It was sunny and seventy-something degrees on Tybee Island today. I could have gone swimming in the ocean.
Maybe I should come down for Christmas more often.

Spent a lovely day in Atlanta, and today I hop a plane over to Savannah to see my father. He actually lives on an island off the coast of Georgia, Tybee Island. Tybee is an interesting place in a time-capsule kind of way. Twenty years ago when my father bought his house there, it was a funky little beach town with a very sort of late-sixties look and feel to it. It was certainly not a moneyed place, not like Hiltonhead or Sea Island, and while it's slowly getting gentrified, it’s still pretty working-class. But he likes it, and the beach is gorgeous. I miss southeastern beaches.

Okay, last picture from the Malixe shoot, until I get back to Seattle and process some more…I think the three of these make a nice triptych.

I'm safely in Georgia. (That is, if one can ever be said to really be safe in Dixie when you're as big a flaming pervert as I am.) It was an uneventful flight - so I didn't leave bruises on Max's arm from squeezing it. At least not any serious ones. I'm a rather nervous flyer. But as long as I have half a Xanax and someone's arm to clutch, I get through it okay.

Here's a new column...

Here's a new picture... I don't recall when I was threatening to do to her in this one, but I love the expression on Jae's face. The body language says, "Yikes!" but the smile says, "Come get me!"

Enjoy...

Okay, we got power back at 3:30 Tuesday afternoon. And after running around like a madwoman for the rest of the day and evening, I think I actually got my life caught up again after five days of it being in suspended animation. My clothes for Atlanta are sitting out on the bed, ready to be packed, the house is warming up nicely, the dirty laundry is done, the stinky refrigerator is cleaned out, the bills are paid, my column is written, and my cat is sleeping blissfully on top of the heat vent.

So, back to our regularly-scheduled kink. Remember that shoot with Malixe? That seems like about a million years ago. But I have some more pictures.

Malixe does good posed portraits, but I have to say, I think his greatest strength is how he captures the more candid shots, with more than one person. He caught some of Jae and I that I love. Here’s the first one, I’ll post another one Thursday and another Friday… They’re all sweet alone, but I like them as a series best. Jae’s creamy Celtic skin is so pretty in this one. (Large image, not at all work-safe.)

Meanwhile, I’m off to Georgia. I plan to revel in soul food and barbeque when I'm in Atlanta with my mother, and in fresh warm-water seafood when I’m out on the coast with my dad. The slightly warmer weather and the fatty, really-bad-for-you food are the best things about going down to Georgia. That, and the shoe outlets, of which there are many in Atlanta. Many, many. No Wolford outlet, more’s the pity. (Although I know someone who’s going to the one in Vegas this weekend, the lucky duck.)

Bye!

One Down, One To Go

Some progress has been made: I am told that power is on at my dungeon, but as of 6pm Monday, it was still dark and cold at the house where Max and I live.

Anything could have happened since then, though. That's the only bad thing about not having electric answering machines anymore. For all we know, the lights came on ten minutes after Max left. Since my cat doesn't have opposable thumbs, she doesn't answer the phone, and thus cannot give us any updates.

But I'll be swinging by there early on my way to the dungeon, hoping for the best. Max and I would love to be able in pack for the trip to Atlanta without our fingers turning blue, and sleeping in our own bed for one night before we're in my mother's guest room for a week would be nice too.

I'm sure you're tired of hearing me fuss about the no-electricity situation, but hey, I hate being powerless! When I get back to my normal kinky mindset, I do have more pictures to show you. But at the moment, they're marooned on my dark and silent desktop and thus, you must bide your time while Max and I unwillingly compete in the "Last People To Have Their Power Restored In Seattle!" contest.

Now I must write a Stranger column. It's hard to write something witty and entertaining when one's own sights are set at a much lower point on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Perhaps I'll pull some letters from the email file to inspire me...

Sunday 11pm: Still without power at both houses. I am extremely cranky. Did I say extremely? I meant extremely. I'm right in the middle of what one might laughingly call Seattle's urban core, and I might as well be right back in the boondocks of Florida. Grr.
I'm hoping Seattle City Light gets itself together to get my power back on Monday. (Of course, I've been hoping that every day for three days now.) If you have time booked with me before I go to Atlanta, call me and touch base. My internet acess is spotty, but the phone is on.
And anyone who's ever wanted to do a scene with me where I pretend to be furiously angry and proceed to beat you within an inch of your life while viciously scolding and berating you, well, you just get yourself a Seattle City Light uniform and call me. I'll make you such a deal.

(Edited to add: Yes, yes, yes, I know it's not City Light's fault the power went out. I know they're trying to fix it. But I have to vent somehow, and I think beating a man in a hard hat and a tool-belt would be a charming way of doing that. Or maybe I should get someone to pretend they're a City Light executive. That would be fun.)

Okay, kids, here's the post-storm report from Matisse and Max. We're still without power - it went out at 2am Thursday. It's out at both my dungeon and our house, which is a bummer.

Friday morning I went to my gym to shower, and re-arranged my session for the day as an outcall, thinking power would surely be back on in one of the houses by nightfall.

Wrong. And of course every hotel in town was booked to the rafters, so we spent a cold Friday night sleeping on a mattress we dragged up close to the pretty but not-very-efficient gas fireplace, with my cat huddled up with us.

Tonight, though, rescue came in the form of Matt, who loaned us his beautiful and extremely comfortable studio to stay in. We had numerous offers from dear and kind friends to put us up, but frankly people, when I'm this cranky, I am no fit houseguest for anyone. And I am cranky.

But I'll live. There's a line I use when I'm pissy about something and trying to get over myself: "Oh, I hope it's the worst thing that ever happens to me." If this is the worst thing that ever happens to me, I'll be all right.

Thank you again to all the super-fabulous people who offered help of all kinds to us. Your thoughfulness is much appreciated. Everyone else, keep your fingers crossed that we get power back soon.

This week's column: wacky phone calls.

Also, there's just one more day to bid on the Strangercrombie auction package that wins you a session with me, some of Monk's rope, and various other kinky goodies. It's for charity, people, so feed the hungry and get your kink on.

Bye!

I seriously lack the time to write today. So – here’s a few more pictures! I got a spiffy new camera for an (early) Christmas gift, whee! I took some shots around the dungeon to test it out.

My trusty bondage chair, custom-made for me by Mr. Wood, my favorite carpenter. I have spent many happy hours standing in front of this piece of furniture.

A bin full of nasty spanky things. And some spreader bars.

One of my toy cabinets. I know exactly where everything is in there.

One corner of my dressing room. Once, a rather silly man asked me, in reverent tones, if he could see “my shoe closet”. He was imagining neat rows upon rows of carefully arranged fetish footwear. Whereas I was thinking, “You put shoes in a closet? Huh. Who knew?”

When I took the picture of my dressing room, I thought: someone is going to ask "Uh, Matisse, what’s that weird thing on the dresser?" The short answer is: Nerdy’s favorite toy. Really! Would I lie? She loves it. She just pretends to think it’s an abhorrent Teutonic crime against nature. Clicky here to see it up close and personal!

(Edit: I'm kidding - Nerdy has never used that toy, Roman and I just tease her about it for no reason - other than the fact that we're mean.)

I got a CD of pix from Malixe yesterday, yay! I need to go through them and pick out my faves. But for now, here’s a semi-candid shot of Jae and I horsing around.
Possible caption: “Why the hell didn’t I bring my strap-on?”

Edited: Clicky-click for the bigger version, so we don't mess with people's display...

Yesterday, as the final event of a jam-packed week, I did a photo shoot with my friend Malixe. I should get the raw images from him today or maybe tomorrow, so I hope to have some fun pictures to show you soon. Malixe isn’t a full-time professional shooter, but he does very good work and because he’s a pal, I’m very relaxed working with him, which is nice. It’s a pretty laid back situation compared to my other shoots – I do my own make-up, and I don’t do anything special to my hair, which means that while the results aren’t as polished and glam as, say, a Tommy Edwards shoot, in some ways they look more like my everyday self.

We had been doing some shots that centered around my feet and stockings, since I’ve had a lot of requests for those lately. I had just changed into my black mesh catsuit when Jae showed up to keep me company and participate in the shoot.

She also showed me some of her fun new make-up finds. As with music, I am not uber-hip when it comes to cosmetics, and I need people to tell me what to buy. Even when they do, I’m not all that skilled with it, so I tend not to bother. Some things I do wear all the time, like mascara and eyeliner. I understand how to do those, and they work. Eye shadow, on the other hand? I often get suckered into buying it, because the colors are pretty and those cunning little containers make it look like candy. But I wind up taking my index finger and rubbing a little of one color on my eyelid and that’s about it. And in an hour or so, it’s gone. Powder blush is the same deal, and I have never gotten the hang of cream blush, it always looks like clown paint on me. I cannot wear liquid/cream base because I always look like I’m wearing a mask, so I just wear pressed powder.

I love lipstick, both because it’s pretty and because I feel so girly putting it on, but most of the time, it only stays on a short time before it, too, mysteriously vanishes. Maybe I’m kissing too many people. But I think there’s just a tom-boy streak in me that’s subtly fighting the makeup. I keep thinking perhaps I should take lessons or something, but then I don’t bother.

Plus, I don’t really want to, because something in me doesn’t trust make-up. I mean, it lets you down, doesn’t it? It smudges, it fades, it smears. It’s inherently untrustworthy. I’d rather spend my money on various facial treatments, so I look okay without much make-up. But Jae informed me that I need to stop being such a make-up Luddite and gave me a Sephora list.

So I went over to the Sephora website. And good lord, there’s a lot of stuff there. I mean, yes, obviously there is. But I’ve never really looked at it all before. I’ve been in the store, of course - but you know what Sephora is like. After about five minutes, I’m all overstimulated with the hundreds of thousands of brightly!colored!shiny! things to look at, and I just have to leave. It’s like an ADD attack or something. I can hardly even focus my eyes, let alone make crucial decisions about Urban Decay vs. Stila.

But online you can look at one thing at a time and I like that much better. So now I have a Sephora list to work on. I'm not sure whether to thank Jae or smack her. Perhaps I'll do both. She'd like that.

Books on the Nightstand

The Ghost Map, by Steven Johnson.

"On August 28, 1854, working-class Londoner Sarah Lewis tossed a bucket of soiled water into the cesspool of her squalid apartment building and triggered the deadliest outbreak of cholera in the city's history….Johnson builds the story around physician John Snow, (pioneering developer of surgical anesthesia) who posited the then radical theory that cholera was spread through contaminated water rather than through miasma, or smells in the air. Against considerable resistance from the medical and bureaucratic establishment, Snow persisted and, with hard work and groundbreaking research, helped to bring about a fundamental change in our understanding of disease and its spread.”

Max bought me this for my birthday and it’s great. Yes, I'm the kind of girl who gets excited about the history of cholera. Kinky, I know.

Sex with the Queen: 900 Years of Vile Kings, Virile Lovers, and Passionate Politics,
by Eleanor Herman.

“In this follow-up to her bestselling Sex with Kings, Eleanor Herman reveals the truth about what goes on behind the closed door of a queen's boudoir. Impeccably researched, filled with page-turning romance, passion, and scandal, Sex with the Queen explores the scintillating sexual lives of some of our most beloved and infamous female rulers."

The history of royal sex lives sounds juicier to you? It is. And now I know that Catherine The Great did not die while having sex with a horse. (She was apparently on the toilet, which you may or may not think is more dignified.) Anyway, it's fun to read.

Blowing My Cover: My Life as a CIA Spy, by Lindsay Moran.

"When Harvard grad Moran entered CIA training in her late 20s, her expectations had more to do with Harriet the Spy and James Bond than with drudge work or service; the reality, as she represents it in this memoir of her training and case work, was a sexist environment filled with career-oriented, shallow people….Though Moran is a likable spy, the wait for significant insights or breakthroughs goes mostly unrewarded for writer and reader alike.”

I don't recommend this - I was rather underwhelmed. The beginning is sort of interesting, as she describes the training, but it loses juice quickly and just sort trails off.


Books I want but haven't got yet...

The Family That Couldn't Sleep: A Medical Mystery, by D.T. Max
Being a chronic insomniac myself (Thank god for Ambien) I’m quite interested to read this. (Although no, I don't think I have prion disease.)

“In 1765, Venetian doctors were stumped by the death of a man who had suffered from insomnia for more than a year and spent his final months paralyzed by exhaustion. Over the next two centuries, many of his descendants would develop similarly fatal symptoms. Finally, in the early 1990s, their disease was recognized as a rare genetic form of prion disease... Looking at prion disease in general, Max doubles back to the English mad-cow epidemic of the 1990s, retracing established backstories among New Guinea aboriginals and European sheep herds. There's enough fascinating material—in particular, a theory suggesting that early humans were nearly wiped out by a plague spread by cannibalism—to keep readers engaged, but they're likely to want still more about the genuinely captivating family drama.”

The Secret Life of Houdini: The Making of America's First Superhero, by William Kalush, Larry Sloman.

“Kalush and Sloman appear to have raked through every known Houdini archive to produce the most comprehensive and controversial biography ever written about the man, with its contention that he was a spy who may have been murdered by a cult."

I can’t wait to get this one! Houdini was such a fascinating person, and I'm very interested in stuff about 18th and 19th century spiritualism.

The new column and calendar...

My eBay auctions continue, but now you can actually bid on time with me in person, in The Strangercrombie Gift Auction. It's for charity, baby, so buy me!

Bye!

A few thoughts from the weekend…

I went to see “Casino Royale”. My response: “What, James Bond thinks that is torture? The guy’s just barely tapping his balls with that piece of rope. They aren’t even tied up, there’s no weights on them, nothing. Man, 007 is a candy-ass compared to a lot of my guys, they’d just laugh if I did that to them.”

Monk: “Well, he actually did start laughing, but to me it looked like he was getting a little endorphin buzz.” Pause. “I liked the shot of the girl all tied up on the road. They should have showed more of that.”

But, other than that, it was a good Bond movie. Everyone pooh-poohed Daniel Craig when he got tapped for the role, but I thought he had a charmingly brutal energy that’s more reminiscent of Sean Connery than anyone else who’s had the job since. You can actually see him being a guy who kills people for a living.

I myself think I should get a job as sexy-torture consultant for movies. Or maybe I should work for the government training government agents to resist interrogation and CBT through a careful hardening process. Whoops, did I say hardening?

The Partial Suspension class yesterday rocked, thanks to all of you who attended that. And speaking of cocks in bondage, next month Max is doing a class that covers bondage for the head and hair, and also bondage for the genitals. Guess who's helping teach the genitals part? That would ME. Guess who's going to be graciously providing me with a stunt cock to demo said genital bondage on? I'll give you a hint: it ain't Max.

There will be female genital bondage demos also, and while I haven't actually asked her yet, I'm going to take a chance and say that I have a stunt model for that part too. She's never let me down so far...

In other news: Monk comes home from DC today, and I will be very happy to see him. My eBay auctions continue - I added some new items. And I’m writing up a weird phone call for the column next week. That’s the shape of my world today…

Hey, bargain-minded ladies! I’ve gotten a lot of new clothes lately – and that means I have to get rid of some older stuff. So, eBay, here it comes, and yes, I'm going to use my blogger fame to sell this stuff.

I’ve got about thirty items altogether, but I’m going to stagger the listings so I don’t wind up trying to box and ship all that stuff out at once. First round: coats and jackets. In a few days, I’ll list the pants, and after that, the dresses and tops.

So eBay is fine, but I wish I had a close girlfriend who was my size so could swap clothes. Miss K is six feet tall and the complete opposite of me in body-shape: very hour-glassy, with big boobs, this little tiny waist, and full feminine hips. She looks like she’s wearing a corset even when she’s not. (Bitch.) She has this long, thick, black, naturally curly hair, too. I often kid her that if we told a random person that one of us was a dominatrix, guess which one, they’d point to her every single time. She so looks the part.

Jae is shorter and slightly curvier than me, has totally different coloring, and a somewhat different fashion esthetic overall. We like the same kinds of boots - but she wears a size three. So that’s not much good.

I’ve given some stuff to Puck, but she’s taller than me, with a longer torso, and so a lot of it won’t fit her, either. What is a girl to do?

So, if you’re in a shopping mood, go check it out.

It better not snow today. Not very much, anyway. Or at least not where I am. I have been very patient about this weather for the last three days, but I have things to do and people to spank today!

While I watch the sky, read the new column...

Letters from readers…

Hi...I was wondering if you have any ideas or know of any websites on how role playing of this nature can be adapted to character playing in MMORPG games? I ask cause I play World of Warcraft and me and another person I play with have started a background game of sorts, she plays the dominant personality that demands to be respected and addressed as Mistress and I play the submissive role; But my limited experience in this makes it get repetitive way too quickly because I simply don’t know the types of things to say to advance it beyond basic stuff like "Yes, Mistress, as you command Mistress" & "How may I please you Mistress". I don’t know how familiar you are with MMO's if at all, but the basic thing we are looking for is mostly to adapt our regular communications needed to complete game objectives to this style of role playing and occasionally just do some text chat role playing of this nature. Also, not sure if it would make a difference but She is in real life female and I am male but in the game both our characters are female (I know, typical guy makes a female toon...what can I say, it's fun and unlike many guys I actually get into the roleplaying part and play as if I were female to the best of my ability) Any ideas you can share or websites you can point me too would be much appreciated.

Okay, I just ran out of geek credibility, because I actually do not play these games, and I have only a very vague idea of what this reader is even talking about. Anyone want to offer this guy suggestions? Because I got nothing.

***

I am 19 yr old girl looking to get into BDSM, I want to be a sub. I was wondering if you could either direct me to a website or had any advice about staying safe? I have concerns about (unasked for) violence or other problems.

I have read your blog a few times, and I love it and the Stranger.

Thanks for your time

Young lady, I’d like to help you, but I’m afraid this letter falls into the “intellectual laziness” category. Sure, I have advice for you about staying safe: don’t play with strangers. But I bet you could have figured that out for yourself. If you want more specific information, tell me what you’ve already done to educate yourself. Have you Googled “BDSM safety”? I bet not.

If you want more information from me, work harder at framing a specific question that’s easy for me to answer in three minutes or less, because that’s about all the time I can devote to each of the many individuals who want me to be their pro bono kink advisor.

***

My name is *** and I enjoy your column very much. Have only been reading for the last year, but I've gained a lot of insight, so thank you. :) Though I've no interest in the lifestyle, I do have a heavy interest in bondage and links for Japanese bondage have helped me immensely so thank you.

On the topic of BDSM, I'm trying to understand the lifestyle and the people who choose it without judgment or preconceived bullshit ideas. I think I've grasped the fundamentals, I hope, but I do have a serious problem with Doms who call their Submissives degrading names, such as, "Look at me when I'm talking to you, you stupid bitch!" or assaulting their Sub, i.e., punching/slapping the face, body.

I have not seen this in action, I've only "heard" about it and of course, seen the requisite silly examples from TV and film. The questions I have are these: Is this a condoned behavior from the Dom? If so, is this a behavior the Dom has either picked up or been told by the Submissive that it's what they want to hear/receive? And why would a Submissive tolerate this sort of abuse? Am I not nearly so enlightened as I think I am? ::cringes:: If this name-calling/hitting behavior isn't condoned, or something the Sub wants, could it be something only a wannabe or control freak thinks they should say?

First, a style note - it's not really customary to capitalize the word "submissive". It's not strictly necessary to capitalize the word dom, domme, or dominant, either, although some people do. (Also, the word "sub" is, in my opinion, a blot upon the face of the kink world, unless one is referring to an underwater boat or a sandwich. But I acknowledge that I'm in the minority here.)

Now, to the meat of your letter. There’s a saying in BDSM: Your Kink Is Okay, My Kink Is Okay. What I’m hearing is that you don’t want to get slapped, punched or verbally humiliated at this time. (Please refer to item number 11 here to learn why you shouldn’t say you never ever would, though.) But many other people actually like those things. Porn and popular media are the worst possible way to learn about what real BDSM looks like, so you shouldn't take them at face value. But as a player, I can tell you, yeah, I’ve slapped people’s faces, I’ve punched people’s bodies, I’ve said and done extremely mean and humiliating things to people. It was negotiated and consented to, and we both got off on it. That's why we did it.

So, no, you're not quite as enlightened as you think you are. But to give you credit: I think you’ve let go of judgment about the activities you like in BDSM. That’s a legitimate thing - lots of people never stop hating themselves for their desires.

Now, the next step is to let go of judgments about stuff that doesn’t turn you on. And you've definitely got some judgement going on, with words like "assault" and "abuse". It is harder to unlearn judgemental attitudes when there's no compelling reason to do so, like getting off. I’m not going to lie and say I myself have never turned up my nose at a scene that I wouldn't choose to participate in. But part of being a compassionate and mature member of the community is learning some acceptance of others. I don't like oysters, so I don't eat them. But it's fine that other people enjoy them. Right now, somewhere, someone is saying, “Ew, that Japanese bondage stuff is icky, why would anyone want to do that?” But you know that regardless of what it looks like to them, to you, it's a good thing. Try to remember that when you see someone doing a scene that wouldn’t trip your trigger.

Weekend Activities

I should really be writing a column. But here are some highlights from my weekend.

Friday night I had pizza at Bill’s Off Broadway with Roman, and we discussed the odd coincidence that two of our three favorite pizza places (Stellars, Bill's and Madam K's) are staffed entirely by heavily tattooed young punks, with safety-pinned clothes and hair that's either flat black or primary colors, and who, as a condition of their hiring, seem required to be disaffected and somewhat surly. (Although in a general rather than an I-hate-you-in-particular kind of way.) I myself am always struck by the fact that punk fashion has remained so remarkably unchanged since I moved to Seattle in 1992. I mean, young punks now dress, do their hair, and in general look exactly like young punks did then. It’s almost spooky, like a wrinkle in time or something. Or maybe they're vampires. (Wouldn't that piss off the goths, to find out it's really the punks who are the undead.)

Saturday Max took me shopping for a birthday gift. We went and looked at red leather jackets, but none of them were quite perfect. So he bought me a new black leather jacket, which I needed, and a short, racer-style white leather jacket, which I definitely did not need, but we both thought I looked awfully cute in it, so he got it for me. Yay Max.

I also bought these shoes, which are completely ridiculous and not at all like me. I don’t like frouffy, busy stuff. I like clean, minimalist lines and styles. But…But…They were just so cute, I couldn’t help myself.

Then we went to a party at a pal’s house, where we chatted and hung out with friends, and Max did very mean things with a single-tail to a very cute girl. I didn’t do a scene exactly, but Jae was there and she goaded me a bit, so I had to pin her down on the kitchen floor and smack her around for a little while – much to the amusement of the people standing around us.

Sunday we spent quietly at home, although Max had kindly allowed a certain young lady to borrow our dungeon for the afternoon, as she had a scene planned with a curious-about-bottoming female friend. So occasionally a muffled yelp would float up the stairs to our ears. Charming.

Client update: Looking at my calendar, I’ve still got some time available this week…but that probably won’t last long, so carpe diem. Guys I’ve met before can email me for an appointment, new people must call me on the phone…

General information: if it snows, and it accumulates at all, and you have an appointment with me that day, you should check in with me a couple of hours before your appointment time. This southern girl does not drive in snow, so if it’s bad, we’ll have to reschedule.

I'm thinking I'm going to get some blowback on this one: the new column.