More Emails From People Who Just Aren't Paying Attention

I am a 44 year old writer, philosopher, and psychotherapist, and I would enjoy taking you out for lunch and a nice conversation.

I'm sure you would, sweetie, but you seem to have confused my website with Match.com. It's amazing how many people seem to think I'm just starved for companionship and have oodles of free time to kill. Bwaha ha ha ha haaaa…
That one sentence was the entire email, by the way, except for his first name. Note to all the guys who've been living under rocks – this is not a winning strategy for meeting women.

I'm a 24 year old in Boston and I'm getting started in sex work. How much should I charge?

How on earth should I know? She doesn't even say what, exactly, she's going to be charging for, for gods sake. (And I'm only assuming this person is female, because I don't know that for sure, either.) Plus, she's on the other side of the country. Note to ladies looking for professional tips: Google the name of your city and phrases like "sex work" - or "escort", or "professional dominatrix", or whatever. But you need to find the local info.

And A Visit With The Word-Fetishist…

For no reason except that I want to... here are some amusing words and expressions that I've collected lately…

· sucking mud: Not working; crashed (said of a computer)
· 404: Relating to a person who is out of touch or clueless.
· banalysis: Analysis or reasoning that is commonplace, trivial, or trite.
· bozon: a whimsical unit of stupidity and cluelessness. A dumb person might be said to have a high "bozon" count.
· "a dog watching TV": idiom. A person who is viewing or working with something without understanding what it is or what it does.
· blandiose: relating to something that appears impressive or that has pretensions to grandeur, but that is actually bland
· frienemy: a friend who acts like an enemy; a fair-weather or untrustworthy friend.
· ignoranus: a person who is both stupid and extremely rude or obnoxious.
· talking hairdo: a television journalist who is superficial or who is concerned with appearance more than substance.