Conversation between me and a potential client*...
Him: I’m really into tickling.
Me: That’s fine.
Him: And my fantasy is that I’m all tied up and you tickle me without any mercy. I have no safeword.
Me: That’s fine, I can do a scene like that.
Him: But I’m really apprehensive about being tied up and not having a safeword.
Me: That’s understandable. You certainly don’t have to be tied up, if that’s too much. Or we can negotiate a safeword.
Him: But I really want to not have one.
Me: Well, okay, then we can play that way.
Him: But I’m really nervous about that.
(Repeat about three times.)
Him: I want to have one but not really have one. Do you know what I mean?
Gentlemen, I understand the conflict between fear and desire. But you cannot simultaneously give up and retain control. Either choice is fine, but wanting to not (really) have a safeword but really (not) have a safeword gets into a kind of Orwellian doublespeak that gives me a headache.
*Who in many ways seemed like a perfectly nice guy.