Saturday, August 25, 2007
Is this not the most gorgeous dress you've seen all day? I'm slightly surprised that the designer brought it out for fall, because to me the colors and the fabric look like spring/summer. But who cares, the blues and greens are so yummy I just want to eat them with a spoon. And it looks slinky, too. I like slinky.
This one is so not my usual style, but there's something about it that I like. It's exotic.
And more appropriate for the cooler months ahead: After searching high and low because they're sold out everywhere, Armani actually found these Giuseppe Zanotti boots for me in my size! I'm very excited.
Edited to add: I'm sad that I've been outbid on this dress, because I think it's smokin'. But I have a limit, and it's gone beyond it. Curses!
Edited again: (This is the last edit, I swear. I need to stop shopping and get busy with other things.) I really like this skirt, it's a great cut for me, and I'm interested in adding both more white and more gold to my wardrobe. It's a decent price, too.
But please tell me, fashion ladies and gentlemen, what color top I'd wear with it, because I'm stumped. Black seems too contrast-y, and I fear red would make me look like a Christmas-tree ornament. So would gold.
In a perfect world, I'd wear a plain knit shell that matched the white, but I know that the odds of find a plain knit shell that exactly matches the skirt are slim.
I have a rule: if I don't know what I'd wear with something, then I can't buy it. Unless one of you offers me a brilliant solution, I'll have to let it go by.
Friday, August 24, 2007
I'm writing you because after reading your column for the Stranger for years I've come to respect your advice, and because your web site lists this email address as a space where one can send "brief questions."
I could use some advice about applying to be an experienced domme's part time slave-boy…I am absolutely clueless about where to find someone with experience who would want to train me. I have found such ads from dommes to be extremely rare-- or I'm looking in the wrong places. I recently replied to the only one I've seen that really spoke to me-- on craigslist-- only to find out that I knew the person, which both killed any capacity for me to serve her and, I suspect, made her never want to speak to me again.
Anyway, where would I look to find such domme ads? Or should I post one advertising myself? Craigslist seems awash in male doms seeking female subs. Ditto stranger lustlab. What am I missing?
Thank you for your advice. Ever since I saw you, looking exquisitely disinterested while disciplining someone at a party at Vain years ago, I've had great admiration for your work.
Thank you for your kind words. I need to rewrite that line on the web page though, because I actually do not answer most of the advice questions I get. I simply don’t have time to. But you happened to appear in my in-box at just the right time, so here we go.
The brief answer is: you’re not missing anything. What you’re seeing is what the situation is. There are a lot of men who wish to be submissive and relatively few women making it known that they’re looking for such men. Whether there are just fewer kinky women overall is a debatable point, but there are definitely fewer personally advertising themselves as such. Thus, it’s a buyer’s market for dominant straight women.
As for where you’d look for dominant women – well, I’m tempted to slap your palm with the Mistress’s anti-intellectual laziness stick. You go to kinky events, that’s how. You continue to cruise the kinky personals. Bondage.com, Collarme.com, and Alt.com are the three of the more popular ones. They all have their good points and bad points. I think Bondage.com is fractionally better than the other two, but your mileage may vary.
And you have to understand that this is going to be a looooooong process. You’re trying to find someone to fit a very narrow set of specifications, and you can’t just order her up from Nordstrom. I’m baffled as to why the woman you already knew wasn’t an option. I would think it would be a good thing that you weren’t starting off with a stranger. But, okay.
Also: that “slave application” thing? Be careful with phrases like that. If you read an ad and she uses that type of language to describe what she wants, then that's fine, go ahead. But not all female dominants do. I myself do not take applications. Jack In The Box takes applications. I meet people and then I decide whether or not I wish to have an intimate connection with them. I also do not use terms like slave training, because I find them hackneyed and so overused as to be meaningless. I know a lot of other kinky women who feel likewise. Straight men are notorious for not reading women’s ads before responding. It’s a huge turnoff when you get responses from someone who obviously has not comprehended one single thing you’ve said about what you’re seeking. If you wish to distinguish yourself, read carefully, and reply to what the ad actually says, not just what you want it to say.
Now I’ll tell you what I tell everyone: you can get what you want, if you try. It’s going to take some time and effort, but the right person for you is out there. Don’t get discouraged, and try to enjoy the journey as well as looking forward to the destination.
P.S. Exquisitely disinterested? That’s quite the phrase. I imagine I was tired. I recall that show, and it was a zoo. Fun, but exhausting.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
But I will only be in the dead-tree version every other week.
I've already gotten some plaintive "hey, what happened to your column?" calls and emails. And I'm glad you're reading me! However, this is not within my control, so I'm just being patient while the higher-ups shift things around. Any suggestions you might have about it should be addressed to the good people at The Stranger.
And thus, here is the new column...
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Books I’m Browsing
The Harlequin: Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 15, by Laurell K. Hamilton
Yeah, I know, the last couple of them really sucked. (Pardon the expression.) But there was a sweet spot for this series, when it was as addictive as cocaine-sprinkled brownies. I keep hoping Ms. Hamilton will find her way again. (The Meredith Gentry series does nothing for me.) I have yet to find another paranormal fiction line that amuses me so much, and I have read some real dogs of books trying. Hence, hope springs eternal. But I’m buying it used.
Don't Believe Everything You Think: The 6 Basic Mistakes We Make in Thinking,
by Thomas E. Kida
This looks extremely interesting. I’m always very interesting in understanding why people – including me- think and act as they do, and this books looks to be all about the debunking of pseudoscientific crap pushed at us by, say, Madison Ave and the Bush Administration.
The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoir of a Professional Submissive, by Joan Kelly
Looks like an interesting twist on the more common pro-domme memoir.
The Art of Detection (Kate Martinelli Mysteries), by Laurie R. King
I prefer Ms. King’s books about Sherlock Holmes and his wife (!) to the modern-day stuff, but she creates good characters and has a knack for building up tension and dread in a thriller.
The Emperor of Scent: A True Story of Perfume and Obsession, by Chandler Burr
I don’t wear perfume. For one thing, I have a not-very-acute sense of smell, so I’d probably put on too much and make people’s eyes water in elevators. Also, alcohol-based perfumes leave tiny brown blotches on my skin wherever I’ve applied it. Some kind of allergy, apparently. I tried the essential oil thing for a while, but really, between hair products and lotion, I’m sweet-smelling enough anyway.
But I like knowing how things work. Publishers Weekly says: “Nobody knows for sure what makes our noses work the way they do, not even the $20-billion-a-year perfume industry's legions of chemists, whose jobs depend on appealing to those noses. So what happens when Luca Turin, a likable scientist who happens to possess an unusually sensitive nose, proposes a new theory of smell that promises to unravel the mystery once and for all? That's what readers find out in this often funny, picaresque expos‚ of the closed world of whiffs, aromas and odors-and the people who study them.”
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I went with Monk to see a shoulder specialist, who was extremely helpful and reassuring. He told us everything was going as it should be, and he fixed Monk up with a high-tech brace/cinch sort of thing that gives him much more mobility and much less pain. Yay. Kisses to the fabulous medical man who helped me arrange the appointment.
Then I went off and had a dee-lightful interlude with Armani and another young lady, who may identify herself if she wishes to. Red, warm behinds were the order of the day.
Oh, and that Prada bag? It got Armani’s vote, and he ordered it for me. I think there are some tall black patent boots in the works as well. Example # 3,427 of how I have the sweetest guys in the world.
I listened to (yes, I’m admitting it) Kayne West’s new song, Stronger. Several times. It’s embarrassingly catchy.
Upcoming stuff: Miss Candy is having a kinky-ish fitness fundraiser in Cal Anderson park at 2pm this Sunday. Here’s the very lovely poster for the event, but basically, she’s having a 30-minute Boot Camp class, which I gather is some sort of exercise-based torture. (I so don’t do exercise classes.) But there’s a pushup contest, raffles, free food and drinks, and all queer and queer-friendly people are welcome.
Also, I am judging the Northwest LeatherSir, Leatherboy & Community Boot Black Contest the weekend of August 31st /Sept 1st. If you’ve never been to a good old-fashioned leather contest, here’s your opportunity. Way back in the day, leather title contests like this used to be one of the few publicly-accessible kink-based events. Not so much anymore – there are so many other social venues. But there’s a charm to them – just look at Miss Candy, who is the reigning Washington State Ms. Leather. She’s extremely charming!
I myself never ran for a title because, frankly, I thought I’d hate the high level of kink-community attention one receives when one is a title-holder. Every little move you make gets scrutinized and talked about, it’s a lot of pressure. I mean, you can’t so much as pinch someone’s tits without…
Oh, wait a minute. That happens to me anyway. Whoops. How did that happen?