Tuesday, December 07, 2004

No video clip today, sorry. Video clips will return next week, though...For now, some links and a bit of poly discussion.

I did an email interview with an e-zine called, "All Things Girl" a while back, and it's up on the site now. It won't tell you, my regular readers, anything you don't know already. But I was surprised by the fact that a pretty mainstream site would want to publish something like an interview with a dominatrix. We must be making some progress somewhere.

This guy always makes me laugh. Which is good, because otherwise I'd be screaming.

Unusual But True: I was once (legally) married to one of the guys on this page.

Interesting webpage about secondary partnerships in poly. I agree with a lot of what's written here, but there's one passage that I choke on...

"When I am in a relationship with one person, I am in a relationship with all the other people that person is involved with, especially the primary partner(s)--even if there is no romantic connection between us!"

Nope, I'm not down with that idea. I'm much more in line with the "Passionate Marriage" concept of well-differentiated partners. That means: I'm one person, Max is another. We're lovers, we're partners, we have a primary commitment to each other. But that doesn't mean we are thus morphed into one socio-sexual unit. Max is friendly with Roman, for example. But he isn't having "a relationship" with him, any more than I'm having one with Maura. Max and I adore each other, but we're two separate people, and I view with extreme skepticism any notion that tries to blur us into one entity. (Hell, if we wanted to do that, we'd get married.)

The author goes on to say...
"When one partner has problems with a poly relationship, it can tend to negatively affect a secondary partner, creating unhappiness for everyone. Compassion demands that everyone involved work to resolve any resentment that may exist on the part of any of the members of a primary relationship toward the secondary relationship."

I agree that serious problems shouldn't be ignored, and I agree that secondary partners should always be treated with courtesy and kindness by the primary. (And vice versa, for that matter.)
But I reject the idea that a poly-related problem in the primary relationship must necessarily affect the secondary. Max and I have resolved any number of hiccups in our poly without having to hold a three-way committee meeting about it. The secondary partner in question never even knew there was a problem at all, and that was fine, because it wasn't their dog. It was between Max and I. This is what I call "having good boundaries". If I have a problem, it's mine to deal with, and likewise, I expect other people to deal with theirs. Ask for help from your lovers? Sure, that's fine. But I don't accept what I see as a "my problem is everybody's problem" attitude.

Monday, December 06, 2004

So the workshop yesterday went very well…Workshop days are always busy ones for me, and yesterday was especially so because Maura, Max's submissive, injured her hand lately and was unable to help us the way she usually does. Max and I have a deal, you see – when one of us teaches, the other acts as stage manager, assistant and general fetcher-and-carrier.

Max has been teaching these classes at the Wet Spot for over a year now, so we know the drill, and the three of us can usually set everything up in twenty minutes flat. But things do go more slowly when you only have two pairs of hands, and it's tough because many of the attendees are friends and acquaintances, and the temptation to stop and chat with them as they arrive is severe. But one has to stay focused on the set-up, or the class won't start on time. And my friends, the phrase "not on time" isn't in Max's vocabulary. I have remarked to several people that if you want to bottom to Max, there are three crucial rules to remember.

Rule Number One: Be on time.
Rule Number Two: Be on time.
Rule Number Three: Make good coffee.

The coffee part is easy to learn how to do. The Turkish say, "Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death and sweet as love." Max doesn't take sugar, but otherwise…well, you get the picture.

The punctuality part – that seems harder to teach, but it's essential. No matter how cute or how sexy or how whatever you are, your ass better be on time, because Max takes that quite seriously. And in the finest traditions of good tops, he holds himself to an equal or greater standard of behavior. He once told me, "If I'm ever twenty minutes late for anything, call the hospital." He was kidding – a little. A very little.

So starting the workshop a few minutes late was not an option, and we were moving around pretty smartly gearing up for it. After it started, though, I got to sit down and catch my breath while Max did his thing. I like watching him, and I generally like teaching myself, but I'm lazy about creating opportunities to do it. If Toys In Babeland calls and asks me to come teach, I'm happy to do that. But producing workshops is a lot of work and I'm too damn busy already. Thus, I'm quite happy to just help Max, and get some of the pleasures of teaching with much less responsibility.

So we did the class, loaded out, and went over to Louie's for dinner, and then we came back to the Bondage Party. Max circulated, dispensing advice and technique tips, and I just lounged and chatted. I watched two friends do a suspension scene involving a nosehook (!), I was cuddled by the lovely Trinity, and then I watched Max do a complex and charmingly brutal suspension scene with a certain girl who isn't nearly as fragile as her dainty appearance would suggest.

Half the fun of that was playing commentator to the friends sitting with me. I know Max's style and habits so well that I can predict what he's going to do with a fair amount of accuracy.

"Oh, watch, he's going to do a mid-air inversion. Yep, there she goes…"

"Jesus, see how he's winding that rope around her. He's going to spin her like a top."

"Now, check this out, he'll lower her down until her feet are almost touching the floor, but not quite."

You must imagine me saying this in tones of great fondness and admiration, of course. Because I do admire skill and creativity in sadism, and my darling Max has skill, creativity and sadism to burn.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Email Silliness...

Dear Mistress,
Your website is penetrating, poignant and articulate. And indeed, You are absolutely stunning, Mistress Matisse, as You must surely know. I am a handsome and well-built 35 year old man from London. Whilst successful in the vanilla world, I crave to give it all up to live as a pathetic slave who has nothing but love and obedience towards his rightful Female Owner. And as You are the most beautiful Mistress in the world, I am already humbled by You and crave to submit to You.

Well, it's always nice to be told I'm beautiful, although it strains even my credulity to believe that I'm "the most beautiful Mistress in the world". I'd like to know exactly how much research he did to arrive at that conclusion.
And I'm pleased to hear that he finds me articulate – but just based on this first paragraph, I have a feeling he may not have really grasped what I try to convey about my style of dominance, since pathetic slaves really aren’t my thing. I prefer slightly sassy ones, who sometimes laugh while I'm torturing them.

I hope that my Owner-to-be will eventually take everything from me over a sustained period - my manhood, my real estate, my assets and my inheritance. And better still to expose my demise and castration on Her website, whilst I am photographed naked, weeping, genderless and penniless whilst Mistress is amused at my plight and maybe even wearing my former testicles as ear-rings to display Her supremacy over me, hence total humiliation is complete.

Honey, if I'm wearing your balls as earrings, I will be the one who is humiliated. Testicle earrings are so five minutes ago! The new thing now is to put them into a lava lamp, in either a blood red or milky white fluid.

I wish to ask you whether you have experience in luring a (vanilla) successful submissive man into a safe and legal medical castration (by professionals) in tandem with signing his life and assets to You?

Ah, yes, my good friends and professional associates, the Safe and Legal Medical Castrators, LLC. Just look them up in the yellow pages! They do a sideline in getting people to sign over assets while under sedation. It's a pricey extra service, but I have always found it worthwhile in the dozens of other cases where I've had them safely and legally castrate someone for me.
I just call them up and say, "I'm luring in a successful man! He's vanilla! Can you get us in at 2?"
"Sure!" they say cheerfully. "Would you like the testicle earrings with that?" They don't realize, you see, and I'm sure some mistresses who are not as hip as I am are still wearing those silly testicle earrings, not realizing that they are so out of fashion.

If so, do You maintain a D/s relationship with Your subjects who undergo this?

No, once I've milked you dry – so to speak – I will throw you, naked, weeping, genderless and penniless out into the snow to die. (But perhaps you won't die. Perhaps, instead, you'll crawl away into the woods, where you'll hide. You'll survive by eating insects and berries and trapping small animals, gradually regaining your strength, and you'll continue living in the woods in a crudely constructed hut. The local villagers will fear you as a madman, but one day you'll encounter a lost traveler who's desperately ill, and you'll take him into your hut and nurse him back to health with your newly-learned herbal lore. He'll turn out to be a Jedi Knight, who's on his way to help otherthrow the evil Lord Vader, and as a reward for saving his life you'll ask him to take you with him as his sidekick and train you in the ways of a Jedi, so that you can eventually take your revenge on me, and he'll decide to say yes, without knowing that, in the interval of time that's passed, I've actually become Lord Vader's girlfriend, and…No, wait, wait, wait – that's a whole different movie!)

And then there's the emails that balance him out.

I'll tell you what- I just want to get my huge cock in your hot vagina, save the torture for some wuss. I want to mount you, because I am KING STUD!!!
Thanks sweetheart…

"Ooooh, mount me, baby, mount me now!" Mount? What the fuck kind of word is that? Has this ignoranus been reading too many romance novels or something? Or maybe animal husbandry – it's hard to say. Why is it that the ones who really need their balls cut off never ask for it?

Friday, December 03, 2004

I had a lovely, lovely time with Roman last night…details on that later, since I'm about to plunge into a busy day.
I will note that - big event here - Roman stayed over last night. Meaning, he slept with me in the literal sense, as well as the euphemistic. That's only the second time in a roughly six-month relationship. (Usually we play at my studio, and then we both stagger home at some ungodly hour.)
Sleeping with a secondary has generally been a limit for him, and the first time we did it, during the Week Of Wickedness, he was sort of endearingly nervous about breaking his own rule. But it was fine, and then lately he told me, "I'd like to do that again." So we played at my house, and then slept together, and it was…very sweet. A nice marker for a relationship.

Meanwhile, if you're in Seattle, don't forget about my darling primary partner Max's bondage class this Sunday…I'll be there with him, doing my kinky Vanna White impersonation. (No sequined dresses, though.)

Fixed Point Bondage - Soft Flesh, Unyielding Objects
Sunday December 5th
2:30 PM to 5:30 PM at the Wet Spot in Seattle

Remember Little Nell on the railroad tracks?
Learn how to tie your lover to a variety of objects, from posts to chairs to bamboo poles.
This month's workshop presents a number of ways to tie your partner to something else. We'll cover a few basic knots and techniques, do a very nice demo, and then spend the bulk of the workshop practicing positions involving fixed points and/or pieces of bamboo.
The positions presented are broadly adaptable and don't require special hardware or equipment. In fact, we'll be using the furniture, posts, doors and other fixtures in ways guaranteed to get your creative juices flowing.
While some familiarity with rope and bondage will be useful, this workshop assumes no previous bondage experience. The knots presented in the workshop are all pretty simple - the fun is in the things we'll do with those basic knots.
Most of the class will consist of hands-on exercises so you'll have plenty of time to practice and enjoy what you've learned. And, as always, the handout distributed at the workshop will help you when you practice at home.
If you can, come with a practice partner. If you don't have a partner, come anyway and we'll make sure you get a chance to practice the basic techniques. Rope Bottoms - this is your chance to meet some rope tops - come learn and get tied up!
Some rope will be provided for the workshop, but bring four 10’ lengths and three 20-30’ lengths of 3/8” rope if you can.

Registration and Fees
Workshop fee: $30
Workshop + party (Wet Spot members only): $35

Wet Spot membership is NOT required for the workshop. Please bring ID to verify that you're at least 18 years old.

The "Bondage is the Point" party afterward is limited to Wet Spot members, who will receive a $5 discount if they attend both the workshop and the party.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Apparently I should have cultivated a taste for caviar instead…Bad weather and pest problems have created a tomato shortage. That's bad news for me, since la pomme d'amour is one of my favorite foods, either cooked or raw. QFC sells me a whole lot of those vine-ripened tomatoes in the little plastic boxes, even though they're so bloody expensive I think that I could buy good quality heroin for less money. And now they're going to be more so, apparently. Sigh.

Interesting article about managing jealousy in poly relationships…

A twistedly humorous page about military discipline - or, not.

Speaking of discipline, here's something kinky: Steve Unfreid, a principal at a Christian school, was fired for being voluntary whipped in front of two students. Steve, Steve, Steve - those paperback books you've been hiding in the garage? Those are fiction. Really.

And speaking of being voluntarily whipped...I have a date with Roman tonight, and I'm definitely of a mind to be evil. No flogging, I don't think. I did that last time, and one doesn't want to be too predictable. However, Roman has thrown down a gauntlet or two lately, and hey, call me easily manipulated, but I do like to rise to a challenge from a lover. (Of course, Roman rises to challenges very nicely himself. I do like that in a man.)
There may well be pictures. Perhaps even video. Possess your souls in patience, and maybe I'll post one within a few days...

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Event Notes…

So the Sex Life Live show taping at ReBar last night went well. (Much more fun this time than the last time I worked with Dane, because I was actually sick as a dog for that one.) We had a good-sized crowd, and they seemed to enjoy me, as well as Allena Gabosch, Caroline from The Stranger, and Monk. You'll have to check Monk's blog for his version of events, but I think we done good. When the show goes live on the Sex Life website, I'll post a note…

Best left-handed compliment of the night: in the midst of a swirl of people talking to me after the show, a sweet young thing rushed up, saying, "Mistress, mistress, mistress!" excitedly.

Erg. Now, I'm quite fine with being introduced to people as "Mistress Matisse", because that is my professional title. But in fact, I really prefer people wanting to converse with me one-on-one to just address me as Matisse. Unless I'm actually playing with you (or you are my contracted personal submissive), calling me "mistress" – well, it's just a shade too familiar.

But that's a very fine point of BDSM etiquette, and not one most people could be expected to know. This girl clearly meant no harm, so I smiled at her. "Yes?"

"I just wanted to tell you, I've been reading your column, and I kind of had a certain mental image of you from that, and I just had to tell you; wow, you're like, so much hotter in person than I thought you'd be! It's amazing!"

Um. Okay. Thank you. I think. (What, do I write like an ugly person?) I do give her credit for good intentions - it was obvious she meant to be paying me a compliment. But – hmmn.

I just smiled again and thanked her for coming to the show.

I also met someone else who is a blog reader – or so her friend claimed. So, greetings to The Woman in White Overalls.

A note about video clips, because I got a plaintive little email about this today - because of the bandwidth issues presented by maintaining a permanent archive of all the clips, the clip will be replaced each week. (Or I should say, each clip will be replaced by its successor. I may not have something video-able every single week.)
What that means is that if see something you love and will want to watch again and again, download it to your hard drive - for your personal use only, of course - because it will go away soon.