Friday, April 06, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Meanwhile, here's the new column, straight from the voicemail archives.
Photos: Me looking all mistressy and stuff.
Me resting while Craig snaps pictures of me.
Amusing event of the day: buying and using of those nifty little pineapple-corer gadgets. They actually work reasonably well. Which is good, because my pineapple addiction is getting just a little out of control, and it's way cheaper to buy them whole rather than pre-cut.
At least that was the amusing non-kinky event. There was something involving Blue Eyes, the Magic Wand, and this purple attachment for it that Jae and I refer to as "Gonzo" because it reminds us of the Sesame Street character... But as Monk would say: that's a story for another day.
Professional query: (no, my OTHER profession) If you're a writer and you've used Power Writer or Power Structure software, would you drop me a note? I'm thinking of buying one of them.
Edited to add: I have watched the Alanis Morissette spoof of "My Humps" about twenty-seven times, and still it cracks me up. Brilliant parody. I think I'll watch it again now.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Other silliness: Complete and exact text of an email I got today...
say my name is mark and i'm looking for a job escoting sexy women on date's. call me at my number XXX- XXX- XXX from 9am to 6pm okay. thank you bye for now
No more today, though. I have to get all my tax stuff together and deliver it to the very patient man who does my taxes for me. I hate this stuff, it makes my head hurt just looking at it. (And that’s before I even write the check to the government.)
And then maybe I’ll do a scene where I pretend someone is an IRS Agent and make them recite tax law while I beat them. That would make me happier.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
Flogging master: someone who excels at telling people how good he is with this many-tailed whip he’s got.
Suspension scene: one where the bottom has to stop and wait for the top to get ready to hang them up in the air.
Bullwhip: a long heavy whip which some people claim to like, and some people claim to know how to use properly, even thought they really don’t.
Mummification: a bondage technique where you wrap someone up like a mummy and don’t talk much.
Sounds: Noises men makes when you insert a long metal rod into their urethra.
Spreader Bar: A long bar you attach ankle cuffs to, or someplace you first take your date hoping to get them drunk so they'll let you put ankle cuffs on them.