So, we're safely in Denver, after a slightly bumpy plane ride, during which I was pleasantly distracted by Harry Potter. (Mostly pleasantly, that is. Damn, I figured Ms. Rowling was going to kill off someone, but - wah!)
Now I intend to throw myself into enjoying the conference. Meanwhile, please be entertained by the new column and calendar... See you Monday!
Friday, July 22, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
So I'm leaving on a jet plane…
But here's another event announcement. I'm teaching a Spanking 101 class at Toys In Babeland on Sunday October 16th. It'll be from 7:30-9:30pm, and tickets are $35. We're calling it "spanking", but in fact, I'm going to talk about all manner of butt-impact stuff, from hand-spanking to flogging. If you've been wanting to meet me live, now's your chance.
And a moment of silence for the late James Doohan.
But here's another event announcement. I'm teaching a Spanking 101 class at Toys In Babeland on Sunday October 16th. It'll be from 7:30-9:30pm, and tickets are $35. We're calling it "spanking", but in fact, I'm going to talk about all manner of butt-impact stuff, from hand-spanking to flogging. If you've been wanting to meet me live, now's your chance.
And a moment of silence for the late James Doohan.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
I'm busy packing and taking care of other last-minute details so Max and I can bug outta here Thursday - Denver, here we come.
Meanwhile, if you're wondering about that bachelorette party Roman and I did last week, here's what the bride-to-be had to say. (There's pictures, too - although they're not terribly flattering.)
Supreme Court nomination? Well, I knew there wasn't going to be anything I liked there. So much for a woman or a minority, huh? I'm sure by the end of the day, we'll know a lot more about this guy - from what kind of underwear he wears, to what he thinks about Jessica Simpson's descent into moral turpitude.
I bet Susan Paynter would look really good in a whalebone corset and a bustle. And if she's going to espouse such Victorian-paternalistic attitudes about protecting strippers from themselves, then she should wear them. It has nothing to do with hipness, Susan. It's about the fact that each individual person gets to decide what's "debasing" for themselves. The goverment is not the keeper of my personal integrity. You may not like what I choose to do with my body, but in this scenario, it's none of your business.
Meanwhile, if you're wondering about that bachelorette party Roman and I did last week, here's what the bride-to-be had to say. (There's pictures, too - although they're not terribly flattering.)
Supreme Court nomination? Well, I knew there wasn't going to be anything I liked there. So much for a woman or a minority, huh? I'm sure by the end of the day, we'll know a lot more about this guy - from what kind of underwear he wears, to what he thinks about Jessica Simpson's descent into moral turpitude.
I bet Susan Paynter would look really good in a whalebone corset and a bustle. And if she's going to espouse such Victorian-paternalistic attitudes about protecting strippers from themselves, then she should wear them. It has nothing to do with hipness, Susan. It's about the fact that each individual person gets to decide what's "debasing" for themselves. The goverment is not the keeper of my personal integrity. You may not like what I choose to do with my body, but in this scenario, it's none of your business.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Bookshelf
Yes, I do have the new Harry Potter. But I haven't opened it yet - I'm saving it for the plane ride to Denver and back. I don't really like flying, you see. I'll do it, because it's the fastest way to get places. But I'm always a little nervous, and if there's any turbulence, I get very, very unhappy about that indeed. (Max claims he often has a bruise on his arm after bumpy plan rides with me, from me squeezing it so hard.) Having a good book to read is a little panacea for all that. So if you've already finished it, don't tell me anything!
What else am I reading?
Krav Maga: The Contact Combat System of the Israel Defense Forces, by David Kahn.
I don't expect to really learn anything from the book, but I wanted a greater understanding of what's involved. There's a local class in September that I'm planning to take.
Martial Arts for Dummies, by Jennifer Lawler. More research. I love the "For Dummies" books. I've got all kinds of them, on topics from World Religions, to Digital Video Editing, to Weight Training, to Home Buying. They're great.
Dancing With The Devil: The Windsors and Jimmy Donahue, by Christopher Wilson
From Publishers Weekly: Those interested in the empty but privileged lives of American Wallis Simpson (1896-1986) and her husband, the duke of Windsor (1894-1972), who renounced the British throne for her in 1936, will be absorbed by this gossipy story of the strange love triangle. Basically, the Duchess of Windsor had an affair. Having seen pictures of the duke, I can see why. (Apparently he was submissive and had a foot fetish, though, which might have made him my kinda guy.) Fun, historical-gossip fluff.
The World Is Flat, by Thomas Friedman
Friedman writes well about a controversial subject – economic globalization. I got this as a gift, and I'm only a few chapters in, but it's very interesting.
Masquerade, by Walter Satterthwait. I liked Escapade so well that I bought this one. Satterthwait has given his protagonist, a Pinkerton agent, an appealing tough-guy-with-a-heart tone of voice. It's set in Paris the 1920s, so I'm expecting some allusions to the various expatriate artists and writers who were thick on the ground in that period.
False Impressions: The Hunt for Big-Time Art Fakes, by Thomas Hoving
From Library Journal: The former Director of the Metropolitan Museum of Art discloses shocking details of major art forgeries and the intricate chicanery of con artists who have duped the world's most prestigious art institutions, art experts, and collectors.
I get on these odd literary tangents, and the history of art forgeries is one of them. I don’t know why I find this interesting – I just do. It's sort of a backwards art history lesson.
Yes, I do have the new Harry Potter. But I haven't opened it yet - I'm saving it for the plane ride to Denver and back. I don't really like flying, you see. I'll do it, because it's the fastest way to get places. But I'm always a little nervous, and if there's any turbulence, I get very, very unhappy about that indeed. (Max claims he often has a bruise on his arm after bumpy plan rides with me, from me squeezing it so hard.) Having a good book to read is a little panacea for all that. So if you've already finished it, don't tell me anything!
What else am I reading?
Krav Maga: The Contact Combat System of the Israel Defense Forces, by David Kahn.
I don't expect to really learn anything from the book, but I wanted a greater understanding of what's involved. There's a local class in September that I'm planning to take.
Martial Arts for Dummies, by Jennifer Lawler. More research. I love the "For Dummies" books. I've got all kinds of them, on topics from World Religions, to Digital Video Editing, to Weight Training, to Home Buying. They're great.
Dancing With The Devil: The Windsors and Jimmy Donahue, by Christopher Wilson
From Publishers Weekly: Those interested in the empty but privileged lives of American Wallis Simpson (1896-1986) and her husband, the duke of Windsor (1894-1972), who renounced the British throne for her in 1936, will be absorbed by this gossipy story of the strange love triangle. Basically, the Duchess of Windsor had an affair. Having seen pictures of the duke, I can see why. (Apparently he was submissive and had a foot fetish, though, which might have made him my kinda guy.) Fun, historical-gossip fluff.
The World Is Flat, by Thomas Friedman
Friedman writes well about a controversial subject – economic globalization. I got this as a gift, and I'm only a few chapters in, but it's very interesting.
Masquerade, by Walter Satterthwait. I liked Escapade so well that I bought this one. Satterthwait has given his protagonist, a Pinkerton agent, an appealing tough-guy-with-a-heart tone of voice. It's set in Paris the 1920s, so I'm expecting some allusions to the various expatriate artists and writers who were thick on the ground in that period.
False Impressions: The Hunt for Big-Time Art Fakes, by Thomas Hoving
From Library Journal: The former Director of the Metropolitan Museum of Art discloses shocking details of major art forgeries and the intricate chicanery of con artists who have duped the world's most prestigious art institutions, art experts, and collectors.
I get on these odd literary tangents, and the history of art forgeries is one of them. I don’t know why I find this interesting – I just do. It's sort of a backwards art history lesson.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Some Of Your Questions
Everyone has days where they feel like a "mental health" day but have responsibilities and can't take the day off. Do you cancel appointments in that case? Or can you (pardon the pun) whip yourself into the mood?
It's extremely rare for me to cancel appointments. You see, one of the things you learn over time in this business is exactly how much energy you've got to give your clients. For example, I know precisely how many hours of client time I can book for myself each week. I know that if I try to do more than that, I won't really want to be there, and those clients won't get as much as my energy as I feel they should. Therefore, I only book so many appointments per week, and so I never get to that wrung-out place. And I don't book people on weekends, so I know I have that time to rest and relax. It's important to pace yourself. If you plan ahead, you are far less likely to get to a place where you need to cancel appointments.
Occasionally, life does interfere with one's well-laid plans. At the height of the drama around my divorce a few years ago, I cancelled a few people because I was so very, very stressed-out. But in general, I don't think that "oh, I just don't feel like it" is an acceptable reason to cancel appointments. Unless there is a serious emergency, I honor my commitments. I admit, there have been some days when I really didn't feel so red-hot. But I take pride in what I do, so – I get my game on, and I do it. And I usually find that I feel extra-good about myself when I can make some magic happen for someone even if I'm not feeling much like a rock star. I actually have a whole little rant about how I feel about sex-work professionalism here.
What is the incidence of clients desiring electo-play, in your experience?
Well, I haven't made up any statistics on the matter, but off the top of my head, I'd guess about half. I usually introduce them to it, although once in a while I meet someone who's done it with someone else. It's a great way to play with people who cannot have any marks left on their body.
What do you think about sex workers who use Craig's List?
Ah, Craig's List - a democratic forum indeed, and some people may sneer at it for just that reason. It is rather like the wild, wild west on the "Erotic Services" board - definitely a caveat emptor situation.
But I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. It's a boon to the part-time ladies who don't necessarily want to put up a website or pay for an Eros ad. And while the escort-review message boards that allow ladies to post are great in some ways, they usually want the women who post there to conform to their standards in terms of what information she gives out, how she conducts business, ect. And if you post there, you should expect to be reviewed there. I know some honest and trustworthy ladies who steer clear of those boards because they aren't comfortable with that. Naturally, if you own the site, then you get to make the rules, and I don't think honest guys should be ripped off or treated badly. But I also think that women should work how they wish to work, and some of the guys (although certainly not all of them) can be very quick to nit-pick at women who don't do things exactly as said guys think they should. Since I'm more about doing things exactly the way I think I should, that's not a model that works for me.
What kind of movies do you like to watch? Suspense thrillers, or reasonably intelligent comedy. (Or, really good silly comedy, like "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", or "A Night at the Opera".) Max and I watched "Be Cool" last night and I was disappointed in that. I liked "Get Shorty", but this was a lame sequel. Odd in a movie that had so many talented actors.
I also like movies set in certain historical periods – it's a source of annoyance to me that I still haven't seen "Vanity Fair". I like the classics: "Some Like It Hot", "The Thin Man", "Rear Window", and "My Fair Lady".
Overall, I like tight plots and quick, witty dialogue. And don't go killing off my favorite characters.
Everyone has days where they feel like a "mental health" day but have responsibilities and can't take the day off. Do you cancel appointments in that case? Or can you (pardon the pun) whip yourself into the mood?
It's extremely rare for me to cancel appointments. You see, one of the things you learn over time in this business is exactly how much energy you've got to give your clients. For example, I know precisely how many hours of client time I can book for myself each week. I know that if I try to do more than that, I won't really want to be there, and those clients won't get as much as my energy as I feel they should. Therefore, I only book so many appointments per week, and so I never get to that wrung-out place. And I don't book people on weekends, so I know I have that time to rest and relax. It's important to pace yourself. If you plan ahead, you are far less likely to get to a place where you need to cancel appointments.
Occasionally, life does interfere with one's well-laid plans. At the height of the drama around my divorce a few years ago, I cancelled a few people because I was so very, very stressed-out. But in general, I don't think that "oh, I just don't feel like it" is an acceptable reason to cancel appointments. Unless there is a serious emergency, I honor my commitments. I admit, there have been some days when I really didn't feel so red-hot. But I take pride in what I do, so – I get my game on, and I do it. And I usually find that I feel extra-good about myself when I can make some magic happen for someone even if I'm not feeling much like a rock star. I actually have a whole little rant about how I feel about sex-work professionalism here.
What is the incidence of clients desiring electo-play, in your experience?
Well, I haven't made up any statistics on the matter, but off the top of my head, I'd guess about half. I usually introduce them to it, although once in a while I meet someone who's done it with someone else. It's a great way to play with people who cannot have any marks left on their body.
What do you think about sex workers who use Craig's List?
Ah, Craig's List - a democratic forum indeed, and some people may sneer at it for just that reason. It is rather like the wild, wild west on the "Erotic Services" board - definitely a caveat emptor situation.
But I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. It's a boon to the part-time ladies who don't necessarily want to put up a website or pay for an Eros ad. And while the escort-review message boards that allow ladies to post are great in some ways, they usually want the women who post there to conform to their standards in terms of what information she gives out, how she conducts business, ect. And if you post there, you should expect to be reviewed there. I know some honest and trustworthy ladies who steer clear of those boards because they aren't comfortable with that. Naturally, if you own the site, then you get to make the rules, and I don't think honest guys should be ripped off or treated badly. But I also think that women should work how they wish to work, and some of the guys (although certainly not all of them) can be very quick to nit-pick at women who don't do things exactly as said guys think they should. Since I'm more about doing things exactly the way I think I should, that's not a model that works for me.
What kind of movies do you like to watch? Suspense thrillers, or reasonably intelligent comedy. (Or, really good silly comedy, like "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", or "A Night at the Opera".) Max and I watched "Be Cool" last night and I was disappointed in that. I liked "Get Shorty", but this was a lame sequel. Odd in a movie that had so many talented actors.
I also like movies set in certain historical periods – it's a source of annoyance to me that I still haven't seen "Vanity Fair". I like the classics: "Some Like It Hot", "The Thin Man", "Rear Window", and "My Fair Lady".
Overall, I like tight plots and quick, witty dialogue. And don't go killing off my favorite characters.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Happy Friday, everyone... a quick post, because I only have a minute before Roman and I need to check out of the motel we're in. We're in Eugene, of all places. What are we doing in a small college town in central Oregan? Two words: bachelorette party.
It was completely wild. I think we ratcheted up the general kink quotient of this town several percentage points last night.
So more about that - and hopefully pictures as well - later. For now, go read my column and see how to make some kink happen in your own life.
It was completely wild. I think we ratcheted up the general kink quotient of this town several percentage points last night.
So more about that - and hopefully pictures as well - later. For now, go read my column and see how to make some kink happen in your own life.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Just a brief note, because I'm getting ready for a road trip. Roman and I are off to do something special. I can't say anything about it now - it's Top Secret. But I'll tell you about it tomorrow. For now, I've got music, a diet Mountain Dew, and a bag full of Rainier cherries. It'll soon be time for us to hit the road, vroom...
To my boys: I won't be back in town til late afternoon Friday, so no appointments today or tomorrow, sorry. Next week, I'm here in Seattle til Wednesday the 20th, and then I'm out of town at Thunder In The Mountains from Thursday the 21st to Monday the 25th. Because of all this traveling, I am considering taking Saturday or Sunday appointments this weekend only. So call me or email me if you're interested in that.
Oh, by the way: Does anyone know what language this is?
To my boys: I won't be back in town til late afternoon Friday, so no appointments today or tomorrow, sorry. Next week, I'm here in Seattle til Wednesday the 20th, and then I'm out of town at Thunder In The Mountains from Thursday the 21st to Monday the 25th. Because of all this traveling, I am considering taking Saturday or Sunday appointments this weekend only. So call me or email me if you're interested in that.
Oh, by the way: Does anyone know what language this is?
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
An observant reader noticed my comment in yesterday's post and asked: "You say you don't usually have sex with your submissives. But you have sex with Roman, don't you? What makes him an exception?"
Good lord, let me make something clear right now. Roman is not my submissive. Roman is so very, very, not my submissive. Roman is not anyone's submissive. And that's because Roman is not submissive. At all.
And – if it even needs to be said – I'm not his submissive either.
He's my lover, which is an entirely different thing. And we do really kinky things with each other, because, well, we're just perverted that way. It gets us off. So I like sticking needles in him, and punching him in the chest and on the back with my fists, and biting him really hard, cutting him with a scalpel – you know, the sweet, loving kinds of things all lovers like doing to each other, right?
And he likes me doing that to him. It gets him an endorphin high, for one thing. And just last week, he had this big knot of muscle tension in his back from work and various other stress factors, and after I punched it for a while with my sharp little knuckles, why – it was gone. It's kinda like high-impact massage. The biting probably helped, too.
If you're new to kink, you may not yet understand that what someone does with their body, and where someone goes with their head, may be two very different things. But check out this little diagram I made.
See, two different scales. Dominance/submission is about the purely emotional/psychological aspect of BDSM. Sadism/masochism is about what you do with your body – the physical stuff. Every kinkster is at their own special place on these two lines. You might be at the far end of both scales – very dominant and very sadistic. (Did someone mention Max's name?) Or very submissive and very masochistic. But you can be any place at all on these scales, to include being say, very sadistic and very submissive, or very masochistic and also very dominant. Such a combination makes it more challenging to find appropriate kink partners, but not by any means impossible. And it's not at all uncommon to be not emotionally/psychologically submissive at all, but to enjoy some intense physical sensation. (What vanilla people would call pain.) Or maybe you don't like any intense sensation, but you do like to submit. Wherever you are, it's okay. And of course, where someone finds themself on this scale will often evolve over time.
So, is Roman a bit of an erotic masochist? Um, yeah. (Not that I know anything about that myself, oh nooooo.) But my god, you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who's less submissive. This is the man who, as I was unsheathing needles to pierce him with, was laughing and taunting me. Like this…
"Oh, is that all you got? I thought you were going to do something seriously mean."
"Jesus, you are so asking for it," I replied.
"I mean – I thought you were some kinda nasty sadist. You're an Avon Lady, you know that. You're like – a Hummel Figurine collector. You're duckies and bunnies. You're –." He broke off and howled as I put the needle through his skin.
"Duckies and bunnies, am I?"
He gasped for air and took a few quick breaths. "You - are - little - pink - bunnies. With big pink bows on. Ow! Shit! That fucking hurt."
"Good. Look, I've got bigger needles. See this one? This is an 18 gauge. Looks like a railroad spike, doesn't it?"
"God, you are an evil bitch. Never change."
"I won't." I kissed him.
Essentially, Roman and I are both dominants, but we're dominants who like to play with sadism/masochism in the context of our sexual relationship. The brief moments of dominance/submission we sometimes have are playful, and they usually shift back and forth between us from one minute to the next. We do have dates where one of us is the official top for the evening, but a lot of the time, whoever has an idea will simply say, "Hey! Why don't I attach these clothespins to your naughty bits and then we'll have sex?" And the other person will say, "Sounds great!" It's pretty far from traditional, high-protocol BDSM, but why should we get hung up on rules at this stage of the game?
Good lord, let me make something clear right now. Roman is not my submissive. Roman is so very, very, not my submissive. Roman is not anyone's submissive. And that's because Roman is not submissive. At all.
And – if it even needs to be said – I'm not his submissive either.
He's my lover, which is an entirely different thing. And we do really kinky things with each other, because, well, we're just perverted that way. It gets us off. So I like sticking needles in him, and punching him in the chest and on the back with my fists, and biting him really hard, cutting him with a scalpel – you know, the sweet, loving kinds of things all lovers like doing to each other, right?
And he likes me doing that to him. It gets him an endorphin high, for one thing. And just last week, he had this big knot of muscle tension in his back from work and various other stress factors, and after I punched it for a while with my sharp little knuckles, why – it was gone. It's kinda like high-impact massage. The biting probably helped, too.
If you're new to kink, you may not yet understand that what someone does with their body, and where someone goes with their head, may be two very different things. But check out this little diagram I made.
See, two different scales. Dominance/submission is about the purely emotional/psychological aspect of BDSM. Sadism/masochism is about what you do with your body – the physical stuff. Every kinkster is at their own special place on these two lines. You might be at the far end of both scales – very dominant and very sadistic. (Did someone mention Max's name?) Or very submissive and very masochistic. But you can be any place at all on these scales, to include being say, very sadistic and very submissive, or very masochistic and also very dominant. Such a combination makes it more challenging to find appropriate kink partners, but not by any means impossible. And it's not at all uncommon to be not emotionally/psychologically submissive at all, but to enjoy some intense physical sensation. (What vanilla people would call pain.) Or maybe you don't like any intense sensation, but you do like to submit. Wherever you are, it's okay. And of course, where someone finds themself on this scale will often evolve over time.
So, is Roman a bit of an erotic masochist? Um, yeah. (Not that I know anything about that myself, oh nooooo.) But my god, you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who's less submissive. This is the man who, as I was unsheathing needles to pierce him with, was laughing and taunting me. Like this…
"Oh, is that all you got? I thought you were going to do something seriously mean."
"Jesus, you are so asking for it," I replied.
"I mean – I thought you were some kinda nasty sadist. You're an Avon Lady, you know that. You're like – a Hummel Figurine collector. You're duckies and bunnies. You're –." He broke off and howled as I put the needle through his skin.
"Duckies and bunnies, am I?"
He gasped for air and took a few quick breaths. "You - are - little - pink - bunnies. With big pink bows on. Ow! Shit! That fucking hurt."
"Good. Look, I've got bigger needles. See this one? This is an 18 gauge. Looks like a railroad spike, doesn't it?"
"God, you are an evil bitch. Never change."
"I won't." I kissed him.
Essentially, Roman and I are both dominants, but we're dominants who like to play with sadism/masochism in the context of our sexual relationship. The brief moments of dominance/submission we sometimes have are playful, and they usually shift back and forth between us from one minute to the next. We do have dates where one of us is the official top for the evening, but a lot of the time, whoever has an idea will simply say, "Hey! Why don't I attach these clothespins to your naughty bits and then we'll have sex?" And the other person will say, "Sounds great!" It's pretty far from traditional, high-protocol BDSM, but why should we get hung up on rules at this stage of the game?
Some other day, when I'm feeling ambitious, I'll attempt to explain my relationship with Max... Now that's complicated.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Bio
Max and I are going down the Bay Area in September to present at the Folsom Fringe Festival. We haven't been to this particular conference before, but they asked us to come down, so we decided to give it a try.
Folsom Fringe is a relatively new con, being put on to coincide with the annual Folsom Street Fair. I've been to FSF before, of course. It's kinda like going to Jerusalem - every leather person should go at least once. FSF has been called "the grandaddy of all leather events", and that's true, as long as you understand that ol' granpappy will be wearing a studded leather jockstrap and not much else. And oh, there will be four hundred thousand people at grandad's house on the day of the party.
Yeah, I said four hundred thousand. It's really overwhelming. The streets are mobbed with people - mainly gay men, but other leather people too - cruising, shopping the vendor's booths, flirting, snapping pictures. I've been twice, and at the time I enjoyed prancing around downtown San Francisco with my shirt off - because this is very much a done thing at FSF - but that was a number of years ago, and I haven't had a strong desire to go back.
For one thing, I actually get sort of edgy in heavy crowds. And plus, the non-kinky tourists are becoming more of a presence every year. If you're dressed up fetishy, or doing anything at all interesting, random strangers will snap pictures of you like crazy and then do who-knows-what with them. I've run across refrigerator magnets at tourist stands at the Fisherman's Wharf with photos of my friends being spanked. I'm sure there are videos and DVDs with the kink equivalent of "Girls Gone Wild" out there somewhere. No thanks – if you're going to exploit my image I want to be paid for it. Last time I was running around topless at FSF I had a Super Soaker that I aimed at anyone who pointed a camera at me without asking permission. That scared most of 'em off, but I'm told the looky-loos are so prevalent now that it's impossible to deter them. So I will not be dressing up, or stripping down, this year. At least Roman will have a booth, so if the crowd gets to be too much, I'll have a sanctuary to escape into.
Max told me I needed to send the Folsom Fringe folks a bio and a picture, since I'm co-presenting. Going through my "bio" folder, I found this. J and I wrote and submitted these as our presenters bios for the Living In Leather conference in 1996, as a humorous protest against a wave of unbelievably pompous, overblown, and self-aggrandizing bios. Some people got the humor part, some people didn't... This isn't the one I'm sending to the Fringe folks. But J's part is very sweet, isn't it?
Max and I are going down the Bay Area in September to present at the Folsom Fringe Festival. We haven't been to this particular conference before, but they asked us to come down, so we decided to give it a try.
Folsom Fringe is a relatively new con, being put on to coincide with the annual Folsom Street Fair. I've been to FSF before, of course. It's kinda like going to Jerusalem - every leather person should go at least once. FSF has been called "the grandaddy of all leather events", and that's true, as long as you understand that ol' granpappy will be wearing a studded leather jockstrap and not much else. And oh, there will be four hundred thousand people at grandad's house on the day of the party.
Yeah, I said four hundred thousand. It's really overwhelming. The streets are mobbed with people - mainly gay men, but other leather people too - cruising, shopping the vendor's booths, flirting, snapping pictures. I've been twice, and at the time I enjoyed prancing around downtown San Francisco with my shirt off - because this is very much a done thing at FSF - but that was a number of years ago, and I haven't had a strong desire to go back.
For one thing, I actually get sort of edgy in heavy crowds. And plus, the non-kinky tourists are becoming more of a presence every year. If you're dressed up fetishy, or doing anything at all interesting, random strangers will snap pictures of you like crazy and then do who-knows-what with them. I've run across refrigerator magnets at tourist stands at the Fisherman's Wharf with photos of my friends being spanked. I'm sure there are videos and DVDs with the kink equivalent of "Girls Gone Wild" out there somewhere. No thanks – if you're going to exploit my image I want to be paid for it. Last time I was running around topless at FSF I had a Super Soaker that I aimed at anyone who pointed a camera at me without asking permission. That scared most of 'em off, but I'm told the looky-loos are so prevalent now that it's impossible to deter them. So I will not be dressing up, or stripping down, this year. At least Roman will have a booth, so if the crowd gets to be too much, I'll have a sanctuary to escape into.
Max told me I needed to send the Folsom Fringe folks a bio and a picture, since I'm co-presenting. Going through my "bio" folder, I found this. J and I wrote and submitted these as our presenters bios for the Living In Leather conference in 1996, as a humorous protest against a wave of unbelievably pompous, overblown, and self-aggrandizing bios. Some people got the humor part, some people didn't... This isn't the one I'm sending to the Fringe folks. But J's part is very sweet, isn't it?
Mistress Matisse invented SM and everything about it. In her younger days, she did 4 to7 at the California Women's Penitentiary for lewd and lascivious behavior in conjunction with an assault with a deadly weapon. With the help of Thorazine, she has been acquitted of all felony charges since then. (Just don't get your hands too near her mouth…)
Her book, How I Invented SM And Everything About It, is forthcoming from Domlier-Than-Thou Press. But in spite of her massive international fame, to the SM community, she is simply and fondly known as Mistress Matisse - The Illuminated Imperial Goddess of All, Empress of All She Surveys, I'm-King-Of-The-World!, Domina of Dominas, Queen of the Nile, Princess Most High, Hostess with the Mostess, Defender of the Faith, Belle of the Ball, Genuflect-When-You-Speak-Her-Name, Czarina of all the Russias, Sultan of Swing, Miss Congeniality, Void Where Prohibited, Some Restrictions May Apply…
j belongs heart, soul and body to Mistress Matisse. She would like to add that her Mistress has, out of modesty, failed to mention that she is also...Genie of the lamp, lily of the valley, creature of the night, eye of the storm, and the heart of the matter. She once broke the backbone of society, and tipped over the pillar of the community. She is the leader of the band, inventor of the wheel, the salt of the earth, the life of the party, the rest of the story, the ghost of Christmas past, the singer of the song, the Fuck of the Century, the hair of the dog that bit you, the Secret Square, a lighthouse to others, the jewel on the crown, and the moral of the story. She has snatched the pebble and walked the ricepaper- has the keys to j's heart and its immediate surroundings. Most recently she is noted for hanging the moon and lighting the stars.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Hate those London bombers. Hate 'em. If you're one of my Brit readers, please pipe up and let us know you're okay. I wish Belle would post so we knew she was all right.
However, in spite of fresh evidence (as if we needed it) of truly evil people in the world, I'm still a happy girl. For one thing, I got to be very, very nasty indeed to Roman last night. He's got some really charming bruises and bite marks and needles marks on his chest and back, and my knuckles are a little sore from pounding on him. We had a great time.
Meanwhile, go read my newest column. And don't forget about that porn contest we're having, I want to see some of your nasty fun.
However, in spite of fresh evidence (as if we needed it) of truly evil people in the world, I'm still a happy girl. For one thing, I got to be very, very nasty indeed to Roman last night. He's got some really charming bruises and bite marks and needles marks on his chest and back, and my knuckles are a little sore from pounding on him. We had a great time.
Meanwhile, go read my newest column. And don't forget about that porn contest we're having, I want to see some of your nasty fun.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
This Is A Test...
I saw this on Ketzl's LiveJournal and decided to steal it. I don't know Ketzl personally, but I know who she is, if that makes sense. Kink is a small town sometimes.
It's a humiliation purity test, and apparently I'm pretty damn impure. Ketzl says, "Some questions are phrased from the point of view of the dominant, others from the submissive. Give yourself one point for each no answer if you were at either end of the event. Also, the event must have occurred within the context of a romantic, sexual or sadomasochistic relationship; you may have had an evil drill instructor but that does Not Count."
So the questions are hers, the answers in red are mine.
Humiliation Purity Test
Have you ever made someone do the following, or been made to do the following:
1. Engaged in fornophilia (turned someone into an ottoman, coffee table, bookshelf, lamp, etc)
Oh, yes. Have you met my friend Jeff Gord?
2. After orgasm, making sub eat his/her own cum (It's good for you, you know.) Yes.
3. Always address you as Sir, Ma'am, Lord Vader, etc. Yes.
4. Been made to wear a buttplug under your clothing? Yes.
5. In public? Yes.
6. Engaged in Age Play (any kind of age play)? Yes.
7. How about Infantilism? (Let's say up to 2 years, so we're really including Toddlerism here.) No, not my kink.
8. Helpless Old Person Play? (Ewww.) Ew is right, no.
9. Made someone wear a diaper? Yes.
10. Had a baby pacifier tied around your neck in public? In-teresting. But no.
11. Enforced bathroom control? (Guns don't kill people, bathrooms do.) Yes.
12. Bathroom use in front of others. If you did this of your own volition it doesn't count, peemeister. Do you have no shame? Yes.
13. Become a human ashtray? (Soon to be banned in New York.) Yes, even though I don't really smoke.
14. Been made to beg for cigarettes, drinks, a higher spot for your show on TiVO's recording priority list, etc. Yes.
15. Worn a blindfold? (Hey we had to throw an easy one in.) Of course!
16. Indulged in boot worship at odd moments. Yes.
17. Had a cavity check in private? Yes.
18. Cavity check in public? ("Waiter, check please-- ooh I didn't know it was THAT kind of restaurant".) Define "public". But I think yes.
19. Been caged? Of course.
20. Been caged and then ignored for at least 20 minutes? Yes.
21. Been forced to carry a doll or toy around? Define "forced". She didn't protest...
22. Forced someone to suck their thumb? No.
23. Crawl on all 4s? Dur - of course!
24. Had someone cum or urinate into your food? No, although it's a nice idea.
25. ...and then eaten it? (see #2) Nasty, nasty people!
26. Been the target of curse words? (Whore, Slut, Worthless-- all in good fun though.) Too easy.
27. Made to curtsey in public? (And not at a Renn Faire, wench.) Yes. Jae was a debutante and we used to make her show us her curtsey.
28. Do a dance/strip tease? A number of times.
29. In public? Yes.
30. While naked? What's the point otherwise?
31. Had someone else pick out your food? (The waiter doesn't count.) Yes.
32. Dictate your clothing? Is this dominant? I do this for Max all the time. Although we call it "suggesting".
33. Had someone pee in your bathwater? No - does peeing on someone while you're in the shower together count?
34. Eat from a pet dish? Yes.
35. Eat from the floor when others were sitting at the table? Yes.
36. Eat without utensils when the food required them? (Pizza does not count.) Yes.
37. Made someone assume embarrassing positions? Too easy.
38. Gave someone an enema? Yes.
39. Enforced eye contact restrictions? Yes.
40. Been fed from someone's hand? Yes.
41. ...in a restaurant? (aww how romantic) Yes.
42. Indulged in foot worship? Oh, just like ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!
43. Forced to exercise? (Your physical trainer's verbal humiliation doesn't count) Yes.
44. Forced nudity? Yes.
45. Been made to masturbate in odd places? (Currently accepting write-in suggestions for what counts as odd.) Yes.
50. Were up for bid in a slave auction? Yes.
51. Forced to sell lemonade in the street? (No one's getting 100% on THIS test, smarty.) Well, no.
52. Forced to wear an embarassing sign ("SLUT", "SLAVEBITCH", "I VOTED FOR BUSH", etc)Yes.
53. Forced to be a slave (if you're in graduate school, your advisor DOES count. On your knees student!) Once again, define "forced". But I think so.
54. Forced to wear a leash? Yes.
55. Given a golden shower? (You know what I'm talking about.) See answer for number 42.
56. Been made to wear handcuffs in public? Yes.
57. Been handcuffed to a shopping cart while shopping? Isn't that against the fire code?
58. Been part of a harem? Can two people be a harem? I'm not sure about this one.
59. Made to wear a hood? Yes.
60. Used as a human garbage can? Yes.
61. Been tied up? Yes.
62. So you couldn't move? Yes.
63. Back to bathroom use again. Have you ordered someone to leave the bathroom door open while they use it? Yes.
64. Left a note for someone with embarrassing instructions? Yes.
65. Been whored out? Not 100% sure how to call this one, but I think yes.
66. I mean really, for money? I think the phrase is "Busman's Holiday".
67. Been made to deliver Maid services? Yes.
68. Forced someone to wear your dirty underwear? Yes.
69. On their head? Yes.
70. Made someone wear nipple clamps in public? Yes.
71. Under a see thru top? Yes.
72. Been subject to orgasm control? Yes.
73. How about orgasm denial? Yes.
74. Been made to role play an animal? (Act like a dog, cat, etc. Woof!) Yes.
75. Ordered to pose for naughty pictures? Yes.
76. How about naughty videos? Yes.
77. Been scolded? Yes.
78. Spit on? Yes.
79. Slapped in the face? Yes.
80. Sent shopping with an embarassing note you had to hand to the clerk? ("We're out of milk. He's kind of slow, please point him to the dairy section".) No, not quite my style. Cute idea though.
81. Made to serve others (supervised) Yes.
82. Made to serve others (unsupervised) Yes.
83. Served as a human urinal? Yes.
83. Served as a human toilet? (EWWWW not safe.) No thanks.
84. Had your head shaved? (Obviously more traumatic for women.) Yes. I even have pictures...
85. Made to shave your body hair? Yes.
86. How about your pubic hair? Yes.
87. Been given a temporary slave tattoo, or other temporary humiliating body art? Yes.
88. Been given a permanent slave tattoo, or other permanent humiliating body art? Define "permanent". Cutting scars fade over time.
89. Spanked someone in public? Yes.
90. Been under speech restriction? ("Don't say a word to my parents about my grade in biochem" doesn't count.) Yes.
91. Spelled "Slave" or other choice phrase on someone with suntan lotion & made them get tan? I squandered an opportunity when I was living down South, didn't I? No.
92. Made someone stand in the corner? Yes.
93. Been cuckolded? I think this is a yes.
94. Cum on someone's face? Yes.
95. Made them wear it til it dried? (Oil of Olay's secret ingredient!) Yes.
96. Been forced to wear slutty clothes? Yes.
97. Made to piss yourself? I think yes, although they were naked at the time. Does that count?
98. Made to vote for someone you disapproved of? Now that's sadistic. No.
99. Forced to take a purity test? Yes.
100. Forced to take a purity test over and over, updating your score until you got 100%? Will this be the newest kink trend?
I saw this on Ketzl's LiveJournal and decided to steal it. I don't know Ketzl personally, but I know who she is, if that makes sense. Kink is a small town sometimes.
It's a humiliation purity test, and apparently I'm pretty damn impure. Ketzl says, "Some questions are phrased from the point of view of the dominant, others from the submissive. Give yourself one point for each no answer if you were at either end of the event. Also, the event must have occurred within the context of a romantic, sexual or sadomasochistic relationship; you may have had an evil drill instructor but that does Not Count."
So the questions are hers, the answers in red are mine.
Humiliation Purity Test
Have you ever made someone do the following, or been made to do the following:
1. Engaged in fornophilia (turned someone into an ottoman, coffee table, bookshelf, lamp, etc)
Oh, yes. Have you met my friend Jeff Gord?
2. After orgasm, making sub eat his/her own cum (It's good for you, you know.) Yes.
3. Always address you as Sir, Ma'am, Lord Vader, etc. Yes.
4. Been made to wear a buttplug under your clothing? Yes.
5. In public? Yes.
6. Engaged in Age Play (any kind of age play)? Yes.
7. How about Infantilism? (Let's say up to 2 years, so we're really including Toddlerism here.) No, not my kink.
8. Helpless Old Person Play? (Ewww.) Ew is right, no.
9. Made someone wear a diaper? Yes.
10. Had a baby pacifier tied around your neck in public? In-teresting. But no.
11. Enforced bathroom control? (Guns don't kill people, bathrooms do.) Yes.
12. Bathroom use in front of others. If you did this of your own volition it doesn't count, peemeister. Do you have no shame? Yes.
13. Become a human ashtray? (Soon to be banned in New York.) Yes, even though I don't really smoke.
14. Been made to beg for cigarettes, drinks, a higher spot for your show on TiVO's recording priority list, etc. Yes.
15. Worn a blindfold? (Hey we had to throw an easy one in.) Of course!
16. Indulged in boot worship at odd moments. Yes.
17. Had a cavity check in private? Yes.
18. Cavity check in public? ("Waiter, check please-- ooh I didn't know it was THAT kind of restaurant".) Define "public". But I think yes.
19. Been caged? Of course.
20. Been caged and then ignored for at least 20 minutes? Yes.
21. Been forced to carry a doll or toy around? Define "forced". She didn't protest...
22. Forced someone to suck their thumb? No.
23. Crawl on all 4s? Dur - of course!
24. Had someone cum or urinate into your food? No, although it's a nice idea.
25. ...and then eaten it? (see #2) Nasty, nasty people!
26. Been the target of curse words? (Whore, Slut, Worthless-- all in good fun though.) Too easy.
27. Made to curtsey in public? (And not at a Renn Faire, wench.) Yes. Jae was a debutante and we used to make her show us her curtsey.
28. Do a dance/strip tease? A number of times.
29. In public? Yes.
30. While naked? What's the point otherwise?
31. Had someone else pick out your food? (The waiter doesn't count.) Yes.
32. Dictate your clothing? Is this dominant? I do this for Max all the time. Although we call it "suggesting".
33. Had someone pee in your bathwater? No - does peeing on someone while you're in the shower together count?
34. Eat from a pet dish? Yes.
35. Eat from the floor when others were sitting at the table? Yes.
36. Eat without utensils when the food required them? (Pizza does not count.) Yes.
37. Made someone assume embarrassing positions? Too easy.
38. Gave someone an enema? Yes.
39. Enforced eye contact restrictions? Yes.
40. Been fed from someone's hand? Yes.
41. ...in a restaurant? (aww how romantic) Yes.
42. Indulged in foot worship? Oh, just like ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!
43. Forced to exercise? (Your physical trainer's verbal humiliation doesn't count) Yes.
44. Forced nudity? Yes.
45. Been made to masturbate in odd places? (Currently accepting write-in suggestions for what counts as odd.) Yes.
50. Were up for bid in a slave auction? Yes.
51. Forced to sell lemonade in the street? (No one's getting 100% on THIS test, smarty.) Well, no.
52. Forced to wear an embarassing sign ("SLUT", "SLAVEBITCH", "I VOTED FOR BUSH", etc)Yes.
53. Forced to be a slave (if you're in graduate school, your advisor DOES count. On your knees student!) Once again, define "forced". But I think so.
54. Forced to wear a leash? Yes.
55. Given a golden shower? (You know what I'm talking about.) See answer for number 42.
56. Been made to wear handcuffs in public? Yes.
57. Been handcuffed to a shopping cart while shopping? Isn't that against the fire code?
58. Been part of a harem? Can two people be a harem? I'm not sure about this one.
59. Made to wear a hood? Yes.
60. Used as a human garbage can? Yes.
61. Been tied up? Yes.
62. So you couldn't move? Yes.
63. Back to bathroom use again. Have you ordered someone to leave the bathroom door open while they use it? Yes.
64. Left a note for someone with embarrassing instructions? Yes.
65. Been whored out? Not 100% sure how to call this one, but I think yes.
66. I mean really, for money? I think the phrase is "Busman's Holiday".
67. Been made to deliver Maid services? Yes.
68. Forced someone to wear your dirty underwear? Yes.
69. On their head? Yes.
70. Made someone wear nipple clamps in public? Yes.
71. Under a see thru top? Yes.
72. Been subject to orgasm control? Yes.
73. How about orgasm denial? Yes.
74. Been made to role play an animal? (Act like a dog, cat, etc. Woof!) Yes.
75. Ordered to pose for naughty pictures? Yes.
76. How about naughty videos? Yes.
77. Been scolded? Yes.
78. Spit on? Yes.
79. Slapped in the face? Yes.
80. Sent shopping with an embarassing note you had to hand to the clerk? ("We're out of milk. He's kind of slow, please point him to the dairy section".) No, not quite my style. Cute idea though.
81. Made to serve others (supervised) Yes.
82. Made to serve others (unsupervised) Yes.
83. Served as a human urinal? Yes.
83. Served as a human toilet? (EWWWW not safe.) No thanks.
84. Had your head shaved? (Obviously more traumatic for women.) Yes. I even have pictures...
85. Made to shave your body hair? Yes.
86. How about your pubic hair? Yes.
87. Been given a temporary slave tattoo, or other temporary humiliating body art? Yes.
88. Been given a permanent slave tattoo, or other permanent humiliating body art? Define "permanent". Cutting scars fade over time.
89. Spanked someone in public? Yes.
90. Been under speech restriction? ("Don't say a word to my parents about my grade in biochem" doesn't count.) Yes.
91. Spelled "Slave" or other choice phrase on someone with suntan lotion & made them get tan? I squandered an opportunity when I was living down South, didn't I? No.
92. Made someone stand in the corner? Yes.
93. Been cuckolded? I think this is a yes.
94. Cum on someone's face? Yes.
95. Made them wear it til it dried? (Oil of Olay's secret ingredient!) Yes.
96. Been forced to wear slutty clothes? Yes.
97. Made to piss yourself? I think yes, although they were naked at the time. Does that count?
98. Made to vote for someone you disapproved of? Now that's sadistic. No.
99. Forced to take a purity test? Yes.
100. Forced to take a purity test over and over, updating your score until you got 100%? Will this be the newest kink trend?
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Text of a not-uncommon type of email for me...
Hmmn. I'm pleased, of course, that this gentleman likes my blog - that's always nice to hear. And I salute him for wanting to add kink to his life and the life of his partner.
But I think he's got some mistaken assumptions about me. You see, I myself enjoy non-sanitary piercing and knife play. In fact, a great many things I like could concievably be labelled "non-sanitary". They're often slippery, sticky, or wet. I can think of enjoyable kinky things that you could call "sanitary", but I wouldn't want to rule out my more messy pleasures.
Rote debauchery? Eh, not so much. No, I prefer my debauchery to be sort of spontaneous, or even anarchic. Much more fun that way, I find. But I don't think that being over 30, or living in the suburbs, should bar you from enjoying whatever kind of sex you like, even if lookers-on don't find it esthetically pleasing.
The clever among you have inferred from this that I don't approve of being overtly snobbish about other people's pleasures. Naturally one does not partake of anything one doesn't care for. God knows, there are lots of sexual things I have no interested in doing. But except in really extreme cases, I prefer the "My Kink Is Okay/Your Kink is Okay" way of looking at things. Writing me and dissing people like this doesn't impress me.
So the author is mistaken in assuming I share his tastes. And he's also mistaken in thinking that there are some secret places in Seattle frequented exclusively by those whose taste he would approve of. That's simply not true. There are no secret fetish clubs in Seattle. (Or if there are, they are so very secret that I don't know about them - an unlikely notion.)
It's relatively easy to access the local kinky world - I publish a list of sexy events every week in The Stranger, and it's only a small portion of what's available. I'm betting the author has been to the Wet Spot, and that it's one of the places he's ruled out as not being his style. He's allowed to do that, of course. But if he's looking for people like me - well, I go there on a regular basis, and so do most of my interesting friends. My guess is he went once, didn't like what he saw, so he left and never went back. That's the most common mistake I see people making in their attempts to get a kinky social life. I think they're expecting a party at the Spot to look like a scene from an Andrew Blake movie. No, not everyone you see will be young and beautiful and doing the kinds of kinky things you'd like to do yourself. But my advice to people is to let go of that and think about making friends. I know lots of people who do stuff in their scenes that I personally don't wish to do. That doesn't mean we can't be pals, and it definitely doesn't mean that they have nothing to contribute to my continuing evolution as a kinky person. And you see, once you start making kinky friends, then - tah-da! - then you're on your way to creating your own social network, based on mutual interests and personal style.
That's how this is done. Yes, it takes time, and it takes some effort. Good things usually do. I'm always a bit surprised that people who are obviously smart and educated need me to tell them that one finds interesting kinky people by a) not snap-judging them based simply on appearance or taste in kink and b) by simple perseverance and patience. I sincerely hope that's a beacon of light for someone.
Mistress M.,
First of all, let me say your blog is a beacon of light on an otherwise dreary afternoon. I'm sure what I'm about to ask you is a fairly commonplace scenario, so let me apologize ahead of time for boring you. My fiancee and I...(edited for privacy)...live in Seattle, and I haven't figured out how to advance my social network... I've ventured out a bit, but what I find here is mostly either people who are overly intrigued with non-sanitary piercing/knife play, or else swing clubs filled with older suburban types who are engaged in the most unnerving displays of rote debauchery imaginable. Here's my question...how would we meet you or somene like you? I'm not sure you have a dopelganger here in Seattle, but maybe if I knew how you were finding interesting people here, I could do a better job of finding such people myself.
Hmmn. I'm pleased, of course, that this gentleman likes my blog - that's always nice to hear. And I salute him for wanting to add kink to his life and the life of his partner.
But I think he's got some mistaken assumptions about me. You see, I myself enjoy non-sanitary piercing and knife play. In fact, a great many things I like could concievably be labelled "non-sanitary". They're often slippery, sticky, or wet. I can think of enjoyable kinky things that you could call "sanitary", but I wouldn't want to rule out my more messy pleasures.
Rote debauchery? Eh, not so much. No, I prefer my debauchery to be sort of spontaneous, or even anarchic. Much more fun that way, I find. But I don't think that being over 30, or living in the suburbs, should bar you from enjoying whatever kind of sex you like, even if lookers-on don't find it esthetically pleasing.
The clever among you have inferred from this that I don't approve of being overtly snobbish about other people's pleasures. Naturally one does not partake of anything one doesn't care for. God knows, there are lots of sexual things I have no interested in doing. But except in really extreme cases, I prefer the "My Kink Is Okay/Your Kink is Okay" way of looking at things. Writing me and dissing people like this doesn't impress me.
So the author is mistaken in assuming I share his tastes. And he's also mistaken in thinking that there are some secret places in Seattle frequented exclusively by those whose taste he would approve of. That's simply not true. There are no secret fetish clubs in Seattle. (Or if there are, they are so very secret that I don't know about them - an unlikely notion.)
It's relatively easy to access the local kinky world - I publish a list of sexy events every week in The Stranger, and it's only a small portion of what's available. I'm betting the author has been to the Wet Spot, and that it's one of the places he's ruled out as not being his style. He's allowed to do that, of course. But if he's looking for people like me - well, I go there on a regular basis, and so do most of my interesting friends. My guess is he went once, didn't like what he saw, so he left and never went back. That's the most common mistake I see people making in their attempts to get a kinky social life. I think they're expecting a party at the Spot to look like a scene from an Andrew Blake movie. No, not everyone you see will be young and beautiful and doing the kinds of kinky things you'd like to do yourself. But my advice to people is to let go of that and think about making friends. I know lots of people who do stuff in their scenes that I personally don't wish to do. That doesn't mean we can't be pals, and it definitely doesn't mean that they have nothing to contribute to my continuing evolution as a kinky person. And you see, once you start making kinky friends, then - tah-da! - then you're on your way to creating your own social network, based on mutual interests and personal style.
That's how this is done. Yes, it takes time, and it takes some effort. Good things usually do. I'm always a bit surprised that people who are obviously smart and educated need me to tell them that one finds interesting kinky people by a) not snap-judging them based simply on appearance or taste in kink and b) by simple perseverance and patience. I sincerely hope that's a beacon of light for someone.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Here's an ABC News story out of Australia about "types of sex workers."
Huh, color me skeptical. The trouble with these kinds of studies is that the numbers are based on women who've been arrested or, in this case, women who have STDs. It's not really a representative sample, so the study is invariably flawed.
It's certainly interesting to hear that professional dominance is "unique to wealthy countries". Presuming one accepts that as true, it raises the question: Is that because men in poorer countries don't feel the need for kink? Or is it just that the women there find it better to be generalists than to specialize in one area?
It may have to do with the legal structures of different countries. One reason why a Mistress in the US might stick to domination exclusively is because it's more-or-less legal in many (although not all) areas. If one lived in a poorer nation, where laws against prostitution were not in place, or were not enforced, one might offer a range of services in order to maximize one's client base.
And in a different but related study: get out your rulers, it's the average sizes of men's penises...
Huh, color me skeptical. The trouble with these kinds of studies is that the numbers are based on women who've been arrested or, in this case, women who have STDs. It's not really a representative sample, so the study is invariably flawed.
It's certainly interesting to hear that professional dominance is "unique to wealthy countries". Presuming one accepts that as true, it raises the question: Is that because men in poorer countries don't feel the need for kink? Or is it just that the women there find it better to be generalists than to specialize in one area?
It may have to do with the legal structures of different countries. One reason why a Mistress in the US might stick to domination exclusively is because it's more-or-less legal in many (although not all) areas. If one lived in a poorer nation, where laws against prostitution were not in place, or were not enforced, one might offer a range of services in order to maximize one's client base.
And in a different but related study: get out your rulers, it's the average sizes of men's penises...
Monday, July 04, 2005
Are There Any Questions?
I'm thinking of writing a "reader's questions" column soon, so if you have a question you've been wanting to ask me, drop me a note, or leave me a comment...
I'm thinking of writing a "reader's questions" column soon, so if you have a question you've been wanting to ask me, drop me a note, or leave me a comment...
Sunday, July 03, 2005
A rare Sunday post…
Lately, I'm feeling a yen to do something different with my body. No, not like that! I mean something athletic. I've been working out in the gym for years and it's getting a bit boring - I'd like to work my body in a different way. (No, this is not because Gym Guy is bothering me - I actually haven't seen him since our conversation.)
The last time I felt this way, I started taking trapeze and aerial rope lessons from a woman who performs in Circus Contraption. It was something I'd always wanted to try, and it was great fun, although the trapeze bar bruised the backs of my knees like crazy. I was actually considering installing a (low) trapeze in my studio for a while. But after a while, I realized that I didn't really want to take it to a performance level, so I let it drop.
Now I'm thinking about martial arts, so I'm looking for some opinions about styles and classes in Seattle. I've never studied any martial arts, but I've always thought about it and I feel like it might be time to explore this more. I'm hoping to get Max to do it with me, too, although I think he's more attracted to the spiritual/mental discipline aspect of martial arts, and I don't care so much about that. I'm looking for physical development - not aerobic stuff per se, because I can run for that. But strength and coordination, plus some fighting techniques.
I doubt I'd want to compete formally, so that's not something I'd be looking for.
I've heard good things about Aikido and Tae-Kwon-Do. Someone suggested Krav Maga classes for self-defense, although I understand that’s not a real martial art. I know that Karate is considered a good fighting technique and that Judo is an intense body workout. Still, there are seemingly endless lists of sub-forms and lesser-known disciplines, and I'm open to those, too.
I do know some folks who do various forms of MA, so I'll be talking to them, too. (Yeah, I mean you, Dog_Walker.) But if any of ya'll have suggestions about local schools and teachers, I'd be interested in hearing about them.
Lately, I'm feeling a yen to do something different with my body. No, not like that! I mean something athletic. I've been working out in the gym for years and it's getting a bit boring - I'd like to work my body in a different way. (No, this is not because Gym Guy is bothering me - I actually haven't seen him since our conversation.)
The last time I felt this way, I started taking trapeze and aerial rope lessons from a woman who performs in Circus Contraption. It was something I'd always wanted to try, and it was great fun, although the trapeze bar bruised the backs of my knees like crazy. I was actually considering installing a (low) trapeze in my studio for a while. But after a while, I realized that I didn't really want to take it to a performance level, so I let it drop.
Now I'm thinking about martial arts, so I'm looking for some opinions about styles and classes in Seattle. I've never studied any martial arts, but I've always thought about it and I feel like it might be time to explore this more. I'm hoping to get Max to do it with me, too, although I think he's more attracted to the spiritual/mental discipline aspect of martial arts, and I don't care so much about that. I'm looking for physical development - not aerobic stuff per se, because I can run for that. But strength and coordination, plus some fighting techniques.
I doubt I'd want to compete formally, so that's not something I'd be looking for.
I've heard good things about Aikido and Tae-Kwon-Do. Someone suggested Krav Maga classes for self-defense, although I understand that’s not a real martial art. I know that Karate is considered a good fighting technique and that Judo is an intense body workout. Still, there are seemingly endless lists of sub-forms and lesser-known disciplines, and I'm open to those, too.
I do know some folks who do various forms of MA, so I'll be talking to them, too. (Yeah, I mean you, Dog_Walker.) But if any of ya'll have suggestions about local schools and teachers, I'd be interested in hearing about them.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Happy holiday weekend, everyone. Through my open window, I'm already hearing the scattered pops and bangs that means people are experimenting with fireworks. I'm not a big 4th-of-July fan, but last year Max and I spent an enjoyable evening at a friend's apartment overlooking Lake Union, and we'll be there watching fireworks again this year. Cross your fingers the deck doesn't fall off the building as a dozen or so of us squeeze onto a structure probably designed to hold four people.
What else? Go read my column, of course. I'll be listening for a few wails of despair from disappointed guys.
And an opinion poll: I did a shoot with Tommy Edwards last week, and I'm starting to sort through what images I should use on my site. So tell me which of these photos you like best.
Number One
Number Two
Number Three
Number Four
What else? Go read my column, of course. I'll be listening for a few wails of despair from disappointed guys.
And an opinion poll: I did a shoot with Tommy Edwards last week, and I'm starting to sort through what images I should use on my site. So tell me which of these photos you like best.
Number One
Number Two
Number Three
Number Four
Thursday, June 30, 2005
I Love Porn
So if you read many adult blogs, you've probably heard of the new 2257 rules by now. If you haven't, you should, because it's going to affect the lives of a lot of Americans. I'm talking about the proposed new Federal record-keeping and labeling regulations, 18 U.S.C. §2257.
Short version is: I'm totally against child porn, as any decent person is, but none of these regulations are going to do shit to stop it. It's just the Bush administration's way of trying to suppress free speech. I feel reasonably sure that it'll be overturned in court, or at least heavily watered down, because it will have a very chilling effect on free speech, and there's a great deal of case law about this sort of thing. But it's going to be a huge pain in the ass until that happens.
There's a ton of links to info about the new regulations and how it's going to affect what you see – and believe me, it's definitely going to affect what you, as a supposedly free adult, can see. Here's a link that explains it in simple terms. What more info? Go here, or here, or here. And then go contribute some money to the Free Speech Coalition, who are fighting for your right to look at porn.
What else should you do to combat this wave of sex-negative sentiment? Why, you should make some porn of your own! The Stranger is having an amateur erotic video contest, and you should enter. Read all about it here. They want all kinds of stuff - serious, silly, weird, straight, queer, kinky, soft, hard, whatever. If you think it's sexy, make a tape and send it in.
I myself am judging this lovely event - and am I looking forward to that? Oh yes, I am! - so I can't enter it. But don't you like the idea of me watching you do the nasty? I wanna see some good hometown smut, Seattle, so get those cameras rolling, pronto!
So if you read many adult blogs, you've probably heard of the new 2257 rules by now. If you haven't, you should, because it's going to affect the lives of a lot of Americans. I'm talking about the proposed new Federal record-keeping and labeling regulations, 18 U.S.C. §2257.
Short version is: I'm totally against child porn, as any decent person is, but none of these regulations are going to do shit to stop it. It's just the Bush administration's way of trying to suppress free speech. I feel reasonably sure that it'll be overturned in court, or at least heavily watered down, because it will have a very chilling effect on free speech, and there's a great deal of case law about this sort of thing. But it's going to be a huge pain in the ass until that happens.
There's a ton of links to info about the new regulations and how it's going to affect what you see – and believe me, it's definitely going to affect what you, as a supposedly free adult, can see. Here's a link that explains it in simple terms. What more info? Go here, or here, or here. And then go contribute some money to the Free Speech Coalition, who are fighting for your right to look at porn.
What else should you do to combat this wave of sex-negative sentiment? Why, you should make some porn of your own! The Stranger is having an amateur erotic video contest, and you should enter. Read all about it here. They want all kinds of stuff - serious, silly, weird, straight, queer, kinky, soft, hard, whatever. If you think it's sexy, make a tape and send it in.
I myself am judging this lovely event - and am I looking forward to that? Oh yes, I am! - so I can't enter it. But don't you like the idea of me watching you do the nasty? I wanna see some good hometown smut, Seattle, so get those cameras rolling, pronto!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
So, remember the Gym Guy? He did, finally, make the approach. It was last week. I was alone, walking out the door after a workout, when I saw him walking quickly on a course to intercept me before I got to the elevators. Okay, here we go, I thought. But I still didn't make eye contact or slow down. No sense giving him any false hope.
Now, since he works at the gym, of course he knows my real name. He called it out after me - several times - so I stopped. Courtship Tip Number One: Trotting after a woman you don't really know calling out her name in a public place = bad manners.
"Yes?" I said coolly.
"Uh, yeah, I kinda wanted to talk to you. Um, you know - about your ad."
Okay, let's be clear – I don't think Gym Guy is a bad person. But this is very, very bad form. Do not chase me down at my gym, or the supermarket, or my dry cleaners, and ask me about my ad. If you know I have an ad, then just call the bloody number in said ad. That is proper procedure.
I raised one eyebrow. "My ad?"
"Yeah, uh, you know." Gym Guy is very muscular. He's not exactly eloquent, though. I was short on time, so I cut to the chase.
"My ad as Mistress Matisse."
He nods. "Yeah." And then he just sort of stares at me.
Christ, this is just like one of my phone calls. "Okay – first of all, what's your name?" Courtship Tip Number Two: Introducing yourself to a woman you're hitting on is also considered basic good manners.
He tells me his name, and I hold out my hand and say, "Nice to meet you." We shake hands. I believe in forcing people to observe the social niceties, it's part of living in a (soi-disant) civilized society.
"Okay, what do you want to know?" I say in (I hope) a patient voice.
"Oh, uh, I don't know, like – what's it all about?"
There's no way I'm going to give an SM 101 lecture to this guy while we're standing in the public corridor. So I give the phone rap:
"Have you seen a professional dominant before?"
"No, uh, I wasn't really thinking about that so much, you know, just, you know, general stuff."
This is one of the least well-organized attempts to hit on me that I've ever experienced. General stuff? What the hell does that mean? He wants to talk about John Vines?
"Well, if you're looking for basic information about the Seattle BDSM community, I have some links on my website, the URL's in my ad."
He shakes his head. "No, I'm computer-illiterate."
Thank god for small mercies. At least I know he isn't reading this.
"I was just thinking, you know, that you'd be cool to hang out with."
Okay, so in spite of the fact that he began the conversation by asking me about my ad, he's actually looking for a social encounter, not a professional one. Wow, zero points for this whole attempt, my friend, you pretty much screwed up from the get-go.
And what's this hang out with stuff? Friends hang out - but I'm quite certain Gym Guy didn't chase me down the hall because he's looking for a platonic friendship with me. Courtship Tip Number Three: If you're asking someone out on a date, have the courage of your convictions and say so. Don't pussyfoot around with vague terms like hang out. I have been know to hang out with my mom. Saying hang out when you mean go on a date is candy-assed. Use your words, people.
When I related the "you'd be cool to hang out with" line to Max, he laughed and said, "You shoulda said 'You're right!'"
Of course, I didn't. What I did was give Gym Guy a small, closed-lip smile and Polite Brush-Off Number Eleven. "Well, that's very sweet of you, but I'm actually quite busy. It was nice meeting you. Goodbye." And walked away.
Not that I think that's the end of it. Roman's opinion is that he'll try at least twice more. "Guys are dumb, it takes us a couple of thwacks before we stop hitting our heads on walls."
Interesting: he didn't mention the column at all, just the ad. Has Gym Guy not actually noticed that I write the column? But if he hasn't, is he then not aware that I'm poly? I am paraphrasing the conversation, but he also made no mention whatsoever of Max, although he's seen me with him more often than not. Odd.
Let me head off some of the well-intentioned comments: I do not think that Gym Guy is in any way dangerous. He was hitting on me. That's what guys do. Granted, it was a wildly clumsy hit and I'm indulging in some eye-rolling, oh-what-you-could-have-said about it. But I have no sense that he presents any threat to me or he's going to act seriously inappropriate about my refusal. And I predict that I'll actually be less tense around him now that that I know I wasn't incorrect in my assessment of his behavior.
Now, since he works at the gym, of course he knows my real name. He called it out after me - several times - so I stopped. Courtship Tip Number One: Trotting after a woman you don't really know calling out her name in a public place = bad manners.
"Yes?" I said coolly.
"Uh, yeah, I kinda wanted to talk to you. Um, you know - about your ad."
Okay, let's be clear – I don't think Gym Guy is a bad person. But this is very, very bad form. Do not chase me down at my gym, or the supermarket, or my dry cleaners, and ask me about my ad. If you know I have an ad, then just call the bloody number in said ad. That is proper procedure.
I raised one eyebrow. "My ad?"
"Yeah, uh, you know." Gym Guy is very muscular. He's not exactly eloquent, though. I was short on time, so I cut to the chase.
"My ad as Mistress Matisse."
He nods. "Yeah." And then he just sort of stares at me.
Christ, this is just like one of my phone calls. "Okay – first of all, what's your name?" Courtship Tip Number Two: Introducing yourself to a woman you're hitting on is also considered basic good manners.
He tells me his name, and I hold out my hand and say, "Nice to meet you." We shake hands. I believe in forcing people to observe the social niceties, it's part of living in a (soi-disant) civilized society.
"Okay, what do you want to know?" I say in (I hope) a patient voice.
"Oh, uh, I don't know, like – what's it all about?"
There's no way I'm going to give an SM 101 lecture to this guy while we're standing in the public corridor. So I give the phone rap:
ImakeappointmentsMondaythroughFridayfromaroundnoontoaroundeightpm, It'stwohundredandfiftydollarsforaonehoursession, andI'mgeneallybookedabouttwodaysinadvance.Gym Guy looks confused.
"Have you seen a professional dominant before?"
"No, uh, I wasn't really thinking about that so much, you know, just, you know, general stuff."
This is one of the least well-organized attempts to hit on me that I've ever experienced. General stuff? What the hell does that mean? He wants to talk about John Vines?
"Well, if you're looking for basic information about the Seattle BDSM community, I have some links on my website, the URL's in my ad."
He shakes his head. "No, I'm computer-illiterate."
Thank god for small mercies. At least I know he isn't reading this.
"I was just thinking, you know, that you'd be cool to hang out with."
Okay, so in spite of the fact that he began the conversation by asking me about my ad, he's actually looking for a social encounter, not a professional one. Wow, zero points for this whole attempt, my friend, you pretty much screwed up from the get-go.
And what's this hang out with stuff? Friends hang out - but I'm quite certain Gym Guy didn't chase me down the hall because he's looking for a platonic friendship with me. Courtship Tip Number Three: If you're asking someone out on a date, have the courage of your convictions and say so. Don't pussyfoot around with vague terms like hang out. I have been know to hang out with my mom. Saying hang out when you mean go on a date is candy-assed. Use your words, people.
When I related the "you'd be cool to hang out with" line to Max, he laughed and said, "You shoulda said 'You're right!'"
Of course, I didn't. What I did was give Gym Guy a small, closed-lip smile and Polite Brush-Off Number Eleven. "Well, that's very sweet of you, but I'm actually quite busy. It was nice meeting you. Goodbye." And walked away.
Not that I think that's the end of it. Roman's opinion is that he'll try at least twice more. "Guys are dumb, it takes us a couple of thwacks before we stop hitting our heads on walls."
Interesting: he didn't mention the column at all, just the ad. Has Gym Guy not actually noticed that I write the column? But if he hasn't, is he then not aware that I'm poly? I am paraphrasing the conversation, but he also made no mention whatsoever of Max, although he's seen me with him more often than not. Odd.
Let me head off some of the well-intentioned comments: I do not think that Gym Guy is in any way dangerous. He was hitting on me. That's what guys do. Granted, it was a wildly clumsy hit and I'm indulging in some eye-rolling, oh-what-you-could-have-said about it. But I have no sense that he presents any threat to me or he's going to act seriously inappropriate about my refusal. And I predict that I'll actually be less tense around him now that that I know I wasn't incorrect in my assessment of his behavior.
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