Podcast fans: listen to the Part II of a podcast Monk and I did with Richard Wagner of Dr. Dick's Sex Advice.

And, a plug for a show opening this weekend. SHINE: A Burlesque Musical. From the web page...

Internationally-acclaimed comedy cabaret duo The Wet Spots (John Woods and Cass King), in collaboration with Theatre Off Jackson and the Seattle Erotic Art Festival, will present 12 performances of SHINE: A Burlesque Musical July 8 to 18, 2010 at the Theatre Off Jackson.

A recent winner of a Vancouver Ovation Award for “Outstanding New Work”, SHINE is a tassel-twirling original, full-book musical about an infamous burlesque theatre and the family of talented misfits who try to save it from demolition… or worse, respectability.

It looks like a great show, and I know that some of the performances are sold out already, so get your tickets soon!

I just finished polishing the final draft for the next Stranger column, so in honor of that, my answers to a few often-asked questions about me and The Stranger.

I get a lot of emails telling me the columns are too short. I love hearing that you like my column. I wish it was longer too. Writing something interesting in 490 words is very, very challenging. Very.

But, The Stranger sets my word count, and I cannot exceed that. It's a business decision. Each dead-tree page of the paper costs money to print. In order for The Stranger not to go bankrupt, the paper can only be so many pages long. On each of those pages, there is a certain percentage of space dedicated to editorial content (like: my column), and a certain percentage of space dedicated to the advertising that pays for the paper. Removing an ad so my column could be another hundred words long would make you and me happy, but it doesn’t make business sense for The Stranger. And I’d like them to stay in business.

So there is no wiggle-room on the column length, that's it. If I write it too long, someone else will cut out parts to make it shorter, and ooooo, writers hate that. So it behooves me to make it the right length.

Maybe you should just print the first part of the column and put the longer version online. We tried that a while back, actually, and I didn’t like it. I had a lot of people coming up to me saying, “Hey, I read the first part of your column, but I keep forgetting to go online and read the last part. What did it say?” This is the sort of question that makes a writer want to scream. Apparently The Stranger didn’t like this system either, so we scrapped it, for which I am profoundly grateful.

You should write one version of a column for the Stranger and do a longer version of the same column for the blog. That would be a rather unprofessional thing to do to The Stranger. They don’t pay me a lot of money, but they do pay me, god love ‘em. And when you pay me to write something, you get an exclusive.

The fact that certain words are printed in bold? I get many emails about this. No, I don’t do that, it’s not under my control. Someone at The Stranger does that. If you have an opinion about it, I’m sure they would be happy to hear it.

There's about a 7-day gap between my submitting a column and it being printed. The column I turn in today, for example, will be in the paper published next week. There's some cushion there, time-wise, in case an editor reads what I turned in and decides he wants a big revision of it, but that very rarely happens for short pieces like mine.

If you're imagining me at The Stranger editorial offices, verbally sparring with the other staffers like a kinky Rosalind Russell in His Gal Friday, I fear I must disabuse you of that charming notion. I am very rarely in The Stranger offices. I just email them a column when it's due.

The person I submit to (yes, yes, I said submit!) will show me whatever edits he's making to what I turned it. But our exchanges about it are usually pretty brief. My mother was an editor for years, and I learned from her that while all writers think every single word they write is like the perfect tear of a unicorn falling upon a golden page, editors... don't. They are not butchering up your precious creation just to be mean, it's their job. And they get cranky if you spend a lot of time arguing with them about the placement of a comma or some such thing, because they're on a deadline and they have a damn paper to put out.

Most of the time my column doesn't get edited very much. It galls me only slightly to say that the edits that do get made are usually an improvement, because the editor has a fresh eye.

I choose my own topics, too. Very occasionally someone from The Stranger will make a suggestion to me about an idea, and when they do, I usually do it.

Can I reprint this very recent column of yours in my small publication? I cannot grant you permission to do that. Obviously people do, and I cannot stop them, but once again – The Stranger paid me to write that for them. It’s rude, at best, for me to then turn around and immediately give it away to someone else.

It’ll be ten years this fall that I’ve been writing for The Stranger. Ten years. That’s hard to believe when I stop and think about it. I’m grateful they took a chance on me then, given that I had no noticeable writing credentials when I pitched them the idea. And the way the newspaper industry has gone, I’m damn lucky to still see be seeing my name in ink-on-paper. I have no plans to quit, so we’ll see what the next ten years bring to me, in my adventures in tabloid journalism.

To entertain you... My new Stranger column is on the site, about Seattle's pro domme houses. (Or, the lack thereof.)

Also, a podcast I did with Dr Dick of Dr. Dick's Sex Advice is up. It's fun, it's kinky, and it's also very silly. Go listen!

Special People

Dear Mistress Matisse,
I am contacting you for some advice about getting started as a courtesan. I've been trying to navigate into this world, but keep getting lost. I'm wanting to get myself through acupuncture school, and I have this idea that I'd like to share my excess sensual and healing energy with a very special clientele...people who want what I have to offer. How do I go about finding my niche here?

Let me begin by saying your motivations for getting into sex work, and your ideals about how that’s going to look, sound lovely. Sharing sensual, healing energy with special people? I thoroughly approve of that idea.

Now that we’ve established that, let me correct you on some points, my dear little special snowflake. No one “gets started” as a courtesan. That word is not a job title, it's a professional accolade. Saying one wants to get started as a courtesan is like saying one wants to get started as a movie star or a supermodel. It is a status conferred upon a woman by the people she meets, and I for one do not say it lightly. I have met a few women I think genuinely merit this description. But not many.

So, you want to be a sex worker to put yourself through school? All right then, you must begin as everyone else in your job description does. I’m not sure if you want to do sensual touch (ie, massage with a happy ending) or be an escort. But I’ve written a lot about how to get started in all types of sex work, so search and ye shall find.

As for finding very special people? That too takes time, and a lot of careful sorting. Obviously there are people in the world that simply aren’t suitable. Then there are people who are harmless, but just… weird. But you know, for the most part, I would not wish away my meetings with the emotionally incomprehensible people I have encountered in my travels. They are educational. They keep you rooted in the reality that world is full of people who see things quite differently than you do.

Every sex worker deals with a certain number of clients who, whether they know it or not, are wounded in some way. The thing is: people who seek sexual healing are not always the easiest people to deal with. They are not always happy, or self-aware, or seemingly appreciative of what you give them. If this was easy, everyone would do it.

But if you never have a client who’s a challenge, you’ll never develop the emotional skills necessary to become a courtesan. I’ve had some amazingly satisfying sessions with people who initially did not make a good impression on me. You see, I consider it my job to find something special and likeable, something I can connect with, in every single person I play with. With people I click with right away, that’s easy. There have been times in the past when I’ve had to work really, really hard to see something special and likeable in a client. But - those were the people who needed it the most.

And when you really, truly do see something good in them, they can feel that, and they respond. That’s what a courtesan does: she shows people that they all possess something special, and by showing them that, she heals a little of the hurt done by an indifferent world.

So it’s true that you do sometimes just find special people. But in a certain sort of way, you have to be the one who makes both of you know that they're special.

Archives
I went back through the blog archives to see what I was writing about around this date in years gone by. I found an entry talking about the soundtrack to “Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead”, and my forays into a legal brothel in Nevada in 1995.

I also ran across this helpful list of “50 Tips For The Working Person”. By working, the author means sex-working, although I suppose some of them would apply to everyone…

Letters To The Mistress

Dear Mistress Matisse,

I am in a poly relationship with a man I’m engaged to. We’ve been together almost three years. He is very, very vanilla and I consider myself “mocha chip”. I’m not overly kinky but it is a very important part of my sexuality.

The problem is this: we have a “no marks” policy. The rule was created back when we first started dating and he was still with his ex-girlfriend. She would get extremely jealous at any hint that I existed so bite marks and scratches were a huge no-go. We’ve kept the policy since she left, although I’ve tried to revisit it a bit lately. I have recently found a man who has…one particular toy I’m interested in trying, a violet wand. The wand can unfortunately leave a bit of a sunburn-like burn.

My partner says he’s okay with marks as long as he doesn’t have to see them; which basically means that if I play with the wand, I can’t have sex with him until the burn has gone. His argument is he doesn’t want the reminder of the things I’ve done with other guys.

Now, I have found traces of his other girlfriends in his room. Once I had to point out a necklace one of his girlfriends had left on his bed. This happens fairly often given that he’s a messy person (so am I) and I’ve gotten used to it. The necklace was from a girlfriend I didn’t like so I had some trouble with it and he told me I’d have to get used to it as it would happen from time to time.

So I’m seeing a double standard here. He can leave traces of other girls in his room and I have to get used to it (which I have) but I’m not allowed to leave traces of other men on me (which I haven’t, yet). I’ve tried to broach the subject with him and he doesn’t seem to get the double standard. Recently when he brought up the no-marks policy I flat out told him “so I’m not going to find any more necklaces then?”

I’m getting to the point where I’m thinking of refusing to have sex with him whenever he leaves traces of his other partners in his room. I don’t want to do this as I know its passive aggressive and silly; especially since it doesn’t bug me that much.

I worry that this is a sign of things to come. I went to a kink-themed party at a local bar and he refused sex with me for almost a week after, citing it felt “weird” to have my sexual energy from the party transfer to him.

Is having sex with a t-shirt on my only option to have my kink and fuck him too?

Here's the technique part of my reply to this: Violet wands do not always leave marks. Occasionally they do. But - especially if you keep moving the wand around, and don’t keep it in one place for more than a few seconds - it probably won’t. I bet you could have this man test your skin someplace inconspicuous, like your lower leg, and see if you seem terribly prone to being marked by it. That would inform your future play choices.

That said: your fiancé needs to get right on over himself. This is indeed a double standard. And yes, you’re right, it’s a bad sign for the future, so draw a line in the sand. I don’t think you should refuse to have sex with him over things that don’t really bother you. I think you should just do whatever kind of kink you want, and if Mr. Vanilla can’t handle the “energy”, then he just won’t get to look at (or have access to) your pretty naked self, will he? The loss is his, not yours.

It is rare for anyone to willingly give up a situation where they are getting everything they want (like: having sex with more than one person and not having to hide anything), and nothing they don’t want (like: seeing some evidence of your partner doing the same, and having to handle some feelings of jealousy about that). Some people would rather field irritated remarks from a lover than relinquish such an arrangement.

Luckily, you have complete power over the only thing that matters: your behavior. Tell him, calmly and kindly, that you are going to do BDSM play that may occasionally leave a mark or two. If he is offended by looking at you, you can fuck him with the lights off. Or you could blindfold him. Or – and I think this is the best option - he can just grow up, work out his issues, and give as good as he gets.

Online translators are responsible for a lot of unintentional comedy in the world of email. I got this note recently, and I will preface my remarks about it by acknowledging that no, I don’t speak French, so I probably couldn’t do any better.

That doesn’t make it any less silly-sounding to read, though. It’s entitled “Gynarchy.”

…you can enhance your role as a dominatrix is a dream to be able to worship your gorgeous. You seem to be the incarnation of female supremacy. We would be happy to support you through our site as we do for free.

It is a small team that is dominating the initiative on this site gynarchy. We strive to make it as close as possible to the values we wish to defend. We try to find independent dominatrix could recognize themselves in the gynarchy.

Our universe is female domination and we made some changes to make it more ergonomic and more dynamic future. We plan to continue this adventure in improving a little closer making it accessible to a wider audience, including women.

We would like to add your site to ours with your comments, or your photos. Know that we are far from the BDSM community and that we operate quite independently.

The team gynarchist

It took me a minute to understand that the sender was inviting me to place photos and ad copy on a French website for professional dominatrixes. I was too busy thinking: “gynarchy? Is that really a word, or is this some made-up kink slang like domme?”

So I looked it up, and to my surprise, it is a real word. I had not heard it before. It means, of course, “rule by women” and matriarchy has always been the word I’ve heard used to refer to such an idea.

The Universe of the Gynarchy! Kinda sounds like you’d be entering The Matrix, doesn’t it? Similar outfits, I imagine. And similarly righteous goals, as apparently The Gynarchy defends the values! Of what, I’m not sure. But I'm glad The Universe of the Gynarchy is going to be available to women, too - that seems like a good move, PR-wise.

And it’s ergonomic as well. No RSS in The Universe of the Gynarchy, nosireebob!

Gynarchy! It’s the word of the day, people. As the nuns used to tell us: “Say it three times and use it in a sentence. Then it’s yours forever.” Whether you want it or not, because this is a Gynocracy!

In my last column, I talked about sex (or at least, dating) without BDSM. In the new Stranger column: a discussion of BDSM without Sex.

Wow, a lot has happened!

Which is pretty much always the case with me, so let me try to catch you up. The Naked Girls Reading? Much fun. I wish I had an audiotape of it, because no description of mine can do it justice. Except to remark that it was great to meet a lot of new people - and that I loved hanging out with Tamara the Trapeze Lady and Jo Weldon. Tamara and I have known each other for years, we danced together at the Lusty Lady back in the day. Jo Weldon and I have not spent a ton of time with each other (although with Jo, it's always quality time), but we have such a seamless consciousness-of-kind that she can just about finish my sentences, which is almost spooky.

You see, I consider women like them my professional peers, although they both have different career paths than me. Both of them were sexual outlaws who decided what they wanted, saw that it didn't exist, went out and worked really damned hard, and created it. I love being around people like that.

And aside from just respecting their accomplishments, it is immensely cool to be around other women who have also lived lives that are much less-ordinary, and who are perfectly at ease about that. After the reading, Jo Weldon addressed a question from an audience member about class structures and hierarchies in sex work by remarking matter-of-factly, “Going from taking off your clothes in front of a roomful of people to pissing on people for money? That’s a lateral move.” If I hadn’t been on the other side of the stage, I would have kissed her.

The whole event was great, the producers are wonderful, and I’m super-pleased to have been asked. Perhaps I’ll be asked back again sometime. But whether I’m there or not, you should definitely go, so here's a link to the calendar.

What did I read at the NGR? The theme of this was: "Evolution As Sex Workers", so I went through my stacks and found the books I read when I was just starting out in the industry. One was a sex worker memoir I got a hold of when I was a teenager, called “Working”. The author’s name is Dolores French, and it’s a great book. French writes with both candor and compassion about her lengthy career as an escort. I read a bit about how French got started finding and screening clients her client, via snail mail, in the seventies.

And I read two selections by Patrick* Califia. I knew from the start that I would read something by Califia, because when I was very young, and very sexually different, and utterly clueless about how I was going to construct the life I instinctively knew I wanted to live, Califia’s writing, both the essays and fiction, had a huge effect on me. It was from her/his writing that I learned how to be a sexual outlaw with dignity, honor, integrity and kindness. "Melting Point" is one of the books I read from at NGR. The story is entitled What Girls Are Made Of, and it's about three peep-show dancers who hijack a bratty butch-dyke for certain nefarious purposes.

My other selection was from an essay that is the preface to Califia's short story collection, "Macho Sluts". Califia’s essays are about the sexual-minority politics of the late 80’s and 90’s – which means now they seem like Ancient History. But it’s very useful to understand where the kinky/queer/gender-queer/whatever community has come from. I see the ghosts from these bloody battles over gender and sexual behavior hanging around even now. I have a fantasy about teaching a class entitled “The History Of Sexual Minority Community Politics, or, How To Not Spend Countless Hours Bickering Over The Same Old Bullshit”, because I see some of the newer activists getting caught up in some of the same old arguments that I heard when I was a little baby sex radical.

So, while some of the specific incidents and publications Pat refers to are long-gone, the way s/he analyzes and critiques the various debates are quite useful. If this interests you, I’d start with a book called "Public Sex: The Culture of Radical Sex."

Whew! I think that's enough for one day. More about nakedness tomorrow...

*At the time of publication, Patrick was Pat, and identifying as female. Since then, Patrick has gender-transitioned from female to male, so the same author has different writings published under both names. I have not yet figured out a way to express this that isn't terribly unwieldy.

As God is my witness, I am going to blog again soon. Like, within 48 hours. Highlights will include:

• My thoughts on performing at The Naked Girls Reading

• Things a beautiful woman said to me while we were naked. (And not at the reading.)

• My thoughts on IGNITE Seattle and why polyamory would be a great topic for that.
  

• The concept of wingmen (or women), and on the Pick-up Artist philosophy and books in general.

Indulge me just a bit longer, faithful blog readers, and you shall be rewarded.

I am being bad about writing this week, because I'm busy reading bits of books out loud, in preparation for my appearance here on Sunday: The Naked Girls Reading.

From the producers:

As some of you might have heard, June marks the closing of a well known and important epicenter of Seattle's nude activity: The Lusty Lady peepshow. Over the years, The Lusty has been made famous through books such as Erika Langley’s The Lusty Lady and documentaries such as Julia Query’s Live Nude Girls Unite, which documented the San Francisco Lusty’s struggle to become one of the first unionized strip clubs in the US.
Just one day after the close of the Seattle landmark, Naked Girls Reading will pay homage to the Lusty Lady by featuring a cast of self identified sex workers reading their favorite selections on the topic of evolution. As we continue to struggle with economic hardship, how do we evolve as people? How do we evolve when we lose our jobs? How has the sex industry evolved over the years? Change is the only constant and we will be talking about moving up and moving on. Joining us will be regular reader and co-producer Jesse Belle Jones, special guests Jo "Boobs" Weldon, Mistress Matisse, Tamara the Trapeze Lady, Paige and our wonderful hostess, Elsa Von Schmaltz!

As always, our event is held in West Hall, on the second floor of the Oddfellows Building, 915 East Pine Street.

To purchase tickets in advance, please go to
http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/91418

Purchase a general admission seat for the price of $15 advance/$18 at the door, or a seat at one of the front tables for $20 advance/$23 at the door. Tables seat up to 4 people.

Doors open at 6:30, show runs 7-9pm.

Also, we continue to support the Seattle Public Library and
ask that you join us by bringing books or monetary donations.

Yes, that's right. Six gorgeous women - including me - naked, on a stage, reading out loud to you. What else could you possibly ask for? Get tickets before they sell out!

TwistedMonk and I recorded what I am calling a "Quick and Dirty" podcast last week. We didn't have access to our usual sound-studio, so this is lower quality than we prefer, but it's better than nothing, right?
In this edition, we answer a reader's fashion question, and discuss using one's kinky attitude to get the attention of dismissive salespeople. About ten minutes.

From The Image Vaults
Another one from the self-portrait file: Nude With Bars, circa 2001. I was experimenting with single-light set-ups, white paper rolls, and odd bits of junk I found at Re-Store. One of the better results.




















.

After a slight delay: My new Stranger column, in which I discuss the difficulty with dating normal people.

Quick And Dirty Podcasts

Monk and I have been so busy the last month, we have had no time to get down to the studio where we usually record our podcasts. So while it offends Monk’s production-quality sensibilities, I persuaded him to record what I will call some “Quick and Dirty” audio files, on a little consumer-grade digital voice recorder I have. I personally think the sound quality is perfectly fine for what it is, and it means that we can read some of the letters that are stacking up.

In this podcast: a kinky college student asks about how to handle kink-negative parents. (About ten minutes.)

Photo Archives
I was looking through my photo files the other day and found a bunch of images I took of myself some years ago. I'd forgotten that one of them was used on a book cover. This is the original, taken in 2001.























And this is the book: Many Kisses: Stories of Dominant Love. I suspect I'm not being perceived as "the dominant" in this image, but I don't care. It's just nice to know it's out there.

An announcement for some cool people I know… Please re-post this anywhere you like, I’m trying to help get the word out!

Starting in June, there will be a support group for partners of trans, genderqueer and gender-variant-identified people at Seattle Counseling Services. It’s scheduled for Wednesdays from 6-7:30pm. For more information, call Kristen or Gina at 206.323.1768.

If you don’t know about Seattle Counseling Services, you can read about it here. Seattle Counseling Service is a unique resource for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) communities….(more.)

Seattle Counseling Services is a good organization - I used to answer the crisis hotline for them, back when they had one. The training to do that volunteer gig was lengthy, and it was a big time commitment, but it was really interesting. It was also one of the things that taught me: I am a kind person, and I can give advice if it’s asked for, but I am really not cut out to be a therapist.

I think it’s a patience thing. A good therapist does not just tell you what to do, they help you figure it out and tell yourself, if that makes sense. Although once you’ve gotten there, they may say, “Yes, yes, that's it! Now go do that!”

But they do have to be patient with what is sometimes a reeeeeally slow process with people. Patience is not my strong suit. I myself tend to move through things, emotionally, at a pretty brisk pace – especially if it’s not a very pleasant emotional experience. People who pause and ponder those experiences at length can make me want to snap, “Oh, come on, quit maundering on about this.”

Obviously there are serious tragic things that require time to mourn and heal from. I don’t mean those sorts of things. I mean the sorts of things that a stiff drink and a shopping trip and some laughter with friends will greatly dispel, if one simply gets off one’s butt and does them, instead of just rolling around with the back of one’s hand pressed to one’s brow, wallowing in angst.

Ah-hem. Not that I have a big opinion about it or anything. But, anyway, you can see where that point of view would not be viewed favorably in a therapist. So it’s a good thing I can, in fact, just tell people what to do. I’m much better suited to that.

I'm still getting caught up with Real Life. So, a look back at some of Mistress Matisse's Greatest Blog Hits.

From the last few years:
Nazi Play
S/he's A Lady
The Bank Job
Bad Approach
The Bra-Fitter
D/s And Relationships
Must One Bottom Before Topping?
My Wedding Photos
Getting Your Partner Into Kink
Getting Started In Life As A Kinkster
And, my favorite: What Not To Say - The "Puffy" Man.

And, from the dusty vaults: Older Greatest Hits (Hint: Lots of Silly Phone Calls in this list.)

Fresh material soon!

A new column in The Stranger, which poses (and, to some degree, answers) the question: so what are all the freshly unemployed strippers in Seattle going to do for a living now?

My sincere thanks to all the ladies who responded to my plea and spent some of their very valuable time telling me about their future plans. I only wish that I had enough space to put all of your answers in the column. It was wonderful to hear from you, and I wish all you the best of luck in your fresh new endeavors.

Letters To The Mistress


(Edited for length, and for identifying details)

Hello Mistress Matisse,

I recently attempted to make a foray into the sex work industry and f-ed it up royally.

A little background: I come from a very conservative family. I went to Catholic schools my whole life, graduated from the U of Deleted (where my father works), and then moved to X City for work. Currently, I'm 26, working a regular full-time job, working on my master's degree part-time, and I just got hit with an expense (school-related) and need some cash. So I contacted a local dungeon about working as a pro-sub. I e-mailed them some photos (you can see my face in two of them, which becomes important later), my bio text, and they put me up on the site. A couple of days later, I received the following e-mail (in my alumni email account, which means that whoever sent the message has access to the alumni directory, and therefore is faculty, staff, student, or alum.)

Hello
Aren't you Bill's daughter? I recognized at the website. You have really grown up, I have not seen you in many years. Will give you a call when I'm in X City.
Mr. Brown

Creepy, right? I have no idea who “Mr. Brown” is. So I contacted the Mistress to fill her in and asked if I could please submit headless photos and change my pro name (which was close to my real name). She gave the OK, and the site was altered. Then I wrote Mr. Brown back and simply said:

Hello,
I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't recognize your name. With whom am I speaking?

A few days went by with no response, so I calmed down a bit. And then I received this earlier today:

Hello Jane (or is it Mistress Jane now?)
So it is you. I am an old friend of your parents. Of course this is not my name but you will recognize my face. I will let your parents know they have a good girl :)
See you soon.
Mr. Brown

Creepier and creepier. I had chalked the initial message up to dirty old man-nes, but this makes me uncomfortable, and I now worry that he might try to blackmail me. I suppose that if he does, I'll just have to come clean to my parents (which would pretty much be the end of the world, and I’d *definitely* prefer to avoid that).

Do you by any chance have any suggestions on dealing with this guy? I have no idea if he has screen shots of the original images on the site or not. (But I suppose he could lie about that, anyway.) And even if I meet him, I'm afforded no safety, because he could still send my parents information anonymously, and it would be my word against his. Gah. What kills me is that I haven’t even started yet -- this is my first day 'on-call.' Jesus.

***

Something about this letter sets off my bullshit detector. I have no idea why people make up odd situations and send me letters asking for advice about them. But they do, and there's something about this letter that seems phony to me.

It's too urban-legendy, for one thing. Too classic-cautionary-tale. "See here, Nice Catholic Girls, if you so much as put one little toe into the waters of sex work, your parents will find out instantly and it will be the End Of The World!"

But let's allow for the possibility that the writer of this letter is on the level. Some jerk-off is messing with her head. But blackmail? No. How exactly would such a person tell her family anything without revealing himself? "Hi Bill, long time no see! Listen, somehow I just happened to be on this pro domme site recently - I have no idea how I got there, really - and I saw pictures of your daughter, and ect..." Yeah, right. That's gonna fly real well.

Hell, if he's employed by the university, and using that email system to make sexual overtures towards women, she could probably blackmail him. Not that I endorse such a thing, because I think that's reprehensible. But most men who've gotten anywhere in life have something to lose in a game like this, and they know it. They do not want to start outing or blackmailing people, not at all. They are more likely to run in the other direction from a woman who'd be able to identify them.

Thus, I doubt this guy is who he says he is, and I doubt that he's going to do anything. In this age of Facebook, it would not be hard to come up with someone's hometown, parent's names, ect, and use it to jerk some girl's chain. If she just started sex work, I doubt she has all that info locked down. Someone with way too much time on his hands pulled some stray bit of data from the domme site - or else he knows someone who works there, who let it slip in conversation. He cross-referenced it with social networking sites, and bingo, instant harassment material.

That would be extremely unusual, but it is possible. I think the more likely answer is that this scenario is either partly or wholly fabricated. In my personal experience, I know of exactly one woman who was outed to her family by a stranger/would-be client. It's very rare. When people get outed, it's usually by another family member, or an aggrieved ex. In fact, if this story is completely factual, then it's probably some ex-boyfriend of the writer doing a bit of cyberstalking.

But the chances of someone being identified by a mysterious old family friend, who taunts and threatens them with exposure, within mere days of posting a photo on a relatively obscure site? (As in: not like Craigslist or some such place.) Them's some real long odds, in my vast experience. It just smells wrong to me.

Also: there are not that many pro domme houses around, and a lot of people who want jobs at them. A lot. That this person says she got taken on by one sight-unseen, with no personal connections, is fishy. So there's something hinky about this part of the story, too.

Perhaps I'm being too skeptical. So if the writer of this letter is real, here's my advice. Do nothing and say nothing. Don't respond to any further communication from this person, ever, no matter what he says. If your parents say anything, act astonished, cry, and deny everything. Say this weirdo has been pestering you with his sick sexual fantasies, and that you've been too frightened to say anything. Those pictures? Those are Photoshopped. They aren't of you. Deny it and keep on denying it, steadfastly. He has nothing tangible, after all, and your parents would much rather believe you than him.

And then read The Gift Of Fear.

All the other women reading this: this situation, if true, is the sex work equivalent of getting hit by debris from space that's re-entered the Earth's atmosphere. There are good reasons for some people not to do sex work, but this story isn't one of them.