feminized offspring of the abbreviation, "dom", which of course means "dominant". Both dom and domme are used as nouns: "he's a dom," or "she's a domme". But be aware that both words are pronounced exactly the same way: they rhyme with the name "Tom". "Domme" is absolutely not pronounced "dom-may" or "dom-mey".<br /><br />Even aside from some people's cringe-inducing tendency to mispronounce this word, it isn't one of my favorite terms - it just seems clunky and affected. When I came out into the scene, people used the words "top" and "bottom" as flexible generic terms to indicate someone's dominant or submissive role or behavior, and I still use those terms a lot, even though they've fallen out of vogue. I was taught to use "Master" and "Mistress" mostly as terms of specific address, and only occasionally as descriptive terms.<br /><br />Another thing: a "sub" is either an underwater boat or a sandwich. I realized this word has drifted into mainstream culture, and I'll cut non-BDSM folks some slack about using it, though I may wince slightly. But for someone involved in the scene, using the word "sub" to refer to a person is extremely gauche. I really feel that there is no punishment too strong for people who say or write "subbie" as a pseudo-cutesy way of saying "submissive".<br /><br />Also undesirable is saying "subbing" to refer to either a status or an activity. "Chris is subbing to Pat." Don't say that. You could say, "Chris is Pat's submissive." Or, "Chris is submissive to Pat." Or if you are speaking of a scene rather than a ongoing relationship, you could say something like, "Chris is submitting to Pat tonight at the party."<br /><br />One last word rant: Dom-i-nant, when used in this context, is a noun. If you are a person who likes to be in control, you're a d-o-m-i-n-a-n-t. When you are playing with your partner, you dom-i-nate them. That's a verb. As you can see, they're spelled differently, and that's because they're two different words. If I see one more personal ad or profile saying, "I'm a dominate Master," I'm going to give someone an enema with a pureed Webster's dictionary.<br /><br />Language is a beautiful thing. Words are very important. So don't fuck with them or the Mistress will kick your ass.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Original version published Tuesday, May 25, 2004</span>Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-1560279062136741072010-11-01T01:31:00.000-07:002010-11-01T01:45:42.760-07:00I realize I'm cannibalizing myself here a fair amount lately. What can I say? I have phases where I want to write a lot, and then phases where I don't as much. My real life is so extremely delightful lately that I'm just busy living it.<br /><br />Be assured I'm <span style="font-style: italic;">not </span>going away. I have collected a number of stories that will see the light of digital day sometime in the <span>future. I have a pair of Stranger columns in the chute that I'm quite pleased with, so those are forthcoming. And there's always my Twitter for 140-character bursts of whimsy, fashion-porn, and occasional bits of (I hope) brilliance.<br /><br />And, now a story I've told before. It came to my mind over the weekend, as some female pals and I were talking about sexual approaches that were doomed to fail.</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /></div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What Not To Say</span><br /><br />In spite of sometimes-considerable provocation, I try not to talk too much here about the recent, real-life bad behaviors of people I encounter. At least not so that they could identify themselves - it just seems too unkind. I have a lot of power in this forum, and I try to use it only for good.<br /><br />However, there are exceptions to that rule. So while this is not my story, it's from a reliable source, and it's so breathtakingly bad that I had to say something.<br /><br />Not long ago, a woman I know moved to a new town - not Seattle - and she went to a munch where she knew no one. A man there introduced himself and was very friendly to her, as men will be. In fact, one might reasonably say he was hitting on her.<br /><br />Nothing wrong with that, exactly. He just didn’t do it very well, you understand. Apparently he was a bit too forward with the social touching, for example. I have met this man myself, and I have my own observations of his social skills, and what she said lined up with my impression of him. But my friend is a laid-back girl, and so she just shrugged it off.<br /><br />Okay, fast-forward: the munch is over, she’s leaving, and he’s walking her to her car. And with no obvious pretext whatsoever, he turns to her and says, “So where are you on your cycle?”<br /><br />She looked at him. “Excuse me?”<br /><br />“Are you close to your period? You just look kinda puffy, like you’re retaining water.”<br /><br />My pal told me this, and my jaw dropped open in disbelief. “No, he did not say that to you. He did not.”<br /><br />She closed her eyes and laughed a little, ruefully. “Yes, yes he did.”<br /><br />Sweet Jesus Christ. I was dumbstruck with astonishment by this tale. I cannot believe that any man past the age of toilet-training would be so stupid as to actually say this a woman. I mean any man, to any woman, at any time, ever. Neither Max nor Monk would dream of ever saying something like this to me, even though there have been times when I was retaining so much water that I should have had a freaking salmon ladder built over my abdomen. If you have a female partner, yeah, sometimes you can tell when her body looks a little different. But only a flipping idiot would remark on the matter to his or her beloved. The correct response, if your girlfriend says, “Do I look puffy?” is “No, sweetheart, not at all.” If really pressed, you might squint thoughtfully at her and say, “Well, maybe your boobs look a little bigger. Otherwise, nah, you look great.”<br /><br />That’s how you handle it with a woman you’re intimate with, and it doesn’t seem like you’d have to be real clever to figure that out. So I am astounded at the thickheadedness of a man who thinks it’s cool to tell a woman he just met, whom he is hitting on, that she looks puffy. I mean, what are you thinking? How could anyone imagine that such a remark would endear you to a girl? Saying that kind of thing to women is a really good way to grow cobwebs across your cock.<br /><br />It's barely possible that this man thinks he's such a True Dominate Master that he can say things like this and women will find it acceptable. He'd be wrong, of course, but it's the only even-slightly-comprehensible explanation I can think of. (I suppose he could be a menstruation fetishist, but he didn't say so, and that still wouldn't make the remark any less horrifying. )<br /><br />Ready for some extra-bonus-wrongness points? This man is himself a rather large fellow. Nothing wrong with that, but if you’re going to go around telling women you just met they look puffy, you invite their examination of your figure, and if it speaks of a lot of high-sodium snacks, it makes a girl think, Well at least my puffiness will go away in a couple of days, buddy.<br /><br />Super-extra-bonus-wrongness points: when they got to her car, he tried to kiss her. I am so not making this up. I am not. I could not have made this up if I tried. It’s so wrong. (She dodged it, thankfully.)<br /><br />No, she didn’t tell him he was a prat, she’s too polite, and plus the whole thing caught her off guard. But you can bet she’ll be avoiding him in the future.<br /><br />Now, I don’t know that this fellow reads this blog. I hope he doesn't. But in case he does: yes, I’m talking about you. I am sure you’re mortified by this. However, note that I did not name or describe you, or mention the city, and I could have. Unless you tell them, no one but you, the woman involved, and me know that it’s you. Your best response would be to keep quiet and learn something from this. I don’t think you’re evil, but I think you’ve done some socially inappropriate things, and yes, sometimes you’re gonna get called on that. It’s a growing-up process. You seem active in your pursuit of the ladies, so here’s my advice: Your hands should be kept more to yourself until such time as a woman makes it clear she wants you to touch her. And your unflattering and too-intimate remarks on a woman’s appearance should remain unsaid forever.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">(First published: Tuesday, April 01, 2008)</span>Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-2238150330758581942010-10-21T15:19:00.000-07:002010-10-21T15:22:44.188-07:00I found out today that <a href="http://jezebel.com/" target="_blank">Jezebel.com</a> wants to link to my latest Stranger column: <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=5253784&hp" target="_blank">The Great Polyamory vs Polyfuckery Debate.</a> I'm charmed and flattered, and quite curious to see how Jezebel readers respond to it...Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6485689.post-28995146074476143682010-10-18T23:46:00.000-07:002010-10-18T00:03:15.683-07:00I forget sometimes that there's a whole little section of columns I've written for The Stranger that do not appear under my byline in their archives proper. They are over on the the personals site, Lustlab. Here's one from some years ago that I selected to place here today, but<a href="http://www.thestrangerlustlab.com/matisse/index.html" target="_blank"> you can enjoy all of them here.</a><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Anatomy of a BDSM Party</span><br /><br />10:40 p.m.—Max and I arrive at our host’s home and stash our stuff with the 20-odd other bags of BDSM toys sitting near the front door. The assortment of luggage reflects the tastes of the owners: black plastic tackle boxes full of needles and sharp toys, architects’ document tubes containing long canes and crops, and black leather duffle bags loaded with floggers and paddles.<br /><br />10:42 p.m.—I take a look around the room, waving to a few people. I’m guessing there are about 40 other BDSM people present, and if past experience is anything to go by, about half of them will be people I know well, a quarter of them people who I know slightly, and the rest of them people I don’t know at all.<br /><br />10:44 p.m.—I put the beers we brought into the ice chest and we then fall into conversation with some friends standing by the host’s dining-room table, which is loaded with yummy food. I eat strawberries and remark to Rose that her breasts, which are attractively displayed in a transparent T-shirt, are so beautiful that it’s difficult to restrain myself from touching them. She smiles and invites me to go ahead. Max and I aren’t in full-on cruising mode tonight, but we’re open to doing some casual play if the right situation presents itself, so gently squeezing Rose’s tits is an auspicious beginning for the evening.<br /><br />10:50 p.m.—Rose introduces me to a tall boy who has blue hair, blue eye shadow, and a blue-trimmed corset, all perfectly matched. The three of us chat about the pains and pleasures of wearing high-heeled shoes.<br /><br />10:58 p.m.—Mingling in the living room, I sit down next to another female friend and ask her about the pretty brocade bustier she’s wearing. We then get into a discussion about the relative merits of dating people already in the BDSM community versus meeting someone presumably vanilla and then “turning” them. I profess myself to be firmly in the first camp, but she offers some spirited debate on the matter, based mainly on what she sees as the slim pickings available in terms of already-kinky single men.<br /><br />11:07 p.m.—Brocade Bustier and I are joined by a third woman, wearing a long black gown, and the three of us get into a hilariously bitchy conversation about how one can identify undesirable dating possibilities.<br /><br />11:10 p.m.—Three women laughing together attract male attention, and we are joined by a guy in a black leather vest. We warn him that he should not attempt to participate in this female-dominated conversation.<br /><br />11:14 p.m.—The guy in the black leather vest leaves. Apparently our discussion of bad combovers, and the relationship between men’s cars and their penis size, displeased him in some way. We are not greatly troubled by his departure.<br /><br />11:28 p.m.—I find Max and we walk downstairs to the basement, where the BDSM play is happening. There’s a light flogging going on in one corner, and across the room a local bondage artist is putting a rope body harness on a topless woman, who is giggling. The main attraction for the voyeurs among us, however, is tattoo/body modification artist Gypsy Jill*, who is suturing glittering crystal and rhinestone beads onto another woman’s back, breasts, and shoulders. There are matching beads already woven into her hair. It’s clearly going to be an elaborate piece of body art when it’s finished. The woman being sewn on quivers occasionally, but it’s impossible to tell if it’s from pain or pleasure. Otherwise she sits quietly, watching herself and Jill in a mirror that’s been placed in front of her chair. A handful of rapt observers stand at a polite distance, murmuring amongst themselves in low voices.<br /><br />11:49 p.m.—Max and I are enjoying just seeing our friends, but we’re also still considering who, if anyone, we might pounce upon. So we go back upstairs and wander out onto the deck, where several nude people are sitting in a hot tub. A black-haired woman in a black leather corset, puffy tulle skirts, and high laced boots is sitting next to the tub in a plastic chair, holding a laughing conversation with a naked woman as she splashes in the water. Sounds float out to us from the living room, and everyone’s head turns for a moment as we all hear the familiar <span style="font-style: italic;">thwack</span> sound of a flogger landing on someone’s flesh. A few people stub out their cigarettes and stroll inside to see who’s getting flogged, but most of us just smile and go back to our conversations.<br /><br />12:11 a.m.—After an amusing group discussion about how to get one’s BDSM toys through an airline baggage check, I go back inside to get a drink, carefully avoiding the backswing of the corseted Mistress who’s flogging a shirtless man as he leans up against the wall. I bend over to get a can of pop out of the ice chest, and as I straighten up, a male friend standing a few feet behind me grins and asks if I’ll get him one too. I obligingly start to bend over again before I remember: I’m wearing my <span style="font-style: italic;">extremely</span> short leopard skin skirt. I stick out my tongue at him, and then pull up the hem of my skirt for a second and flash him my ass cheeks.<br /><br />12:26 a.m.—One of the guests has recently appeared in a spanking and corporal punishment DVD and has brought a copy to the host, who promptly pops it into the player. It’s actually a pretty good DVD, as such things go, but there is no tougher audience than a roomful of hardcore perverts like us, and our response is something that, if filmed, might be entitled <span style="font-style: italic;">Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Fetish Movies.</span><br /><br />1:00 a.m.—Despite some kinky possibilities here, Max and I decide we’d prefer to go home and fuck each other like crazed weasels, so kiss a lot of people goodbye—some more enthusiastically than others—and leave.<br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /></div><br />*Who is much missed by people who knew and loved her. <span style="font-style: italic;">Requiescat in pace,</span> Jill.Mistress Matissehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140154203229525224noreply@blogger.com0