Saturday, July 31, 2004

Someone emailed me today and said, "How come you never write about Max?"
Well, I have, and I'm sure I will again. I've actually been nudging him about making a guest post here. Some of ya'll asked about the always-being-a-top thing, and I think he has some interesting stuff to say about that. Maybe when our parade of houseguests is over in two weeks, I'll get him to do that.
Meanwhile, in the name of parity, you can read an archived Control Tower column about him here...
I'm also charmed by Monk's reference to him of late...

Okay, back into the hosting-Midori weekend...

Friday, July 30, 2004

Social Update: I had a really great date with Jake last night, as I mentioned earlier. Perhaps I should explain where Jake came from...As my long-term readers will recall, about six weeks ago I was experimenting with online personals for a day or two. Well, Jake is one of the two guys I was flirting with on Bondage.com before I decided that system just didn't work for me.

I had traded a couple of emails with two guys on B.com. One of them I sent a polite thanks-but-no-thanks note. But the other guy – there was just something about him that I liked. So, after about a week of emailing back and forth, I decided to just say "what the hell" and meet him. (I suppose I shouldn't say that system of meeting people wasn't working for me when, in fact, it did. But it's not my preferred system of meeting people.)

Whether you like personal ads or not, don't let anyone tell you that you cannot possibly meet someone cool that way. 'Cuz Jake is terrific – he's a sweet, educated, intelligent guy who's got muscles, big tats, a shaved head and a generally badassmotherfucker look to him. Woo-hoo, what more could a pervy girl want?

But it's not just about sex - Jake and I have a number of other things in common. I was talking to Max about him tonight over dinner, and I said, "One of the things I like about Jake is that he's an outsider, like me." Jake's reasons for being an outsider aren't the same as mine, but he knows all about moving through the world with that status. And, like me, the experience of being regarded as "other" has left him with a healthy disdain for social conformity and social institutions. Our mutual observations upon the antics of certain BDSM community types are probably acidic enough to eat through metal, but hey, it makes us laugh.

One day I'm going to have to write a piece about the three men in my life. When I think about Max, Roman and Jake, I'm struck by how different the three of them are. They'd make a great cast for some "caper" movie, where wildly disparate characters are brought together to pull off a heist or avert world destruction. They're sort of an all-male Charlie's Angels. Matisse's Angels? Huh, Matisse's Devils is more like it.
I'm dashing off into a busy afternoon and evening, but I wanted to send a quick "Thank You" note to a very sweet man. Jake and I were at Coastal Kitchen last night, and after we had our dinner, we shared a piece of rather decadent chocolate cake.
When the waitress brought the bill, she said, "But the guy working in the pantry bought you dessert."
"He did? Why did he do that?"
She shrugged and smiled enigmatically. "You'll have to ask him."
When she walked away, Jake said, "He's one of your fans."
"No…You think?"
"I bet that's it."
Coastal Kitchen has an open kitchen – you can see all the chefs at work. So on our way out, we went up the guy the waitress had gestured towards.
I smiled at him. "So, you bought us dessert?"
He smiled back, "Yes."
"May I ask why?"
He leaned closer to me and said softly, "You are Mistress Matisse, right?"
So we chatted for a minute about common interests and then I thanked him and Jake and I left. But what a very sweet guy, and a nice thing to do – so, thank you…

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Ring ring!

Me: Hello?
Caller: Do you do dominance sessions with couples?

I always marvel to myself at people who plunge into conversations like this without first making certain that they are, in fact, speaking to me. I mean, have they never dialed a wrong number in their life?

My first-impressions response is telling me "no" about this guy. He didn't say "hello, may I speak to…" etc. And he sounds way too young. But we'll dance a few more steps with him.

Me: Sometimes. Why don't you tell me a little about who you are, and what your experience is, and what you and your partner are looking for from me.
Caller: Well, I'd like to do this as a surprise for my girlfriend…

Boom. That's it, game over. I'd hang up right now, except that he'd just call back. But there is no way I will ever do a session where I'm a surprise for someone.

Perhaps you're wondering, "Gee, could she have had a bad experience in a similar situation?" Allow me to inform you that you cannot begin to imagine the apocalypse which can be wreaked by an irate spouse under such circumstances. I myself don't have to imagine it – I was there.

But I left, expeditiously. Pity the fool who had to stay behind, in a presumably vain attempt to prevent all his worldly possessions from being flung out a window six stories down to the concrete below. From the safety of the street, it looked as if it was raining CD jewel boxes and Fa├žonnable shirts. The homeless people thought it was the second coming.

No, I will never, ever, be a surprise for someone's partner.

He's still talking -

Caller: …I'd like to like, blindfold her and bring her into your dungeon and like, tie her up and have you just start flogging her, and she won't know where she is, or who you are or anything. I think that would be really hot.
Me: No, I don't do scenes like that. She'll have to talk to me on the phone before I set the appointment, and when you get here, she'll have to talk to me and tell me that she's okay with me playing with her before I do anything.
Caller: Oh, man - really? I mean, I know she'd dig it, we've talked about coming to see you, but I think she's just, you know, kinda shy? Once she got warmed up and all, I know she'd be into it.
Me: I understand that. However, for my own peace of mind, I need to hear all that from her directly.
Caller: (cajolingly) She's really hot. She's 25, and she's got long dark hair, and a really pretty body, and –

Why do some guys think women will be swayed by shit like this? This boy needs a big ole whack with the clue stick: Unlike him, I'm actually not a mindless slave to my hormones.

Me: That is completely beside the point. Everyone I play with has to consent – to me, in person – before I lay a hand on them. That's my rule. If you don't like it you're welcome to try someone else.
Caller: Well, shit, I guess I will. I didn't know you were gonna be so bitchy about it.

Click. He hangs up.

I scroll through the Caller ID, and yep, there's his number. I wonder if I should call back in an hour or two and see if his girlfriend answers the phone. "Hey sweetie, better talk to your man, he's planning an intense surprise for you."
No, bad idea. Tempting, though. Maybe he'd wind up doing a submission scene that he didn't expect. What a charming thought.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

So, I'd like to conduct a poll…I'd like you to tell me what your favorite entry is. The reason I ask is that it looks like a selection of my writings here are going to appear in a sex-blogger anthology. I speak of this rather cautiously, because I haven't actually signed a contract yet, but let's say that I feel reasonably sure it's going to happen. I'll give you more details about this as it becomes appropriate.

I know what ones I like, and I can infer a great deal from your comments. But if you have a particular favorite, let me know about that, please…
Just a note to say no, I haven't dropped off the planet, I'm just busy with - you guessed it - my mother...Look for a real post soon...