Friday, October 01, 2004

Email From A Self-Fired Client

Dear Mistress Matisse,

My name is (DELETED) and I had the great privilege of meeting with you for a session about six months ago. I had a wonderful time and as I left, I told you that I'd be calling you again soon. I guess you're wondering why I never did.

Actually I'm not. Most guys who come to see me say, "I'll call you," as they leave - it seems to be something of a reflex. And since about 75% of my clients these days are repeat clients, they usually do. I don't keep records of any kind – that's always a bad idea in sex work – but for a certain group of my really good regular guys, I do have a sort of a mental calendar of, "Hmmn, I haven't seen him for a little while, I bet he'll be calling soon…"

But I do see some new clients, and there are plenty of one-shot wonders in the world of sex-work. So if I've only had one session with you – well, once you walk out the door, you'll pretty much walk out of my head.

I had an amazing time with you, and you're beautiful, so much more beautiful than your pictures even suggest. After I left and the pleasure of the time with faded, I began to wonder what you thought about me. I'm older and I know I'm not in the best shape. I know I can't do a lot of the things I see people doing on the web in terms of heavy whipping and stuff. I just realized that I probably wasn't the most attractive submissive for you. So I didn't call you back because I didn't want to be one of those clients you just sort of put up with.

I get this sometimes – they guys who need reassurance that they're fun play-partners. I understand needing some feedback, that's an okay thing to ask for. But I have a feeling that a little reassurance isn't going to suffice in this situation. And again – if I've only met you once, six months ago, there are limits to how willing and able I will be to lavish you with praise and encouragement.

I would really love to come see you again. Can you possibly find a man like me attractive? Are there ways I can please you even though I'm not the most advanced submissive?

The answers are, in order: I have no idea if I can find you attractive, since I don't remember who the hell you are and you've furnished me with absolutely no clues to help me remember you. And: yes, there probably are. But you'll have to trust me that I like what I'm doing, and that seems to be a difficult thing for you.

I want so much to please you, Mistress. I know you don't usually allow your subs to have intimate contact with you, but I would happily service you in any manner that you desire. I don't wish to sound like I'm bragging but I am told I have some talent in this area.

Okay, now we're moving from "needy but polite" territory into the "yeah, you wish, buddy" area. He's willing to demonstrate what a good submissive he is by partaking of a privilege I haven't granted him? Oh, that's impressive. Not.

So even thought I may not be a handsome young stud anymore, we older guys can have our place, don't you think, Mistress?

This is amusing, considering I won't even see clients under thirty, and the majority of my clientele is over forty. I much prefer it that way – I got more than enough of having to deal with raw young boys when I worked in strip clubs. My oldest client to date? Seventy-seven. And let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, his age was a lusty winter. No blue pills required, either. God bless horny older men.

I really want to please you, Mistress, so I hope that there is something I can do to make you like me and want to play with me. I just don't want to be another boring submissive to you, I want to be special. I hope you will write me back and tell me some things you would like me to do to please you in our next session, Mistress. I will be waiting for your instruction.

And that's it. He signs his first name and sends it.

This is one of those letters that inspires a mixture of pity and annoyance. Of course he wants to feel liked and feel special. Everyone wants that.
But trying to get that from a sex worker that you saw once, six months ago, is pathetic. I sell blocks of my professional time, but you cannot buy my affection and respect, that has to be earned and it takes time.
This does tug at me a little, because I do try to make people feel like they're pleasing me when they have a session with me. However, when I re-read his email, it seems like I did - but that the writer talked himself of out of believing that after he left, and what that suggests to me is that he's got a touch of the Mr. Defensive thing happening. I've seen this before – there are some guys who, as long as they have your attention, feel happy and liked, but as soon as they leave, they start tearing the whole experience apart in their head. So even if they become regulars, you can't really establish a baseline of emotional connection with them. You have to start all over again creating the bubble of intimacy and trust every single time they come in. I'm not unwilling to do it, but they're robbing themselves of one of the benefits of seeing the same Mistress.
I haven't decided if I'll write this guy back or not. I'm inclined not to, just because he seems so needy, and I'm busy enough not to particularly need him as a client. But maybe if he calls, I'll try to talk to him and how I feel about it…

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