Been missing my podcasts? They are soon to return, but meanwhile, enjoy me on Dan Savage's podcast, Savage Love!

I found out today that Jezebel.com wants to link to my latest Stranger column: The Great Polyamory vs Polyfuckery Debate. I'm charmed and flattered, and quite curious to see how Jezebel readers respond to it...

Now and then, I get emails from kind readers saying, "Hey, isn't this your picture? Did you know this person had it on his/her site?" It's sweet of people to look out for me, and I really appreciate these notes. I have indeed had trouble with people who are not me using my image - this one in particular remains a favorite.

But the image someone told me about most recently - it's supposed to be where it is. My friend Malixe shot it some years ago, and I believe it was in the first Seattle Erotic Art Festival. The print from that show hangs prominently on the wall in the playroom of a man I know here in Seattle. When I go to parties at his house, I smile to see myself presiding over a room that has undoubtedly seen some very kinky activity.











Click here to see a larger version of "The Strap-on", as well as Malixe's other work. (Unless you're at work, in which case, click later.)

Linkage to this and that...

The new Stranger column, in which I wax nostalgic about flying blood, and reveal the problem with Mormon vampires.

And Monk's latest video-blog on Carnal Nation. Leather History: Bound To The Past, about the Leather Archives And Museum. (Located in Chicago, serving the world. Yeah, I was there when Joe Bean trained us all to chant that phrase back to him whenever he mentioned the place in a speech. I think he eventually got sick of hearing it. But hey, when Joe trains you, you stay trained.)

And - I have fresh podcasts! So look for those in a day or so...

What am I reading lately? A little of everything…

I bought, but have not read yet, this one: In the Devil's Garden: A Sinful History of Forbidden Food, by Stewart Lee Allen. It appealed to my noted weakness for history-of books.
“Lust, gluttony, pride, sloth, greed, blasphemy, and anger--the seven deadly sins have all been linked to food. Matching the food to the sin, Stewart Lee Allen offers a high-spirited look at the way foods over time have been forbidden, even criminalized, for their "evil" effects. Food has often been, shockingly, morally weighted, from the tomato, originally called the love apple and thought to excite lust; to the potato, whose popularity in Ireland led British Protestants to associate it with sloth; to foods like corn or bread whose use was once believed to delineate "lowness," thus inflaming class pride…the real focus is on the human response to a primal pleasure--eating--and the way people have sought to control it, in every society and every culture, through prohibition.” (From review.)

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, by Greg Behrendt. The press around this book – and then the movie – annoyed me so much that I refused to read this book when it first came out, but for some reason curiosity overcame me lately.
It wasn't a demanding read, to say the least. It’s a lot like a long magazine article. Pretty thin text for a book, although Mr. Behrendt has gone on to write more books in the same vein, so apparently some people think he has something new to say. Overall: meh. I agree with some of what he says: some people do chase after people who are obviously - well, not that into them. Unfortunately, I doubt this fluffed-out Cosmo article is going to dissuade them. And much of the time, I think Mr. Behrendt slides from clever flippancy into repetitive heavy-handedness. When it comes to wittily capturing the social patterns and dysfunctions of love, he is no Jane Austen.

Speaking of love, here’s one book I will not be buying: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. I have previously expressed my opinion, both here and in the Stranger, about Ms Gottlieb’s plan of: “Marry any half-way decent man who asks you, because being married, even to someone you don’t love, is better than being single. Plus you need his sperm to get pregnant, and his income to support the little devils.”

I will note that the author, in spite of having stated, in print, that her standards for marriage are extremely low, is still not partnered. Why am I not surprised? I could have told her that. Oh, wait, I did tell her that. This looks like a classic case of saying you want something, but then sabotaging your stated goal as hard as you can. Why she’s doing that I can only speculate.

***

In good print news: Check out The Stranger's article about local kink artisans and entrepreneurs. Featuring, of course, Twisted Monk! Plus, Scott Paul and Tonya Winter - it's a great piece.

The new Stranger column, talking about my recent Kink.com shoot, is here.

Also, as I do every year, I donated a two-hour session to the Stranger's annual charity auction, Strangercrombie. This year the auction benefits Country Doctor, Urban Rest Stop, and Senior Services. Last year, we raised more than $50,000, so this auction is going to be a real shot in the arm for those cash-strapped and very important organizations.

So this is the one time of year you can buy a session with me via credit card. Through eBay, no less! And yes, I'll honor it, even though I don't really take new people very much anymore. It's good for a single person or for a couple.

Strangercrombie bidding ends on Friday, December 11th at 5 pm. Go! Buy me! Buy other cool things! Or people! But buy something, please. Those services could really use the help.

I’m working on a Stranger column about my overall experiences of shooting with the Kink.com site, EverythingButt.com. But today I’ll just answer some of the questions that people have emailed me about it.

Why EverythingButt.com? Because the director, Lochai, is a pal of mine from the BDSM scene. I ran into him at Folsom Street Fair, and he asked me to come model. And I actually do a lot of ass play, so it seemed like a good fit, if you’ll pardon the expression.

What exactly did you do in the shoot? There’s some spanking, and a lot of really pretty ass-fucking. I think it’s a very sexy shoot that will appeal to people who like sensual dominance, and even people who may not think of themselves as having a specific fetish for anal play, but who like to see beautiful women having kinky sex.

Did you know the submissive? No, I had never met Bobbi Starr. I’d seen pictures, so I knew she was quite lovely, but I had no idea what to really expect from her, and from the overall scene. I did not know what the theme of the shoot was going to be until that morning. That’s how it usually works in porn. But it was a type of scene I like, and Bobbi was great.

Will you have pictures/video from the shoot? Yes, I’ll have some images. I don’t think I get video clips, although kink.com always has free trailers.

Are you going to model for of the other Kink.com sites? I don’t know. I haven’t been invited to. If one of the other directors asks me – or if Lochai asks me back - then I suppose I’ll decide when it comes up.

Are you going to model for any other BDSM porn sites? I might, if someone asked me, and I had a good feeling about the company, and the concept of the shoot. I’d be hesitant to do a BDSM porn shoot where I didn’t know any of the people involved in the production. So I don’t say “I would never…” But I’d have to be quite sure we were all on the same page about things.

I want to be a porn model! How much did you get paid? How much I got paid is between me and the IRS. But Kink.com posts their general pay rates here.

Did you see lots of other hot and kinky things happening while you were there? Nope. I saw a few other models walking around in the halls and such, but nothing kinky. It’s not like being at a play party.

One random thing I noticed: porn people seem very, very concerned about santorum. Like, very. I myself have been playing with people's asses for a long time, and I am a little casual about it. No, I am not into scat. Yes, if you want me to play with your ass, you should definitely clean it up. (I cannot tell you how many boys I have seen over the years who did not even wipe themselves properly. I’m serious. I think little boys do not get trained about wiping themselves as much as little girls do, or something.

Here’s how you do it, gentlemen. While you are still sitting, wipe, and then look at the toilet paper. Is it dirty? Drop it, get a fresh handful and wipe again. Repeat this until the paper shows no smudges. Is that clear? The while you’re sitting part is important because it means your ass is more spread open and thus easier to clean.)

So we’ll assume that the outside of your ass is clean. If you just want a few fingers or a smallish buttplug, not too much deep, serious fucking, then cleaning the inside is pretty simple. One of those disposable enemas is probably fine. They’re in the drugstore, usually less than a dollar. They have some chemicals in them, and some people don’t like that, so if you don’t, dump out the fluid and refill it with lukewarm water. Do this at least an hour or so before you want to play, because sometimes small amounts of water don’t come out right away. So if you do the anal-douche and then immediately fuck, that water will come out on your partner. Not the end of the world, but not what you planned.

For more advanced fucking, more advanced cleaning techniques are required, but that’s beyond the scope of today’s post.

But Ms. Bobbi Starr clearly knows those techniques, because her ass was as clean as a whistle throughout a four-hour shoot - and some very large toys. I would not have been surprised or upset by a little bit of schmutz. Shit happens, you know? It's not the goal, but it’s sometimes the price of admission. You do want to be aware, because shit can be gritty and make anal fucking uncomfortable, but otherwise – that’s what black towels are for. Change your gloves, change the condom, wipe it up, whatever – and keep fucking.

(And yes, wash up carefully afterwards. But you should be doing that anyway.)

So that’s my philosophy. But not in porn, no no. Every time a toy came out my co-star’s ass, there was a whole little flutter with the director and the camera crew about "Is it clean? It's not dirty, is it?"

I was like, “No, it looks fine, but hey, it’s no big deal.” However, my view was clearly the minority. I briefly wondered if it was a legal issue of some kind. I know there are some elements in porn that, theoretically, make prosecutors more likely to tag you with an obscenity charge.

But that seems unlikely. I was left with the assumption that kink.com – and porn people in general - know what their viewers like, and they know what the viewers get turned off if they see. And seeing anything brown was clearly a no-no.

Which would explain why the bathroom in the Armory has shelves and shelves full of disposable enema kits – both the pre-filled kind and empty single-use bottles – for free use by the performers. Art does not imitate life when it comes to anal sex in porn.

Goodness, I really blew off blogging this week, didn't I? Ah well. We'll resume our regularly scheduled rants and observations next week.

Meanwhile, there is a fresh Stranger column up.

I also have a publicly-available piece up on FilthyGorgeousThings.com, about BDSM euphoria.

And Monk has some video footage of a show he did at Columbia City Cabaret recently.

So there, be entertained by that!

Polyamory in Pop Culture

MTV aired its "True Life" documentary titled "I'm Polyamorous." Poly in The News blog has a write-up of it.

And another episode of the web-cast series about polyamorous people, "Family."

Also: Monk and I are (finally) recording more podcasts tonight! Send us your questions about poly, kink, sex work, or anything else weird, and we'll answer them together - while making a lot of dirty jokes, of course...

Read Me Elsewhere

The new column in The Stranger, in which I talk about the optimum intervals for going down on women. (I'm currently drafting a follow-up column about blow-jobs.)

Also, I have a new article here, in FilthyGorgeousThings.com. It is not free, but if you don't wish to subscribe, you can buy access to my piece for a very small fee. It is, however, a good website, and I recommend it.

The latest installment of the web-cast series about polyamory, Family.


I can't say I really understand where this is going, plot-wise. But it seems to be getting good press: Newsweek did a nice piece on the Seattle producers. And Dan Savage weighed in on it here. So I won't quibble on artistic grounds...

Zombies. They’re sort of like bacon, aren’t they? (No, I don’t mean that you eat them. Everyone knows zombies eat us. We are the bacon, for zombies.)

I suppose you could say that bacon and zombies are alike in that they will both kill you if you don’t run far enough fast or fast enough.

But that’s not what I mean, either. No, I mean, zombies – like bacon - have been extra-fashionable lately.

Granted, I thought the whole bacon craze was a little much. I mean, I like meat-candy as well as anyone. But bacon martinis? No. And bacon on doughnuts? That is just wrong, wrong, wrong. We have to have some limits, people, or where will it end?

However, like bacon, zombies never truly go out of style. And what’s even more terrifying (to me) than zombies? Karaoke!

Thus, I am particularly disturbed, fascinated and highly amused by this blog, which features a bunch of zombie-themed parody song lyrics, with more added regularly. Apparently while zombies have a limited conversational repertoire (“Brains! Braaaaaaaains!), they like to sing. So, for your shambling, rotting karaoke pleasure, I give you: Zombaritaville.

Read or Listen

I uploaded a new podcast, here. First Monk and I read a letter about safewords, and make mention of my two favorite safewords: vomit and lawsuit. I promise, those two words will capture any top's attention, anytime.

We also talk about the challenges of doing BDSM with a partner who is hearing-impaired. I make a verbal slip at one point that I must correct: I mistakenly say, "They can hear ME," which is not what I meant. What I was trying to say was: a hearing-impaired person can talk, and I can hear THEM. Didn't come out right. Whoops.

And I did a short piece of writing for Filthy Gorgeous Things, an online magazine about "sex for artists, thinkers, and sensualists." So enjoy that...

A new blog link! My rock-star fabulous pal Lamalani is this year's International Ms Leather. I have known Lama ever since she was just a sweet young butch working at Babeland, and look at her now! I'm very pleased that someone from our community here in Seattle won this contest. Lamalani is a great person, and she'll do a fine job acting as a kinky ambassador to BDSM communities in other cities.

***

While I am in this link-y mood... A quick link-back to some of the Greatest Hits, for easier reading.

The More Recent Ones:

Nazi Play
S/he's A Lady
The Bank Job
Bad Approach
The Bra-Fitter
D/s And Relationships
Must One Bottom Before Topping?
My Wedding Photos
Getting Your Partner Into Kink
Getting Started In Life As A Kinkster
And, my favorite: What Not To Say - The "Puffy" Man.


And, from the dusty vaults: Older Greatest Hits (Hint: Lots of Silly Phone Calls in this list.)

I myself often look at random people and try to imagine what they'd look like naked. Sometimes I do so while waiting in line at the bank or the dry cleaners, just to pass the time. I also do it with people I know are soon going to be naked in front of me, and then when they are, see how accurate my mental image was.

If you'd like to hone your skill at this, I have a website for you: http://www.naked-people.de/ It's all in German, so I have no idea what the text says. But click enter, and then click on the picture of the clothed person, and presto, their clothes melt away.

Maybe someone who speaks both German and English fluently will tell me what the heck this site is saying about itself. (I get a lot of letters from non-English-speaking people who have obviously used online-translators, and it's almost impossible to understand what they are saying, so I'm not even going that route.)

But these are obviously regular people - not professional models or porn performers - all ages, shapes and genders. Perhaps this is some sort of statement about showing us what non-model people look like nude? Or maybe it's just someone saying, "Hey! Check it out, I got all these people to take off all their clothes for me!"

Hat Tip to Gander!

EDIT: I have had a lot of very cool people send me translations of the site text. It says:

"Clothes are your second skin. They cover, they reveal, they are able to express what we feel inside or, on the contrary, hide it. Clothes can enable us to show what we work as, what our social standing/class is or they express our emotional state. A suit may lead us to peg someone as being a banker, an office worker or an insurance salesman, etc. In our society, this is a characteristic of "being serious".
But to what extent is this judgement correct? Can we blindly trust the shell? What is really underneath it? Can the illusion be shattered if a tattoo is revealed underneath the suit or does the person remain inscrutable? Here, you have the possibility of experiencing the different effects a clothed or naked person make on you.
If you are interested in participating in this art project as a model, please write me an email. If you want to sponsor the project by donating, you can do so by pushing the PayPal button."

Thanks to German speakers Anna, Nina, Nils, Lu, MK, Kari, Tom, Art, Lief, Aviva, and two nice people who didn't sign a name, for translating it for me!

Good Information To Have: a video from Red Light Chicago about what exactly happens if you get arrested on a misdemeanor prostitution charge. It's helpful in terms of planning what-if scenarios, and gives specific little details worth knowing. For example, because it's a collect call, you can't call a cell phone from jail, you can only call a land-line. So whoever you'd want to call in such an emergency, you need to have a land-line phone number memorized for them.

It's Part Two in the Know Your Rights series, but the whole site is worth checking out. I think these women are way cool!

For further information about your legal rights - everyone's rights, not just sex workers - in the event of an arrest, read this: Beat The Heat: How To Handle Encounters With Law Enforcement. This book is done in sort of a comic-book style, so it's VERY easy to understand, no legal education required. It's just the basics, this is no substitute for a real attorney. And I hope none of us ever need it, but hey, knowledge is power, so empower yourself.

The new column is up at the Stranger. Enjoy...

Also, just because it's cool and very good advice: the Red Light District Chicago site - information for and about sex workers. The video about "what to do if you get arrested" is sassy and savvy, and it applies to people besides sex workers, too.

Now I need to finish writing up my outline for the class I'm teaching in ten days at a romance writer's conference, and then get a column in the can before I leave for Vegas on Sunday, because I don't want to be working on that while I'm in Sin City.

Thank you to all the pet-lovers who dropped me nice notes wishing my sick old cat well. She seems better...

A call to action, from The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom...

***

Kinky is NOT a Diagnosis! The DSM Revision Petition

The DSM Revision Petition is gathering signatures from individuals and organizations calling on the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to adhere to empirical research when revising the diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Statements currently within the DSM Paraphilias criteria are contradicted by scientific evidence therefore NCSF must conclude that the interpretation of the Paraphilias criteria has been politically – not scientifically – based. This politically motivated interpretation subjects BDSM practitioners, fetishists and cross-dressers to bias, discrimination and social sanctions without any scientific basis.

Petition:
"We, the undersigned, support the American Psychiatric Association's (APA) own goal of making its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) a scientific document, based on empirical research and devoid of cultural bias. A diagnosis of a mental disorder can have a severe adverse impact on employment opportunities, child custody determinations, an individual's well-being, and other areas of functioning. Therefore we urge the APA to remove all diagnoses that are not based upon peer-reviewed, empirical research, demonstrating distress or dysfunction, from the DSM. The APA specifically should not promote current social norms or values as a basis for clinical judgments."


To sign, go to: www.thepetitionsite.com/1/DSMrevisionpetition (You can make your signature anonymous on this secure petition site so it doesn't appear on the Internet)

To find out more about the DSM and the Paraphilias section, read the NCSF & ITCR: The
Foundation for NCSF's "White Paper on the DSM Revision" at www.ncsfreedom.org (Mistress's note: At the moment, I am unable to access the White Paper. I hope that gets fixed soon.)

For more information, email: DSMrevisionpetition@yahoo.com

Like to hear me talk?, Listen to me on Dan Savage's podcast.

***

Non-sexy question: Seattle people, have any of ya'll dealt with these jewelers? I have some of my grandmother's jewelry that I'm thinking of having restyled. It's mostly semi-precious stones, and they're pretty, but the settings are old and not very attractive.

And some of it also needs basic repairs: there are pearls that have come unstrung, a ring that needs to be sized down, etc. If you have opinions about the Greenlake people, or any other Seattle jeweler, drop me a note.

An even more esoteric question: I also have a set of sterling silver flatware from grand-mama that needs some repair. Anyone have a silversmith here in town they like and trust? I'm finding a lot of places online that work by mail. But I'm actually quite sentimental about this silverware, it's been in my family forever. I am extremely reluctant to go shipping it off to who-knows-who. I'd like a "I went to these guys and they did a good job" story. Local recommendations?

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