Friday, November 12, 2004

I have this question that I used to use as an icebreaker at cocktail parties, and it’s this: If they were making a movie about your life story, who would you want to play you?

There are a number of possible variants, like: Salary-is-no-object, or B-movie budget? Do I get different actors for different ages of my life? Do they have physically resemble me?

I still haven't found exactly the right person to play me yet, and that may be because I'm not the biggest film/TV buff. I suck at remembering most actors names – I usually have to call up my brother, who worked in Hollywood and knows all this shit, and say something like, "Who was that girl who was in that movie, you know, with the car and they drive it over the edge of the cliff at the end?"

He'll sigh patiently and say, "Geena Davis." When it comes to movies, my brother can read my mind. (Thank god that's the only area in which he has that skill.)

So, while I don't think it's strictly necessary that the actor physically resembles you, I do think they should seem to possess some trait that you identify with. That's why when I play this game, some of my choices over the years have been: Jennifer Jason Lee, because she's so freakin' intense. Or: Madonna, because she can convey someone who's driven and determined. (But only if it was a musical.)
If Annette Bening was a little younger, I would love to have her play me, she's fabulous. Catherine Zeta-Jones would get my okay, too.

Various suggestions from other people have included:
"Sarah Michelle Gellar". Yeah, okay, I can see that.
"Andie McDowell". What? "Well, I've always had a thing for her. And she's got a southern accent, too." Mmmmn, I don't think so.
"Ellen Barkin". Not sure I really see that, but I think she's cool, so, all right.
"Rose McGowan". A little on the goth side, but okay.
"Linda Fiorentino". Oh, now you're talking. She hasn't done much lately, but I loved her in "The Last Seduction".

I have decided that come what may, Max must be played by Kevin Spacey. Quiet, low-key, until he unleashes his inner barracuda. If Kevin absolutely isn't available, perhaps John Malkovich, if he could convey a little more warmth that he usually does.
Roman? I think…Jim Carey. Tall, irresistibly boyish and cute, and tons of kinetic energy. Or maybe, just maybe, Tim Robbins - if you gave him speed. A younger John Travolta could have captured his charm, but while I like Mr. Travolta, I think he's peaked.
Jake? Oh, that's a hard one. Vin Diesel? But I'm just saying that based on looks. Nicolas Cage might capture Jake very well, though. Very intense, and just slightly...left of center, somehow.

So – who would play you?

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