Friday, September 17, 2004

More Emails From People Who Just Aren't Paying Attention

I am a 44 year old writer, philosopher, and psychotherapist, and I would enjoy taking you out for lunch and a nice conversation.

I'm sure you would, sweetie, but you seem to have confused my website with It's amazing how many people seem to think I'm just starved for companionship and have oodles of free time to kill. Bwaha ha ha ha haaaa…
That one sentence was the entire email, by the way, except for his first name. Note to all the guys who've been living under rocks – this is not a winning strategy for meeting women.

I'm a 24 year old in Boston and I'm getting started in sex work. How much should I charge?

How on earth should I know? She doesn't even say what, exactly, she's going to be charging for, for gods sake. (And I'm only assuming this person is female, because I don't know that for sure, either.) Plus, she's on the other side of the country. Note to ladies looking for professional tips: Google the name of your city and phrases like "sex work" - or "escort", or "professional dominatrix", or whatever. But you need to find the local info.

And A Visit With The Word-Fetishist…

For no reason except that I want to... here are some amusing words and expressions that I've collected lately…

· sucking mud: Not working; crashed (said of a computer)
· 404: Relating to a person who is out of touch or clueless.
· banalysis: Analysis or reasoning that is commonplace, trivial, or trite.
· bozon: a whimsical unit of stupidity and cluelessness. A dumb person might be said to have a high "bozon" count.
· "a dog watching TV": idiom. A person who is viewing or working with something without understanding what it is or what it does.
· blandiose: relating to something that appears impressive or that has pretensions to grandeur, but that is actually bland
· frienemy: a friend who acts like an enemy; a fair-weather or untrustworthy friend.
· ignoranus: a person who is both stupid and extremely rude or obnoxious.
· talking hairdo: a television journalist who is superficial or who is concerned with appearance more than substance.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

So, the Week Of Wickedness is continuing…I had an interesting event Monday night that I'll discuss at some future date, and then two days of relative quiet, during which I realized, "Oh shit, we're going to New York next week, and I'm not even close to being ready!" (Clients and friends, take note – Max and I will be away from the 22nd to the 29th.)

But I'm pausing in my preparations to go to The Grind with Roman later tonight - perhaps I'll see some friends there…

Meanwhile, the newest column is up, so please enjoy that…

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

From The MaleBag

greetings Mistress Matisse: my name is (DELETED). i am a 55 year old, white male who has been married for 30 years. i have seen dozens of Mistresses over the past 13 years, 2 of them as many as 3 times. i'm still looking for a Mistress who can keep Her panty slave - that's me -- busy while he is away from Her. i am a true panty slave. a true and very sincere panty slave!

This is a very typical email so far…Someone has told this guy that he about this lowercase i -uppercase Her/She convention, and I wish I could tell all the people who are propagating this notion to knock it off. It's not appropriate for an initial contact, and frankly, I find it foolish and affected.
I'm also already sure that I don't want to meet with this guy, because he's unwittingly trodden on a boundary of mine. The way I play is – when you're with me, your ass is mine. And when I let you go, you're a free man. I do communicate with my guys in between times about what we liked about our last session, and what we might do in the next, but I don't give them "homework". I find that if I do between-session dominance with people, it takes away from my energy for in-person play, so it's not on the menu.

You have probably heard this before, but, i am only interested in serving my Mistress and making Her happy.

Yeah, I have heard it before. And I'm profoundly skeptical.

She can tease the hell out of me and train me as She see's fit. There is nothing, NOTHING, that i would not do to please a Mistress who can keep Her slave’s mind on Her while he is away from Her.

I love how he switches from "I am only interested in making you happy" to setting out the conditions under which he wants to play.

She need not correspond with him, all She need do is give him a pair of Her panties, some instructions, and BAM! he is Her slave forever!

You know, if what he's saying is true, a trained monkey could be his mistress. I don't think I'd feel especially proud of myself for having achieved it. But I doubt it's true, or someone would have done it by now.

After all of my experiences, i have written many stories about a fictional Mistress named Jessica, and sent them to past Mistresses. this has led me to understand why i haven't seen any one more than 3 times. in my fiction, She (Jessica) understands me personally, whereas a real Mistress doesn't. i hope i don't sound like a sick-o, but i am getting to old to keep searching for a Mistress Who can keep Her slave's continually thinking of Her.

Hmmn, it's hard to say from this whether the ladies fired him or vice-versa. But anytime someone tells me he's seen lots of pro dommes and none of them were able to fulfill his fantasy, that's a red flag. There a lot of bad pro dommes out there - but there are good ones, too, and odds are he's seen at least a couple. That line about "understands me personally" makes me speculate that what he really wants is a mind-reader. I don't think he's "a sick-o" - honey, if only you knew! - but I do think he's likely to be the type of client who only wants to actually come in about twice a year, but who wants to talk on the phone frequently, or trade a lot of email, about how he's carrying out his "instructions" - all for free, of course. Sorry, if you want phone or email training, find a lady who does that and pay her. I prefer my play face-to-face.

it is easy enough to do, and i can think of dozens of ways to keep them content while away, for example, She could use the following: "here are 2 pairs of panties slave-boy. you are to wear a pair during your trip, keeping one packed separately. when you arrive at your hotel you will strip to your panties and crawl into the bath tub. looking at My picture, urinate into the panties and then, when completely finished, stuff them into you mouth and such them dry. when done, remove them, nipple clip your titties, and masturbate into your panties. after squezzing out every last drop of slut cum, put the panties back into your mouth and clean them again. lastly, slave-boy, rinse them out for tomorrow and put on the fresh pair for bedtime. continue switching each night while you are away. receive My blessing for many pleasant dreams My slut and slave. I will see you again soon, and you will report to Me how devtoed you have become to My will."
Your would-be panty slave…

Well, I don't think he's a bad person – but I think he wants a lot more than he's admitting. Like I said – anyone could do this, and if he's seen dozens of pro dommes and no one will, either a) he's lying or b) he thinks he's telling the truth, but he is grossly understimating the level of emotional energy he wants from a pro domme.
Better luck elsewhere, panty-man.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

"Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have the time." Tallulah Bankhead.

Tallulah sure got that right. Not that anyone would mistake my normal routine for that of a good girl, you understand. But I'm way behind on writing about the Week Of Wickedness. It's already Tuesday and I still haven't talked about Saturday, something I will now rectify...

My plan for last Saturday night was somewhat tricky. I wanted to take both Roman and Jake to a private play-party I'd been invited to. A small test of my agility as a poly person – and theirs as well.

Don't misunderstand me – I didn't want to take them both as my dates. I don't think I have the ability to split my focus that way.

But when I'm dating someone, I like to incorporate them into my social life, and I felt that both the host and hostess, and the other guests, were people that both Roman and Jake should meet, as a way of broadening their BDSM social horizons.

I decided that I would take Jake as my official date, and I asked Roman and his lovely partner, together, if they'd like to come. If this sounds slightly weird to you, it's because it is. But I was relying on both Jake and Roman to be the ultra-cool guys that they are and make the arrangement work out.

And it did. I arranged for a group of the guests to meet up at Septieme for dinner before the party, which went well. I had a small "o-kay" moment when Jake and I arrived at the restaurant and found that we would be the second couple to sit down at the large table – the first being Roman and his wife.

But it was totally fine. The four of us chatted easily, other guests trickled in, and it was just all soooo civilized. Both Roman and Jake told me later that they thought the other, "a cool guy".

As I looked around the table I amused myself drawing a mental chart of "who's involved with who right now, who used to be involved with who, and who'd like to be involved with who". It was a fairly complex diagram – there are certainly monogamous people in the BDSM community, but when I think about it, most of my friends are poly to some degree or other. And yes, it's a rather incestuous community. It's rare to for me to meet an actively kinky person in Seattle who hasn't dated someone I know - usually several someones.

After dinner we went on to the party, which was a small, intimate gathering of less than twenty people. It was nice – one actually gets to talk to people at small parties, unlike the monster affairs Max and I tend to throw where we wind up with a hundred people at the house. Jake and I didn't play, but we watched some cute girls – and a cute boy - get pierced for the first time. And another lovely friend of mine got some stripes on her back and butt, courtesy of Malixe.

A charming evening with many of my favorite friends…

Monday, September 13, 2004


I'm busy drafting a Stranger column, and frankly, I'm a little wiped out from my busy weekend. But I wanted to at least start telling you about the last few days…

You see, Max is out of town right now. Every year he takes a driving trip down to California, because Max is something of a driving enthusiast. By which I mean: he likes to drive fast. Now, he's better qualified to do that than many people: He's got the expensive high performance car, and what's more important, he's also got a fair amount of professional drivers training and a lot of practice at the local track. Max is a damn good driver.

So he goes out and zooms around the mountain passes of California for a week, and I wish him a fond farewell, but I don't go on these trips with him. I'm too…well, you can call it "chicken", but I prefer to call it "a finely tuned sense of self-preservation". Either way, I just don't like driving at high speeds along twisty mountain roads. Hell, just driving around town with him, I all but wear a hole in his passenger-side carpet where the brake pedal should be. (Not that I drive like a little old lady myself, you understand. But that's different.)

The result is that Max takes Maura along on these trips, and I am left to amuse myself alone at home. Gee, I wonder what I'll do? Dum de dum de dum…Well, I wonder if I should arrange back-to-back, hot-and-cold-running boys, sex and debauchery all week long. Do you think that would be a good idea?

Yeah, I did too. So Roman and I have been referring to this as Matisse's Week of Wickedness - or WOW for short.

WOW KickOff: Friday Night - Roman and I attended one of the Little Red Studio parties. Jeff, the mastermind of LRS, is a friend of mine, and while I've been once before, it had been awhile. It's an unconventional and entertaining event, impossible to describe succinctly. The phrase "interactive sexual performance art" comes to mind, although none of the performers actually have sex.

I'd say that some of the fine points were lost on Roman and I, however – we found each other more interesting than the (indisputably attractive and talented) performers. Still, we did make a contribution to the evening. At one point, audience members are given little cards with suggestive acts written on them, and invited to perform those acts onstage. Some of them were things like "Make someone's nipples hard", and "Leave bite marks on someone". But Roman's read "Command someone to do your bidding". He needed no second invitation - Mr. Show Business sprung into character, pulled a sweet young thing out the shadows, and commanded her to kiss first the heel of my boot, and then the back of my knee, both of which she did quite nicely.

And she must have enjoyed it, because when her turn came, she read off her card in a trembling voice, "Invite your favorite sadist to spank you." And then she knelt down and looked across the room at me. "Mistress?" I bent her over a table and gave her twelve good strokes, and her firmly curved ass fit nicely into my hand.

As you may infer, Jeff has definitely created something unusual here, so if you're looking for some unique erotic entertainment, I'd check it out.

It certainly made for a charming few hours of verbal (and a little physical) foreplay for Roman and I – to be followed by several hours of the fulfillment of that foreplay. Delightful.

After that, there was only time for me to snatch a few hours of sleep before the next weekend event: Jake, dinner at Septieme, and a private party with my friends, all of which I'll tell you about presently.