Monday, June 06, 2005

It's Monday, and you know what that means. It's time for the Personal Ad of the Week! Oh, did I not mention I'm now doing a Personal Ad of the Week? Well, I am.

However, as I mentioned last week, I AM NOT looking for another partner. No, indeed. I have Max and I have Roman, and I have another small iron or two in the fire, and I am quite well taken care of, thank you.

But I know some of you are, and besides, it's fun to talk about people.

In spite of some predictions to the contrary, the cute girl from last week never did contact me, which is quite fine with me. I have no idea if she's aware that her fifteen minutes of blog fame has already come and gone. But I hope she hooked up with a hot girl who's spanking her while wearing high heels.

This week, I thought I'd talk about a guy's ad, just for some gender parity. So, I went and looked at a bunch of men's personal ads on The Stranger's personals site, and at the Bondage.com personals. (Of course, I had to disqualify a couple of cool pals of mine with Bondage.com profiles.)

Frankly, I had a tough time finding men I would consider to be even vague possibilities. Some of those ads, Jesus... Did you guys all get a memo about "Things You Must Say In Your Personal Ad"? If you did, throw it out, because there's way too much repetition out there. For example, apparently there are tons of "very oral" guys, who love to "please a woman for hours," looking to hook up in the greater Seattle area. With this kind of raw talent on the loose, it's a wonder every woman in town isn't lying around in a stupor with sticky thighs and a stupid perma-grin on her face. Since, in fact, that isn’t the case, one tends to feel a tad skeptical about all of the ad-placers really being such kings of cunnilingus. Perhaps you should thing of something more original to say, boys?

Also: I want the first time I see your dick to be when I'm ready to fuck you. (Or play with you, as the case may be.) Showing me a picture of it before I even know your name really, really, doesn't work for me. It's bad enough to see a picture of you totally naked first crack out of the box. It's ridiculously tacky to upload a picture of your naked body from belly button to upper thigh.

In that spirit, I immediately ruled out anyone with a dick picture. And I ruled out anyone who even talked about his dick in his profile. Tacky, tacky, tacky. That cut down the field of candidates considerably. I didn't find anyone that really made me say, "Oh yeah!" I think I'm a bit spoiled by my guys, and I like it that way, thankyouverymuch. But I did find some men with potential.

On Bondage.com, this guy seemed nice. I liked that although he has a number of pictures of himself, none, but none, of them are of his dick. Good choice. Plus, since Bondage.com has discussion forums, you can go read what people have said about various BDSM topics and get a sense of whether their view of kink lines up with yours. This guy's remarks make him seem like a reasonable, well-balanced guy.

On The Stranger site, I saw this guy's ad, and yes, I'll admit it – it's a fucking hot picture. Sexy, but leaving something – by which I mean, his dick – to the imagination.

And, his fantasy revolves around giving a woman a massage. Oh, we like a man who massages, yes we do. Max and Roman both give great massages, mmmmm. (Although only Roman eats chocolate-covered cherries from between my toes while giving me a foot-massage.) So, points for the hot masseur, even though he did use the phrase, "very oral".

If you see personal ads you think are really great, feel free to send me a link, and if I like them, I'll talk about them here. It's all part of my continuing quest to encourage more sexy happiness in the world.

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