Monday, September 17, 2007

From The Inbox

Hi Mistress,

I enjoyed your article Love My Feet from 2003. I just found it. I'm not a submissive. Well, maybe I am in some ways. I like to take a woman's foot and kiss it, suck on it. My enjoyment comes from her enjoyment. Same reason I love to give oral.

I wonder if, in your time in BDSM circles, you've come to know many women who love to have their feet pampered so much that they're willing to have casual meetings with a guy for that purpose only. I'm not talking about women who charge a fee to let a guy do whatever he wants to fulfill his fetish. I'm talking about a mutual interest. She loves having her feet kissed, he loves to do it. No strings attached. Any friends like that?

Ah, the no-strings-attached guys. I get a lot of emails from men asking me how they can find women to fulfill their fetishy desires with no-strings-attached. They all seem sure I know lots of women who want NSA erotic contact but aren’t getting it. Which is absurd, because if I knew a woman who wanted no-strings sex from men, I simply tell her how very quickly and easily she could achieve that goal.

And these NSA letter-writers all seem so earnest and so sure that if women really understood that they just wanted to give them pleasure, the ladies would right be there, letting their feet - or whatever - be kissed.

How appropriate that the NSA phrase always reminds me of the song from Disney's Pinocchio, “There Are No Strings On Me,” because gentlemen, you’re telling yourself a fairy tale. Trust me - I am a woman, and I have had sex with a lot of women, so I know what I’m talking about. Once you rule out sex workers, what you are seeking does not exist.

Let me try to explain some thing about the habits of my sex. (Note that unless I specifically say I, I’m not talking about my own personal sexuality, because I am a sexually unusual person. I am speaking of women in general.)

It’s not that women never ever have erotic contact with someone who they don’t want a capitol-R relationship with. That happens sometimes. But my observation of women and casual erotic contact is that is doesn’t happen in a vacuum. I myself have met people and thought, damn, I’d tap that. Like, right now. Not often, but it’s happened. But note the order of events: first I met them, then I decided that nakedness needed to happen. But if some friend of mine had called me up and said, “hey, Matisse, I got this guy here that wants to do X erotic activity with any willing female, you interested?” The answer would be “Hell, no.” Because for me and for many women, sexual desire is reaction-based. Maybe it’s smell, a pheromone thing. Although women have been seduced via letter since people started writing them, so it can’t be just that. Whatever makes attraction happen, it has to happen first. Asking to be granted erotic access to a woman’s body before she has decided she’s attracted to you is hopeless.

Another aspect of the problem: most women are sort of used to the fact that many men have a near-constant level of free-floating lust that can and will attach itself to the nearest desirable entity. But a lot of women think that’s a negative trait. Women who might enjoy having their feet kissed would be turned off by the idea that you’d do it for just anyone. My feet aren’t special? Get away from me, you creep.

The letter continues….

Other things I like to do are giving neck, back, full body massage, licking pussy for as long as she can stand it, or serving as her seat or foot rest while she goes about her business (computer, phone, watching movies, eating dinner). I also like being walked on....back....chest.....I find it not only feels great, but is erotic for me. Very sexy to be under a woman's weight via her feet or ass. I love it when a woman gets comfy and I have to keep a personal vow to myself that I won't complain or ask to be let up until she's wants to get up. I find it kind of exciting to not know if she will set out to teach me a lesson by staying on me longer than I could possibly enjoy it. Because the thing I would find most humiliating and which would take away from the experience would be to try to get up before she was ready to let me up, and I would try with everything to avoid that. I'm hers.

But once again, I do like orally worshipping a woman's feet so much, that even if I did it and then all she wanted was for me to leave "thanks for sucking my toes....take it easy" ....that would be good enough. Yes, I find it erotic and usually get aroused while kissing a girls feet, or even rubbing them, but I've never had a problem taking care of my needs via masturbation so it doesn't bother me a bit to get hard and not take care of it then and there. But the experiences that I described above....those I cherish.

Um, first of all, let’s go back and touch on that I’m-not-a-submissive thing this writer trotted out earlier. I don’t know what the rest of his sexual desires look like, but this, my friends, is a very submissive fantasy. Very. I do stuff like this all the time in my scenes.

But what’s up with this business of sneaking cunnilingus in there with massage and foot-rest duty? Those things are definitely not in the same category. See, this is why many women would say no to allowing a strange man even limited erotic access to their bodies – give them a foot, they’ll take a pussy.

Read as a whole, this letter is a pretty clear example of the Panty-Washer type of guy – someone who at first tries to convince you that his fetish is all about your pleasure. But upon closer examination, it’s all about his fetish. That doesn’t surprise me. I know when I hear someone say “I want to do whatever pleases you, Mistress”, I always mentally add, “…as long as it’s something I find erotic.” Frankly, I have more respect for people who acknowledge that openly. Of course you want to do things you think are hot, that’s normal. The trick is finding mutually erotic activities. But don’t play manipulative games and pretend that you're just doing something for her.

The only really puzzling thing here is his insistence on NSA. If he found someone who matched up with his kinks, why not have a relationship with her? Believe me, the world is not so full of women who’d be into this fetish that he could afford to love their feet and then leave them. But perhaps he, like so many other men, is imagining some vast number of sexually unfulfilled women that he could minister unto.

This signature line is the real kicker.

(name deleted), living in Portugal for 3 years

Not only am I supposed to act as an NSA dating service for him, I’m supposed to do so from a distant foreign country. Sorry, Pinocchio, you’ll have to ask the Blue Fairy.

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