Complete text of an email I received today.

From the lowest depths of darkness, the forgotten corners of your soul i cry to U. U find me shiueking as demaons claw my heart out and devour it over and ovr until U save me. O/our souls meld toegther locking as O/one we fly together. i know your command before U speak it, U know my obiedice is instant and unthinking. Every breath of cold air that brushs my soul is blown away by your heat and dark brilliance.
Nechamadeus 206.XXX-XXXX

Okay, well, unlike some odd emails I get, at least the writer seems to be a native English speaker, which always gives me a fighting chance of deciphering the intended meaning.

But what is he saying here? There’s some guy hanging around a corner of my soul who’s slipped my mind? What, did I put him in a closet or something? Because I’m usually pretty good about not forgetting about that kind of thing.

It’s nice that he thinks I’m brilliant, but I’m afraid I can’t say the same for him. Apparently there is no spell-check on the computer he’s using in the forgotten corner of my soul. And that slashy writing? He’s really not done his homework on me, or he’d know I hate that.

I think this boy’s been listening to way too much bad goth rock. (And actually reading the liner notes - always a mistake, even if one likes the melody.) I imagine the Sisters Of Mercy could have made something out of these lines, but I don’t plan on melding my soul with Nechamadeus’ anytime soon.