Phone Messages

YOU HAVE SIX NEW MESSAGES. PRESS ONE TO HEAR MESSAGES.
BEEP!
FIRST MESSAGE:
"Hi, um, I love your articles, I just wanted to put a voice to the other end of the collar."
END OF MESSAGE.
Okay, that's fine. I assume he means other end of the leash, but, whatever…

NEXT MESSAGE:
"Charles. (Pause.) 206-XXX-XXXX. (Pause.) You. (Pause.) And me. (Pause.) Together. (Pause.) Call me."
END OF MESSAGE.
I. Don't. Think so. Charles.

NEXT MESSAGE:
"Oooh, uh, Mistress, my cock is so hard for you, I wanna suck your-"
MESSAGE DELETED.

NEXT MESSAGE:
"Uh, yeah, this is (unintelligible mumble) call me back (mumble mumble), 206-(mumble)-XXXX."
END OF MESSAGE.
There's a sex workers "review board" for the Seattle area that I read occasionally, and one of the frequent complaints there is about ladies who don't return phone calls. Well, if you mutter into the phone, so that it's impossible to understand what you're saying, you will definitely not get a call back. Speak up and speak clearly, boys.

NEXT MESSAGE:
"Hi Matisse, it's me, John – you know, John from Idaho, with the cell phone ringer that sounds like an ambulance siren? I just wanted to let you know I won't be able to make it over to see you this coming month – Uncle Sam gets all my play money for April – but I'll be back around next month, and I'm looking forward to seeing you then. Bye."
END OF MESSAGE.
I have such sweet, thoughtful clients. It's not at as if I would ever question John about why he didn't come to see me one month. I'm fully aware that my boys do have real lives apart from seeing me, and other demands on their time and money. But it's very nice of him to let me know.

NEXT MESSAGE:
"Charles. (Pause.) "I want to show you things." (Pause.) Things you can't even pronounce." (Pause.) Call me."
END OF MESSAGE.
What, Mr. Trying-To-Be-All-Sexy-Voiced Charles is a pharmacist? Because I've seen some medication names that I would have to struggle to utter aloud. (Chlorpheniramine? Phenylpropanolamine?) Otherwise, I have no idea what he means, because I actually can pronounce all the proper Latin terms for what I bet he's thinking about.