Preface: I had originally planned to not post this call for opinions on this blog, because I wanted to solicit answers from more narrowly-focused groups of BDSM-identified people. But frankly, I'm not getting any takers! Everyone seems to be voting for for Obama. It would be interesting to think that all the kinky people in the world are Democrats, but I happen to know that ain't so. I am personally acquainted with some very kinky Republicans who are smart people and who have thoughtful views on the issues. So perhaps they'll offer me their opinion.

***

"Why I’m Voting For John McCain..."

That’s what I’d like to know from you – if you are. I’m interested in doing a column about people for whom BDSM/kink/whatever-you-prefer-to-call-it is an active/daily part of their lives, and who intend to vote Republican in the Presidential election.

I know that a lot of people who are not all that kinky read me. I'm pleased to have those folks here. But the people I want to hear from around this issue are the serious, but serious BDSM people. So let me channel Joe Biden in the debates last night and say it again: what I’m looking for is Republican voters who are sincerely wedded to their identity as a BDSM person, and for whom that is a defining feature of their life.

(Or their identity as a D/s person, or a kinky person, or a fetish person, or whatever term you prefer to employ. Master/slave, female-led relationships, domestic discipline households - insert whatever term you like into that sentence. )

I would like to hear from people from whom what-it-is-we-do is a daily or constant feature of their life. While I loathe and despise the term “lifestyle” in any context, I suppose that’s one way of expressing what I mean here: lifestyle BDSM people.

If you’d like to be quoted, send me an email telling me why you’re choosing McCain, and how that fits in with your identity as a BDSM person. (Or whatever you call yourself, please tell me how you'd like to be described.)

Now, some guidelines: I have very limited space and I want to offer a lot of people’s responses, so I’m looking for answers that are short and snappy, about fifty words or so, max. Equally, your identity label needs to be short, three or four words.

And answers that are just about how much you don’t like Obama probably won’t make it in – I want to hear about why you do like McCain and think he’s the right choice, not about why you don’t like the other guy.

Tell me what name you'd like to be called, and what state you live in, please. And thanks in advance for your participation.

Mistress Matisse @ aol.com

The new column is up at the Stranger. Enjoy...

Also, just because it's cool and very good advice: the Red Light District Chicago site - information for and about sex workers. The video about "what to do if you get arrested" is sassy and savvy, and it applies to people besides sex workers, too.

Now I need to finish writing up my outline for the class I'm teaching in ten days at a romance writer's conference, and then get a column in the can before I leave for Vegas on Sunday, because I don't want to be working on that while I'm in Sin City.

Thank you to all the pet-lovers who dropped me nice notes wishing my sick old cat well. She seems better...

Greetings from San Francisco...

We are having a perfectly lovely kinky time down here. The weather for Folsom Street Fair was great, and the four of us got there early enough to walk around and see most things before the crowd got too oppressive. After about 1pm or so, the fair is pretty much 13 solid blocks of crowds like this:


And that's a bit much for me. Here's a brief article about the Fair in the SF Chronicle, with more photos, and if you want to see some snapshots I took, click over to my Flickr stream. Puck and I have taken some better-quality photos, but truthfully, we've not had time/energy to process them. So look for those when I get home.

Today I have a different type of photo op - my shoot with Craig Morey. I hope that goes well, and that we get some good images. Since I've worked with him before, I'm more confident about it than I was last time, and I think we'll have fun. We will also NOT shoot for eight freakin' hours like we did last time, I was wiped out after that. We planned three hours, which means it'll be four, because that's how these things go. But that's completely do-able.

Can I also mention, in connection with nothing else I have said, how amazingly mean and evil Puck is? I mean, really. I intend that as a compliment, of course. I don't see her very much in her dominant persona. But I have certainly seen it the last two days, and sweet Jesus Christ, it's slightly terrifying. She was looking very elegant at dinner last night, with her hair pinned up artfully, and there was something about her that made me think of a decadent old-world Russian aristocrat - a Marquise de Merteuil of the Romanov dynasty. Maybe it was it was the coolly sadistic pleasure she was taking in commanding and tormenting people. But it was charming. One does like to get to know new sides of of people.

Fundraiser For Martha Manning Weds Oct 1st at Chop Suey

For those of you who don’t know, the owner of Seattle’s lesbian bar, The Wildrose, suffered a terrible accident recently. She was pumping gas, and another car crashed into a gas pump, some gas caught fire, and she was very badly burned. It sounds horrible – imagine, you’re just going about your life doing ordinary things one moment, and the next, you’re on fire. Awful.

Naturally she needs a lot of medical care and her expenses are going to be large, so some cool people are having a fundraiser for her. It sounds like a great show, and if you can’t attend, you can make a donation to help her by sending a check or money order made out to Martha Manning, care of: The Wildrose 1021 E. Pike St. Seattle, WA. 98122.

From The "You've Got To Be Kidding" Department

Complete and unedited text of a message sent to me via my Flickr account:

the tanning bed and shower pics are great. One thing
though, you block out the most sensual parts. If you
would like to exchange photos let me know. Just body
shots....... 803-xxx-xxxx

Huh. You mean - you feel my photos would be improved if I were to reveal my girl parts? Really? Wow, it never occurred to me that anyone would want to see fully-nude photos of me. What a fresh perspective you offer, kind sir.

But surely you are unique. I have certainly neeeeeeeeeever been asked for nude photos of myself before. Not at all. Not even once.

And wait - do I understand that you are offering to send me naked photos of your own body? I am astounded by this! I'm a total stranger, and you want to see explicit naked pictures of me, and show me naked photos of yourself. What a gift of respect and trust! How intimate! I feel so...special. I hope you feel special too. Because I have neeeeeeeeeever had anyone send me naked pictures of himself. Nope. Not even once. Really.

(Does this really ever work? Like, ever? Even in a world where people actually like Sarah Palin?)

A new podcast! In which I reveal my passion for a certain brawny cartoon character, and Monk and I answer reader's questions about how they can create kinky harmony between themselves and their partners. About fifteen minutes.

My 736th Rant About How Words Are Important!

Or maybe it’s not that many. But sweet Jesus Christ, you’d think if you were going to use a word on national television, you’d make sure it was the right word! Unless of course you were an empty sock-puppet of a VP candidate, the political equivalent of a pin-up girl on a Rigid Tool calendar, who’s been spoon-fed sound bites by party handlers and who regurgitates them on command. Like, say, Sarah Palin.

I’m really trying not to bore everyone with my obsession (and subsequent ranting) with the political/economic situation right now. I just bore my close friends with it. The rest of ya’ll don’t come here for that and I know it.

But. This is a farce. This a travesty. I have never felt so insulted in all my life as I do by the campaign the Republicans are running. I've done lap-dances for drunken frat boys who were more respectful of my intelligence than this.

Look, I liked John McCain all right two years ago. And while I do like Obama, I don’t consider him the Second Coming or anything. (Biden’s all right, too – even his habit of putting his foot in his mouth on a regular basis I find oddly endearing somehow. He cops to it, he’s humble about it, so, okay.)

And as I have said before, I take a fairly moderate, centrist position on most political issues. So when it became clear that it would be Obama vs. McCain, I thought, “Okay, well, there’s upsides and downsides there whichever way it goes, but I can live with either one of those options.”

I was wrong.

McCain sold his soul to devil – that’s the only way I can account for his complete metamorphosis from reasonable-if-conservative-guy to the mendacious, quavering, hollow-eyed maître d' to Dick Cheney’s hunting buddies. And having, I suspect, bought and paid for McCain, those king-makers now shake him like a Magic Eight-Ball that’s loaded with meaningless platitudes, sleazy insinuations, and outright lies. The McCain/Palin campaign thinks we are idiots, and that’s how they are treating us.

Now, there are a lot of idiots in the world, I’ll grant you. But I am not one, and I know a number of other non-idiotic people. So the arrogance and the hubris of this enrages me. It’s like they think they can just say anything they like, truth or lies, or not answer questions at all, and it won’t really matter, because “the voters don’t care about petty details like that.”

I care. I care very much. And I’m watching.

Other writers are covering the campaign far better than I can, because I’m not a political journalist. So I’m not going to go on about all the things the McCain and Palin have said that make me crazy. I swear I'm not. But here’s one thing that makes me literally howl with outrage: Sarah Palin can’t even say her lines properly.

Take the interview about foreign policy she did with Charlie Gibson. Now, there was a lot wrong with that interview. (Including Charlie Gibson. Long ago, I used to have a client who’d adopt that professorial, looking-over-the-glasses manner with me, and I hated it. Mr. Gibson should have taken a different tack.)

Anyway – she said “nuclear” just like George Bush says it. The word is pronounced noo-clee-ar. Not nu-cue-lur. That’s wrong. And if you’re campaigning for a position with your finger on the button, you should at least be able to say the fucking word.

And then yesterday, she’s defending McCain’s “the fundamentals of the economy are strong” flub by saying people were picking on his “verbage”.

There is no such word. So, not content to merely continue GWB’s political policies, she is now also carrying on his well-documented assault on the English language. I’m sorry, was it too much trouble to learn how to properly express the sentiments your Martian leaders taught you, Ms. Palin? Let me help. There is no such word as “verbage”. And you did not say “Thanks but no thanks” to Congress, either. Stop saying both those things.

Oh, there’s the word "verbiage"- verb-bi-age. But that’s not what she said. She said "verbage". And she clearly doesn't even know what that word means, because to call someone’s speech verbiage is not a flattering or even neutral choice of words. The first definition of verbiage is: a profusion of words usually of little or obscure content.

Huh. Well, when I think about applying that word to the McCain campaign – maybe I’m being too rough on Sarah. I think that’s about the truest thing either one of them has said so far.

***

Edit: Yes, I know there’s a slang term, but it’s not widely used and accepted, much less in the dictionary, and I don’t think Ms. Palin was trying to show her hipster street cred in the interview with Faux News. Plus, it means "garbage." So, same difference. She fails.

***

One More Edit: Oh, yeah, I wrote a column. It's not about politics, but I hope you like it anyway. Congratulations again, Lochai, I'm sure you'll do a great job. Now pardon me while I go fume some more.

While I go off and spend a few days with a friend, a random pull from the mailbag for you to enjoy…

Hi,
I just read your article about meeting new people, and that is the only piece of yours I have ever read. I don't know who you are- I'm new in town- and in fact, I'm not very familiar with the kinky stuff you mention.
I'm 24 soon/ m/ thin. Work f/t.
Would you like to chat, with somebody not from your scene?
Thanks/ cheers,
(NAME DELETED)
Not a groupie of yours

Before it was published, I was telling Monk about the column this gentleman is referring to, and he said “Oh, man – you know you’re going to get a ton of guys emailing you, asking to go on dates with you.”

“Oh, do you think so? No. I mean – the point of the piece is my expectation - and then the reality - of how it would feel interacting with people who didn’t know me as Matisse. And if you’re a stranger, reading my column, then… You do know me as Matisse.” I made a little so-you-see gesture with my hands.

“Sweetheart, when did reality ever get in the way of a guy with a hard-on?”

Monk does cut to the heart of the matter, doesn’t he? But I actually only got this one email. And I must say I am amused at the sender’s attempt to simultaneously admit knowing who I am – because he read my column, and yet still claim to not know who I am - because he perceives that’s what I want. Takes some verbal gymnastics to hold two mutually exclusive positions at the same time. This man should work for the McCain campaign.

And I’m not sure what to think about the idea that you could read even one of my columns and not be instantly transformed into a groupie. What, I didn't change your whole life in 525 words? Pah! Clearly, sir, you have no discernment, no understanding of my complete literary fabulousness! (Can men even be groupies? I always thought that term was applied to women exclusively.)

I also wonder if this man really and truly sent me this email without checking on one vital bit of information about me first – my photos. The implication is that he knows nothing about me but that one column. But, come on - if he didn’t Google up a picture of me before firing off this note, then he is unlike any guy I have ever known. Hell, that’s what I’d do.

In case you were wondering: no, I’m not dating anyone new right now. I don’t foresee doing so anytime soon, either. It’s a charming idea, but not very feasible. We say in polyamory that it’s not the amount of love one has to give that’s the limiting factor in how many relationships you can have, it’s the amount of time you have to give to them. Ain’t that the truth?

And if for no other reason, I would decline this invitation because of the slash-marks and the abbreviations. I reluctantly accept them in text messages. Reluctantly. But email does not charge by the word, and first impressions count. If you cannot be bothered to write out simple words like “male” and “full-time”, well – one wonders what else you’d take shortcuts with. I am a writer. Do not shortchange the language with me, friends. That doesn’t make me swoon.

A call to action, from The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom...

***

Kinky is NOT a Diagnosis! The DSM Revision Petition

The DSM Revision Petition is gathering signatures from individuals and organizations calling on the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to adhere to empirical research when revising the diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Statements currently within the DSM Paraphilias criteria are contradicted by scientific evidence therefore NCSF must conclude that the interpretation of the Paraphilias criteria has been politically – not scientifically – based. This politically motivated interpretation subjects BDSM practitioners, fetishists and cross-dressers to bias, discrimination and social sanctions without any scientific basis.

Petition:
"We, the undersigned, support the American Psychiatric Association's (APA) own goal of making its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) a scientific document, based on empirical research and devoid of cultural bias. A diagnosis of a mental disorder can have a severe adverse impact on employment opportunities, child custody determinations, an individual's well-being, and other areas of functioning. Therefore we urge the APA to remove all diagnoses that are not based upon peer-reviewed, empirical research, demonstrating distress or dysfunction, from the DSM. The APA specifically should not promote current social norms or values as a basis for clinical judgments."


To sign, go to: www.thepetitionsite.com/1/DSMrevisionpetition (You can make your signature anonymous on this secure petition site so it doesn't appear on the Internet)

To find out more about the DSM and the Paraphilias section, read the NCSF & ITCR: The
Foundation for NCSF's "White Paper on the DSM Revision" at www.ncsfreedom.org (Mistress's note: At the moment, I am unable to access the White Paper. I hope that gets fixed soon.)

For more information, email: DSMrevisionpetition@yahoo.com

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride


Dear Mainstream Media,

Well, Salon, I'll give you points for not Photoshopping a cat's-eye mask onto her. Thank God for small favors.


Salon.com’s article on how Sarah Palin is just like a dominatrix! Wow, what a fresh take on a female politician, huh? Sigh.

All right, Mr. Gary Kamiya, you come right here and kneel down in front of me, and we're going to talk about using words you don’t really understand. Sarah Palin is not a dominatrix. Do you understand that? I'm going to put my foot right there - yes, there, don't you pull away from me - and now I want you to repeat after me: You're right, Mistress, Sarah Palin is not a dominatrix.

Do you know how I know that? Because if she was, we'd have a safeword to get out of this scene.

I know, I know – the kink thing is a metaphor. But it’s a bad metaphor. It’s an overused, hackneyed, trite, hasn’t-been-edgy-since-about-1987 metaphor. It's a metaphor that would be suitable for, say, an in-flight magazine. On the late and unlamented Hooters Air.

Plus, a metaphor should be like perfume. It should be subtle. It should suggest. It should imply. But you have loaded this piece up with more kinky keywords than a cheap porn affiliate page, spreading them around like a wet, sticky glue to try and hold your premise together. The trouble is I’m not sure what your premise is. Your close states, “But in the end, I suspect most Americans will be driven by their pocketbooks, not their pocket rockets.” I agree that people vote with their big head, and not the one I have my spike-heeled foot on right this minute. So why then this masturbatory re-casting of the political scene?

I’m not one to slam an opinion columnist for trying - and failing - to write something fun and different. I myself have written columns that I now cringe to look at. We all flop now and then. But Mr. Kamiya – and I say this with all due respect, as one writer to another - you clearly don’t know a flogger from a Fuckzall when it comes to dominatrixes, kinky sex, or the BDSM community. Thus, you should stick to literary flights of fancy that, while perhaps not as titillating for you to type, are more within your realm of expertise. Leave the kinky parsing to the experts.

Signed,

An Actual Dominatrix

Mistress Matisse,

I hope you'll give me some advice about a topic my partner and I have been discussing, namely consensual use of date-rape drugs for sex play. I'm sure we're not the first ones to think up such a thing, but I haven't had any luck asking Mistress Google. Do you know of a population who does this, or resources we could look at?

To give you a bit of personal background: I am a 23-year old woman and my partner is a 27-year old man. We are both in good health and have been in a monogamous relationship for five months. We are open-minded about kink, and are exploring different fantasies together as our comfort levels evolve. This "roofie fantasy" is something he mentioned, and I brought up the conversation again recently because I would like to learn more about what it would entail.

The "pros" of trying this experiment would be that my partner is very loving and protective, and I know I would be safe in his hands. He has used roofies on himself before, and knows what it's like. I fantasize about submission and we have fun experimenting with D/s roleplay. I enjoyed being on Vicodin after a surgery a year ago, and maybe roofies are a little like Vicodin? And it's not a foreign concept; sometimes I use alcohol (the most common date-rape drug of all!) and nicotine to "loosen myself up", because I like the wild, uninhibited sex we enjoy when I've had a couple strong drinks.

The "cons" of this experiment would be that, I would be sad to not remember or be able to enjoy the experience. Also, I haven't used many drugs and have D.A.R.E.-induced fear of them. I can't find any info on the web to allay my trepidation. It would help me to know that it's safe from a chemical standpoint, that I would have some recollection of the experience, what to expect, etc.

Have you any advice for us?

I read this letter through once and said to myself, “Sweet Jesus Christ, why does this woman think I’m an expert on using frickin’ date-rape drugs?"

Now, just in case it needs to be said: I don’t know anything about roofies. I've read some stories in the media, naturally. But I had to google the term to find out that the word roofies is a corruption of the brand name Rohypnol, and that the name of actual chemical is flunitrazepam. Wikipedia says its use as a recreational drug is widespread. Huh. I had no idea. It sounds like your boyfriend has considerably more knowledge of it than I do.

I read the email again and thought, “Okay, she’s not saying that, exactly.” But still, I had to wind myself down from being a bit offended. I mean, I’m not the Straight Edge type, by any means. But BDSM people, as a group, tend not to be frequent drug users. The official party line is very much “Drugs and BDSM do not mix.”

Why? Because doing BDSM requires a higher level of awareness than normal interaction. If something goes wrong, it needs to be handled promptly and appropriately. It’s the same rationale as not driving while high, or not being responsible for children. Drug use in scenes is generally frowned upon by BDSM people. I’m not saying it never happens, because I’m sure it does. But not openly.

Thus, I definitely do not have any resources for information about combining BDSM with drugs. I strongly doubt such a thing exists.

And frankly, even people who have played while high would probably tell you that you shouldn’t. It’s not like you two are long-term partners, with a lot of BDSM experience, who just want to take a bong hit before you do a little spanking and fucking. From what I have read, flunitrazepam is a strong drug. You two are newly in a relationship, and you don’t have much kink experience. I’m unclear on what exactly you want to do, physically. I suppose if you had some experience of a drug and knew how to minimize your risks and do your self-care around it, and you just wanted to add verbal roleplay to conventional sex, well - that might be more or less okay. (But that is all absent the inherent danger of taking that particular drug to begin with. I'm not a medical person, so I can't speak to that.)

However, doing any sort of bondage or intense sensation play while experimenting with a powerful new chemical? Whoa, that seems like a seriously, seriously bad idea. The number of ways for that to go wrong are legion.

I know there are websites that offer information about drug use in the name of harm-reduction. You should study them very, very closely. Not all fantasies can or should come true. If you’re not finding any information that allays your trepidation, then I think you should pay attention to that.

A few weekend notes...

It was a big birthday weekend around here. So, happy birthday wishes go out to my Frisbee-playing pal MC!

And it was also Puck's birthday. She gathered a few friends together for an intimate dinner, which was much enjoyed. Happy birthday to her, and many more...

***

I seem to have named to a list of Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2008, which is very nice. So thank you to whomever nominated me, and thanks to the blog "Between My Sheets" for creating the list! Be sure and check out the other cool sex bloggers listed along with me, they look great.

Things I am currently obsessed with:

1. The presidential election. I keep telling myself that I have one vote to cast, and I know who I'm voting for, and that checking the polls and the spin and the analysis every fifteen minutes actually isn't going to change things one bit. But I can't stop. 12-step group?

2. Fall fashion. I didn't think I liked the colors purple, or gray. I was wrong. So many pretty clothes!

3. Hurricane Hannah. My father lives on the coast of Georgia. As in: half a block from the Atlantic ocean. Also? He has a pilot's license and a risk-taking personality. (In case you where wondering where I sprang from...) Quote from a recent conversation: "Hell, I made it through two tours of Vietnam with people shooting at me, I can fly through anything." Jesus, Daddy, could you please evacuate by car if it comes to that, just so I don't have a heart attack?

So while I try to control the weather, politics, and my credit card balance, please enjoy the new Stranger column.

And hey - if I have met you, and you did, in fact, say one of the things I talk about in my column, that doesn't mean I think you're a terrible person and I could never like you, okay? I promise.

Politics: Huh. Apparently the two qualifications for being vice-president of the United States are a) boobs and b) a snarky turn of phrase and willingness to mock people. Nice to know I have another career option open to me. Since, you know, I myself possess both those traits.

As an aside: I bet Sarah Palin really pisses Dick Cheney off. I mean, the Republicans picking such a seriously under-qualified candidate - it kinda makes him look like a First Lady with a jockstrap, doesn't it?

Now, I'm certainly going to be talking some about politics until the election. Just so you know, I am actually not a hard-left kind of girl. I think of myself a political moderate, a centrist. I vote Democrat because the Republicans won’t stay out of my panties. Not that I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed that on some private occasions. But you know what I mean: the sex/reproductive rights issues.

However, the kind of Republicanism being displayed at the RNC makes me feel like Michael Moore. Only with boobs.

Pop Culture: I saw Tropic Thunder, and I know there’s some unhappiness about their use of the word “retard”, etc. However, I thought it was quite funny, and some of my best friends… Okay, not really. But as far as I know, the gay community is not upset by Jack Black’s passionate soliloquy about the blow-job he’d give to Brandon Jackson. (I know I may never recover from it.) If that speech didn’t send the gay boys shrieking out of the theater, well, surely everyone else can get a sense of humor, too.

Media: I have said in the past that a man looking to sell sex work services to women will starve to death. Well, I still don’t think you should quit your day job. But I think there’s a tiny bit more opportunity there than there used to be. I know someone personally - one might even say biblically - who’s doing all right. Here's a story from a UK paper on the subject – just fluff, really. But a small cultural indicator just the same.

Also from the Times: people who don’t think divorces should be easy to get should read this: professional seducers in Japan give unhappy spouses a way out. An interesting niche of sex work - and certainly one with room for the guys. But even if the “Family Values” party – ahem, excuse me, something seems to be sticking in my craw here, cough cough - gets elected, I can’t believe Mr. Second-Marriage McCain would take the country this way.

There’s also a lot of fuss in certain circles about this piece. Hipster Hookers, in Radar. I don’t know why, because I have read about a million jillion articles just like it. Hell, I know people who've written entire books on the topic. Elevator pitch: “Sweet young thing is titillated by sex work, but realizes at the last minute that she’s not that kind of girl”. Fresh and edgy, huh? NOT.

She may not be cut out to be an escort, however I think the author would make a great stripper, because this article is all tease and no delivery. Also, I can’t believe she gave the madame money. "Naïve and Gullible, party of one!"

Okay, I think I'm done demonstrating what a good Vice-President I'd be. Did I mention that I have boobs?

Reading List

I had recently gotten into the habit of reading almost all non-fiction. Especially when I don't have a lot of time to sit down and read - and I haven't - I find it's easier to pick up and put down. However, I think that it’s important to me, as a writer, to stay balanced, so I lately made a conscious decision to read more fiction. The smooth and accurate delivery of information is a crucial skill, and I think I’m pretty good at that. What I continue to work on, as a writer, is painting pictures with words, conveying a sense of place – sights, sounds, and impressions. That’s what I try to get from the fiction I read – how is the writer doing that?

I read Touchstone, by Laurie King, and I enjoyed it a lot. I like most of her work, especially the Mary Russel/Sherlock Holmes ones. Some of her contemporary suspense novels I’m not super crazy about, but even when they aren’t my favorite, I still think Ms. King has a knack for describing places, and she does the “show, don’t tell” thing superbly. Plus, I learned a lot about the period I hadn't known from this novel.

From the website: “Set shortly before Britain's disastrous General Strike of 1926, this stand-alone thriller from bestseller King (Keeping Watch) offers impeccable scholarship and the author's usual intelligent prose, but a surfeit of period detail and some weighty themes—the gulf between rich and poor, the insidious nature of both terrorism and the efforts to curb it—overpower the thin plot and stock characters. When Harris Stuyvesant, an investigator for the U.S. Justice Department, arrives in London to look for the mastermind behind a series of terrorist bombings on American soil, he tells Aldous Carstairs, a sinister government official, that his prime suspect is Labour Party leader Richard Bunsen. Carstairs suggests Stuyvesant should talk to Bennett Grey, whose brush with death during WWI has heightened his sense of perception to the point that he's a kind of human lie detector (he's the touchstone of the title), and to Lady Laura Hurleigh, Bunsen's lover and a passionate advocate of his brand of socialism. The threat of violence at a secret summit meeting held at the Hurleigh family's country house about preventing the strike provides some mild suspense.”

Well, I liked it. I hope Harris makes another appearance.

No one does lengthy description quite like the Victorians. I have plowed through my share of Dickens, of course. But there are other authors of the era whose work survives, and one of them is Mary Elizabeth Braddon, author of "Lady Audley’s Secret". Published in 1862, this was one of the best-selling “sensational” novels of it’s day. Now the plot - bigamy and attempted murder – is tame. And the prose is rather meandering. But there are some turns of phrase I liked, and the whole thing just has such an antique charm.

I do like historical novels, but I'll read anything this lady writes: Elizabeth Peters. Her plots are often absurd if you really think about them, but it's such fun that you don't care. This latest one is no exception. Like JK Rowling, she has a gift for creating characters you just want to hang around with, no matter what they're doing. (But they're always doing something.)

And then there was this one: Buckingham Palace Gardens, by Anne Perry. Now, I used to love Anne Perry, and I haven't given up on her. But she is trying to publish two novels a year lately, and wow, her work is really suffering. She has written some entertaining and well-researched Victorian mystery novels, but this one? Sucked. I hate to say that about another writer, but – ew. It’s all very flat, the whole thing feels rushed, and all she does is tell us how people feel. I hope she slows down a bit and gets back to her usual form.

I really hope Gustav lets Louisiana off more lightly than we fear. I grew up in Florida and I know the devastation a hurricane can bring. Those poor people, after Katrina and everything.

But I think this storm is a gift to the Republican National Convention, because now they can cancel speeches by Bush and Cheney, who have become political liabilities, under the guise of being respectful of those suffering from the storm. No one will be saying "heckuva job, Brownie!" at the RNC, no sirreebob. There's no way they can measure up to the sheer rock-star magic of Obama's DNC, so they are taking the opposite tack, paring it way down, and presenting themselves as mature, sober, God-fearing men of toil. Or the soil. Or something. But whatever the spin, McCain sure as hell doesn't want to have his picture taken standing next to Monkey Boy and The Dark Lord.

I admit I was tantalized by this weekend's internet-rumors about how Sarah Palin's fifth child wasn't really hers, but her teenage daughter's. (The idea being that Palin faked a pregnancy to cover up the embarrassment of having a pregnant and unwed child.) However, I'm not sure the story has legs. It's an interesting chain of odd choices and curious coincidences, but not something I'd hang my hat on. And even if that story were true, if she weren't looking to be VP, I would say it's no one's business anyway. However, the National Enquirer and it's ilk will undoubtedly do any vetting that McCain's camp may have overlooked.

Whatever happens this November, it will be historic. We do live in interesting times, don't we?

Weekend Shopping Blogging...

Okay, I want a new dress. Which is absurd, because I have a lot of dresses. But I do.

There's this one.



Or this, in the same style, different colors. Which do you think? I'm leaning towards the bone and black one. I usually like brighter, clearer colors, but I think the style of the dress is babba-boom enough, with the cut-out back - the neutral tones bring it down just a little...

There's this one, which I think I have to have no matter what, because it's a gorgeous color and it's very hard to find this shade of green. And I like the hip styling.



I also want a leather jacket. (Yes, I know I just got that black Moncler jacket, and I love it. But I want a leather one.) I was leaning towards this cute leather bomber from Mike and Chris. Sort of classic, and very Seattle, you know.


But - I'm also strangely drawn to this Helmut Lang number.


It looks like one of those things where when I put it on, it's either going to bring a touch of effortless elegance and cool to whatever I wear it with - or I'm going to look like I'm wearing a baggy leather sack. A very expensive baggy leather sack, I might add. Thank god Intermix is good about returns.

Like to hear me talk?, Listen to me on Dan Savage's podcast.

***

Non-sexy question: Seattle people, have any of ya'll dealt with these jewelers? I have some of my grandmother's jewelry that I'm thinking of having restyled. It's mostly semi-precious stones, and they're pretty, but the settings are old and not very attractive.

And some of it also needs basic repairs: there are pearls that have come unstrung, a ring that needs to be sized down, etc. If you have opinions about the Greenlake people, or any other Seattle jeweler, drop me a note.

An even more esoteric question: I also have a set of sterling silver flatware from grand-mama that needs some repair. Anyone have a silversmith here in town they like and trust? I'm finding a lot of places online that work by mail. But I'm actually quite sentimental about this silverware, it's been in my family forever. I am extremely reluctant to go shipping it off to who-knows-who. I'd like a "I went to these guys and they did a good job" story. Local recommendations?

Dear Mainstream Media,

Can we talk? Okay. You know I love you, but you have to get with it, image-wise. I have spoken to you before about this doomed love affair you’re having with the cats-eye mask…




I see that you can't seem to help yourself. But just stop. Using an image of someone in a mask like this to portray a kinky person is like showing a photo of this guy to portray the modern hippie movement.

I hate that collar, too - the model looks as if he's been styled by a pit bull breeder. And the red bowling shirt. And that dreadfully Billy Idol-ish faux-sneer.

Lord knows there are plenty of photos of bonafide, sexy-looking BDSM people around, can’t you use one of them?

With weary patience,

Mistress Matisse

P.S. It is nice that you’re running stories about how kinky people are not only not a bunch of emotionally damaged abuse victims - we may even be happier than non-kinky people. Thank you for that part. Now get with this decade, stock-photo-wise.