This week’s column: Some BDSM Terms Defined

I knew it would stir some response, but I think it was mere minutes after this column went live on the Stranger website that I got an email taking me to task for my use of the words “orgasm” vs. “ejaculate”. The writer describes his method of anal stimulation, calling it…

…hard and aggressive stimulation. During this stimulation, my penis is flaccid. But at the crescendo of the stimulation, come gently pulses out of my mostly flaccid penis and fills the palm of my other hand. I note in your article you mention ejaculation without orgasm is this what you mean? I beg your pardon but I consider this to be an orgasm as well...albeit a different one but one nonetheless. Woman have different types of orgasms...woman are ejaculating as well. Men should be able to have different types of orgasms as well.

Darling, far be it from me to tell you what is an orgasm for you and what isn’t. I mean, an orgasm is a distinct physiological event, and I’m sure a medically trained sexual researcher could hook you up to some machine and measure your various levels of whatever, but that’s not my specialty. As far as I’m concerned, if you say it’s an orgasm, it’s an orgasm.

But yes, I have heard stories about – but not witnessed – men being “milked” into producing a large quantity of ejaculate without feeling that they had an orgasm. I am mildly skeptical, but if I’m ever in a situation where someone demonstrates this for me, great. I’m open to new ideas.

The stories I hear always have a very dominant/submissive overtone, with the man being “forced” to continuously produce fluid. I think this fantasy centers around a primitive fear (some) men have about being, shall we say, robbed of their manly essence? And where there is fear mixed with sexuality, there will inevitably be a fetish.

On related topic...my gf has "orgasms" when we enjoy anal sex together. What are these things she has? You imply that there is such a thing as an ejaculation without an orgasm does that also mean there are orgasms without ejaculation?

On this one I’m quite clear: I have known (yes, in the Biblical sense) many men who told me they had orgasms without ejaculating. I think some guys purposely do this as part of Tantric sex practices, although I don’t know that for sure.

What’s happening with your girlfriend, I have no idea. Like you, if she says it’s an orgasm, I’m not going to tell her it’s not. The both of ya’ll just go on with your anal orgasming selves. You should take her to see The Wet Spots play when they're here early in July, since your answer to their musical query is an enthusiastic "Yes!"