I got a phone call yesterday from an unknown guy who said, "I'd like to book an appointment with you for a really hard spanking."
"That sounds fine," I answered.
"But I'm married and I can't have any marks."
"Well," I said, "that makes it more difficult. I can spank you lightly, until I think you've reached the point where I might leave red marks if I continue, and then stop. Or I can spank you very hard, and you can take the risk of having marks. But I can't do a hard spanking and promise you no marks."
"But I've heard there are ways to it so that you don't get marks."
"None that I'm aware of – at least, none that I'm willing to personally guarantee."
"But, there has to be a way!" He's sounding kind of pouty now.
"As I said - none that I'm willing to personally guarantee."
"What about clothes? What if I wear clothes?"
This is getting tedious. "Look, honey, if there were a simple way to do this, I'd know it, and I'd tell you what it was. I'm perfectly willing to spank you as hard as you want, with or without clothes. But you'll have to deal with the consequences, because there is no reliable way of ensuring that you won't have a red butt afterwards."
"But I can't have marks!"
"Then I guess you can't have a hard spanking." This is like talking to a two-year-old.
He hangs up.
It's nice to be perceived as powerful, but it's annoying when people seem to think I'm God and can alter the basic tenets of human physiology at will.