Monday, June 04, 2007


From The Mailbag

Dear Mistress,
Where do you go for outdoor sex in Seattle these days? My girlfriend and I are 18 and 17 and still living with our parents, incredibly horny and very frustrated. Parks are often cold or uncomfortable, and sex feels awkward and rushed when you're expecting to get walked in on at any moment. Any advice?
Sincerely, Blue Balls

Well, BB, I myself don’t go anywhere for outdoor sex, because I don’t have sex outdoors. One of the pleasures of adulthood is having private space, so I don’t need to, and I’m not the outdoorsy type anyway. But I’m posting your query here, and perhaps one my fine readers will have a suggestion for you.


Where does one learn the art of domination? I have no experience and do not know anyone in the lifestyle. I have been on alt.com and read some books and blogs but have never found out exactly how one gets started. Do I need a mentor? Where would I find one? Any information would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

What a nice polite letter.

The best way to learn BDSM is from other players, it’s true. And if one can find an experienced dominant who wants to show one some skills, that’s grand. The best place to do that is to network at BDSM social events. (How do you find BDSM social events? Voila!)

But often people overlook the obvious: find an experienced bottom and let them teach you. I have a feeling this writer is female, which means that there are literally hundreds of men in any metro area who would love to teach her about their particular kinks, provide her with the necessary tools, and let her practice her skills on them. You’re a hot commodity, my dear, you can write your own ticket.

Female submissives are slightly harder to come by, but especially for a woman, it’s totally do-able.

Be honest about your lack of experience, but stress your strong interest and quick learning skills. Variety is your friend here, don’t just play with one person, play with lots of different people. You’re not going to be able to pull off a Mistress Uber-Dominant persona first crack out of the box, and you will make mistakes, we all do. But hunger and attitude coupled with a determination to continuously improve your technique will get you far, fast.

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