You've heard about her, you've read about her, you've seen her naked butt. Now read all about the fabulous poly life of Miss Candy and her hottie husband MC, in this week's Stranger column.

Meanwhile, I'm busy down here in Cali, shopping and socializing...

NonStop

So, Mom left this morning, and in 24 hours, I fly to San Francisco for the weekend to teach kinky rope classes with Max and attend Folsom Street Fair. The rapid shifting of gears in my life leaves me a little breathless sometimes. Max feels the same way, given that he just got back Monday from a ten-day driving trip. And Roman has been putting the pedal to the metal, gearing up to vend his wares at the street fair. It’s crazy around here, I tell you.

Note to clients: I’m booked up today, and I’ll be unavailable Thursday-Monday. I will not be taking phone calls during that time either, although I will be checking email and I may be able send brief responses. I’ll try to return all calls and emails on Monday. I am booking for appointments starting Tuesday, so call me then to get time with me. Regular clients can also book time with me via email.

So, another picture: remember I talked about those nice noises Candy made when she was whacked on her butt with a bamboo stick? Well, she’s sweet, but she’s certainly anything but a Candy-ass.

The Bush administration and the FBI need volunteers for the Porn Squad. Curiously, they seem hard to (yes, I'm going to say it) come by.

More porn: an interesting discussion on Slate about two books on porn in American sexual culture. I can’t say it makes me want to run right out and buy either one of them, but a thought-provoking piece nonetheless.

Question: Has anyone ever stayed at the Moore Hotel? I’m going to go check it out for myself after I get back in town, but – any first-hand experiences?

I'm spending the day with the Mominatrix, before she flies back to Atlanta tomorrow. Meanwhile, enjoy pictures of people being mean to the piñata boy. (Thanks to James, our host and photographer.)

Laughing at the big stick.
Monk prefered to use his hand.
Lady Lydia and the Nerf bat.

Stories of a Human Piñata.

Well, we never did get any candy out of the piñata boy, but we hung him up and whacked him a lot anyway. Hopefully some pictures will be forthcoming. (Nudge, nudge, James.)

(Disclaimer: Most BDSM gatherings do NOT feature a whole bunch of tops ganging up on one bottom. Usually, you dance with them what brung you – or at least with one person at a time. But this was a send-off party for a special pal, so we decided to be extra-attentive to him. Heh.)

Candy found that when hitting a suspended, rotating target, close attention is required in order to not crack someone in the head. Fortunately, she made this discovery while using a big, stiff piece of Styrofoam. Instead of, say, a solid wood dowel.

Monk instructed the piñata boy to cry “Ole!” each time he thumped him.

The Wookie showed us that performing nunchuk moves with a pair of brightly-colored nerf bats looks cool. And apparently it hurts a lot when you hit someone with them. Who knew?

The piñata boy has two very distinct noises – a deep, groan-y one for when you hit his back, and a sharper cry for when you hit his ass. The deep one is a obviously a happy-pain noise, while the sharper one clearly indicates he’s not so happy. That’s not unusual – most people have sweet spots where impact feels good, and places where it’s harder to take. Sometimes when I’m playing with someone like that, I switch quickly from one spot to the other and kind of play a little tune. Like Chopsticks, only with just two keys.

Later: Candy also makes really nice noises when you hit her cute little butt with a big old nasty bamboo stick.

Later still: Monk (a heterosexual guy) stuck some needles in The Wookie’s (another heterosexual guy) chest. Tambo, Rossi, Candy, NerdyGirl, Mrs. Wookie and I got all juicy watching this. We are that starved for hot boy-on-boy action.
Then Mrs. Wookie went over and got involved, and we really got hot and bothered. MMF threesome, woot! (No, not really. But we can dream, can’t we?)

Such was the tenor of my weekend...

Hey, want to get involved in the Seattle BDSM community? Volunteer! A letter from the awesome director of the Wet Spot, Allena Gabosch...


The Wet Spot Needs You!

The Seattle Sex Positive Community Center is a volunteer driven
organization. There are currently only two paid staff, myself and Dusty,
our Site Coordinator. We have 30-50 hours a week of programs, between
workshops, support groups and our regular evening events (which adds up to
over 130 hours a week of volunteer labor) . We also have behind the
scenes crews who assist our site coordinator with maintenance and daily
chores like laundry (we do upwards of 30 loads of laundry a week for
example). It is members like you who keep our organization
running. There are some changes coming in the very near future and some
special volunteer opportunities that go along with these changes. We also
are going to be putting on some events outside of the Wet Spot that will
require volunteers. We always need volunteers for our events and for non
event work. And finally, there are many Teams and Committees that make the
Wet Spot function and are always welcoming new ideas and people with
commitment and energy.

How can you be involved? Glad you asked.

The special projects coming up at The Wet Spot will require some volunteers
with specific abilities. If you have experience in any of the following
please write to me (director@wetspot.org) and send me a short resume with
your experience.

General Contracting
Electrical
Plumbing
Masonry
Painting
Dry Wall
Heating and Air Conditioning
Interior Design

The events outside of the Wet Spot include our upcoming Cirque Du Noc
(Vendor Fair and Fetish Ball in December) and the 2006 Seattle Erotic Art
Festival (SEAF). Both be held at Consolidated Art Works
(www.conworks.org). Part of our rental agreement with Consolidated Art
Works is to help their organization with their construction needs. So, if
you e-mail me about the special projects at the Wet Spot, we also may ask
you to help us at Conworks. We'll also need cashiers, coatchecks, set up
crew, tear down crew, greeters and other key volunteers for both the Cirque
and SEAF. If you're interested in being part of the Cirque du Noc or SEAF
write me and I'll direct you to the appropriate volunteer coordinator.

As I said, our regular events require 130+ hours a week of volunteers and
there is a good chance that will increase as we increase our
programming. There are a variety of shifts that you can volunteer
for. These include Cashiers, Ambassadors, Monitors, Librarians, Rovers
and Attendants. We have a pretty simple training program and would love to
have your assistance. If you're interested in volunteering at events,
write to volunteers@wetspot.org.

Our behind the scenes volunteer staff is pretty full right now, but there
is always a chance that an opening will arrive. If you have an interest in
doing laundry, helping with maintenance (are you good with a hammer and
drill?) or if you're unable to volunteer in the evenings, then write to
noneventvolunteers@wetspot.org and we'll put you on our list.

Finally, our Teams and Committees. The Wet Spot is a non-profit which
means that there is a board who governs. To assist in the governance the
board creates committees. Committees suggest policy and procedure for the
board to implement and assist in creating the governance structure. Our
committees consist of at least one board member and most are open to our
general membership. They include Finance, PR/Marketing, Membership,
Fundraising, Education and HR. The committees answer to the board. The
Teams are the groups who implement the policies and procedures. They also
are the organizers and planners for the various events that we hold. They
make up a good part of the Wet Spot non-board leadership. They generally
answer to the Executive Director. They include most of our regular events,
Grind, Pansexual, Erotic City, Women's, Men's and Dykes N Fags In
Kink. There are also teams for Education, Programming, PR. SEAF, and
Laundry. We also need to create a couple new teams, such as Fundraising
and Decorating. If you are interested in being part of a team or
committee, write me (director@wetspot.org) and I'll forward your request to
the appropriate person. Some of these teams are maxed as to membership, so
please mention all that interest you.

What's in it for you, you ask? Another good question. Besides the
satisfaction that you are helping the Seattle Sex Positive Community Center
continue to be one of the cutting edge organizations in the country, there
are perks for most of the volunteer staff. There are special free events
throughout the year for our volunteers. Event and behind the scene
volunteers get free or reduced entry into our events (there are specific
criteria that the volunteer coordinator will inform you of, when you sign
up). Volunteering at SEAF or Cirque du Noc will get you entry to those
events. Special project volunteers (ie: construction) will get vouchers
for entry to our regular events and for those of you with specific skills
there may be a membership upgrade. As for Teams and Committees, while
there are no extra perks, you get the privilege of being part of the
leadership. You get to assist in creating policy, new programs and
affecting not only our local scene, but Sex Positive Culture in
general. What could be more rewarding (and hot) than being a mover and
shaker within the Sex Positive Community?

Without our amazing volunteers we would not exist. We need you to step up
and become part of this incredible experience.

I look forward to seeing many new faces at our volunteer events.

Thank you so much

Allena Gabosch
Executive Director

Friday again, and another column. This week: advice to would-be clients of sex workers.
Max is still away, so I'm on my own for the weekend. Hmmnn, what trouble can I get into? Let's see, I have a date for dinner with my pal Jake. Remember Jake? He's very happily dating a sweet, pretty yoga teacher now. I like her.
And there's a kinky party with a Mexican theme, at which I'm told there will be a human pinata. Sounds delightful.
On Sunday I'm having coffee with a woman who may be interested in being a service submissive for Max and I.
So it's a pretty full weekend, all things considered...

From the Book of Questions: Love and Sex

When you meet people do you ever imagine what they look like naked or they are like sexually?
Oh, hell yes, all the time. I do it with strangers to pass time when I’m doing something boring like standing in line at the bank or running on the treadmill at the gym. I mentally run down a whole list of possibilities. Are they kinky? If so, how? Dominant or submissive? Masochistic, or sensually submissive? Would they prefer rope or handcuffs? What quirky fetishes might they have – feet, furries, farm animals?
I do this with the few-and-far-between vanilla people I have social interactions with too. Oddly, I’m least likely to do with people who I know for sure are kinky – perhaps because if I just wait a little while, I’ll probably get to see them in action, or at least hear some juicy stories about them.

How would you feel if you knew someone was musing about you in this way?
What, you mean they aren’t? Geeze, I just assumed everyone did this. Wow, I feel all pervy now.

Speaking of sexual speculations, Roman and I were lying in bed last night, indulging in some late-night silly conversation about sex. We started off giving the thumbs-up, thumbs-down to various celebrities. He was surprised that I would decline to boff Robin Williams but that I would jump Robert DeNiro. He allowed as how he’d say “No thank you” to Halle Berry but would happily ravish Mimi Rogers. Then I asked him, just hypothetically, which of our friends he’d have sex with, if given the opportunity.
“In a frictionless, gravity-free world? Can I flashy-thing them afterwards so they don’t remember?”
“Oh yeah," I said. "Absolutely, you can erase their memory of it. No bill to pay for this one. What about X?” (You didn’t really think I was going to name names, did you?)
“She’s cute, but, mmnnn, no. What about you – how about X, would you do him?”
I thought about it. “Maybe. Only if I could smack him around while I was doing it.”
“Oh, of course.”
It’s so nice to be poly and be able to laugh and tease with one’s lover about stuff like fucking other people, and have there be no drama about it.

So, I try not to be too political around here, but man, with all the interesting stuff going on, I can't help it.

There's Katrina news, of course: Bush Takes Responsibility. I'm stunned. I never thought I'd see the day when this administration took responsibility for anything. Next you'll tell me there's a Santa Claus.

I'm watching John Roberts tap dance on the issue of abortion rights in his confirmation hearings. You can probably tell I'm not crazy about him, but overall, I think he's better than a lot of people Bushie boy and his pals could have put up there.

You know things are weird when Newt Gingrich is the voice of reason for his party.

"Gingrich argues that the values debate that has divided America so sharply during the past decade is over. There's a broad consensus about most issues, and anyway people realize that the country's big problems aren't about morality but performance. "We're not in a values fight now but over whether the system is working," Gingrich told me. "The issue is delivery." And that's true at every level -- city, state and federal." From WAPO columist David Ignatius.

Hey, I know I'd be much more likely to vote for Republican politicians if they'd just keep their noses out of my uterus, my bedroom and my dungeon. Newt assessed the mood of the nation pretty accurately in the 90's, I'll be interested to see if anyone pays attention to his prophecies now.

Here's a dark joke that covers the top two stories of the day:

Q: What's George Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?
A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

(Via Balkinization.)

And on a musical note (so to speak) - while you may or may not agree with the basic sentiment, you have to admit it's a catchy tune: "George Bush Don't Like Black People". Inspired by Kayne West, rendered by The Legendary K.O.

More sexy stuff soon...

Back from the trip with mom - Salish Lodge was divine as usual. They do this foot-scrub-and-massage thingie in the spa that I would be happy to have done to me every day for, oh, two or three hours. Really nice. And great mother/daughter time, which is more important.
If you emailed me or called me and left a message in the last few days, I will get back to you ASAP, I swear.
Back to regularly scheduled blogging tomorrow...

It's Friday, and the new column and calendar is up. What else? Well, it's been busy around here. Max is leaving today to go on one of his road trips. He'll be gone about a week, and of course I'll miss him terribly, but I do enjoy having some time alone.

Not that I'll be alone all that much. Mom returns Saturday and then she and I are going up to the Salish Lodge for some mother-and-daughter spa time. Two days of massages, facials, and various other pleasurable things - I can't wait. (Clients, please note: I will not be available Monday or Tuesday of next week.)

And I'll be spending some extra time with Roman this coming week as well, although he's in a frenzy of preparation for Folsom Street Fair. Max and I are looking forward to FSF as well - we're teaching some rope classes at the Folsom Fringe Fest this year.

Seattle theatre fans: Max and I went to see "Vincent in Brixton" at the The Act last night. It's a good show, intense and well-acted. Seeing a play based on Vincent Van Gogh's young life intrigued me, so I think I'll click over to Powells and see if they have a good biography of him. Any suggestions?

Questions

Sometimes, I admit, blogging is a difficult task. I sit down in front of the computer and think, “What the hell am I going to write about?”

Today I came across a little book I’d forgotten I had. It’s called, The Book of Questions: Love and Sex. It's a spin-off from the conversation-starting series by Gregory Stock, The Book Of Questions. I now realize it’s a good blog-prompter as well. So I opened it at random, and here are some questions I found.

When you look back on past romances, do you ever wonder what you saw in a former lover? If so, it is because you have changed or because you have grown to see the person more clearly?

Good lord, yes. When I think about some of my old lovers, I wish I could say I was on drugs at the time, because there is no other good reason for me to have dated them. Unfortunately, I wasn’t.

I’m willing to give myself a pass on lovers I had before I was, say, 22. And it’s not that all my exes are terrible people. (Although, a few of them.... ) But a lot of them were just horrifyingly wrong for me.

Sometimes it was that I wanted them to be something they weren’t, sometimes it was that I was sexually attracted to someone I had nothing intellectually or emotionally in common with, and sometimes I was intellectually/emotionally attracted to someone who was wrong for me sexually.

As for the second question: yes, I have changed, and as part of changing, I see the person – and my reasons for dating them - more clearly.

In the early phases of a romance, how much do you tend to be influenced by friends and family’s opinions of your potential partner?

Not very much. (Which may have led to some of my bad choices.) Not at all by my genetic family, since they know so little about my sexuality. In terms of friends, Miss K probably would have the most influence on me, because she knows me well and she has no axe to grind in terms of my having or not having a particular partner.

But because of the way I do poly, I would definitely listen to what Max had to say about someone I was thinking of getting involved with. But Max and I both know that there’s a difference between “I myself don’t find that person attractive,” and “You shouldn’t go there.” We don’t insist on close relationships with each other’s secondaries, although it’s fine if it happens.

I’d listen to Roman as well, particularly since it would be important to me that anyone I got involved with was respectful to him as well as to Max.

If you had to make love in either total darkness or where background noise would prevent speech, which would you prefer?

The noise. (Especially if it was, say, Rammstein, NIN, and Ministry.) Total – I mean, total! – darkness would be not be a turn-on for me. I have to be able to see a little bit, even if it’s very dim. Although - I have been blindfolded for sex, and while I wouldn’t want it all the time, it can certainly be erotic. For some reason, that seems different than being a pitch-black room. I have no idea why.

Some light relief from disaster news…

Article about poly in the NYT. It’s interesting to see the word and the concept make its way into the mainstream.

And another one in the Baltimore Sun (BugMeNot access: Username: bugmenot90@mailinator.com, password: bugmenot)

Paging Barbara Eden: “Genie Grants Scalia Strict Constructionist Interpretation Of Wish”.

Some Days My Government Really Frightens Me…

I’ve been reading about Katrina all weekend. What a shameful debacle. Local, state and federal government sure fucked up on this one, and a lot of people really suffered because of it. I predict some officials will be paying the price in the next elections, which is much less of a penalty than some of them deserve. The unmitigated stupidity of the President saying, "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees”, when it’s been predicted for years is just unforgivable.

And Condoleeza Rice taking in Broadway musicals while people in her home state go without clean water? Badly done, Condi, badly done. But why should we expect you to be any better than your bosses?

And now that Monkey-Boy gets to select another Supreme Court Justice. Shit! Given the anti-sex agenda of the Shrub’s administration, one shudders to think who he’ll choose. Roberts isn’t my dream date, but he’s amazingly sort of, almost, kinda rational, when you compare him to some of the other people Bush could have chosen. Now those far-right whackos have another shot at it. I'm thinking Bush will be catering to the hardest core of his crumbling base on this one, given that he's lost a lot of political goodwill over Katrina. It won't be pretty.

The greed and the misdirected energy of this administration disgusts me. I think of myself a political moderate, but the callousness and the rank inefficiency of much of the current Republican party leadership leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. I don’t need far-left liberals to create a nanny-state to protect me from myself, but good Christ, at least they wouldn’t leave the poor, the sick, the old, and the babies to die in a ruined city.

Another great list of places and way to donate to Katrina victims.

I feel so bad for those poor people who have lost everything. And for myself, I'm glad I got to visit New Orleans and experience it before this happened - and I'm sad that the beautiful, sensual, seductive city I knew is gone, and it'll almost certainly never be the same again.

I've had a nice Round One of my visit with Mom, and thank you to everyone who asked. Now she's off to Alaska for a week, so I'll be returning to my usual pervy activities until Round Two begins.

Here's this week's column, and yes, I did borrow heavily from some examples of bratty bottoms I know personally to write this. I just hope to god it doesn't give them fresh ideas. I'm sure that someone would blame me for that.

And by the way: No, Max did not write this. But he approves of it.


On a serious note... I'm appalled by what's happening in New Orleans. Those poor people - how awful. I've already made a donation to the Red Cross, and I encourage you to give what you can to the charity of your choice.

While my mother is here visiting, I'm going to have less time to write. So instead, please enjoy some of the Blog Greatest Hits. Be aware that that although the "comments" link may not reflect it, all the original comments are still there, so if you want to read them, click it.

If you're not familiar with the ways of kink, here's a good place to start: The Ethics of BDSM

My opinions, experiences, and general musings on life
Human Interest Story
Thoughts On Being A Pretty Girl (One of the more controversial early posts.)
BDSM Word Of The Day
Mr. Defensive
Open Secret
The Sixty Four Thousand Dollar Question (Another "Most Controversial" candidate.)
and the follow-up post: Comments On Female Clients
What I'm Not
Word Whores: The "Not My Dog" post
Poly Stars In Alignment
Public Encounter
You Dirty...
French Farce Weekend
Sex Positive? I Don't Think So!
Sex Index
Looking at Women
Demeaning To Women (And Men, Too.)
Female Trouble
Gym Guy, Part One
Gym Guy, Part Two

About Max:
Fifth Anniversary
More About Max

About Roman:
The Naked Truth
He's Just A...

Playing with my boys:
Flying High Again
My Idea of a Good Time

Conversations about the biz:
Advice on Clients
More Advice
Dinner with Miss K: Furniture Fantasy
Conversation with Miss K: Her Weird Phone Calls
Tips For New Sex Workers
Feminism and Sex Work

And, everyone's favorite category: Strange Communiqués From People: The phone calls, the emails, and the voicemails. There will be no more of these, so enjoy the oldie-goldies.

The Thirty Seconds Rule
Near Goddess Experience
Sexual Darwinism
And This Would Be My Problem Why?
Legend In His Own Mind
New Cell Phone - Old Memories
New York State Of Mind
Master and Commander
Weirdass Email Of The Week
Phone Messages
I Couldn't Make This Stuff Up (I know everyone likes Ryker Blackstar, but this guy is actually my personal favorite.)
From The Malebag
More Email Silliness
Freakazoids
By Rights He Should Be Taken Out And Hung
Barbie Reborn
Mentoring
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Sex Machine

The Maternal Invasion begins today. The Mominatrix arrives!

So, I’ve gotten some “when are you going to do another weird phone-call entry?” emails lately. Sorry, I’ve stopped doing the phone-calls entries. Not because the supply of weird phone calls has dried up (trust me!), but because apparently it was intimidating normal guys and preventing them from calling me.

In vain have I tried to point out that you have to reach a very high standard of weirdness to make the blog, and that calling to inquire about rates and availability is not the same thing as calling to announce that you’re slave zaptor from Planet Nine, and you’re here to worship my elbows. No, no, they wouldn't want to bother me. Uh, gentlemen, this is how I make a living, so legitimate phone calls are not "bothering" me.

Such hesitancy baffles me, especially when one considers how men are often capable of ignoring every “no” signal that a woman can give off. Apparently potential clients of dominatrixes are a more sensitive breed than your average guy. Which can be a nice thing, provided it's not taken to extremes.

But I do have to share just this one.

Ring Ring!

Me: hello?

Caller: Yeah, hi, is this Mistress Matisse?

Me: Yes, can I help you?

Caller: Yeah, I got a question for you. You do dominance and submission sessions, right?

Me: Yes.

Caller: Well, how much are your submission sessions? I mean the ones where you submit to me.

Apparently the significance of the title “mistress” is rather lost on this guy.

Me: No, I don’t do that.

Caller: You don’t? But it says...

Me: No, I’m a dominatrix. I do the domination, the people who come to see me do the submission.

Caller: Well, do you know any dominatrixes who are submissive?

Moral of the story: you really need to learn some basic terminology before you jump into the game.

Linky Linky

It's Friday, and the new column and kink calendar are up...

An interesting post about managing jealousy in poly relationships....

I don't agree with everything this guy says, but some of it I do, and it's nice to see moderate voices in the polarized political world we live in today. (There is some mild formating weirdness, ignore it, he says it's not fixable.)

Another tribute to the sweltering kink fiesta that was the Kirk/Spock relationship.

A very helpful letter to novice dominants who ask, "How do I do this?" The "role models" part is a little odd to me, but otherwise, good info.

Speaking of Parties

A post copied from my friend Joe, the coodinator for the "Bondage Is The Point" parties. This is going to be big fun. We're definitely going, and I'm pretty sure Max is going to do some kind of demo. Come see my honey in action!

Bondage in Paradise 2005
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4
4:00 PM to 10 PM

Free-range Bondage Party at The Longhouse (Wet Spot in Paradise) located Southeast of Redmond at 23301 Redmond - Fall City Road.

(Note for those you who don't know: Wet Spot in Paradise is a week-long campout for the sex-positive community. It encompasses not only BDSM people, but swingers, nudists, poly people, gender-queers and various other sexually diverse folks.)

Ever fantasize about tying someone up to one of the majestic standing stones of Stonehenge? How about a quick chase and hogtie in the grass? Or a beautiful submissive, tightly tied to the branches of a tree and available for your devious inclinations? Maybe perhaps just the simple joy of bondage under the open sky, warm rays of the sun beaming down through wisps of cloud, the way the cowboys used to play?

"Bondage is the Point" has been graciously invited to join Wet Spot in Paradise for the first Sunday in September!

For the same cost as the usual admission to the usual Bondage is the Point party, you can come out to Wet Spot in Paradise and play with your fellow bondage enthusiasts. There will be dungeon furniture in an outdoor setting, and acres of geography for your creative desires. Since we'll be outdoors and among other Paradise attendees who may be playing anywhere on the premises, the usual guidelines for non-obtrusive, noisy play will be suspended. So obtrude away! Pull out that single-tail, make 'em scream and jump!

WSiP provides dinner to paying attendees at 5:00 PM. For an additional $10, BitP attendees can join them. You are also free to bring your own food and snacks.

So come on out and join us. It'll be a fun and unique bondage party!

Wet Spot membership is not required for this special bondage party, so bring all your curious friends.

Note that for this party only, we're shifting the time 2hrs earlier to enjoy more daylight.

$10 for bondage party & demo only, $20 for party, demo and dinner. For more info, go here: Wet Spot, or Wet Spot In Paradise, or call 206-270-9746, or email bondage@wetspot.org