I had a delightful date with my ultra-fabulous secondary partner, Mike, last night. I swear, Mike has reaffirmed my faith in the idea that polyamory can be a happy, drama-free arrangement. It's been nearly a year that we've been getting together and it's always just as much fun as the first time. In fact, it's better - I love it when that happens.
The thing that continues to impress me about Mike is that he's fine with the fact I disappear and reappear at random intervals. I never get angsty emails about why I haven't called, there are no jealous scenes at parties, no moody posturing about my primary relationship with Max. He's always happy to see me when I'm with him, but there is no pressure on me whatsoever. We hang out, we have great sex, and then he feeds me rich, decadent pastries while we sit in his hot tub in the back yard. What a wonderful man.

Want to know a secret about Mike? Okay, brace yourself: he's not into BDSM.
Stunning, isn't it? Mistress Matisse has a vanilla lover. Only – it's not quite that simple. You see, aside from my well-publicized BDSM tastes, I have certain…fetishes. Now, some of you may think that "fetish" is just another word for BDSM-type stuff. Not necessarily. This is the actual definition of the word "fetish":

What is a Fetish? "In anthropology, a fetish is an object to which powers are attributed that go beyond its natural ones; when the term is extended to sexuality, it indicates an object not naturally connected with sexual reproduction that nonetheless causes sexual arousal for some people….Note that originally 'fetish' was used of the object itself: a particular artifact would be a fetish. But in its sexual use it usually means the propensity to be aroused by a certain object, as in 'Joe has a fetish for white cotton underwear', and the object is called 'the fetish object'. 'Fetishism' is the propensity to be aroused by a fetish object. "
~From: The Deviant's Dictionary

Anyway, it just so happens that Mike appeals to a very specific fetish of mine. So sex with him feels kinky to me, even though there are no restraints and floggers in the mix.

What’s the fetish? Oh, wouldn't you like to know. I could tell you. But if I do, then I'll get emails from a bunch of strange guys saying, "Hey, I can do that, too – can I fuck you?" And the answer is no, so let's just skip that whole exchange.

I have told Mike about this little fetish of mine, because I felt like I should. I was a bit worried, when I first talked about it, that he might feel I didn't like him for his own sake. I do - he's handsome and smart and sexy, and he talks as fast as I do, which always makes me feel bonded with someone immediately. He makes me laugh. He has cool tattoos. I like his hands. I like the way he dresses. And I like the way he fucks me.

"But I hope you don't feel like I'm just using you, sexually," I said, as I was sitting on his lap in the hot tub. He smiled at me for a few minutes, and then he allowed as how he did not find that thought to be troubling him overmuch.

He's been dating some other women casually, but he doesn't have a primary partner. That does make it easy for him and me to spend time together – but I find it rather surprising, since I think he's quite attractive. True, he seems pretty involved with his work these days, and he's also a part-time dad – that kinda slows down your social life. I told him last night that I should set him up on some dates with polyamorous women, so that even if he started a primary relationship with one of them I could still borrow him. I must admit, given that I was completely unsuccessful at finding a girlfriend for my brother, I'm not terribly optimistic about my chances here. But hey – if you're a pretty, poly, smart, articulate woman who'd like to share a lover with me, drop me a note and I'll tell you a little more about him.